The Protectors
by kittielove30
Summary: Set 7 years after the end of Breaking Dawn, a Renesmee and Jacob story, relationships and bonds will be tested as a blood thirsty impossible to track Vampire is on the lose and has a taste for the Native girls , will the Wolves be able to protect La Push?
1. just tell me god damn it!

**Ok this is my first ever Twilight story!!**

**please comment, I love feed back!! and no I'm not Stephanie Meyer, I don't own Twilight or any of the characters, I only wish, actually I only wish I owned Jacob, cuz damn he's fine! TEAM JACOB!**

**well this is my first chapter, enjoy!**

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**chp.1 - just tell me god damn it!**

I awoke to the sounds of the birds chirping and the sounds of my Father and was it my Auntie Alice? talking in low exited voices from the next room, I knew what they would be discussing, it was the same ecstatic conversation everyone has been having the past 2 months, my '7th' Birthday was arriving the day after tomorrow.

Why the excitement you may wonder, well my '7th' Birthday is more than just my 7th Birthday, you see I will not really be turning 7 per'say, I mean technically I will be only 7 years old, but really to put it mildly it will be more like my 17th than my 7th.

How does that make any sense? for I am not completely Human, I am half Vampire and half Human! and from the moment of conception I've been growing rapidly, not just fiscally but mentally as well, far beyond anything anyone could have imagined.

So why all the excitement for my 7th Birthday, well 7 is the official age where I will stop growing indefinitely, So this is how I will be for the rest of my life, or should I say existence, for I am immortal like both my parents and the rest of my Vampire family, I will live forever unless I meet an un-timely end by some unfortunate event.

I decided to get up as I was feeling the uncomfortable burn in my throat, I was thirsty, I may be half Human, but my appetite is far more on the Vampire side, sure I can eat Human food, but it is far less satisfying than blood, and I only eat it to humor my Grandpapa Carlisle as he thinks that I should have a healthy balance between Human food and blood.

I started to dress, I had more clothes probably than all the shops Washington state had to offer, as my Auntie Alice loves clothes and is obsessed with fashion and how people should dress, she rarely lets anyone wear the same clothes twice.

I opted for a pale lilac sweater and a pair of designer jeans, I brushed my ebony curls and pinned then out of my face before flouncing out of my room into the sitting room, where sure enough my Auntie Alice was in a deep but exited conversation with my Father.

They both stopped talking abruptly when I entered the room, my Aunt showed me a brilliant smile, before dancing over and hugging me, "morning Nessie" she chirped in her perfect soprano voice, she moved back and said in a significant voice to my Father "and we'll talk about the _you-know-what _later, but for now I need to go see Esme" and she danced happily out giving me a wink as she went.

I sat down on the couch just as my Mother walked in looking harassed, "Alice finally gone!" she groaned to her husband, My father shot her a dazzling smile before striding over to her with perfect grace and kissed my Mother a little _too_ long if u ask me.

When they finally broke apart my Mother shot me her own perfect smile "well look who's finally up, had a nice lay in?" she asked me with a slight mocking smile to her perfect lips, I knew what she meant, I was out pretty much all night down at the reservation La Push.

I smiled at my Mother sweetly, "yeah, had a late night didn't I?" I said seeing a flicker of annoyance flash across my Father's perfect face, he didn't really approve of all the time I spent down at La Push with a certain Jacob Black.

Jacob was my best friend to put is loosely, more like my soul mate, best friend, brother, father and significant other and more all rolled in one, Jacob Black is a Quiluete Werewolf, well he isn't really a _Werewolf, _him and the rest of the Quiluete Werewolves are actually shape-shifters that morph into giant wolves, but we just call them Werewolves, my Father doesn't really approve of him.

I spent pretty much all my time with Jacob, its hard not too when he's always there, pushing himself on you, the only time I can only ever escape him is when I go home to bed! its not like I'm really complaining I love Jacob's company, he is the most wonderful person I know, but sometimes it gets slightly annoying, of course I could never tell him this as it would absolutely shatter him, he can't bear to be away from me for even the shortest time.

Why so obsessed you may ask, well Jacob imprinted on me the moment his eyes touched mine, what is Imprinting? well its a Wolf thing, it pretty much means I am his total soul mate, nothing in this world means more to him than me, not even his own life, he lives to serve my ever whim, to make me happy, nothing means more to him than my happiness, it pains him to be apart from me.

We where meant to be together, destined to be together even before I was even born it was meant to be! he used to be in-love with my Mother, he had this strange indescribable pull towards her the moment they ever met, and my Mother felt that same pull towards him, but it was all really just me.

From the moment I was 'born' or cut free from my Mothers womb as it was, as she conceived and carried me in her Human form which is virtually un-heard of! but she couldn't give birth to me, so I was cut from her stomach by my Father's razor sharp teeth before he was forced to turn her into a Vampire to save her life, it was almost too late, but he injected a large amount of his own venom directly into her heart which saved her just in time.

So from the moment I was free of her, the pull between them was totally gone, I mean sure their still friends and all that, but the pull my Mother felt towards Jacob is gone, as that was me, and the pull towards her that Jacob felt has directed itself more profoundly and inexcusably on me, thus the imprinting.

My Father gave a small sigh as my Mother asked me curiously "so how is Jacob doing? and what did u two get up to last night", I smiled at her and gestured her toward me, she walked swiftly over and bent down, as I put my palm to her cheek, I _showed_ her everything I did with Jacob last night, a flicker of images I put into my Mother's mind with my extraordinary gift, nearly everything that happened from the disgusting dinner of fried fish and under-cooked potatoes to the bonfire with both the packs that went late into the night running around the beach acting like idiots and being tipsy, but I didn't show her the _'conversation' _that Jacob and I had in his Volkswagen Rabbit that he re-built himself like 8 years ago or so.

For I knew my Father would be listening in using his own gift at reading minds, so I forced my mind away from that frustrating '_conversation', _see Jacob will not get '_physically_' involved with me in any form until I have reached full-grown as this was some ridiculous promise he made my Father a few years back.

While I am fully and completely comfortable with taking Jacob and my relationship to the next level, I mean would a kiss be that hard to ask for? as where the loves of each others lives what would a few days matter? Jacob is too damn obsessed with the ridiculous promise he made, I know it kills him though, he _hates_ anything that makes me upset, and it hurts him to deny my advances and I know he wants me too.

My Mother knows of course about all this, I have moaned to her about it, how its _'my decision, and what is it to my Father what I do with my _'boyfriend' _to use the term lightly, is any of his business, and if I'm ready than that's all that should matter!'_ my Mother sympathized with me as she knows only too well how frustrating a relationship like this can be, as my Father refused point blank to sleep with her until they where married, but at least "_you got to kiss" _I'd pointed out, my Mother's only comment to that was _"its now long now until your 7th Birthday"_ great.

We made our way into the main Cullen's house, we lived, that's my Father, Mother and I, live in a small cottage not too far from the main house that my Grandmama Esme made up for my parents for when they got married.

As we entered the sitting room, my Uncle Emmett who was a big bear of a man, large and muscular was laughing at something that Jacob had apparently done to annoy my Auntie Rosalie who was probably the most beautiful person on the planet, they hated each other on principle, Jacob and Rosalie, "that stupid filthy _dog_!" she screeched infuriated, I gave her a reproachful look at the using the word '_dog_', "what did _Jacob _do?" I asked in a sharp tone emphasizing his name.

Emmett laughed louder, I shot him a sharp look as well, but he didn't care, Rosalie glared at me before answering "Renesmee dear, would it be so hard for you to ask that filthy mongrel of yours to not '_mark his territory'"_ she said disgustedly "on my newly flowering rose bushes!!" Rosalie had recently developed a new passion for roses, which has nothing at all do with her name, and will vehemently shout anyone down who mentions the comparison.

I stared her wide eyes for a moment trying to hold in the laughter, Jacob loved going out of his way to annoy Rosalie, which I know I shouldn't find funny, as my Auntie Rose is pretty much my second Mother, but I couldn't hide the smirk that was starting to creep its way onto my face.

I was saved as my Grandmama Esme and my Grandpapa Carlisle come striding into the room, Rosalie gave me a dark look but said nothing, I could still here Emmett's muffled laughs over on the sofa. both my Grandparents looked pleased about something.

My Father asked a question from their thoughts "oh really, when will he be arriving?" I looked at my Father questionably and so did my Mother, "who's coming?" my Mother asked, Carlisle answered "Nahuel has pleasantly decided to visit, he'll be here later this afternoon" he added happily.

Nahuel was the only other part Vampire part Human I've ever met, I knew he had half vampire sisters but I had never met them, Nahuel was a creation of his 'scientist' Vampire Father, who impregnated many Human women with his children to create his own '_super-race' _, Nahuel so far has been his only son, he has many sisters, he detests his Father, for he blames him for the death of his Mother, my Mother so far has been the only Human women to ever survive the birthing of such a child like us.

Nahuel visits quite often as he rather likes my Mother, I think he tries to feel the void and make-up to his own Mother through her, serious Mother issues that boy has, and he likes me quite a lot as well, much to my dismay, as he has shown some interest in me, which I just think if purely the fact that I am the only other part Human part Vampire that isn't his half-sister.

And even more annoyingly, my Father has taken quite a liking to Nahuel over the past few years, I think he half wishes I will choose Nahuel over Jacob, fat chance, never in a million years will that ever happen! I thought bitterly at the look my Father was giving me.

As I was wondering where Jacob could be and when will he come to see me, as it was nearing 2:00pm from what the clock on the wall over the mantle said, it was strange as he normally comes to see me as early as possible, and today was one of our _hunting_ days, and after last night I needed it, I may prefer blood to human food but that doesn't entirely rule out alcohol, it takes _a lot_ of alcohol to affect the wolves and me, I mostly just got pretty tipsy, maybe a little _too_ tipsy thinking back to that '_conversation_' slightly embarrassed.

I was heading to the phone to call him and ask where the hell he was, my Grandmama Esme told me "Oh and Renesmee dear, your Grandpappy Charlie called this morning he was thinking you might like to spend the weekend over at his place" she said pointedly.

I hadn't spent the weekend or any long period of time at my Grandpappy Charlie's for quite a while now, I mean I love my Grandpappy its just that visiting hours is good enough, he is the worse possible cook, and I am no fan of Human food but believe me he makes sour dirt look appetizing.

My Mother peeked up at this and she shot me a disapproving look at the reluctance on my face "your staying at Charlies tonight, and no buts about it!" she said finalizing the subject, I groaned but my groan suddenly turned into a squeal of delight as I heard the sound of his heavy feet jumping up the porch steps and the not all together pleasant Wolfy smell of Jacob Black.

I was wrenching the door open just as his hand was outstretched towards the door handle, "Jake! took your time, where have you been!" I accused him through narrow eyes, He rolled his eyes at me "sleeping off last night" he said I could tell what he was remembering as he looked into my eyes and I felt a warm blush creep onto my cheeks.

I pushed past him out onto the front porch, I kicked the door shut behind me feeling the burning glare of my Fathers eyes on my back, I grabbed Jacob's hand and pulled him after me, once we reached the bottom of the drive I gave a sprint off into the woods on the other side of the road.

I felt Jacob running along behind me effortlessly keeping up, I wasn't trying to out run him or anything, once we where a pretty good distance from the house and my Fathers _hearing_ capability's I stopped and turned around abruptly.

Jacob half ran into me at my abruptly stop, instead of taking a step back he instead took a step closer, I pulled back slightly, I saw a look of hurt cross his face at my reaction, "what? what have I done?" he asked shocked at my rebuff.

I glared at him before answering his question "you know my Father can read your mind, yes?" I said in my velvety voice, he raised a dark eye-brow "yeah, and your point being..?" he said slowly in his husky voice.

I felt the blush creeping back into my cheeks, he looked even more puzzled, "well...I mean...you don't have to think about _last night_" I said hinting something more "you know about what I...our little _conversation _in the car" I said feeling more embarrassed at my actions of the night before.

Dawning comprehension crossed his face, he laughed and traced his finger down my warm cheeks, he smirked mockingly "jeez Nessie, do you really think I would think that in front of Edward? not unless I never wanted to see you again" he said raising his eyebrow again in mock disbelief.

I sighed a breath of relief, I could have sworn that what was going through his mind "so what where you thinking of then?" I asked curiously touching his face showing him the look he was giving me before I yanked him away.

Jacob held my hand to his face before flashing me a bright smile which stood out strikingly against his dark russet skin, "I was just thinking how I will never get over fact of just how beautiful your are every time I see you" he said pulling me closer to him.

I rolled my eyes at his statement, and removing my hand from his face I trailed it down his muscular arm, I looked away from his face and stared at my hand on his arm instead, my hand stood out startling white in contrast to his dark skin, but my touch wasn't cold like my Mother's or any of my other Vampire family, I was like Jacob's Wolfy temperature a nice toasty one-oh-eight, one-oh-nine.

After a moment Jacob put his finger under chin and pulled my face up to look into his, he stared intensely into my eyes for moment, thinking about something, suddenly, I felt my breath choke in my throat, he slowly started to lower his face to mine, could this even be possible? why would he break the promise now of all the times I begged him too?

I leaned my face up closer to his, instead though he avoided my eager lips and directed his mouth to my ear instead "come on, Nessie I'm not giving in this close to your Birthday especially after last night!" he sort of purrd into my ear with his husky voice dropping two octaves deeper than his normal speaking voice.

I dug my nails into his arm, I felt his muscles in his arm tense, but he didn't pull away or make any other sign to me digging my nails in deeper, "now Nessie about last night" he began still in my ear with the same deep husky voice of his, I pulled away slightly and looked him the face, I felt my cheeks reddening yet again as I released my nail digging hand from his arm and placed in gently on his face again.

Every humiliating moment flashed before my eyes as it flashed before his, the way I drunkenly threw myself all over him in the car, telling him I didn't want to go home, I wanted to spend the rest of the night with him in the Rabbit.

We where both rather tipsy, I could see the agonized look in his face, as he had to resist me, when he wanted it as badly as I wanted it, the way he moaned me stop when I touched him, to try and kiss him, the way he almost gave in, the way he pinned me down underneath his huge amazingly built body, I remembered the feeling of his excitement bearing into me and the groan of the amazing effort as he forced himself to pull away.

I saw Jacob's jaw clench as he was re-living it along with me, I felt him pull me harder into him, I felt his fingers dig this time into my lower back, I also the felt the beginning of the _excitement_ that he had last night. With my hand still on his face showing him my thoughts and memory's he was seeing now through my mind what I was feeling starting to happen again.

Jacob suddenly let me go, I was surprised at the suddenness as he pulled away from me, I could hear his breathing accelerated as with his heart beats, there was a slight red beneath his russet skin barely distinguishable through the darkness of his skin.

I didn't realize immediately until I heard the sounds of giant heavy paws from behind me, I smelled the slight disgusting whiff of wet dog as I turned and spotted who else but Leah, she was a member in Jacob's pack, actually his second in command or 'Beta' as my Mother called it.

Leah hated me on principle, of course she would never harm me, or anything of the sort as you never did anything bad to the imprinted person of one your pack, and as Jacob is the leader and Alpha of their pack, it would mean immediate expulsion from the pack, and maybe even a fight to the death.

Leah walked around me slowly, I could see the shackles on her back stand up slightly, I heard Jacob sigh behind me "What do you want Leah?" he asked in heavy voice, as Leah had a tendency to spoil any moment Jacob and I were having, I had a sneaky suspicion that she may have some un-requited feelings for Jacob, every time I asked him if is this was true, he gets awkward and changes the subject.

Leah scuffled the dirt with her nose and whined slightly, I didn't know what she meant until Jacob spoke "when will you ever get the hang of your anger, maybe you should start to be become a nudist it will take the sting out of destroying all your clothes" he said amused.

Leah didn't want to phase back into her Human form, as she obviously didn't have time to strip her clothes off before she turned wolf, I didn't really care about seeing her naked, but I think she cared enough that she didn't want Jacob seeing her in the buff, even though everyone of the pack has seen each other naked more than once, "it was just part of pack life" Jacob had told me before, I still wouldn't do it willingly either.

Jacob rolled his eyes at me before saying, "I'll be back in second, just want to see what she wants" and he walked a short distance and stripped off his clothes behind a large tree where I couldn't see, I moment later a huge russet wolf came trotting over.

When the wolves where in the wolf form, they could hear each others thoughts, _everything_ each other where thinking, they didn't really have any secrets at all between each other.

They had their silent conversation, sometimes I wish I could hear thoughts like my Father, instead of just sharing my own thoughts with everyone else. I heard Leah whimper and crouch low onto the ground in obviously submissive way, Jacob growled threateningly at her, she etched towards him still low to the ground whining, Jacob gave her another more finalizing growl she gave me one contemptuous look before trotting off back into the trees.

I patted down the shackles on Jacob's back which where still standing up, he was furrier than the rest of his pack, warmer and thicker fur, I stroked the fur on his face while showing him the exchange between Leah and him, asking him what was that all about, he pressed his nose to me for a second, before bounding off back into the trees.

I few moments later he was walking back towards me pulling his T-shirt back over his head, "well?" I asked when he was standing a few feet from me, he shrugged slightly "nothing, just Leah being Leah" he said with a bitter edge to his voice.

When he reached me I asked him again "no, Jake I want to know what happened" I asked grabbing his hand, he didn't answer but held my hand more tightly in his and led me into the trees for a short while, before I pulled him back around to face me, "what are you keeping from me Jake? you know I hate it when people keep things from me" I said sourly, pressing my other hand to his face showing him my annoyance.

He pulled my hand away from his face, but inter-twining his fingers in mine instead, he gave another sigh and looked away from me, it took too long for him to answer I pulled my hand out of his placing it back on his face pulling it around to look at me while showing him my full annoyance.

He just gave me a smile and a small laugh as he removed my hand from his face again and pulling me back along the woods where we'd come from, back to the house, I stopped walking, and dug my heels into the ground, I wanted answers, he felt me stop and looked around at me with an exaggerated expression.

I pulled my hand away from his and crossed my arms, he smirked "you know Nessie, I could just carry you if your not going to walk" he said in a teasing tone, he was avoiding what I wanted, "tell me what that was about right now Jacob Black or I won't tell you where I'm going tonight" I said smirking slightly at the distressed expression that crossed across his face.

Jacob _hated_ not knowing everything about my life, where I was, who I was with and what I was doing, of every minute of everyday, it killed him not to know, he didn't yet know that I reluctantly agreed to go visit my Grandpappy Charlie tonight.

He glared at me for moment "_are_ you really going somewhere tonight?" he asked me skeptically, as he believed he knew everything that ever happened in my life, but I saw a flicker of panic that I might be doing something that he didn't know about, and wasn't included in.

I knew it was cruel, but I had to use what I had, I changed speed "you know that Nahuel is coming around this afternoon" I said in an off-hand kind way, I noticed his eyes tighten and a muscle in his jaw twitch, he _detested_ Nahuel, and me spending any time with him, because I was forced by my Father a lot of the time to go places and do things with Nahuel when he visited, and as a rule Jacob wasn't aloud to come.

I walked past Jacob back towards the direction of the house, "well we should be getting back, as I've got to get some things ready for tonight" I said innocently, I walked on a few paces when Jacob grabbed me and pulled me around to face him, he held my face so I couldn't look away.

Jacob looked into my eyes for a moment trying to read something, I felt his breathing slightly heavier than it should be "what are you doing tonight, is it with that half bloodsucker, I want to know now, Renesemee" he said in a lower huskier voice, that he knew I couldn't resist.

I smiled at him sweetly and shrugged, "well why should I tell you, when you don't tell me anything" I said giving a fake little sigh, he saw right through me, his eyes narrowed,I flared up "just tell me what Leah was going on about and I'll tell you everything that I'm doing tonight and I'll ask if your aloud to come along aswell" I said trying to pry his fingers from my face.

Jacob removed his hands from my face and slowly moved them down my arms instead, he looked at me desperately "listen, Nessie, you really don't want to know what Leah and I where talking about ok? you don't _want_ to know " he said trying to beg me to drop it. Fat chance.

I got angrier, "well maybe _I_ don't think I _want _you to know where I'm going tonight, Jacob" I said pulling away from him and started running towards the house, even with the pounding wind in my ears I could hear his footsteps following close behind.

When I reached the front drive and slowed down, I felt him run into my back putting his arms around my waist, hugging me tightly from behind, I pulled away from him and started to walk briskly up the drive without looking back at him, I know I was being unnaturally mean to Jacob, but I had the hugest suspicion that the conversation was about Leah's feelings towards me and towards Jacob.

I ground my teeth, I was extremely possessive of Jacob, and Leah just better back off, because he was mine, I knew that Jake would never leave me for her or anything of the sort, but I hated the fact that Leah would be having those kinds of thoughts about him, I'd inherited my Fathers sense of jealousy and his possessive nature.

When I reached the stairs going up to the front porch I sighed and turned around, it really wasn't Jacob's fault, and I hated being cruel to him, I knew how much it hurt him when I was even the slightest bit indifferent to him.

I noticed he was still a few feet away, walking slowly towards me, I caught the look of pain flicker quickly off his face as he realized I was watching him, he sped up a little when he noticed that I was waiting for him to catch up.

When Jacob reached me I was just about to extend my hand and show him that I noticed his hurt expression and I was sorry, when the front door opened and Nahuel can dancing down the steps knocking Jacob aside "Renesmee you grow more Beautiful every time I see you" he said in his slight accent.

I smiled at him warmly and placed my palm to his perfect chocolate colored cheek, I showed him what we did on his last visit and a quick rebuff on my life since, he smiled a perfect angelic smile and took my hand from his face after I finished showing him and inter-twined his fingers with mine.

Jacob stiffened angrily behind Nahuel's back, I saw his teeth slightly bared as he looked down on Nahuel with hatred, I quickly pulled my hand free from Nahuel's, instead Nahuel locked his arm around mine and started to escort me back down the drive, giving as much attention to Jacob as if he where part of the greenery.

Jacob was walking right out our heels, I heard his angry mutters, But Nahuel stilled ignored Jacob and was filling me in on what he had been up to "and my Father, Joham, has made yet another child with a Human women" he said with the revulsion thick through his accent "the women died of course, and he has yet another daughter" he said he continued with a slightly twisted grin "I would have thought after the visit from the Volturi that he would put this behind him, but alas no, hopefully the Volturi will put a stop to his evils as soon as anyone can hope" he finished hopefully.

We stopped by a large garden bench and sat down, Jacob stood over us hoveringly close, we could feel his body heat and fury radiating through the small place between us, Nahuel finally turned his attention on Jacob "ah yes Jacob Black, it is nice to see, how have you been doing? and I wouldn't want to sound rude or anything but would you mine moving a little further back, as you seem to standing a little too close for politeness" he said mildly.

I knew Nahuel was only speaking to Jake to humor me, Nahuel and many other vampires didn't really see Jacob and the other Wolves as real people, with as much emotion or intelligence as Vampires, a lower species more closer to some dirty un-tasteful animal than anything else.

Jacob growled angrily baring more of his teeth than before and stepped back one eighth of a inch, Nahuel smiled ruefully at him before turning his attention back to me "so Renesmee you and the wolf are as close as ever I see, it must be such a comfort to have such a loyal and protective pet" he said patting just a little to high up on my thigh.

I jumped up and put my hand on Jacob's shaking chest, and placed my other hand on his vibrating cheek giving him happy memory's to try and calm him down before he turned into a giant wolf and ripped Nahuel's head off.

Nahuel looked merely amused, "well Nahuel its been nice seeing you again, but I'm going to my Grandpappy Charlie's house tonight, so I won't be back 'till sometime tomorrow, I'm sorry about this but its un-avoidable" I gave Nahuel an apologetic look, while trying to calm Jacob down as his body was still vibrating dangerously under my hands.

Nahuel's face fell comically, "ah sweet Renesmee, I shall be delightfully awaiting our next encounter" he said warmly, his eyes flickering slightly warily to Jacob's shaking body, I gave Nahuel a parting smile and pulled Jacob towards the house.

I let go of Jacob when we where on the porch and turned to him seriously "Jake, you really shouldn't get angry like that, you could have hurt him!" I said smiling slightly at the thought, Jacob noticed my smile at the thought of him ripping Nahuel's head of and smirked in response his body stopped its last bit trembling.

The front door open and my Father was standing their with a look of wintry disapproval on his face, he's obviously heard everything that happened between Nahuel, Jacob and me, I gave him an apologetic smile "hey Dad, so what time do I have to be at Grandpappy's?" I asked trying to sound as innocent as I could.

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**Well that was my first chapter, hope you keep reading cuz I like this story! well I like it enough to actually post it on here, which is a first!! so please comment!**


	2. Grandpappy Charlie

**ok this is my second chapter! this chapter made me laugh while writing it! and no I'm not Stephanie Meyer, nor do I own anything at all.**

**well read, enjoy and comment! **

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**chp.2 - Grandpappy Charlie**

I was sitting in the backseat of my Father's shiny silver Volvo next to Jacob on our way to my Grandpappy Charlie's place, he lived in town, the town of Forks, we lived in the woods just outside of Forks and Jacob lived on the small Indian reservation La Push.

I sighed as we parked in the drive behind Charlie's cruiser, Grandpappy was the Chief of Police in Forks. I got out wearily, my Father had already opened the trunk, I got my over-night bag out of the trunk just as Jacob snatched it off me, "I'll carry that for you Ness" I rolled my eyes, I was strong enough to crush the whole car into pieces I was strong enough to carry a bag full of clothes and pillow.

Charlie came pounding down to greet us, he gave my Mother a hug "hey Bells, how have you been?" he asked, my Mother smiled and replied "Alice is going over board about the _you-know-what_ " she said biting her tongue, my Mother hated party's or any form of celebrations, for I knew they where talking about my Birthday.

Charlie clapped a hand for a moment on my Fathers shoulder "and you Edward?" he asked with slightly less enthusiasm, "never better, sir" he said with his velvety voice and smooth politeness.

Charlie's eyes narrowed slightly as he took in the non-existence space between Jacob and me, Charlie didn't wholly approve of Jacob's unnatural obsession with me, and even less of the relationship he suspected, he didn't think it right as Jacob had changed my nappy and helped bottle feed me and cared for me when I was a baby and small child.

I bounded over to him and gave him a huge hug "Grandpappy" I squealed with a little _too_ much enthusiasm, I placed my hand on his cheek and showed him his own face to show my happiness of being here, my throat had tightened with an uncomfortable burn that his warm mouth watering blood made, I really should hunt tonight I noticed.

Charlie leaned slightly away from my affectionate embrace, Charlie was uncomfortable with showing emotion, he patted my back awkwardly "hey Nessie honey, about time you decided to come see your poor old Gandpappy" he said as I let him go and he took a step back.

Charlie's eyes roved back over to Jacob "not surprised to see you here, Jake" he said in a slightly stiff voice, Jacob gave him a huge smile showing off again the startling contrast his white teeth where to his dark russet skin, "hey Charlie! its been an age!" he said enthusiastically.

We made our way into the house and clustered ourselves around the cramped living room, I sat on the small threadbare sofa next to Charlie and Jacob squeezed his impossible way next to me into the non-existent space, it was something to be admired for.

My Mother Bella and Father Edward, sat themselves on the two remaining sagging armchairs, the grandest thing in the room, and probably in the whole house by far was the huge 85inch flat screen TV set in the center of the room, I noticed a soft ball game was on, I hated sports.

There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment as Charlie pulled his arm free from in between our two ridiculously compressed body's, "so what's for dinner?" Jacob said cheerfully into the silence.

I heard Charlie mumble something darkly before saying in his gruff voice "didn't know you where actually staying for dinner, Jake" he said making it clear as day that Jacob was clearly not going to be getting and invitation to stay.

More silence, I couldn't bare it, I stood and said "well I better take my stuff up to my room then" I gestured for Jacob to follow me, but there was no use as he already had jumped to his feet eager to follow me anywhere.

Charlie eyed Jacob angrily as he followed me out of the room into the hall, I grabbed up my bag from where Jake had dropped it next to the front door and made my way up the stairs, I heard Charlie call after me "and Nessie, make sure you leave your bedroom door open" he said full of implications.

I was staying in the same room my Mother stayed every summer until the age or fourteen, then from the few years she lived here when she first moved to Forks not long before I was born.

I dumped my bag on the floor where I stood and pranced over to sit on the small single bed in the center of the room, Jacob closed the bedroom door loudly, I heard Charlie's grumbles and my Father's sigh from downstairs.

Jacob came saunting over to the bed, and laid across the bed behind me, he folded his arms behind his head and closed his eyes he had a peaceful look on his face, I watched him letting my mind drift to the fact that it was only one more day until my birthday.

I hadn't thought much on the celebrations for I knew that my Auntie Alice would go all out, but I wondered how long the celebrations would last for, and if I could slip away for a few hours with Jacob without drawing to much attention to my absence.

I heard the door down below open and close, and a slight pause in which there were muffled fare-well's then the sound of two car door slamming shut, I felt a sudden feeling of irritation, my parents hadn't even come up to me good bye?

I got up and was swiftly at the window looking down and just seeing the Volvo slipping away down the street, I heard the front door open and close again as my Grandpappy came back inside.

I turned my back on the window to look at my bed were Jacob was still laying all over, he was too long for the small bed, he had one knee pointing upwards, while the other leg dangled off the end of the bed, he almost looked like he was asleep but I knew he was still awake as their wasn't the tremendous sound of his snores filling the room.

I heard the sounds of Charlie's boots marching up the stair's and his disgruntled muttering, I heard his boots squike on the wood outside the bedroom before a loud thump on the door, I sighed heavily going over to open the door, Jacob hadn't moved or made any inclination to move off from laying all over my bed.

I opened the door giving Charlie a dazzling smile, he returned my smile half-heatedly his eyes sweeping over Jacob's relaxed form on bed, his eyes narrowed and gave a significant cough, Jacob on the other hand didn't even flutter an eye-lid.

Charlie lost his patience, "Jake, wouldn't Billy be expecting you home or something?" he asked with his tone making it quite clear that he was giving Jake the bums rush.

Jacob stretched out and yawned widely, I could feel Charlie's contained disapproval, "nope, not that I know of" Jacob answered rolling over onto his side and prodding himself up on his elbow clearly making no intention to go anywhere.

Charlie bristled at this "well to be honest Jacob, I was taking Ness out to the lodge tonight for dinner, and I wasn't planning to shout you a meal" he said gruffly.

Jacob looked unconcerned "that's ok Charlie, I've got a couple of bucks on me, so don't worry about paying for me, I can shout Nessie if your that strapped for cash" he said sitting up straiter I could see a grin start to twist its way to the corners of his full lips.

I could see a vain start to pulse in Charlie's forehead, I thought it was time for me to step in "it's ok Jake, I think what Grandpappy mean's is that he just wants tonight for Grandfather-Niece bonding kinda thing, so just go home or something I'm seeing you tomorrow anyway" I added seeing the beginnings of that grin almost vanish.

Charlie didn't like the sound of Jake coming back over tomorrow, but he didn't say anything hoping that Jacob would get the hint and leave before dinner.

Jacob shrugged slightly and jumped up off the bed with surprising grace for his hulking figure, "sure no problem, I can see when I'm not wanted" he said with such convincing sorrow, he gave a sigh and his dark eye-brows knitted together his bottom lip trembling, the expression was heartbreaking.

I almost flung my arms around him and apologize telling him that I would always want him forever, but he shot me a wink and a sly smile that Charlie couldn't see as he slouched past us out the bedroom door.

I heard Charlie heave a great sigh and just as Jacob started going down the stairs, dragging one foot after the other Charlie then said with obvious annoyance "well Jake I 'spos there's enough room for one more, if you really want to come along" his voice almost daring Jake to try and want to come.

Jake spun around on fourth stair down and looked up and shrugged "I guess, only if its not too much trouble Charlie" he said with what I knew was mock hurt feelings.

Charlie said through his teeth "not at all Jake, it would be a pleasure to have you" but his tone made it perfectly plane that it was indeed the opposite, Jacob shot a thrilled smile and perked up immediately "great! where going now yeah?" he said bounding down the rest of the stairs.

I couldn't help let a small snort escape my lips, Charlie shot me a furious look, but I danced down the stairs and pushing past Jake before Charlie could say anything.

I pranced over to the Charlie's police cruiser to wait, Jake was at my side in a instant, I hit him in the chest "your such a lying deceiving dog" I said my voice full of false disapproval trying not to laugh.

Jacob just shot me a mocking smile showing off all of his white teeth, for some reason I thought Jake had the _sexiest_ teeth, sounds ridiculous I know! I wouldn't believe there was such thing as 'sexy teeth' if I never knew Jacob.

Jake raised one eye-brow leaning in slowly to whisper in ear, his voice deepening slightly but more huskier than ever "I have to do what I can, and besides Nessie, honey, I'm not going to wait another 12 hours or more before I see you again" I could here the pain that he was trying to hide in his voice at the thought of just the rest of this evening one night apart would do to him.

I gave him a small smile putting my hand to his warm cheek, showing him a vision of himself sneaking into my room tonight after Charlie was asleep, he gave a husky low laugh before giving me a lingering and much too intimate to be just a mere friendly kiss on my cheek, I heard Charlie's furious grumble behind me, I pulled away from Jake not noticing how close we had come to each other in that short space of time.

Charlie shot Jacob a dirty look before getting into the drivers side of the cruiser slamming his door unnecessarily loud, Jake just brushed his finger down my cheek for a long agonizing second before climbing into the backseat, I wanted to follow him but I knew that Charlie wanted me in the front with him.

I slowly got into the passenger side, deliberately avoiding Charlie's gaze, the car revved up and we where pulling out of the driveway, I saw Charlie's eye-narrow as he saw Jake in the re-view mirror as he checked the road behind us before pulling out.

It was only a short drive to the lodge, the closest thing you'd call a 'classy' restaurant in Forks, or as classy a place with a stuffed moose head on that wall can be.

We got out of the car into the driving lot, I spotted a boy from my class from school, I'd only just started at Forks High School a month ago, my Father had insisted that I should at least have a good 2-3 years of High School, and now that I've stopped 'growing' I could pull it off.

The boy spotted me, his name was Alex, he came walking over with a grin on his face, for some reason he always seemed slightly drunk or dazed, he almost tripped over his own feet, I heard Jacob's slight snort of amusement, Alex made it to me "hey, Renesmee what are you up to?" he asked in a strangled whisper.

I saw Jacob raise and eye-brow clinically, "having dinner with my Grandfather" I said indicating Charlie, "oh let me introduce you, this is my best friend Jacob Black, he lives down on the reservation" I added slapping Jake on the arm as I said it.

Alex looked at Jake who was leaning casually against the cruiser with an air of smugness, Alex took in Jacob's massive form from his ridiculous 6'7 height to his massive expanse of muscle, really Jacob was just unbelievably _huge!_

Alex on the other hand had a slightly small sickly look to him, with a pinched look to his hollow cheeks, he looked like he was always recovering from some terrible bout of the flu, he also always had this thin glistening layer of perspiration beading on his face, and had this annoying habit of licking his lips then instantly wiping the saliva off with the back of his grotty sleeve to the point where his lips where red roar and chapped, he could do with a chap stick or something.

Charlie interrupted our awkward silence, "coming Nessie... Jake?" he added Jake's name in a clipped tone, Jacob put his arm around my waist and pulled me away from Alex and towards the doors to the restaurant.

Jacob and I sat at the the booth at the very back of the place, Charlie muttered something when he spotted us in the darkest corner and walked over to us sulkily.

After we where all settled in, Jacob and I on one side of the booth and Charlie on the other the waitress came over, she had a dull brown complexion to match her small dull eyes and lifeless curly afro-like inspired hair, "Chief Swan and dear Renesmee is that you?" she asked giving me a warm smile.

I returned it half-heatedly noticing how she ignored Jacob completely, "steak medium rare and fries?" she asked Charlie already writing his order down before he grunted his agreement, she turned to me next "and you dear?" she asked.

I looked down at the menu knowing I wouldn't really enjoy any of it "steak as well, but I'll have mine extra rare" I said, she took my order slowly.

Finally she turned to Jacob reluctantly, what was her problem? "and what do you want?" she asked rudely, I shot her a murderous glare, while Charlie looked like he was trying to hide his amusement.

Jacob looked down at the menu and deliberately took forever to choose what he wanted after five minuted he said to the waitress "I'll have....umm....the..err...what's a garden burger?" he asked, the waitress glared at him before answering shortly "its a vegie-burger, non-meat patty with salad" she said.

Jacob wrinkled his nose returning to the menu "no I don't want one of them, I'll have then..the...ah...steak and fries as well" he finally decided the waitress looked angry after all the deliberating he chose the same as us.

The waitress had already turned to leave before Jacob said "you didn't ask me what I wanted to drink?" she turned around and asked him ever more rudely "what do you want to drink then?", he looked back down at the menu, I could see a smirk play around his lips as he started to decided what he wanted to drink.

Finally after another seven minutes of deciding what he wanted to drink he chose the mountain dew, the waitress went off muttering angrily under her breath, Jacob looked highly amused, I looked at him inquiringly "what was with that women? what was her problem with you?" I hissed furious.

Jacob laughed before answering "well the other week Seth, Quil, Embry and I where all in here getting food, and Quil didn't know what he wanted and was asking all these quistions about the menu cuz there's a lot more choice here than down the shop on the Rez, and the waitress thought we where being jerks you know? and we where all trying not to laugh so I think that made it worse, so I guess she just recognized me" he finished laughing.

Charlie didn't looked pleased and was about to say something when Alex was breathing over the back of my chair, he was sitting at an odd single table pushed up behind the last booth and out of site, right behind us, I leaned away from him into Jake, "Rensemee, hey again" he said in his rasping and also oddly whiny voice, "yeah hey.." I said awkwardly leaning further away from him, and even closer into Jacob.

Alex noticed this, "so is he your boyfriend or something?" he rasped and whined his pale eyes racking over me nearly sitting in Jake's god damn lap to be the furthest away from Alex as possible.

Alex wasn't just physically repulsive he oddly had the most un-appealing smelling blood I'd ever smelt, he would be the only human where I wouldn't ever dream of drinking his blood, even with Jacob, sometimes, I had the urge to drink his blood, when I was younger I used to bite Jake all the time, I've grown out of that habit now though.

Charlie watching us closely for my answer, we never have officially told Charlie what our '_relationship' _was, even though he has most defiantly guest as much, my eyes shot to Charlie before answering "no, he isn't my boyfriend" I said coolly, I felt a slight tremor rock through Jacob's body next to me at these words and Charlie's surprised cough.

Alex eyed mine and Jacob's closeness for a fraction of a second longer before saying "ha, well you look pretty cozy" there was a silent period just before the waitress came back with our orders, she slammed Jacob's plate a little too haphazardly on the table and most of his fries fell into his lap.

I glared after the waitress, Jacob scooped up the fries out of his lap and put them back onto his plate slightly annoyed and slightly amused at the same time.

I tried to eat my bloody steak but I could feel Alex's wheezy slightly wet breath on the back of my neck, I hunched my shoulders wishing he would stop wheezing over me, I was surprised Jacob couldn't sense my discomfort as he was normally so in-tuned with me.

I shot a glance in his direction, he was slightly hunched of his food as well, but if was different, he was eating slowly not really enjoying what he was eating he didn't meet my gaze, damn I'd hurt his feelings, but doesn't he know that he's so much more than just a mere '_boyfriend_' I shudder at the word, he is the sun in my life, my soul mate my whole universe, he does know that of course?, but he did seem upset, maybe I should have just said '_yeah he's my boyfriend_' Jake's so touchy.

I wanted to reach over and comfort him but I knew I couldn't with Charlie watching my every move, he seemed a little _too_ pleased watching us.

Finally Alex moved off the back of my chair when his order came of cheese and pickles toasted sandwich.

We had dessert is silence, Charlie and me having the cherry cobla and Jacob no longer feeling amused just ordered ice-cream and chocolate sauce on waffles and ate it quickly.

Finally it was over, Jake and I went to wait out by the cruiser as Charlie paid for our meals, he was even in a good enough mood to pay for Jacob when Jake went to give him the money for his meal, there was still this strange air between us, why wouldn't he say something? I went to tell him I was sorry when he suddenly growled, I looked around and spotted Alex flouncing over to us, I let out a small groan.

Why couldn't he see that this really wasn't the time? couldn't he feel the tension? I certainly could! "hey again, did you enjoy your dinner? mine was ok it was a little burned though and icing on my doughnut was a little too sweet" he said licking his lips then quickly wiping the moister away with the back of his sleeve.

I glanced at Jake, he was glaring at the ground, I thought I could feel slight waves of shimmering heat coming off him, is something more wrong with him that just me not saying he was my boyfriend? I wanted to ask him what was up.

I was about to excuse myself away from Alex when Jacob suddenly said in a strange harsh voice, "well Nessie, I think I'll go now ok?" he looked at me there was a hard look that had come over his face that I'd never seen before, "no! Jake please don't go" I said almost breathlessly reaching for his arm he pulled his arm away from me, a horrible twisted smile pulled at the corner of his mouth "see you later Ness" he said darkly.

Jacob started to walk off through the dark parking lot I half ran after him before I called "will you come tonight? Jake? later? please?" I asked desperately, I'd never been so unsure that he wouldn't come to me when I needed him, I'd never seen him like this before.

What _was_ wrong? surly I hadn't hurt him _this_ bad, had I? he stopped walking and turned around that same horrible sneer was pulling up at the corners of his mouth "sure, sure, what ever you want" he said in a horrible sarcastic patronizing voice that wasn't my Jacob's, I tried to call after him but Charlie called my name, and by the time I looked back Jake was gone.

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**Well there's the second chapter! what did you think? I got that part where that Alex boy licked his lips and then quickly wiping away the saliva from a dicusting boy that used to be in one of my classes, his name wasn't Alex, I have know idea what it was? oh well, anyways so there you go, second chapter. PLEASE COMMENT!**


	3. not until your birthday

**alrighty then, the third chapter is up and running, I'm not Stephanie Meyer, I'm nobody, I own no nothing, and so on and so forth.**

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**chp.3 - not until your birthday**

I laid in bed for what seemed like hours fighting the tiredness that was battling to engulf me, Charlie seemed overly pleased at Jacob and my little disagreement or whatever it was and the fact that Jacob had finally left us, he didn't ask me what exactly the whole Jacob and mine relationship was, even though I knew he was curious as he was sure that Jacob was indeed my boyfriend, why would I say he wasn't?

I had gone to bed early, I checked the digital clock-radio on the desk next to my bed it was coming up to quarter past three, I groaned and rolled over onto my other side, my eyes drifted to the open window, the small curtain was blowing around in the strong breeze that was blowing horribly outside.

The tree outside was swaying and creaking in the harsh winds that had come through earlier in the night, the wooden house creaked and moaned in the wind, it would have been comforting laying in a warm uncomfortable bed while the fierce winds blew outside, but not tonight, not without Jake's big warm arms around me.

After another half hour or so I'd finally fallen asleep the tears still in my eyes after realizing that Jacob wasn't coming. I awoke suddenly to the sound of breaking wood and the muffled sounds of a curse word muttered under someone's breath, I realized maybe I should have moved the chair from in front of the window were I'd sat in it much earlier in the night when I was still hopeful Jacob would come.

I sat up in bed quickly wiping away the now cold tears from my face, Jacob was picking up the chair he had obviously fallen over as he came through the window, I noticed a leg was broken, after Jake came to the conclusion that it wasn't going to stand on its own he just left it leaning awkwardly against the wall.

Even though it must have been freezing outside, the wind whipped even more ferociously around the house, Jacob wasn't wearing any shirt or shoes only an extremely ratty pair of cut-off sweats, he had obviously been running around as a wolf, was that why he hadn't come earlier? was he doing something with the pack?

Jacob came over and sat down slowly on the very edge of my bed, even in the darkness I could make out the same hard look still on his features as earlier this evening out in the parking lot.

I hesitated slightly before reaching out and and pulling him closer to me by his arm, he didn't exactly object but there was slight reluctance as he laid down next to me on the bed, I bit my lip not knowing what to say.

Instead I slowly brushed my fingers across his high cheekbones then down over his perfect broad lips before placing my palm to his cheek showing him that I was sorry and that he was much more to me that just a boyfriend and exactly how much more he meant to me, I felt tears begin to itch the corners of my eyes again.

Jacob's hard expression softened slightly and his dark eye-brows knotted together in the middle, and his lips tightened slightly, he reached out and brushed a tear from my eye-lash, "you don't have to cry Renesmee" he said in a guarded voice, I noticed the use of my full name, he never called me Renesmee.

I sat up suddenly and smacked him hard on the chest it made a loud slapping sound on his bare skin, "I said I was sorry! you are my boyfriend ok? do you want me to tell Alex and everyone else in the whole school that your my boyfriend and I love you more than anything else in this whole world? I could even tell random people in the street if that would make you happy, just please stop being mad at me, please Jake I'm so sorry!" I broke into a slight sob and looked away from him by the end.

I heard him say something too quietly while he rubbed my arm and the other moved in small circles on my lower back, "yeah I know Nessie, I'm not mad anymore ok? stop crying" he said at his best impersonation of his normal voice, but I could still here the slightly hard edge to it.

I wiped my tears away and turned to look at him again there was a distance to his eyes and was biting his lower lip, what was wrong? did he doubt my feelings for him? how could he? how could I prove that he was my life, my everything?

I pushed him down onto the bed and sat positioned myself on top of him, my legs on either side of his body, I moved my hands slowly down his bare chest, down his perfectly sculpted stomach but I stopped as I got to the top if his cut-offs and moved my hands slowly back up with my body slowly leaning myself down on top of him.

I stopped when my face was inches from his, I saw the same look he always wore when I got too touchy like this, I felt his breathing becoming more shallow and I could feel his heart-beat speed up under my sensitive palm that was rested over his heart, my other hand slowly caressed down his perfect side.

I moved my face closer, but my mouth came to his ear rather than his perfect half parted lips, I whispered in my best effort at his husky voice "Jacob, how could you ever doubt how I feel about you? you are my life, my everything, all I ever think about is you, all I'd ever want in life is you, Jake I want you and _only_ you" I moved my hand to slowly roam up his inner-thigh, I made my voice as seductive as I could even though I probably sounded like a bad impersonation of the 'call me, call me now' girls on the late night adds.

At this point my hand had reached the waist band of his pants, "I only want to feel you moving inside me Jake, I only want to feel your lips moving with mine, I will only ever want to sigh your name, Jake, moan it over and over..."

Suddenly Jacob and flipped positions, he had grabbed me around the waist and flipped me so I was underneath him on the bed, his perfect body bearing heavily down on mine, there was an intense look in his eyes.

I felt my breathing accelerate greatly my already speedy heartbeat flutter faster, Jacob kissed down my jaw, down my neck, across my collar bone, then back up my jaw untill his mouth reached my ear, "Nessie please, you can't say things like that" he groaned with longing.

I reached up and put my hand to his cheek, not trusting my voice, I showed him everything that I wanted him to do to me, how it would feel and how much I yearned for it" he groaned again in my ear, his hand under my back pulling my pelvis harder into his the other hand pulling my leg up, I could feel his own yearning for me pushing hard into my inner thigh.

I tried to kiss his mouth, how I needed to feel those lips on mine, but he moved his face away, I gripped my fingers into his hair at the back of his head and pulled his face closer to mine, our lips met for the slightest half a second before he pulled himself away from me and laid down on the bed next to me instead.

Our breathing was heavy, I felt disappointment surge through me, then irritation "Jake.." I began but he cut me off, he had rolled over onto his side his body pressed up against mine.

He traced my lips with his finger to silence me, "Nessie honey, your driving me insane, can you even comprehend what you do to me, how much _I_ want _you_, it causes me actual pain not to rip your clothes off and make hot passionate love to you when you do this, its just one more day" he groaned longingly more to himself rolling back onto his back and draping an arm across his eyes.

I took a few deep breaths to try and calm down my breathing and rapid heart-rate, I let my eyes roam over Jacob, I could still hear his own heart-beat still elevated, I could still see the slight flush of blood under his dark russet skin, the waves of his immense body heat rolling over me.

Before I knew it the saliva in my mouth was working over-time, the tight burn in my throat the churning in my stomach the dry sudden urge to just lean over and sink my teeth into his neck, I could see his pulse beating under the thin membrane of his skin.

I caught myself just before Jacob moved his arm away and began "Nessie, I'm serious I.." he started, obviously feeling me leaning over him, thinking I was about to start up on him again, before he stopped.

Jake saw the glint of the hunger in my eyes, and my lips where slightly pulled back over my teeth, his eyes widened in surprise I hadn't tried to bite him for quite a while now, I had better control over my thirst as I got older, I'd stopped when I realized that as I got bigger my thirst got bigger and the last time I'd bitten him he actualy had to restrain me with much more force than he ever wanted to use with me.

Jacob had felt terrible and took the blame on himself and apologized for at least a week afterword's, even though it was all my fault and I'd hadn't tried to bite him since, I didn't like having those thoughts about Jacob, seeing him as food made me feel horrible, made me feel like a monster, I couldn't stand the guilt so I'd never put myself in that situation.

I'd always fed more than necessarily needed, and I'd been kind of needing to hunt, I was going to go hunt the previous night but I was having too much fun down La Push and then I was going to go this morning but things got away from me, and of course this evening I'd had dinner with Charlie, I mean sure, I can sustain on human food technically, but it doesn't precisely quench my insatiable thirst.

I jumped off the bed and was on the other side of the room in less than a second, I leaned against the wall and put my hands over my eyes, I tried to force the thirst away.

I tried not to think how appealing the sound of his heart sounded, beating so deliciously, I could almost taste his blood on my tongue, the memory of it made my throat burn, I shouldn't ever have let my guard down like that when I needed to hunt, I'd made myself swear never to put myself in this kind of situation ever again after last time.

After a few moments of trying to have his un-appealing animal wet dog smell override my pallet and ignore the sound of his very appealing heart-beats, after I knew I was in complete control I looked up and made my way to sit on the end of the bed slightly slower than normal.

I sat down and avoided Jacob's gaze, there was a slightly awkward silence for a minute before I felt the bed shift and Jacob get up, I heard him make his way over to the window.

I jumped up off the bed suddenly and I was at his side in an instant grabbing hold of his wrist, "Jake, I'm sorry! please don't leave! I'm good now, I promise! I won't ever bit you, please I'm so sorry! don't leave me" I said all this very fast feeling the horror spread through my body at the thought that he'd finally started to see me as a filthy bloodsucker.

We looked into each others eyes I tried to communicate my horror at what I'd done, I couldn't read the look in his dark eyes, then he finally shot me his normal happy wide smile showing off all his amazing teeth that shown extra bright in the darkness, he laughed quietly before pulling me into one of his bone-crushing hugs

after he released me he said "Nessie sweety its ok, its fine alright? don't look so horrified, I should be blaming myself.." -

"what?" I cut him off "this isn't your fault at all, its all my fault Jake, I shouldn't have put you in that kind of situation, I should have hunted yesterday, and I promised that I would never bite you ever again and I never intend to go back on my word, I just got a little carried away for one second and I'm sorry, its my fault not yours!" I said again more forcefully as he had that self blaming look in his eyes.

Jacob shook his head slightly a small smile or maybe it was more of a grimace was lingering on his lips, "no it's my fault, I should have taken you hunting yesterday before going down La Push, or I should at least taken you this morning! and if you want to bite me I won't hold it against you Ness, I promise" he said flashing me the full extent teeth, I sighed and rolled my eyes smiling back at him though his smiles where always contagious.

I let the smile fade from my face as I thought how it would be worse tomorrow and I still had to spend to at least lunch time with Charlie tomorrow that it would be a good idea to hunt now, because Jacob might be tempting but the smell of his Wolfy'ness kept him from smelling too delectable, whilst Charlie was completely human and smelt every bit as delicious as one.

I let my eyes go to the clock-radio on the dresser it was half past six in the morning, would I be able to sneak out, hunt, then make it back without Charlie noticing? as Charlie didn't know, or turned a blind eye to the fact that I hunted animals and drank their blood it would be best to pretend that I stayed here all night and that the steak and fries that I had for dinner was satisfying enough.

Jacob was watching me a little _too_ closely, I turned away from him and made my way over to my over-night bag, I chucked the some-what still damp clothes that I'd worn yesterday that had got soaked as I ran from Charlie's police cruiser to the house as it started to rain buckets on the way back from the restaurant.

I zipped the bag open pulling out fresh clothes, I decided on a pair of light-blue skinnies and simple but classy top, Jacob seemed slightly surprised at my sudden desire to get dressed but turned around to look out the window as I changed.

The sun was just starting to come up as I pulled my old cream cardigan out of the wardrobe that I'd left last time I'd stayed over at Charlie's and had never bothered to get it back, after I'd zipped it up I noticed that it was a little too short in the sleeve and slightly tighter fitting than I'd remembered it, I sighed and pulled my sleeves up slightly so that it wasn't obvious that they where wrist-freezes and made a non-comical noise to tell Jacob he could turn around.

Jacob raised his eye-brows as I was pulling on my converse, I answered his un-spoken question "I want to hunt before I see Charlie again, I know I'll be able to resist my thirst, but it will just be easier this way, we gotta be quick, no messing about cuz I wanna be back before Charlie realizes I'm not in my bed and he thinks I've sneaked out in the night to come share yours or something" I said giving Jake a wink.

Jacob bit his lip and his eyes tightened before saying in a low voice "so you really think Charlie will think that? even after how I just bailed on you last night?" I danced over and kissed him on the cheek before slapping it lightly "sure he would, he'd probably think that I felt guilty and came to your room and tried to make it up to you all night long" I said mockingly trying to pull the cord out of his sweats, Jake grabbed my hand "don't, I need that to keep them up" he laughed, I stuck my my tongue out at him before jumping out the window.

I landed lightly on the slightly crunchy half frozen grass, I pulled out a hair tie and I was tying my hair back into a messy pony-tail as Jacob landed next to me almost silently on the balls of his bare feet, the wind had blown itself out but the evidents of the night before was still here, branches littered the road and the tree's looked a little battered.

I grabbed Jacob's hand and ran into the woods surrounding Charlie's place, not as many of the animals I liked lived this far down near the town, the townsfolk kept them at bay, like the grizzlies and the mountain lions.

After only ten minutes of running I caught the sent of elk to the east, not too far away, I straitened up and let go of Jacob's hand turning around to face him, "are you phasing or what?" I asked him, Jacob hunted with me in his wolf form, he could eat his kill as a wolf but I knew he preferred to eat in his human form and normal cooked human food, but he hunted and ate his kill as a wolf to make it more fun for me.

Jacob stretched out his arms, I could see the muscles flexing under his dark skin "sure, sure" he said with a smile on his lips, he turned to phase behind a tree, he never stripped in front of me if he could help it, but I had seen his nakedness on the rare accusation if he lost control and phased before he could strip.

I sighed exasperatedly "you can just strip here, you don't have to be so modest, I don't mind in the least" I said teasingly but I could here the hopefulness in my voice, and so could Jake because he laughed at that "I spend most of my time running around half-naked you call that modest? and talking about modesty I know I'm irresistible and you want it bad, _you_ could at least try some modesty what with the way you drool all over me" he teased.

I waggled my eye-brows suggestively "it's simply impossible, as you said Jake, I want it bad, I want it so bad and its not my fault your such a tease" I said prancing over to him and I tried to pull his pants down, he stopped me of course and groaned "I'm going to go phase now Nessie" he said pulling my hands off the waist band of his sweats and kissing me on the forehead.

I tried to kiss his mouth but he just laughed and walked behind the large tree, "tease" I called after him, I heard him laugh again before calling back "not for much longer, after your Birthday Ness I'm going to be the furthest thing from a tease, you'll be having so much of me, you'll be missing these moments" then after a second he was trotting back over to me as a giant russet wolf.

I reached out and stroked the fur on his head then his face before showing him how I could never get enough of him and showing all the things I wish he was doing to me right now, he gave a low whine, I just laughed and kissed his snout before taking off after those elk which I could smell had gone further east towards the clearing of the trees and where I could smell the cool smell of water.

Sure enough we'd followed them to a small opening in the trees and they where drinking from a small stream, I leaned down into a hunting crouch and slowly stalked in closer before pouncing on the closest but second largest buck.

Jacob had leaped at the same time and had took down the largest buck, he had grabbed it by the mouth and nose and was suffocating it while I easily just snapped mines neck before sinking my teeth into the steeds neck.

My teeth cut through its skin as easily as biting into butter, Jacob was now ripping open his elk's stomach, Jake's teeth also easily ripped through the sinew and muscle and tearing a large portion of meat off with his teeth, the warm blood of mine seeped through my body warming my already overly heated body, it wasn't exactly tasty but it still quenched my hunger better than the steak and fries.

I had drained mine in less than a minute and took down another elk the blood filling me up, after I'd finished with my second I decided to be overly-cautious and have third, after my third I was feeling kind of sloshy.

Jacob was still eating his kill, tearing away large streaming chunks, I suddenly heard the sound of large heavy paws coming up fast behind me, I whipped around and came face-to-face with a sandy-colored wolf, "Seth!" I squealed happily reaching out to stroke his fur, he muzzled his snout into my hand I heard Jacob's low warning growl from behind me.

I turned around and rolled my eyes at Jacob who was obviously disapproving of mine and Seth's closeness, it was ridiculous of course, Seth and I was only friends and of course Jacob must know that he was the only wolfy-man for me.

Seth moved away from me and trotted over to Jacob and laid down resting his head on his paws whining ever now and then over what Jacob was saying to him that I couldn't hear, Jacob finished off a bit more than half of his kill before letting Seth have the rest, Jacob rubbed clean his muzzle as best he could in the wet icy grass.

The sun was rising higher in the sky by now, Charlie would obviously be up by now, "Jake, I better get back now, you should just stay here with Seth and I'll meet up with you later ok?" I said making my way back into the trees but of course I heard Jacob's large paws following me.

After we where in the shelter of the trees I felt the air slightly shudder behind me, I knew that Jacob was phasing back to human, it didn't sound like he wasn't behind a tree or bush either, did he think I wouldn't peak?

I turned around slowly hoping to catch me a perv, but he had already pulled his sweats on fast enough, he saw my disappointment and rolled his eyes "your such a perv Nessie, I don't try and get an eye-full of you every time you change with me in the room, which you happen to do a lot" he added disapprovingly.

I laughed, "well I never tell you to turn around when I change do I? maybe get the hint that I wouldn't mind if you took a peek cuz seriously Jake, it would make me feel better if you at least tried to perv on me, cuz I'm not going to be modest or anything and say that I don't have anything worth looking at" I taunted at him.

Jacob just shook his head with a smirk "how do you know I haven't looked?" he said his eyes roamed quickly down my body, I raised an eye-brow "cuz I know you haven't, anyway Jake for what my Mother has told me about how you where with her why are you so reluctant with me? she told me how pushy you where, I wouldn't mind you pushing yourself on me" I said narrowing my eyes.

Jacob looked away uncomfortable, we never really talked about Jacob's old obsession with my Mother "I mean seriously Jake, I asked my mom if she'd had asked you to sleep with her if you would have, she said you'd probably have ripped her clothes off with your teeth and done her right where she'd asked you without a seconds hesitation.

I waited for his response when there's was none I continued "why where you like that with her and you say that you feel far stronger about me than you ever felt for, and you say when you imprinted on me all you want to do is make me happy and give me whatever I want to make me happy, I want passion Jake! it would make me beyond happy for you to rip my clothes off and do me right now! but you won't, why?" I said angrily.

Jacob shook his head, "Nessie you know why, I've told you why! I made a promise to Edward that I wouldn't have physical relationship with you until you where seven and fully grown, don't you think I regret that now? and you have asked me before why I even agreed to that in the first place was because at the time you where still a baby and I never even dreamed of you in any other way as making you happy as a baby!" he said.

Jacob ran his fingers through his hair and continues "and oh my god seriously Nessie if you think that if there was never any stupid promise to your Father that I wouldn't rip your clothes off and have long hot sex with you right now? and you want passion? believe me Nessie after your birthday and the stupid promise is done I'll give you all the passion a hot blooded sexually deprived male can give you" he said half crazed grabbing my arms and shaking me slightly.

I laughed "ok ok, but seriously Jake even though I'd love to stay here and talk about you having sex with me, I really have to get back before Charlie realizes I'm not there" I said prying myself reluctantly away from him, I started to run back to Charlie's, Jake was of course coming with me.

After we reached the edge of the woods and on the out-skirts of Charlie's yard we stopped, Jacob pulled me into one of his hugs, we stayed like that for a little too long before I forced myself to let go, "see you soon ok?" I said.

Jake looked sad "sure, sure" he said brushing his fingers down my cheek, I put my hand to his face to show him how much I wanted him to kiss me goodbye, he sighed and kissed me on the top of my head before running back off into the woods, I felt him fase, before I ran the length of the yard and climbed back into my room.

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**well there's the third chapter for ya**, **hope you enjoyed it, cuz I'm freezing my nips off posting it, damn its so cold right now! or about as cold as it gets in Australia...which isn't very cold, its what maybe 6-7c? thats like 42-44 f. well anyways**, **there's a lot more to come, so please comment!**


	4. in trouble

**4th chapter pplz! I like this chap, I think it's funny, and no I'm not Stephanie Meyer and I don't own any of the Characters or anything!!**

**well enjoy...**

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**chp.4 - in trouble**

I climbed down the stairs and made my way into the kitchen, Charlie was sitting at the table reading the paper, he's managed to make himself some coffee and some peanut-butter toast, I sat down opposite him.

Charlie watched me over the newspaper for a moment before commenting "you look flustered, what have you been up to?" after he said this I really felt myself get flustered "I have know idea what your talking about?" I muttered embarrassed, why would he ask me something like that?

After a long and awkward silence, why was my life filled with awkward silences with Charlie? I asked "so, umm...what do you have planned today Grandpappy?" I said, he had been dunking his toast in the coffee for a bit little too long when he pulled it out a chunk of the toast broke off into the cup, he muttered angrily scooping if back out with the spoon before answering -

"Well Billy called this morning and asked me if I felt like going on a little fishing trip with him, you wanna tag along?" he asked generously, I pretended to consider the invitation for a moment before saying "umm I would, but I've got a bit of homework to get through before I go back to school and its my birthday tomorrow so I won't really feel like doing it then" I said.

Charlie looked slightly relieved that I hadn't wanted to come with him, he probably didn't want the pressure to try and entertain me while he was trying to fish and have male-bonding time with Billy, "sure kid no problem its a good idea to get it out of the way now because I don't think you Auntie Alice will be too pleased if you skipped her party to do homework" he chuckled slightly at the idea but sobered up almost at once -

"And you do go strait home and do your homework Ness, not go running off to see Jake the moment I let you out the door, I know you like him but that boy has an unnatural obsession with you, you might find it flattering but I find it down right disturbing, I know Jacob's a good kid, but I think you shouldn't spend all your time with him just to spare his feeling Ness" he said sternly.

I forced myself not to say something mean, "I don't spend all my time with Jake just to spare his feelings, Charlie, I spend all my time with Jacob because I want to" I said forcing my voice not to sound to harsh.

Charlie took a swig of his coffee before saying "your almost exactly how your Mother was with your Father, you need a life outside that boy Ness, I know you like spending time with him, but it would be healthier to get some more friends, you need to talk to other people, have you even had any other friends outside Jake? what about that boy at the lodge last night?" he said with a slight grimace.

I made a face "Alex?, seriously he's probably the most repulsive person on the face of the planet!" I spluttered indignant, Charlie didn't look like he was going to disagree on that so he just shook his head disapprovingly.

Charlie ruffled the newspaper closed and drained the last of his coffee "well all I'm saying Nessie, widen you playing field a little and meet some new people, your an irresistible person it wouldn't be hard for you to make friends and distance yourself from Jacob Black a little" he said frowning slightly -

"Its an un-healthy relationship you two have, I'm sure Jake would never hurt you, but Ness its just wrong the way he's clings to you, he needs a life outside you as much as you need outside him, I think you should use school to try and break free of his clutches Ness" he said wisely.

I couldn't believe this, I knew how he felt about Jake and me, but break free if his clutches? seriously! "well Charlie I'm thankful for your _concern_, but that's not going to happen, as much as you find it _un-healthy_" I sneered the word, I took a breath trying to keep my voice even.

I continued "Jacob is my life and he is the strongest and the only relationship I'll ever want, there's nothing else in my life that means more to me than Jake, he completes me and I have no intention of _breaking free_ of his clutches, because my clutches are just a strong as his" I said bristling up anyway and storming up to my room before Charlie had a chance to finish his say.

I slammed the door shut, I hated anyone saying anything bad about Jacob, and the way Charlie was talking made him sound like some crazy freak, I mean they way Charlie goes on you'd think he would be the tipe to kill me then eat random body parts to to get closer to me and to have part of me inside him or something.

It was outrageous, of course we couldn't really tell Charlie about the whole imprinting thing, firstly he wouldn't listen he hated anything super-natural and lived his life pretending nothing was suss, and secondly even if he _did _listen to it, he wouldn't understand, he wouldn't even try and understand.

I jammed the now almost dry clothes from yesterday into my bag, maybe I should have hanged them up or something, oh well Alice probably wouldn't even bother to wash them, probably go strait to the garage with all the other barely worm brand new clothes going to good will, I'll probably get six new wardrobes full of clothes tomorrow anyway.

After I finished packing I went back down the stairs and poked my head into the kitchen to tell Charlie I was going home, he barely got out "see you soon" before I was slamming the front door shut and stormed up the street struggling to get my cell out of my bag, I managed to extract from the very bottom corner under everything and browsed the number 'till I pressed 'call' on my Father's name -

"Nessie?" he answered on the first ring, "hey dad, can you come get me? I'm not at Charlie's though I'll be waiting outside the corner shop down the road ok?" there was silence for a moment "what happened?" he asked in a hard voice.

I sighed "Charlie! always having to have his say about Jake and me, I was sick of it, so I left, can you just come and get me?" I asked hoping he'd just drop it and come pick me up already, "ok, the corner shop? I'll be there in ten" he said "ok see you" I said "love you Ness" he said "yeah love ya too dad" I muttered before flipping the phone shut and hurrying up the path faster.

My father's Volvo pulled up in front of me, I went around the other side and got in, I felt my father's disapproval I just let him read my mind and see everything that happened I couldn't be bothered voicing it aloud, I couldn't help but feel annoyed at my father as he pursed his lips in a way that told me he whole-heatedly agreed with what Charlie had said.

I slammed the car door louder than necessary as we parked in the garage, I ran my fingers down my own car that I hadn't bothered to drive yet, I wasn't really into driving, I preferred to be driven, even though my car was of course drool worthy like the rest of my family's cars, it was some sort of porch, red or course, but I still preferred Jacob's crappy Volkswagen Rabbit.

I made my way through the kitchen and out into the sitting room where my Grandpapa Carlisle was sitting reading a book and my Grandmama Esme was writing something out on a piece of thick fancy white card, probably invitations as she pushed them out of sight when I walked in.

My mom came down the stairs looking angry "Renesmee, what did I tell you about keeping a civil tongue in your head when you speak to Charlie? I want you to call him right now and apologize" she demanded pointing to the phone.

I flared up "no! I'm sick of him always having a go at Jacob, making out like he's some psychopathic obsessive freak! I'll say I'm sorry when he starts treating Jacob decently again!" I yelled at her feeling the angry tears in my eyes.

My mother just glared at me "call him right now Renesmee and that's final or I will forbid Jacob to come over tomorrow! do you want to do that to him?" she asked, I felt gutted that was below the belt, hurting Jacob to get me to do things she wanted, I shot her a furious look before picking up the slim-line telephone and dialing Charlie's number.

An hour later after being yelled at by my mother for not giving Charlie a good enough apology, I was laying on my bed crying silently to myself, it was so unfair, she had forbidden me to see or speak to Jacob at all until tomorrow, she had taken my cell away so I couldn't call or text him, she even un-plugged the home phone and I was banned to leave the house.

All I had for company to make sure I wouldn't leave was my Uncle Jasper, who was sitting out in the living room watching some show on the TV, but I knew he was trying to feel and change my emotions, I'd locked myself in my room away from him as he was trying to make me feel happy when all I wanted was to wallow in misery.

It was just to unjust! should I have just sit there and agree with Charlie when he was dissing the whole point of my existence I don't think so, I turned my radio up louder hoping that my Uncle Jasper was more absorbed in his program to notice my absence of emotions.

I got up and silently as I could and slipped the windows catch before slowly and silently pulling the window open, I stopped half-way out the window to hear if Jasper had heard me, didn't sound like he'd moved, I slid the rest of the way out the window and landed silently onto the mossy grass surrounding our little cottage, before sprinting as fast as I could through the woods to La Push.

I skidded to a halt in front of Billy and Jacob's place, it was a small wooden house, the red paint peeling on the walls, it had the slight first impression of a tiny barn, I knew I was going to be in huge trouble for this but I didn't care right now.

I felt the vindictive pleasure for when my parents found out I'd gone, wonder if they'd yell at my Uncle Jasper? even if they did he'd probably just calm them and make them all happy until he managed to escape, I let out a snort of laughter at the thought as I knocked on the door.

Nothing, I knocked again feeling slightly panicky, they had better be home, cuz no way in hell was I going back to mine, I almost decided to go walk down the beach when I heard footsteps on the other-side of the door.

Paul opened it, he was of course wearing no shirt or shoes just a pair of hurriedly chucked on jeans, I was a little surprised to see him here but not too surprised, after all, Paul had imprinted on Jacob's sister it was un-bearable of course for him to be away from Rachel when she went back to college, so she was forced with the decision to move back home to be stay closer to Paul.

Paul looked grumpy, annoyed even at being disturbed "hey Paul, is Jake home?" I asked already knowing the answer, he growled slightly under his breath before saying "no, he isn't, he won't be back for a while Renesmee, and I'm kinda...busy...at the moment" his tone made it seem he was trying to tell me something more.

I was confused for a second before I heard Rachel call from somewhere in the house "Paul, you coming back darl?" I blanched slightly I suddenly knew why he looked annoyed and why it had taken to so for anyone to answer the door and what he meant about being _busy_.

I felt my cheeks burn slightly "oh sorry" I muttered shyly he gave me an awkward kind of half smile, half grimace, I stood there not knowing what to say or do, finally he said "I think Jake went down the beach with Quil or something, you might see him down there" he said making it obvious that I should go away.

I shot him one of my fathers crooked smiles before running down the drive and through the woods towards the beach, I felt my face still burning red, _uncomfortable_ I thought humiliated to myself.

Did Jake know about this? was that why he was out of the house? why Billy had taken Charlie fishing? to give Paul and Rachel the house to themselves? it seemed a little weird and a little creepy, I couldn't imagine my father going out to leave the house to Jacob and me to do _things_, never in a million years.

I was walking along the beach still feeling a little embarrassed at the whole thing and wondering how far along they where when I disturbed them when I heard Jacob's voice, then a second voice I recognized as Embry's.

Embry another member of Jacob's pack not to mention one of his best friends, didn't Paul say he was with Quil? Quil was a member of Jake's pack also and one of his best friends as well, Quil and Embry where Jacob's best friends from childhood.

I didn't know why but I hid behind a large mountain of sand to listen in on their conversation, I didn't why I was even doing this? maybe after that Paul fiasco I was in a weird mood.

I heard Embry's voice "...so tomorrow ay? are you going to wait 'till tomorrow for the party cuz who knows how long that'll last, I mean the promise just said 'till she was seven right? so why not sneak in to her room at midnight or something?" I heard him say with a little _too_ much excitement at discussing someone Else's sex-life.

I felt my breath catch in my throat, should I make my presents known? I thought about it but I decided to wait a few more seconds, just to hear what Jacob had to say, then I'll make my appearance and pretend I hadn't heard anything, I listened with bated breath, my heart-rate going up with excitement and nervousness.

Jacob spoke "nah can't, the mind reader never sleeps he'd be able to hear my thoughts before I even got near the house" he said disappointed, "ah yeah true, well I mean you could invite her down to La Push, I mean I bet it would be better to do her in your own bed away from that bloodsucker stink, cuz you'd wanna enjoy it, you don't want to be trying to hold your breath or something, Nessie doesn't smell too bad does she?" Embry asked.

I felt myself bristle at this and wait for Jacob's response "no, she doesn't, I mean I admit she does have a bit of that vampire smell, but not _too_ bad, I mean she more just smells like she's wearing a bit too strong not too great smelling perfume, it doesn't burn my nose or anything" he said defensively.

Embry laughed slightly "true true, so wotcha gonna do? wait? or do what I said" he asked curiously, Jacob didn't answer right away, hesitating or thinking it through?

Finally he spoke "yeah I think you have something there, I would much prefer to do her in my own bed, even if their whole place didn't reek disgustingly I would still rather it there you know what I mean? I think I would be able to perform better in my own room than anywhere else, in your element I guess" Jake said.

Embry laughed again and I heard the sound of him smack Jacob, on the arm? I didn't know "yeah sure man, it is better in your own bed, especially the first time you wanna be somewhere comfortably, cuz the first time I did it out, on this beach actually, well it was horrible, cuz me and Angie where down too close to the shore, she thought it was gonna be romantic or some shit and the tide came in right in the middle of it, it was pretty stupid" Embry laughed at the memory.

I heard Jacob laugh too, then he asked slightly awkwardly "yeah but you've done it a lot though, I mean I've never as you know, I've seen it through your guys thoughts, and regretfully Paul's, I mean that's just screwed me up for life those images!" he laughed but sounded like he wanted to punch something instead.

I heard Embry snort disgustedly with Jacob, "well at least with you its better than poor Quil, Nessie's already full grown and Clair won't be Nessie's age for another what? ten years or so?, I mean man I feel sorry for Quil, I know he doesn't ever think about other girl's or about Clair that way, it still sucks though, he doesn't know what he's missing out on, no offense man, but I'm whole-heatedly glad that I haven't imprinted, I like the variety" Embry finished teasingly.

I heard Jacob just say "hmm" in response, Embry went on "well all I have to say its damn lucky though that Nessie has grown so quick, at least the other imprinters got people their own age, ready and willing no offense about your sister or anything!" I could almost see Embry hold up his arms in peace at Jacob.

Jacob spoke "yeah no offense taken, I mean it isn't as bad as you think, about Quil I mean, even if Nessie didn't grow real quick, and she just grew normally and slowly like Clair, I wouldn't care like you think I would, its not like your waiting for them to grow up or anything so you can get it on, you don't ever think about sex at all, it probably sounds impossible to you, I would have thought so too before I imprinted, believe me its like there's nothing going on down there full stop, I mean nothing, absolutely dead! its like your sex drive has completely been taken away" I heard Jacob break off suddenly and laugh probably at the look on Embry's face.

Embry spoke "man Jacob, that sounds like the singular worse possible thing that can happen to a bloke, so for the past seven years you haven't had once sexual thought? not one hard on? nothing?" he asked appalled, Jacob laughed but he sounded slightly sad when he went on -

"Well not a full seven years, I remember though my first sexual experience again, it was when Nessie was about 15, it was a rare warm day and we where down the beach swimming, but the water was still pretty cold and I remember it clear as day, she was wearing a white bikini and in the water in went pretty see-through and like I said it was cold, I mean it was like hello down below, it actually scared the shit outta me, cuz I hadn't had anything for like five years!" he laughed a little humiliated at the thought.

I heard Embry laugh hard, he obviously found it hilarious, when he finally sobered up enough to speak there was still obvious laughter in his voice "that's sad, man, that is so, so sad" he laughed again before the sound of a scuffle broke out.

I sat there feeling a little shocked, I remembered that day clearly, because that was the first day that Jacob started acting differently around me, at the time I had no idea what was wrong with him.

I mean one second we where having fun in the waves next he made some stupid excuse about having to go check on the pack or something and before I'd even had a chance to question him he had left the water and pretty much ran into the woods.

From that day on it was completely different, my father and mother changed around him, much more mean, and my Uncle Emmett always laughing when he saw us sitting together or anything.

I managed to find my legs, I pushed myself around the sand hill, Jake had Embry in a head lock, Embry seemed in some pain but was still laughing "hey what's up?" I said in my most natural voice.

Jacob went red and released Embry, Embry took one look at us and burst out laughing again, Jacob took a well aimed boot to Embry's head, but he manged to roll out of the way just in time and jump to his feet.

Still chuckling Embry said "hey Nessie baby, a bit on the cool side today hope you weren't planning on taking a dip?" he asked, I felt myself go red, Jacob let out a low growl and punched Embry hard in the ribs, Embry doubled up "peace, man it was just a joke!" he still managed to give Jacob a wink before dodging another blow and running off down the beach.

I watched Embry for a moment longer until he ran up towards the car park halfway down the beach, after he was out of sight I turned back and asked Jacob "what was all that about" even though I knew of course, there was an obvious blush under his dark skin, it was hard to tell but if you knew him as well as I did you could spot the subtle difference, "nothing, just Embry being a douche as userall" he laughed biting his lip.

I laughed back slightly awkwardly, there was silence for a moment before Jacob reached out and took my hand, "wanna walk down the beach?" he asked looking at me strangely, I smiled and gripped his hand tighter in my own "sure, sure" I said smirking swinging our arms as I led the way.

After we'd walked a good distance in silence I let go of his hand and linked it around his arm instead I leaned into him as we walked on a little further, we stopped by some white branches, bleached white by the salts in the water, we sat down on the branch, I waited patiently for him to say something, he seemed hesitant.

I slapped him hard on the thigh "say something why don't you!" I said trying to look into his eyes, he had his face looking away, he laughed quietly and looked at me, he bit his lip again and took my hand in his, he looked down at our hands for a moment as he rubbed the back of my had with his thumb before looking up into my face.

There was a obvious blush to his cheeks "Nessie, I was thinking, are you serious, I mean really serious about" he took a deep breath to steady himself before going on "man this harder than I thought" he laughed to himself "are you serious about taking this", he raised our hands slightly "about taking us, further" he said watching my reaction closely, I could hear his heart beating faster than was necessary for just sitting.

I felt my own blush start to creep up my neck and back into my cheeks, I looked down and scuffed the sand for a moment with my toes, I could feel Jacob's eyes on me intently waiting for my answer I looked back into his face "sure, sure" I said just like Jacob said it, even with slight patronizing hint in it, I was trying to cover my embarrassment, I knew I shouldn't be feeling like this, it was stupid, hadn't I been trying to get into his pants for ages now? hadn't we talked about it a lot? why all the modesty all of a sudden?

I heard Jacob sigh "no, Nessie please don't make a joke of it, I'm serious, I don't want you to feel obligated to do anything your not ready for, I can wait for as long as you need, I don't mind, really, I would care more if you just sleep with me because you feel we have to or something" he said trying to read my expression.

I smiled and shook my head "Jake, I'm ready, seriously I am, if _your_ not ready, if you don't feel comfortable with it yet I wouldn't want _you_ to feel obligated in any way to go through with it, if you want to wait" I said suddenly suspicious that he might be backing out.

Jacob just laughed at this "Nessie honey, you think think that I'm not ready? that I want to wait? no, Ness I'm completely up for doing it as soon as possible" he looked at me and laughed again at the thought of himself not being ready, he was making me feel stupid,

Jacob finally stopped when he saw me glaring at him, still smiling though he said more light-hearted "so when? after the party?" he asked seriously, I hesitated before saying "what about tonight? midnight, my father can't bitch there wasn't any certain time marking of how long after I turned seven before we could do it was there?" I said starting to feel the butterflies going hay-wire in my stomach.

Jacob raised his eyebrows slightly in surprise "yeah, that's what Embry and I were talking about actually, he said I should just sneak into your room at midnight" he laughed and went on more slowly "but obviously Edward would hear my thoughts the second I was in range, so that plans out" he said obviously not saying everything that was on his mind.

I think I knew exactly what he was not saying, "well" I said with perfect deliberation "I could sneak out, keep my thoughts on something else right? sneak out and I'll come and knock on your bedroom window at like just before midnight or something?" I said feeling excitement pulse through me.

I saw a glimmer of the excitement shine in Jacob's eyes, there was a smile playing around his lips, "what?" I said smiling crookedly at him, he raised and eye-brow and said "you know you look exactly like your father when you do that? don't do it, it puts me off" he laughed, I laughed and smacked his leg.

There was a embarrassed silence for a moment before I jumped up pulling him up with me, "come on, lets swim" I said yanking my cardigan off and pulling my shirt over my head, I hung them over the branch before slipping my jeans off and hanging them over the branch as well.

I ran towards the water but stopped just before it touched my toes, Jacob was already half naked as userall so he didn't need to strip off, he caught me around the middle and flung me down into the freezing waves with him, I squealed as the freezing water rippled over my body, but I was warm in an instant I had raging body heat, the cold only affected me for half a second before mine and Jacob's also impossible heat warmed the water around us.

I managed to escape from him and waddled out into the deeper waters, the waves crashed over my body, I noticed Jacob's eyes widen as he took me in, as I suspected my white lace bra and panties had become completely see-through, I smiled and beckoned him towards me trying to be seductive.

Jacob smiled widely and was with me in a second, he grabbed me and pulled me back down, under the waves this time, I struggled against him for a long moment before my head broke the surface gulping down air, unlike my Vampire family I still needed to breath.

Jacob was gasping next to me also, he shook his sodden hair out of his eyes, I wondered how Jacob had looked with long hair, my mother had told me that Jake had long beautiful hair before he had to cut if all off when he became a werewolf, he still had longer hair than the rest of the wolves, coming to just above his chin, all the others had a short buzz cut, that was why Jacob was fluffier than the rest of them.

I pushed him back down under the water, he struggled trying to push me off, I let him struggle for a second longer before letting him come up for air coughing and spluttering, I laughed as he splashed me, I heard someone's voice calling out our names from the shore, we looked over and spotted Quil, he was beckoning to us to come over, Jacob grabbed me around the middle and tipped me back down into the water before running as best he could through the waves back to the shore laughing.

I made my way after him starting to feel self contious, as what I was wearing was as revealing as ever, and I really didn't plan on giving Quil an eye-full, no matter what anyone said about Quil not looking or thinking about girls I was still suss on him, I made it to the shore folding my arms over my chest and hoping my panties weren't too see-through, Quil though didn't seem to be paying much attention he was talking in a urgent voice to Jacob who was listening with a serious look in his face.

I waited for them to include me, the cold wind whipping about my body, I really started to feel awkward when I felt my nipples hardening under my folded arms, I crossed back up the beach to where my clothes where and wishing I had a towel slipped into them wet, after I'd changed the best I could.

I made my way back over to Quil and Jacob, "whats up?" I asked curiously, Jacob shot me a look from the corner of his eye before Quil answered "Seth and I where patrolling the territory up west on the outskirts of the border and we caught a bloodsuck-Vampire's sent" he corrected himself quickly.

I raised my eye-brows "yeah? anyone we know?" my mind wondered to maybe Nahuel, Quil shook his head "no one we know, could be nothing but where gonna have to keep an eye out it was too close to Makah Rez (the other native reservation in the area), should have a word with Carlisle about it" he added to Jacob who nodded "yeah diffidently, I could do it now, I'll take Ness back home to change and I can tell them" Quil nodded back

Quil then smiled guiltily at me "hey Nessie, sorry about ruining your fun but I thought it might be something serious" he said apologetically, I shrugged feeling slightly nervous I really didn't feel like going home so soon, not with furious parents awaiting my return.

Jacob and I walked up to the beach's car park where Embry had disappeared earlier, Jacob had his Volkswagen Rabbit parked up here, he unlocked my door and I got in, I could feel my wet clothes soaking the back of the seat.

Jacob started the engine and backed out into the road, we drove for a short while before I said "do we have to go back to my place? can't we just go back to yours, you could just lend me a t-shirt and a pair of sweats I don't mind" I blurted out nervously.

Jacob looked at me surprised "why don't you wanna go home?" he asked a little _too_ concerned, I hesitated before telling him about the whole Charlie incident but keeping out the whole conversation with Charlie just saying he was having his say about something.

And also how my mom had taken my cell and banned me him from seeing him, to where I snuck out the house to see him anyway, after I finished Jacob laughed but looked upset.

I fiddled with the radio trying to tune it in to my favorite station, but it was static so I switched it off I really couldn't be bothered, I looked at Jacob who still looked upset "whats wrong?" I asked.

Jake bit his lip and laughed quietly, "I was just thinking if I don't take you home now you'll be in big trouble with your folks, but then if I take you home now you'll be in trouble with them faster" he laughed, I laughed back he never wanted to do anything that would cause me any trouble.

As we reached the road the cut off back to the Rez and the road that led to the Cullen's, he deliberated and then did a quike u-turn down the road that led back to his house, I felt releaved, but it was only short lived, "damn" I heard Jacob mutter under his breath as his house grew closer and we both spotted my father's silver volvo parked out the front with my father leaning against it looking at us furious, "damn indeed" I muttered back.

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**ok well there's the 4th chapter, I like this chapter, so please comment! oh and I'm trying to sound as American I can, so if I make someone say something or use a slang word or something that an American wouldn't say, please tell me! lol**


	5. Choice

**the 5th chapter!!! this is just a ridiculous chapter, and I like it, as I've said, I like this story, so please comment!!**

**and no I'm not Stephanie Meyer or anyone, and no I don't own any of the characters either.**

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**chp.5 - Choice**

It had been the worse fight in history at our house, neither of my parents could believe I would undermine them like this, even my Grandpapa Carlisle and Grandmama Esme where disappointed in me, the party tomorrow had nearly been canceled, like I really cared.

But my Auntie Alice had managed to persuade my parents to keep it, telling them that would regret it in the future to cancel such a spacial and large part in my life, but it was all crap, she just didn't want her precious party canceled, not after all the hard work she'd put into it.

Even though the party was still on, I was punished big time from now and to when they thought they could trust me again, I was forbidden to go anywhere near La Push, I was going to be escorted to and from school each day when I started it again.

I was also forbidden to speak to Jacob, no phone no nothing, I was pretty much under house arrest, even hunting trips I was going to be forced to do with my father only, as he thought he was the only one to know if I would try something.

I lay curled on the sofa crying, I wasn't even aloud to sleep in my room encase I gave them the slip again, I was forced to sleep out in the living room under my parents close watch, and they never had to sleep so they could watch me around the clock.

But for now it was only me and my mother, my father was back at the main house talking to Carlisle or something I didn't know, so it was safe enough to have the thoughts that where going through my head without him listening in.

I pulled the blankets over my head so I wouldn't have to see my mother's disapproving looks, I thought about Jacob, before we'd got out of the car I promised him that I would come see him tonight, at midnight.

But now by the looks of it that was impossible, I wondered how long he would wait up for me, waiting for me to come, and when I didn't would he think that I'd changed my mind? or would he come to the conclusion that I was under extreme security conditions.

I rolled over, at least I would get to see him tomorrow at this damn party, tomorrow would be the last day that I would be able to see him for who knows when, my parents and decided for the party's sake I was a loud to see him, but we weren't a loud to be alone and the whole time if I wanted to be with him we had to be under my Father's strict supervision, it was just so outrageously unfair.

I'd managed to fall asleep sometime later after wearing myself out from crying, I opened my eyes groggily to the sounds of the birds tweeting outside, the lounge room was full of the afternoon sun, how long was I out?

I rubbed my eyes they still stung a little from all the crying and I was all stuffy like I'd been recovering from the flu, my eyes roamed the room searching for my parents and sure enough my father was sitting in one of the tastefully mismatched armchairs in the corner, he was talking on his cell, when he noticed I was awake he said a hasty "gotta go" to whomever it was and snapped it shut.

I sat up and glared at him, "Renesmee, you slept in, the guest's will be arriving in half an hour" he said in a voice that plainly told me he was still furious with my behavior of the day before.

I got up to go to the bathroom when he stood up with me, I shot him a glare "can't I even use the bathroom by myself?" I snapped coldly.

My father's eyes narrowed suspiciously before saying in a dangerously smooth voice which he used when he was furious "no I don't think so" I spluttered in outrage as he called my mother's name in no higher pitch that his speaking voice, my mother obviously heard him perfectly with her super-vampire-hearing.

I felt the tears start well up in my eyes again, these though where tears of fury, "yes?" Bella asked shooting me another one of her harsh looks, I saw a slight stwitch to my fathers mouth before he said "please would you escort dear Renesmee to the bathroom" did he find this funny? I thought furious at the concealed humor on his face that he masked well, but I could still see it.

My mother smiled a tight lipped smile before indicating I should lead the way, I ran past her and slammed the bathroom door shut loudly behind me and locking it, I heard her knock before her voice came through the door "now Renesmee don't you even think of trying anything" she said with warning.

My eyes drifted to the small window where if I squeezed I could manage to get through it, just as I thought this I heard my father's angry growl from the living room, obviously he had heard my thoughts, I thought back angry, un-lady like thoughts just to spite him.

After I washed and fixed myself best I could in the mirror, even though I probably looked like the goddess of beauty, I could still see the small blemishes to my features from staying up late and crying all night, I ran my brush easily through my auburn curls, before giving up, it was good enough.

My Auntie Alice would probably have a constant switch today even though the party was still on, she was though forbidden to give me a make-over, even though this was meant to be punishment for me it would torture and punish Alice far worse.

I banged the door back open almost hitting my mother, but she easily managed to catch it inches from her face, I was in my room before she could say anything, but I ground my teeth as the bedroom door opened and my mother came in, damn, maybe I could ask Jacob to put a lock on my bedroom door, he was handy with things like that, I heard my father's disproving mutters from the next room.

I dressed quickly while my mother was of course paying close attention to my every move, but was at least giving me as much privacy as turning around and not watching me change, I just chucked on a simple black pencil skirt and a red silk blouse, I thought I shouldn't be too cruel to Alice.

I snuck on my best most alluring under garments I owned, Victoria secret of course just in case I did manage to escape, I tried to do this as best I could without thinking about it, I think I managed to trick my father into believing I was just thinking about doing it, but I couldn't be sure if he had sussed me out.

After I was changed, I slipped on a pair of killer pumps that would make Alice squee with delight, I slipped past my mother back out into the living room, I couldn't read anything in the expression on my father's face that would tell me he knew what I was planning.

He nodded his head once to tell me he approved of my outfit, my mother was there in an instant giving a great annoyed sigh before saying with grimace "well lets get this party over with" before we slipped out and ran back to the main house.

The house was of course decorated lavishly, white and pink lace adorned every surface, small petals and roses where placed everywhere, there was a huge tasteful silk banner draped from the ceiling bearing the words 'Happy Birthday Renesmee'.

In the corner was probably one of the hugest pile of presents anyone ever had for their seventh birthday, the food was being brought out by my Auntie Rosalie with her nose wrinkled, she hated human food and my Grandmama Esme.

My Uncle Emmett was looking through a large pile of CD's, he turned when I came in and shot me a mock frown before saying with obvious fake disapproval "there you are Renesmee the naughty birthday girl" then burst out laughing, my father shot him a furious look, still chuckling he turned back to the CD's "well I guess we'll have to put on some music that Nessie hates won't we?" he asked with humor jamming a CD into the stereo system.

Horrible cock rock blasted out, what was it? air-supply? or was it hall and oats? it didn't matter they where as bad as each other, I wasn't the only one who grimaced in distaste, I heard Rosalie groan and my Grandpappy Carlisle who had just come in with my Uncle Jasper frown and mouth tighten, Jasper shot a confused and appalled look at Emmett but Grandmama Esme seemed to be humming along.

My Auntie Alice came dancing down the stairs checking a list, she shot at Emmett's laughing figure "change that terrible music! or I'll get Jasper to DJ" Emmett still chuckling turned it off and put on some alternative rock, I smiled delightful.

My Uncle Jasper nodded curtly as he walked passed me not meeting my eyes, he was still mad at me for bailing on him last night and turning him into a laughing stock with Emmett for how easily I managed to get away from him without him knowing.

I noticed my Father frown at Jasper, he was furious with Jasper for letting me escape so easily, Grandpappy Carlisle gave me a warm but oddly distant smile, it made me feel horrible, he and Esme where both highly disappointed with me, I'd let them down, it was different with them then it was with anyone else, I tried to convey regret and that I was sorry and ashamed in my eyes as I returned his smile sadly.

Just then the door bell rang, Alice jumped looking harassed checking the time, my eyes drifted to the clock hanging over the mantle as well thinking how early it was, the time though was a few minutes off 2 pm, I really had slept in, the party was to start at quarter past two.

Alice grumbled angrily before opening the front door, my heart rose to my throat and joy filled me, it was Jacob with the rest of his pack, Quil, Seth and Leah who looked utterly furious and uncomfortable, Jacob probably forced her to come, she shot me a look of pure disgust.

Embry had followed in behind them with ease he shot me a wink and elbowed Jacob in my direction which was quite unnecessary as Jacob hadn't taken his eyes off me the moment he entered the room.

I pranced over and threw my arms around Jake, but I felt his body tense I let go and look up at him frightened that he was mad at me for not coming last night, but he was looking over my shoulder.

I turned to see my Father pretty much standing on my heels glaring furiously down at me and Jacob, I groaned and tried to elbow my father away, but he didn't budge.

"Edward" Jacob said in a slightly put off voice, my father spoke coolly "Jacob, might as well get this out of the way now" Jacob's eyes shot down at me them back up at my Father with worry and confusion thick on his face "what? whats wrong?" Jake asked forcefully.

My Father sighed dramatically before continuing "well as you might well know Jacob that Renesmee disobeyed me yesterday, she was punished and forbidden to see you or to leave the house, but she decided that such things where below her and decided to break the rules, brake house arrest to go and see you, so as of last night she is grounded 'till her Mother and I see fit to let her off the hook" he said, I felt Jacob shift uncomfortably next me.

My father continued "after this party she will not to have any contact with you what so ever until we think that she is mature and responsible enough and to prove that she will never repeat what down right disrespect she showed me yesterday" he said glaring at me with disappointment.

I saw the panic shoot through Jacob's face, "is that really necessary Edward?" he asked his voice filled with fear, I felt his hand tightened around my wrist.

My Father's face showed nothing but distaste "yes Jacob it is, no matter how spoiled she's been, she has to know that she cannot just disobey her parents and run away with the idea she can do whatever she wants, I'm truly sorry about the pain this will bring you, but I stand by my decision" he said shooting me a look that plainly told me my actions weren't the only person that they'd hurt.

I felt the tears again in my eyes, I felt anger towards my Father, how could he do this to Jacob? did Jacob have to be punished so terribly for my actions? I grabbed Jacob's hand and marched him out the front door onto the front porch, I sat down on the top step, Jacob sitting next to me, I was furious to find that my Father had followed us and was standing in the doorway watching down on us.

Jacob stood up and turned towards my Father, "come on Edward, your not seriously going to stand over us the rest of the day are you? I promise that I won't run off with her or something, back off a little ok?" he said angrily, I looked to my Father who let out a low growl "I don't think it's your place dog to question my parenting authority, and yes I do see fit to keep my eyes on you at all times, will you really be able to deny Renesmee if she asked you to run off somewhere with her?" he took a angry breath before saying quieter.

"I know exactly what you had planned last night, dog, and as you know I didn't let her go to you, and I'm not going to let that happen at all until I think that Renesmee shows the responsibility to make that decision on her own, and she has shown me that she is hasn't got any of the maturity for that kind of relationship" My father growled angrily.

I felt the tears start to spill down my cheeks, it was unfair and humiliating I jumped up and yelled at him before Jacob had the chance to retort back which looked like he had a very angry retort at that.

"When you see fit! its my choice not yours, the promise is over, all you said was until I was full gown and now I am! so this is just another idea of yours to Persephone what's obviously going to happen no matter how hard you try and keep us apart?" I wiped the tears from my eyes and took a deep breath before continuing -

"And I don't want to hear any of this shit about you think that I'm not _responsible_ enough to make that decision, when will that be Dad? once where married? another 30 years? when? no matter how hard you try to stop us, where going to have sex! Dad, I'm going to have long hot sex with that _dog_ and there isn't anything you can do to stop me!" I screamed at him.

My father let a terrible growl tear through his throat "YOU DO NOT SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!" he screamed looking slightly mad, I'd never seen my father like this, he took a step towards me, at that second Jacob moved in front of me, my father growled furiously at Jacob "get out of it dog! I swear you better get out of my way before I rip your throat out!" I pushed Jacob away and took a step towards my father, Jacob tried to pull me back behind him "let me go Jake! now!" I growled at him baring my teeth, he let go of me as if I just gave him an electric shock.

Carlisle had come out and put a restraining hand a pon my fathers shoulder "Edward, calm down son" he said in a warning tone, my mother was there in a second taking hold of my father's arm, "Edward" she said in a small voice before shooting a furious look at me "Renesmee get inside this instant" she said in her lowest most dangerous voice which shook slightly in anger, I felt my own anger bubbling through my veins "NO! i'm full grown now! I'm an adult you can't tell me what to do anymore! you have no say over what I decide, I want Jacob and there is nothing you can do or say to stop me being with him!" I yelled back.

My Mother looked like I'd just slapped her, I heard Jacob make a non-distinct sound in his throat next to me, my father still had that mad glint in his eye, when he spoke it was with deadly calmness "if that's how you feel Renesmee my daughter, leave then, go on! I want you out of my house!" he said pointing his hand at Jacob "and take him with you, I never want that filthy dog to darken my doorstep ever again unless you want me to kill him, because I swear to god, if you ever bring him back here he's dead!" he spat at us.

Jacob growled next to me and leaned forward, I could feel the air start to vibrate, my father crouched down and another growl ripped through his teeth "I dare you, dog, I wasn't lying when I said it, I will kill you!", Jacob bared his teeth at my father "bring it on Bloodsucker, try your best" he snarled back, I could see his whole body vibrating so bad his figure seemed blurred at the edges, "no!" I yelled out grabbing Jacob and trying to pull him back, I could feel the tension and excitement? rolling through his body "Jake please! lets go, come on Jacob lets just get out of here!" I begged.

I saw a flicker of something cross my father's half mad face as he saw me pulling on Jacob "Renesmee don't stand so close to him when he's like this!" he told me, I shot him a furious look, "Jake would never hurt me!" I screamed at him, Jacob pulled back out of his crouch though, he closed his eyes his teeth grinding hard together, I knew he was trying to calm himself, I felt the vibration slowly die down and his muscles relax slightly.

I pulled back on Jacob "Jake please! lets go, lets just go!" I sobbed, the tears now coming fast, I felt Jacob give in, he was slowly backing away from Edward, down the steps and we where halfway across the yard when he grabbed me and we ran, ran away from the sounds of my family's shouting, I heard Jacob's pack calling after him also, the sound of my mother screaming my name.

We didn't stop running until we where out in the woods just behind Jacob's house, I saw the metal tin of the garage wall, I couldn't hold it in any longer, I broke into tears, Jacob grabbed me and pulled me close into him, I cried into his warm chest, how could it have all gone so terribly wrong? I felt horrid, _I_ was horrid! I was an un-grateful, selfish spoiled child, how could I say such things to my Father? who obviously hated me now, how could I ever apologize to him? and to my Mother? the sounds of her screaming my name as I ran from the house made my heart ache.

I clung to Jacob's shirt, and the fight that nearly broke out, I wasn't stupid, I saw the mad, beyond reason look in my Father's eyes, he would have killed Jacob, I knew it, even though of course I wouldn't ever say this to Jake, that I thought he wasn't much of a match against my Father, because he hated anyone thinking that Vampires could take down the wolves easily, that wasn't the case, it was because I knew my Father had a lot more experience, and I also knew that Jacob wouldn't have really tried to kill my Father, he knew what that pain would do to me, he would have chosen to lose than put me through that.

I felt sick, I felt physically sick, I'd never once had the flu or anything, I'd only ever vomited once in my life and that was the first time I'd ever drunk alcohol, I pulled away from Jacob and vomited all over the closest tree, it was horrible, I saw the crimson of the blood I'd drinkin' mixed with the nearly completely digested steak and fries of the other night, it took me slightly longer than the average human to digest human food.

I started to cry again as I thought about how rude I'd been to my Grandpapy Charlie, I wiped the my mouth with the back of my sleeve, I felt shivery, I'd never felt so human in my life, I felt my legs give way from under me, I cried into the damp grass before I felt Jacob's arm pull me up into his arms effortlessly, I cried into his chest as he cradled me, he walked around the garage up to the back door, he managed to open it while still holding me close, he kicked the back door shut with his foot behind him, he pushed his tiny cramped bedroom door open with his shoulder before lowering me down onto the double bed that pretty much was his whole room, apart from the few inches around the edges.

I curled into a ball on my stomach and cried into the blankets and sheets of his bed, I noticed that they reeked disgustingly, Jacob's Wolfy sent didn't bother me too much normally, but his blankets smelt like they hadn't been changed in some time.

Jacob's stench was embedded so overpoweringly strong into the bed that I had to pull my face away, I stopped crying for a moment, his whole room actually reeked so bad, the room was so small, cramped and stuffy, the werewolf stench was terrible, it smelt like their had been a hundred filthy smelling dogs had been locked up in here for a period of time until the smell had actually started to embed itself into the carpet and probably even the very walls.

I remembered why whenever I'd come around to Jacob's place I'd avoided coming into his room, or ever spending too much time in the house, I always managed to convince him to go to the beach or hang out in his well air-circulated garage, I'd never told him the reason that I just couldn't stand the smell of his house, he must feel this way all the time at my house, I wonder why he never complained?

Jacob looked highly relieved that I'd stopped crying, I sniffed a few times and wiped my nose on my sleeve, even through a blocked nose the smell was really over-bearing, I suddenly thought this is were I would be staying from now on, now that I'd been kicked out of home, did my Father really mean that? or was he just mad? I'd come to the conclusion that he probably didn't _really_ mean it, I felt the tears in my eyes again.

Jacob saw the tears fill my eyes again, he pulled me close back into him, I just dug my face into his chest, but not sobbing like before, I just let the tears leak silently into his shirt, he stroked my hair with one hand while the rubbed small circles on my back in a soothing way, I breathed deeply in a few shuddering breaths to calm myself before pulling away from him, really I just couldn't stand his smell, it wasn't too bad outside in the fresh air, but in here surrounded by it, it was horrible, horrible enough to help me get a grip on myself.

I pushed myself across the bed to where the window was and pulled it open, I breathed in the fresh air gratefully before turning back around to face Jacob who was looking at me still apprehensive and slightly confused, I smiled weakly and said in a thick voice "sorry, just needed some fresh air" I laughed, he raised his eye-brows at me.

We sat in silence for a moment before I decided to lighten the mood, more for myself so I didn't have to think about the crushing pain of what just happened, "yesterday I came around here looking for you and Paul answered the door, he was all annoyed that I'd disturbed him, it was really embarrassing" I laughed, Jacob's eye-brows furrowed in the middle he looked even more confused "Paul was here? and why where you embarrassed?" he asked watching me with the frown still on his face, I hesitated, now that I came to think about it, should I tell him that I'd disturbed Paul having it on with his sister, would he want to know that?

It took me too long to answer Jacob asked me urgently "what did Paul do? what was he doing my house?" he asked highly confused, I laughed awkwardly before saying uncertainly "actually I don't really think you'd want to know, come to think of it, Jake" I said knowing he would have to know now, "no! tell me! what the hell was he doing to make you embarrassed?" he said skootching closer to me on the bed.

I hesitated again before saying hurriedly "I interrupted him and your sister, you know, being _busy_" I said apologetically, a look of dawning came across Jacob's face before changing into a look of disgust "agh! ok, you didn't see anything did you?" he suddenly said horrified, I laugh and shook my head "hell no! thank god for that!" I said with equal horror.

We sat in a equal horrified and embarrassed silence for a moment, before another furrow came to his brow "where exactly where they..well you know..doing it? I mean there's only this room and Billy's, and are you sure they weren't in the sitting room?" he asked with sudden fear in his voice, I knew what he was thinking, they didn't, they wouldn't, would they? "umm, I really doubt they would do it, I mean who knows about Paul, but would Rachel want to do that in her little brothers bed?" I said back disgustedly.

Jacob looked at me with horror thick on his face, he suddenly grabbed a thick handful of the bedding and sniffed it, then smelt the pillows before looking slightly more relieved "well I don't smell Rachel or Paul at all thank god for that, cuz I don't really feel like burning my bed in the dead of night or something" he laughed before saying "but in Billy's room? thats just wrong, seriously that is just..." he didn't seem to be able to find the bad enough word for it, I couldn't either, having it on in you fathers bed!

I shrugged "maybe, I don't know? umm...they could have been doing it in the shower?" I asked uncertainly, Jacob shook his head at this "nope, we don't have a shower, and out bath is so small, Paul's about as big as me, there would be no way that would work" he said biting his lip, there was no other explanation, Billy's bed it was, it was just so creepy and wrong, "why couldn't they have just gone back to Paul's place?" I asked Jacob, who shrugged still looking put-out.

I decided to change this awkward subject "well who knows, anyway lets move on, so I guess I'll be staying here from now on?" I asked feeling my throat tighten, but I forced back the tears, Jacob gave me a worried look but looked relieved when I didn't break back into tears, he said slowly "yeah if you want, or you could stay at Sam and Emily's they have a spare room, and Emily probably wouldn't mind if you stayed, she would probably like having another girl to talk to or something" he said.

I considered this, I liked Emily a lot and I knew that she would probably be thrilled to have another girl to talk to, but I would feel like I was intruding on her and Sam, not to mention it would be really uncomfortable, it was awkward being around other imprinted people, I felt sorry for Embry and the other non-imprinters, "umm...I don't know? I mean I like Emily and Sam, its just that it would feel a little weird you know? the three of us? I would feel like I was intruding or something" I said honestly.

Jacob laughed at the look on my face "yeah, well I doubt you'll really wanna go stay at the Clearwaters and share a room with Leah or something?" he laughed again at thought of that, I grimaced.

I hated Leah probably nearly as much as she hated me "ha, yeah right, I bet Leah would love that! my bloodsucker stench stinking up her room, I bet Seth wouldn't mind if I shared with him though" I said without thinking, I liked Seth a lot, out of all the other pack members I liked the Seth the most, he was probably my second best friend, away from Jacob, Jacob though didn't really feel comfortable with our closeness.

he frowned and said in a different voice "yeah I bet he wouldn't mind at all, would you? I mean would you rather share with Seth than me?" he asked looking worried, I couldn't believe what he was saying, did he honestly think I preferred Seth to him? "what! are you serious Jake? I mean I like Seth and everything, but not like that! I love you, how could you even doubt how I feel about you?" I asked him appalled.

Jacob smiled relieved but said slightly hesitantly "I mean I know you like Seth, a lot, and I don't know? I was just thinking that maybe you might like him or something better, cuz you seem to have a lot of fun when your with him" he said looking away, I snorted "Jake, your my everything, just because I like Seth and think he's hilarious, it doesn't mean that I'm going to go run off with him or anything! or with anyone else! look what I just did today! I just pretty much chose you over my family!" I said choking on the last word as I knew it was true.

Jacob looked back at me and shook his head "I know! Nessie, I'm really sorry about that! you shouldn't have! I would have never asked you or wanted you to do that, what where you thinking?" he asked reaching over and taking my hand, I shook my head and said in a small voice "I don't know why? but obviously you mean more to me than they do, more to me than I can even imagine, Jacob" I said wiping the tears away again, Jacob looked into my eyes, I could tell that this made him happy, but he didn't say anything more than "hmmm" before biting him lower lip.

How much of a horrible person was I? I thought again to myself, I didn't deserve my family, what person would choose their boyfriend over their entire family? I didn't even have the imprinting excuse that Jacob would have, I didn't imprint, and I knew that no matter how much I loved Jacob with my every being, that he would always love me more, more completely than I could ever comprehend.

I suddenly thought, did I deserve him? did he know that I could never feel as strongly for him as he did for me? did this bother him? did it break his heart? I wished at that moment that I was also a werewolf, that I could have imprinted on him back, I let a sob escape.

Jacob hugged me again "sorry, Nessie, I'm so sorry about what happened, maybe you should go back to them I'll...I'll" I could hear a deep heartbreaking pain in his voice "I'll leave, I'll leave you alone, you can go back to your family and you'll never have to fight about me anymore" I could hear the agony as he said it.

I pulled myself away and looked at him through my teary eyes "Jacob, I can't live without you, I'd rather live without my family! no matter how much that kills me, it's still nothing to how it would feel for me to lose you, I wasn't even crying over them then, what was making me sad was the thought that I wanted to be a werewolf aswell, so I could imprint on you, I love you with everything I have, but I want to love you in the same way you love me! I want to love you enough that I might feel that I deserve the love you have for me, at the moment, in this body I have, I can't love you as much as you deserve, I don't even deserve you Jake" I said.

Jacob looked taken a back, that certainly wasn't what he'd expected, he seemed to be struggling for the right words, before finally speaking slowly "Nessie, honey, just the fact that you love me at all means more to me than anything else, just the fact that you even like me, or want to spend any time with me at all makes me want to sing, makes me want to scream, makes me want to cry even! just you even smiling at me the way you do, sitting here with me right now, makes me so happy, happier than you can even imagine!" he said pulling me into a rib-cracking hug.

I hugged him back, holding my breath, I had to pull away, he looked hurt when I did this, I smiled at him before thinking that I should tell him what was wrong "Jake, you know I love you right? you know that nothing means more to me than being here with you?" I asked biting my lip.

I saw a flicker of worry cross his face "don't look so scared! I was just going to say that well, no offense or anything but you really seriously reek, I mean your whole room I can't stand!" I laughed, he looked at me weirdly for a moment before laughing, "damn Nessie, that's cold girl! and you know that I love you? that I can't even find the words to say how I feel, well I know what you mean, I can't stand the smell of your room either, and well sometimes you smell, not as bad as the rest of them, but sometimes in your room or something, it's really bad" he said laughing also.

We both knew it was nothing personal, that it was just natural for Vampires and Werewolves to be disgusted by each others sent, it still stung a little, he finally said "so where do you wanna stay?" he asked looking back up at me, I bit my lip thinking, it would be ridiculous to choose any other place to stay other than here, what with this being the reason behind me being kicked out of home, "here with you, I mean don't worry I'll get used to the smell, being with you is all that matters" I said, Jacob gave me one of his huge smiles, _damn_ those teeth of his!

Suddenly I felt the heat flow through my body, the blush start to creep up my cheeks, the promise was over, nothing was holding us back now, I could just lean over and kiss those perfect lips of his, my eyes traveled down to his mouth, Jacob's smile slowly faded, he noticed the change, I could hear his breathing starting to get shallower and his heart-beat quicken, "Jake" I said in a slightly breathless voice, Jacob leaned in closer, his mouth was centimeters from mine, I could feel his hot breath on my mouth.

Suddenly the front door was slammed shut, we both jumped, I heard Jacob say under his breath something that sounded a lot like "for fucks sake" when the bedroom door was thrown open, and Seth, Embry and Quil where all standing in the doorway, "Jake..." Seth began but cut off strait away as he saw us both still leaning towards each other on the bed "oh..err...sorry" he muttered smiling guiltily, Jacob leaned away from me and said in a constrained voice "what do you want? it better be good" he said dangerously.

Seth hesitated and Embry answered "sorry man, seriously, we had no idea that you where...ah..busy" he eyes flickered to me, "but we just needed to tell Nessie, that Bella wants you to come home and that Edward has agreed to forgive you and Jacob is aloud back as well" he said, I felt a sudden wave or relief and guilt.

"oh" was all I said, Jacob looked happy "that's great news Nessie! now you don't have to feel sad anymore and you also don't have to stay here and indure the smell" he laughed but I could hear the disappointment and regret in his voice.

I smiled and said back to Embry "that's great, tell my parents, especially my dad, that I'm so very sorry and that I don't deserve their forgiveness, but I'm staying here with Jacob and I'm not coming home, or home right away" I added.

Embry's eyes flickered between Jake and me, I saw him smirk before saying "ah sure, cool, no problem, we'll just go back and tell them yeah?" he asked more Jacob than me, "yeah sure, and after you do, don't come back here, I'll find you later or something" he said to Embry.

Embry smirked wider "sure Jake, well have fun you two" he laughed and pulled Seth back out the door and Quil shot Jake a shifty smile before closing the bedroom door, we heard the sounds of their laughter down the hall before the front door and opened and closed.

Jacob muttered under his breath annoyed and amused shaking his head slightly before looking more serious "your staying here, why?" he asked confused.

I poked him in the chest "what did I just tell you? I've made my choice, I'll go make it up to my parents later I promise, but right now, I'm staying here with you, I don't care about the smell" I said waving it off "you and me right here, right now is all that matters to me" I said, I saw a flicker of some emotion flicker across his face before I had a chance to work it out he had crushed his lips to mine.

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**well that's the end of another chapter, desperate for the next are we? and oh if I offended anyone by saying that cock-rock bands like air-supply and hall and oats, sorry, but they suck, and people who don't know who they are, they are crappy soft-rock bands from the late 70's-80's.**

**so comment pple!!!  
**


	6. first time

**chapter 6 is now up, i'm not Stephanie Meyer, i own nothing, nothing is mine, yadda yadda.**

**sex scene alert.  
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**well here is is......**

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**chp.6 - first time**

My lips where moving with his in new and exiting ways, how I'd yearned to kiss them, how I'd dreamed and fantasized about this moment for so long, I felt his hot breath in my mouth, I traced the contours of his bottom lip with my tongue, my fingers tangled into his hair pulling his face closer.

Jacob's hands where everywhere, running up and down my side, I tried to push him down back on the bed, he realized what I was trying to do and instead of letting me push him down, he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me down under his body on the bed with force instead.

I clawed at the buttons on the front of his shirt that was obviously new, brought especially for my birthday, the only day he ever wore a button up shirt was the only day he should have been wearing something easier to get off.

Jacob noticed my struggling and shaky fingers and instead of undoing the buttons just ripped the shirt open, so much for his new shirt, I ran my hands up and down his perfect body, over his chest, his broad shoulders, over his perfectly sculpted stomach.

Jacob half tried to undo the buttons on my blouse, damn buttons I thought annoyed, I was just about to rip my shirt open like Jacob had, but he did it for me, it was not just the buttons that where ruined I heard the delicate silk of the shirt tear with them.

I pulled the tattered remains of the shirt off and chucked them across the room, I felt Jacob's warm large hands roam up and down my bare back, pulling me closer into him, I crushed my body harder against his, I felt my nails dig into his shoulder blades yearning to be even closer.

I felt Jacob's fingers grip the back of my lace bra, trying to undo it, I liked this bra I didn't want it ruined, so instead of letting him rip it off like the shirt, I pushed his hands away and undid it myself in less than half a second before flinging it away.

Jacob's hands where covering my breasts in the same second, his large hands covered my breasts completely, I wasn't what anyone would ever call busty, but I wasn't flat chested either.

Jacob moved his mouth from mine, and kissed down my jaw, down my neck, kissing me down lower, down in between my breasts, down my stomach, he gripped the top of my skirt and pulled it off easily, before crushing his mouth back up to mine.

I roamed my hands back down his perfect body and hastened to undo his jeans, Jake moved back off me slightly before pulling his shoes off then ripping his jeans down flinging them across the room with the rest of our discarded clothing, he pushed his body heavily back down on top of mine, I felt the eagerness and excitement pulsing through his body.

I pushed my pelvis hard into his, I felt just how exited he was, I moaned into his mouth pushing him back slightly to give me room to pull down his underwear, Jacob obliged immediately ripping them off, before pushing me back down onto my back, he roamed his hands down my body before pulling my panties off also.

Jacob's eyes trailed over my body, I bit my lip suddenly feeling slightly self conscious, he saw the slight blush that started to creep into my cheeks, he smiled and sighed "Nessie, you don't ever have to be embarrassed with me, your the most beautiful, most stunning most perfect girl in this world, your just so beautiful to me right now it hurts" he laughed slightly putting his hand to his heart.

I laughed back, but it was more out of embarrassment, my eyes took in his body with all it's masculine glory, I sat up and trailed my fingers slowly down his body again, this time really taking him in.

I saw his eyes watching my face, "your so beautiful as well Jake, I can't even believe how anyone could be so perfect" I said with wonder, this time it was Jacob's turn to blush, I saw the diffident flush under his dark gorgeous russet skin, he smirked slightly and shook his head "sure, sure Nessie" he laughed.

I kissed him again for one long hard second before saying "I'm dead serious Jacob, your utterly stunning" I said moving my hands down lower over his hips, his breath caught in his throat as I touched his exited state.

"And not to mention _huge_" I said in slight awe, trailing my finger tips gently down his long, _long_ hard member, I gripped my fingers around it, it wasn't just long, it was thick, it was as massive as the rest of his body, I felt the excitement pulse through him.

I trailed my hands up and down his ridiculously huge cock for a few seconds, before he grabbed my hand, I looked up at him confused "did I hurt you? I didn't mean to" I said suddenly feeling scared that I had, even though I wad being overly gentle.

Jacob laughed "hurt me? are you serious?" he said shaking his head and smirking, "oh, well why are you stopping me? am I crap? don't you like it? I mean I've never done anything like this before, this is my first time, sorry" I mumbled feeling humiliated.

Jacob was looking at me like I was mad "Remesmee, honey, don't look so horrified, how the hell could I not like you stroking and touching me like that?, sorry if I made you think I was rejecting you or something, it was just, well if you kept going we would have to wait a little longer before we made love" he said biting his lip.

I looked at him confused for a second "what?" I asked, he laughed quietly I could see the blush resurface "what I meant was, well, Nessie you see it feel's quite good" he said raising his eye-brows at me, I was still clueless, he sighed before saying slowly "I meant if you kept touching me I was going to blow my load ok?" he looked away embarrassed.

I got it now, "oh...sorry" I said looking away embarrassed also, their was silence for a second before he put his finger under my chin and pulled my face around so he could look into my eyes, I could still see his blush, but there was an intense blazing look in his eyes before he pushed his lips back to mine, he kissed me intensely pushing me back down onto the bed underneath him slowly.

My nails dug into his back, gripping him and trying to pull him closer, I pushed my pelvis against his, he moaned into my mouth, I took advantage of his half parted lips and pushed my tongue into his mouth, I traced my tongue slowly over his lip, tasting the tip of his tongue.

I felt Jacob's hand's slowly start to open my leg's wider, I felt a sudden thrill of fear, I pushed him back, he was panting his lips slightly swollen "are you ok? what did I do?" he asked breathless looking alarmed that he'd done something wrong, I laughed slightly and said breathlessly also "its nothing, it's silly, it doesn't matter" I said trying to kiss him again.

He pulled his face away still looking concerned "Nessie, you can tell me anything, I want you to tell me if I did something wrong, please I don't want to do anything that will make you feel uncomfortable" he said scrutinizing my face, I felt myself blush again "Jake really, its just...forget ok?" I said biting my lip, he shook his head "Nessie, please just tell me, I promise I won't laugh if that's what your afraid of" he said honestly.

I laughed embarrassed before admitting "it's just that, this is embarrassing, it's just that well, like I said before, your just so _huge_ Jake, it's just a little scary, I mean I doubt it will even fit anyway, just forget it, it doesn't matter" I said all this very fast and looking down avoiding his eyes, "I feel like an idiot now" I said looking back up at him.

Jacob's eyes where still scrutinizing my face before he said slowly "Nessie, sweetly, I would never hurt you, we don't have to do this if you've changed your mind" he said, "no! no Jake, I haven't changed my mind, I want to do this, really, and I know that you would never hurt me, it's just that you might hurt me without meaning to" I said.

Jacob traced my cheek with his finger before dropping his voice lower and huskier "Nessie, I promise I'll be so very, very gentle, if at any time I hurt you or you want me to stop don't hesitate to tell me, please, I'll stop strait away I promise" he said looking into my eyes honestly.

I smiled at him before saying "I know, I trust you Jacob, I was being silly that's all, I'm ready" I kissed him again, he kissed me back for a long passionate moment, he looked into my face worried "are you sure your ready?" he asked positioning himself in between my legs, I could feel him pushing slightly at my entrance, I nodded, he smiled and I felt some pressure before I felt him enter me, he pushed his way in very slowly and gently, I was so tight it hurt a little, I placed my hand to his cheek, showing him exactly how I was feeling.

Jacob closed his eyes for a second before looking back into mine, I kept my hand to his cheek showing him everything, he pushed his way further up into me, he clenched his teeth as he felt how it stretched me uncomfortably, he stopped "Nessie I'm sorry, do you want me to stop?" he asked I could hear the pain in his voice.

I answered through showing him that I wanted him to continue, he looked doubtful before pushing in deeper, he reached as far as he could go, now needing some more force to break my virginity, he looked at me not knowing to continue, I pulled myself closer into him, wrapping my legs around his waist and pulling him in deeper.

It wasn't so bad, I removed my hand from his face just in case it hurt a lot, I didn't want him to stop, I didn't want him to feel horrible and hate himself, Jacob had pushed his way as far as he could go, as I suspected he was too big to fit properly, once he was inside me, he hesitated, he grabbed my hand and put it back to his face, instead of showing him anything I pulled his lips back down onto mine.

I felt him slowly start to pull his way out, then push back in, he was being as gentle as he could as he moved inside me, I pulled him closer and pushed my pelvis down against his thrusts, I tried only to think of the slight pleasure of pushing myself down on his pelvis, the friction wasn't terrible either it felt nice in a odd way.

I listened to his heavy breathing, wondering how this was feeling for him, I arched my back against him so he could thrust in deeper, I looked into his face, he seemed torn between enjoyment and concern, he noticed me trying to catch his eye and he smiled uncertainly, I smiled back encouragingly.

After a moment or so I felt him slowly start to speed up, his breathing becoming heavier, he held me tighter into him, he wasn't being as careful anymore, he was moving faster and deeper, pushing with more force, I kind of wanted him to stop now, this defidentally wasn't as amazing or great as I thought it was going to be, I was baffled as to why everyone thought sex was so great.

Just then Jacob grunted my name before collapsing heavily on top of me, I felt something warm spread up into me, Jacob's heavy body was bearing down on mine, I felt his breathing slowing down, he pulled out of me gently before flopping down onto the bed next to me.

I laid there feeling the pain stinging me, I felt something, the warmth I'd felt before dribble out of me a little, I gritted my teeth with slight disgust, that certainly wasn't anywhere near as great as I'd imagined.

I'd been waiting for something spectacular or something better than that!, that was, well that was painful and uncomfortable, I heard Jacob's breathing slowing down with his once rapid heart-beat.

I sat up, I needed to get my clothes back on, I needed a shower, I could smell Jacob's werewolf smell all over me, I felt Jacob's sweat on my skin also, I got up off the bed hiding my wince from Jacob.

I didn't want him to feel bad, I didn't want him to know how un-enjoyable it was for me, I pulled my panties back and I held my tattered shirt up, it was beyond repair, Jacob jumped up and grabbed a large one of his t-shirts out of his open dresser drawers and handed it to me, I pulled it on, it was huge of course, it came down to my knee's.

I saw Jacob pulling on a pair of old sweats without even bothering to put any underwear back on, I crawled back down on the bed and curled up, Jacob came and laid back down next to me, he rolled onto his side and smiled at me awkwardly, I smiled back half-heartedly.

There was silence before Jacob finally asked me "I didn't hurt you did I? I mean I tried as hard as I could not to, was it ok? was I ok? I mean it was my first time, I have no experience" he asked looking worried, should I tell him the truth? I thought, or should I lie?

I hesitated for half a second before decided on the lie, "no, you didn't hurt me too bad, and yes you where amazing of course" I said giving him my best smile, I felt terrible lying to him, especially when he looked so happy about what I'd just said.

He pulled me into him, crushing his lips back to mine passionately, I could feel the joy in his kiss, when he broke apart he gave me one of his biggest smiles, I saw the happiness shining in his eyes, it made my stomach clench uncomfortably.

Just then there was a sudden loud howling from the woods, Jacob's body language changes dramatically "what is it?" I said feeling scared, Jacob listened for half a second longer to the howling, "I don't know? but their calling me" he was at the bedroom door before turning back around and looking at me apologetically.

"Nessie, I'm so sorry! I feel terrible about running off strait away after...but I really gotta see what this is about" he jumped back down on the bed and pushed his lips to mine for a moment it was brief but sweet, he pulled back and said "when I get back, Nessie, we'll do it again, don't worry I'll stay true to my word and believe me Ness, there's a lot more passion I have to give" he kissed me again before jumping up.

I felt a slight swinge of dread in my stomach, but promised him I'll be waiting eagerly for when he returned, "I'll keep the bed warm" I called after him, which made him smile as he dashed from the room, I heard the back door open and bang close, I flung my head out the window just in time to see the end of his bushy tail whip into the woods.

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**well there it is, this chapter pretty much spoke for itself. comment?**


	7. go to the Cullen's

**7th chapter, a pretty short chapter i think? oh well, i'm not Stephanie Meyer, i own nothing and all that jazz.**

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**chp.7 - go to the Cullen's **

**(Jacob's. pov)**

I bounded through the woods, the air blowing through my fur, and wiping the slightly over-powering vampire smell of Nessie out of my nose, I was feeling elated, I couldn't believe my luck, I was happier than I'd been in ages, I wanted to scream or howl.

I heard Embry's angry voice in my head "_hey Jake, sorry man, we really didn't want to disturb the best moment of your life, but this is serious_" I ran faster towards their howling, "what? what happened?" I thought worried.

I saw everything flash through not just though Embry's but everyone Else's minds, a Vampire attack down on the Makah reservation, a young girl, no older than fourteen, they had got there too late.

We had all been keeping an eye out and making extra patrols to make sure that the unfamiliar Vampire sent that had been picked up the other day didn't get too close to the Makah reservation.

I let out a howl of fury, imitated by the others, I saw the girl in all their minds, her throat had been ripped wide open, her head had been almost severed, whomever this Vampire was, he clearly had a field day with her.

I reached the clearing where my pack was waiting, it wasn't just my pack, Embry, Quil, Seth and Leah, there was also Sam's pack, the old faces of Paul and Jared who'd had stayed loyal to Sam after I'd left to form my own pack, along with the younger wolves and the others that had joined after I'd left.

Even though for the first time in our history there where two packs, we all got along great, Sam in his giant black wolf form trotted over to meet me, I heard his thoughts in my head, everyone in your own pack could hear everyone Else's thought's but after we'd split from Sam's pack we could no longer hear what the other pack was thinking.

Only the two Alpha's could speak to each other in wolf form, but we could only hear what we wanted each other to hear rather than just hear every random thought, it was like having a conversation in your mind, everyone in each of our pack's could hear what the other was saying through their Alpha's mind, so we didn't have to fill them in.

Sam trotted over to me, his shackles raised angrily "_Jacob, do you see whats happened? I knew you and your pack where going to be distracted today with your Renesmee's party, and I took my pack up to the border to keep and eye out for the Bloodsucker's sent, the sent led deeper into our territory, we followed the trail far east to the forest's that surrounded the Makah's Rez when we caught the sent of a young girl mingled with the Bloodsucker's._

Both pack's bristled and growled as he continued, "_we followed the sent with hast, it was no longer than minutes old when we found the girl some two miles up the trail, the Bloodsucker had dragged her that distance before slaughtering her horribly_"

The Pack's howled, bared their teeth and growled furiously and with sorrow for the girl, who's mutilated figure flickered through everyone's mind, "did you find the bloodsucker?" I asked feeling my own shackled raise in fury, "_no, we did not, we followed the sent up the mountains, but the trail suddenly vanished, we didn't know what to make of it, we have been searching for hours now, we only just got back and told your pack when you heard our howling_" he finished.

I trotted back and forth, swishing my tail furiously, "what do you mean by it just vanished?" I asked, Sam answered with confusion "_the trail vanished, we have know idea how, the trail was strong, seconds old, we were closing in when bam it was gone, no trace no nothing of the Bloodsucker" _he growled in frustration and fury.

I pattered back and forth thinking before asking "a car maybe?" but Sam shook his head "_there was no car, even though the mountains would have made it impossible for a car to even reach, we searched anyway, no tire marks no nothing, and besides we would have heard the engine we where incredibly close, it was marvel that we didn't see the actually Bloodsucker himself" _he let out a furious howl of frustration.

The rest of his pack howled along with Sam, I heard Seth ask timidly "_we could ask the Cullen's for help, they might have an idea how the other bloodsucker managed to vanish"_ I growled distastefully, going back so soon after what had just happened and asking the Cullen's for help on doing what we where made to do, failing at protecting, it was embarrassing.

Sam noticed my angry growl "_what are you thinking?" _he couldn't hear what Seth had said, I swished my tail angrily before answering "Seth just thought for us to go ask the Cullen's for their help" Sam growled in distaste also, I heard Seth whine and scuffle the dirt with his nose.

Leah bristled up and thought scathingly "_wow look at that Jacob, our mighty Alpha, not going to run off to your beloved bloodsucker's for help? I thought you couldn't do anything without them" _I bared my teeth and snapped at her viciously, she let out a yelp as my teeth tore into her flanks.

Sam growled annoyed, but I was sick to death of Leah, I'd once upon a time thought she wasn't so bad, but that hadn't lasted long, not when she had developed some stupid infatuation with me, and thinking nasty and hurtful thoughts about Renesmee, I was thinking about kicking her out of the pack, but Seth had begged me to keep her and I knew Sam didn't want her back, as she wasn't an Alpha and she had to belong to someones pack, it was either mine or Sam's, so I was stuck with her.

I chased her off into the tree's before trotting back into the clearing, I could hear Seth's disapproval at me treating his sister like that, and Quil and especially Embry's amused thought's, that where quickly distinguished as I growled and reminded them of the dead girl.

Sam was waiting with forced patience, "well, what are we going to do then?" I asked Sam starting up my angry pacing again, Sam didn't seem to have any ideas, we all thought for awhile, when I heard Seth's nervous thought, he was already in a submissive pose crouched down on the ground "_well as no one has any ideas, we could just ask the Cullen's, I mean if you didn't want to, I could ask them on behalf of us all" _I flicked my tail and bared my teeth with obvious disapproval.

I heard Quil half agree with Seth, even though he hated the idea of going to the Cullen's for something like this probably even more than I did, I heard Quil ask uncertainly "_it wouldn't hurt to just ask them if they have any idea how the bloodsucker could have vanished, we don't have to ask them to help us catch the asshole who did this" _he huffed angrily at giving in, but I heard the worry that maybe there was a very slim chance this bloodsucker might get passed us and attack La Push, his worries of course where all for Clair, I didn't feel too annoyed at him for agreeing with Seth, imprinting made you crazily over-protective.

I let out a long howl, how could everything have gone so terribly wrong? how could we have failed so bad? wasn't it what we where mad for? wasn't this what our whole existence came down to, protecting the innocent from filthy blood-thirsty bloodsucking leaches? the rest of my pack growled and howled along with me, feeling my shame and disgust.

I thought it through, we had to go to the Cullen's I thought hating myself for even thinking this, I felt for Quil, it was strange enough that this bloodsucker's sent had vanished as it did, if he could get past us once, maybe he could do it again? maybe he would choose to attack La Push next? we couldn't afford that chance, no matter how slim, we weren't going to let it get anywhere near our homes, our tribe.

I heard Seth's poorly disguised enthusiasm at agreeing with his idea, and Quil's sad but grateful feeling's towards the decision, I heard Embry and Leah's anger at my decision, I knew Sam wasn't going to be happy about his, I told him that I'd decided to go to the Cullen's, but only to ask if they knew how the bloodsucker's sent could have vanished the way it did, not to ask for assistance in finding or killing this bloodsucking bastard.

Sam growled at my decision, I could hear the angry disapproval ripple through Sam's pack, but Sam reluctantly agreed feeling the same uncertainty and fear as Quil and I felt, there was that slim chance he could get passed us, Sam thought of Emily and I knew Paul was thinking of my sister Rachel and Jared of his imprinted soul mate Kim.

So the embarrassing, shamful decision was made, we were to go to the Cullen's.

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**so ah yeah, comments? anything at all to say, tell me please!**


	8. what do we do?

**well the 8th chapter is here, i'm not Stephanie Meyer and i don't own anything....**

**well enjoy!**

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**chp.8 - what do we do?**

I laid back down on the bed after seeing Jacob run off, I wondered nervously what the wolves could have wanted? what could have happened? I doubted it was something overly terrible, it was probably just something to do with that vampire sent that they had discovered, maybe it had crossed deeper in their territory.

I breathed in a deep breath to calm my nerves, and the putrid stench of Jacob's pillow envelope my senses, I sat up disgustingly, and his t-shirt reeked pretty bad as well, but only for being in his room, as it surprisingly smelt relatively clean.

I wondered if I could have a bath, I seriously wanted one badly, I couldn't believe how I was feeling, I love Jacob, how could I feel so disgusted from sleeping with him? what was wrong with me? and my stomach fluttered uncomfortably when I thought how he'd said we'd do it again when he got back, what was I going to do?

I felt the tears in my eyes, and I brushed them away, what _could_ I do? I couldn't just tell him that I lied before when I said he was amazing, and that I thought it was terrible and I never wanted to do it again? did I have to pretend to enjoy and endure having sex with him for the rest of our lives together? would it become a horrible chore, or would it get better the more we did it?

I jumped up off the bed and made my way out of the bedroom to have a bath, no one was home, and I seriously doubted wither Billy would object to me having a bath at his house.

I pulled open the hall cupboard and pulled out a blue ancient slightly frayed towel that I knew was Jacob's, and pulled the bathroom door open, it was a tiny bathroom, I'd never actually even been in here before, it had pale salmon pink tiles, a couple of them where cracked and grime was evident between the tiles.

I decided to give the bath a rinse before I used it, I hang the towel up on the towel rack before bending down and opening the cabernet under the sink, I saw a bottle of bleach along side a pair of crusty old boxes and a filthy packet of moldy slimy looking cotton-buds, I noticed rat droppings smeared across the bottom of cabernet, it looked like it had been some time, or even if it had ever been cleaned.

The bath was dirty, black dirt and sand littered the bottom of it, I went to turn the hot water on when the handle pulled off, I put it back on and turned it more careful so it wouldn't fall off again, I pored a liberal amount of bleach into the bath, and scrubbed it well with an old face cloth that was sitting in an empty ice-cream container filled with a dirty old sponge and some dirty bath toys.

After I thought the bath was as clean as it was going to get, some of the grime I noticed seemed to actually be engraved into the bath itself and with no matter how much scrubbing could ever dislodge, I chucked the black filthy face cloth back into the ice-cream container, everything was filthy anyway and started to fill the bath up with hot clean water.

I rinsed the bleach of my hands in the sink, which was also of the same pale salmon as the rest of the bathroom, the sink was also filthy as the rest of everything else, I noticed green sludge had dried itself around the drain, and little black hairs covered everything, including the soap, I spotted a rusty aged razor sitting on the grimy windowsill, still caked with shaving foam and hair, how anyone would use that on their face I couldn't imagine.

I felt a sudden lump in my throat as I realized that this was now my home, and this was the bathroom I had to use now, I thought this must be my punishment for saying all those terrible things to my father, and not enjoying having sex with Jacob, this was indeed my punishment.

After the bath was full, I turned the taps off, accidentally pulling the hot water's tap handle off again, it fell into the bath and sunk down hitting the bottom with a dull thunk, I pulled it out and placed it back on annoyed before pulling the t-shirt over my head, hanging it over the towel rack so it wouldn't get soaked on the floor, and not that I would ever wear anything that ever touched this floor, my foot accidentally touched a damp moldy disgusting towel that was on the floor as I pulled my panties off, and I closed my eyes with disgust.

Finally, I braved getting into the bath, I lowered myself into the hot water and laid back cautiously, I felt my head connect with something cold and damp as I rested it on the back of the bath, I leaned forwards and turned around to see what the hell it was, I saw something gray and damp squished into the little compartment thing above the bath, I pulled it out with the tips of my fingers noticing it was a pair of disgusting underwear, I let a sound of disgust escape my mouth before flinging it across the bathroom to land with a loud slop onto the floor.

I leaned back feeling highly dirty, this was a first experience while having a bath, feeling even filthier than before, I felt the un-lodgable scunge on the bottom of the bath scrape my skin, I washed myself as fast as I could, I managed to find a brand new bar of soap still in the box, behind me next to the sink that was buried under a pile of used tissues and washed myself quickly.

After I found I couldn't stand to be in here a moment longer I jumped out and pulled out the plug to drain the bath as I wrapped the towel around me, I ran my fingers through my damp hair trying to disentangle my curls when there was a horrible stench of raw sewerage, I turned around wrinkling my nose to look for where this new disgusting predicament was coming from, I noticed as the water from my bath slurped down the drain loudly that the stench was coming from the drain and that my bath water must have churned up the stench.

I couldn't believe how anyone could possibly live like this, there was know way I could stay here, everything about the place repelled me, I came to the conclusion that facing my parents, facing my father even though it terrified me was more appealing than staying here.

I grabbed the t-shirt and my worn underwear up before leaving the bathroom holding my breath, the stench was just so bad, suddenly I heard the front door open my eyes snapped up to the front door at the end of the hall and saw Jacob's sister Rachel come in, she closed the door with a snap behind her.

Rachel didn't seem to spot me at first, then she jumped and held her hand to her heart "oh, Nessie! you scared me!" she said laughing weekly, I smiled back awkwardly, "yeah sorry" I said, this was the first time we'd ever been alone together, I wouldn't exactly say that we disliked each other, it was like we just didn't have much thought about the other.

I stood there wrapped in Jacob's towel feeling like a douche, Rachel eyed me "I heard about what happened today, I'm sorry, so I take it that your staying here from now on? look's like you have already found the bathroom" she said, but not in a mean way, I smiled awkwardly "yeah, sorry, I didn't know if I would be aloud to use it, I wasn't trying to intrude or anything believe me!" I said feeling myself blush.

Rachel just laughed "relax Renesmee, I don't mind, if you need a bath then you need a bath, where's Jake?" she asked looking around, I hesitated before saying "he had to leave, the pack was howling, I mean calling for him" I said feeling like an idiot.

Rachel looked surprised "really? do you know what it was about?" I shook my head, Rachel seemed to be thinking about something for a second before saying "oh sorry, do you have any clean clothes? I know there's probably something of Jake's you could wear, but I think mine would fit you a bit better?" she asked kindly her eyes traveling down to Jacob's over large t-shirt in my arms.

I felt awkward as Rachel dug through her clothes looking for something for me to wear as I stood there wearing nothing but a towel dripping water all over the carpet, she ended up handing me a purple top and a pair of faded jeans, she gave me a pair of underwear that Paul had got her and never worn, I knew why, it was a tiny lace black g-string, but I accepted it gracefully.

I ran back into Jacob's room closing the door behind me with a snap, I dried myself off before putting Rachel's borrowed clothes on, they fit fairly well, the jean's might have been slightly too long and the waist band a bit looser than my own jeans, but they fit ok.

The g-string was pretty uncomfortable, I'd only ever worn a thong twice in my life and both of those times had been in an emergency, Alice had gotten me the one and only g-string I owned and as I said I only wore it in an absolute emergency.

I didn't know if to wait for Jacob in his room, or go out and wait for him to return with Rachel, I probably would have preferred to wait for him in here, but I thought it would probably seem rude, as Rachel was probably waiting for me to come out, I didn't want her to think I was avoiding her or something.

It took me half a second to find her in the small kitchen, I stood in the doorway awkwardly watching as she was warming up some sort of fish dish, they always had fish at the Black's place, that's all they ever seemed to eat, kind of like at Charlie's but worse.

Rachel turned when I came in and shot me a large smile, showing off perfect white strait teeth, that shown out against her russet skin, though her skin tone was slightly softer than Jacob's.

I noticed when she smiled like this you could really see the resemblance between her and Jacob, but it wasn't as pronounced as it was between Jacob and his other sister Rebbecca who lived with her husband in Hawaii.

I'd never met her but I'd seen pictures, she was almost the spitting image of Jake, even though Rachel was her twin, they weren't identical, Jake and Rebbecca looked like the twins, they both took after their late mother who I'd only seen pictures of also, as she had died when Jake was a young boy in a car crash, Rachel took more after Billy I thought, even though Jacob had told me she looked nothing like their father when I pointed this to him before.

Rachel indicated to one of the kitchen stools "you can sit down if you like, don't just stand there" she laughed, I perched myself on one of the stools and took in Jacob's cramped kitchen, pot's and pans hung above the ancient wooded stove, I wondered why they didn't have a gas or electric oven, but I'd come to the conclusion before that Billy wasn't a rich man.

My eye's traveled over the tiny fridge, more of a small bar fridge that you had in your garage to keep beer in or something than a proper fridge you used for food, I wondered where Billy actually kept all their food, as Jacob and Paul was here like five-six days a week and they both ate like they had a bottomless pit instead of a stomach, they probably would go through double the amount of food that the tiny fridge could hold in one sitting.

I looked up at the pale green cabernet, with badly peeling paint that once had small ducks and cow bells painted to them, but it was barely distinguishable now-a-days, Rachel was now cutting a loaf of bread on a small bread board, hadn't they ever heard of sliced bread? I thought wryly as Rachel was now buttering the bread with what looked like fresh butter that Emily probably had supplied.

Rachel took the fish out of the oven and placed the tray on the stove top before un-wrapping the tin foil that she covered the fish in, she turned and asked me "would you like a fish sandwich?" she asked kindly, god no! I thought disgustedly as the smell of the fish churned my stomach horribly, "oh I'm fine thank you" I smiled my best smile.

Rachel cut up the fish into small pieces before putting it on the bread and making a sandwich, disgusting I thought as she took a large bite, at least she seemed to find it tasty, I couldn't ever work out what all the fuss about human food was, it was all mostly disgusting, the only real human substance I would willingly choose to consume was alcohol.

After a moment or so of just sitting here watching Rachel eat her way through her fish sandwich, I really started to feel like I was intruding or something, Rachel finally asked me "would you like to watch TV or something?" she said pouring herself a glass of juice.

I agreed and walked into the living room, sitting down on their small cramped love seat, I flicked through the channel's, not really caring what was on, I felt so uncomfortable, the cushions of the loveseat reeked, the carpet reeked, everything smelt of werewolf concentrate, it was slightly eye watering when you really breathed it in.

I was thinking about going to sit out on the front step or something when there was a load knock on the front door which made me jump, I hadn't even heard someone approach, Rachel was at the door in a second opening it, I knew it was Paul before I saw him, just by the look on Rachel's face, her face lit up and she smiled as she stood out of the way for him to come in.

Paul made his way into the living room, not even raising an eye-brow when he noticed me perched on the edge of the coach, he looked upset, "what's wrong?" both me and Rachel said at the same time, Paul gave Rachel a look of total and utter love and was it worry? before saying "something bad has happened, that's what, remember that bloodsucker stench we found up near the Makah rez?" he said more to Rachel than me "yeah" she said frightened clutching a hand to her heart.

Paul's eyes swept to me for a second before continuing "well a girl's dead, that bloodsucking bastard got past us and killed a girl!" his voice shook slightly, I couldn't be sure if it was anger or sorrow Rachel's clapped a hand to her mouth, her eyes glittering brightly, I felt the bottom of my stomach drop.

Paul ran over and pulled Rachel into hug, he stroked her hair and comforted her, I looked away, as I said before, it was extremely uncomfortable being around other imprinted people.

Paul finally pulled away before saying in a constricted voice "there's more, we followed the trail after the bloodsucker up to the mountains, then all of a sudden it was gone, its sent was just gone, nothing, we searched for hours, it made no sense though, we where right at it's heel's, we where so close we should have seen the filthy leach, how could it have gotten away" he spit furious, I saw it body start to vibrate dangerously.

I tried to think of something to distract him "where's Jake? where are the rest of the guys?" I asked, Paul shook his head slightly trying to calm himself down, when the vibrated stopped he said slowly "seeing your folks, the Cullen's, they wanted to ask the doctor if he had any ideas on how the bloodsucker could have just vanished the way it did".

"oh" was all I could say, I felt bad for Jacob, having to go back there after what happened today, wonder what my Father would say? wonder if he would yell at Jake? then a sudden feeling of lead in my stomach as Jake would probably most likely think and give away to my father that we'd had sex, I felt horrible for thinking this just after a girl had just been killed.

I jumped up, Paul and Rachel looked at me questioningly "I have to go" I said dashing towards the door and pulling it open I couldn't leave Jake to deal with my father all alone, I breathed in the fresh air as if I'd never breathed fresh air before, and ran at fill tilt towards home.

I felt butterflies in my stomach as I ran up the drive to my Grandpapa's place, it felt like a thousand years ago now since this morning, I felt bad for my Auntie Alice, how she'd been planning my party for week's, and all to have it go so terribly wrong, it didn't even feel like my birthday at all, and my Father what he would he say? what does he think of me?

I was closing in to the house when I saw the front door open and my Father come out, he waited for me on the front porch, I stopped and walked uncertainly up the stairs slowly before stopping a few feet from him, I couldn't read the expression on his face.

There was silence for a long hard second before I burst into tears and apology, running towards my father and flinging my arms around him, I put my hand to his cheek and showed him how terrible I felt, and how I was sorry for all the things I said, and how I didn't deserve his forgiveness.

When I finally pulled away wiping my streaming eyes on the bottom of Rachel's shirt, my father spoke "Renesmee, I am highly disappointed in you, and furious, but I do forgive you and of course I still love you, I'm sorry for how I behaved, could you forgive me for banishing you from the house? Nessie you are always welcome home" he said looking sad.

I felt even worse, how could he even be asking for me to forgive him after what I'd done? I nodded my head, feeling the tears spill from my eyes, "I love you daddy" I said sniffing, just then the front door opened and my mother came out closing the door behind her.

I ran to her and showed her all the sadness and everything I'd showed my father, when I pulled away I wasn't even trying to stem the tears that where pouring down my face, my mother looked angry and sad "Renesmee, don't cry sweety" she said pulling me into a hug, I cried into her stone cold hard chest before I heard the front door open again.

I pulled away from my mother to see my Auntie Alice's furious face, I heard my father sigh heavily, but there was a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth, I ran into Alice's arms and showed her how sorry I was for ruining her party, when I pulled away Alice said "Nessie, I'm very disappointed in you, how could you do that to your Auntie Alice, don't you love me?" she asked sadly.

I felt my heart break, "of course I love you Auntie Alice, I love you so much and I'm so very sorry" I felt so horrible, but Alice smiled annoyed before saying "I forgive you, but next time I've arranged a party for you, could you please try and keep your teenage rebellion for another day" she said laughing at the look of relief on my face.

I felt my father put his hand on my lower back and say into my ear, so my mother or my Alice couldn't hear as he led me into the house "and Nessie, I know about what you and Jacob Black did, and I'm very disappointed in you and shocked, how could you not have used protection?" he asked angrily.

I felt slightly sick, I was so embarrassed, how much had he'd seen through Jacob's thoughts? and he was right, how the hell didn't we use protection? the thought never even crossed my mind, I then thought, could I even get pregnant though? Carlisle hadn't been one hundred percent sure, but he'd told me it was highly plausible for me to have children.

I forced my mind not to think of what Jake and I did, I didn't want to give my father any details, and I especially didn't want him to know that I'd found it highly un-enjoyable, I didn't want to give him the satisfaction or something.

As we walked in I spotted Sam and Jacob talking to Carlisle, they stopped when I came in, I saw my Grandpapa Carlisle's jaw tighten when he saw me, I felt so horrible about letting him down, I hated letting down my Grandpapa Carlisle and my Grandmama Esme, I saw my Uncle Emmett waggle his eye-brows in my direction, I felt my face flush as a low growl sounded in my father's chest.

Jacob smiled at me guiltily, his eyes flickering to my father who was still standing close behind me and looked down shamefully and slight blush creeping into cheeks, I looked away feeling embarrassed also.

There was an uncomfortable silence until Sam thankfully said something, "so have you heard the news Renesmee?" he asked angrily, he was looking at me as it was my fault what happened down on the Mahah reservation.

I looked to my Grandpapa Carlisle who looked tired, or as tired as a vampire who never needed to sleep could look, Sam was still waiting for my reply, "umm...yeah about that girl who got..?" I couldn't say the word killed, Sam was glaring daggers at me, I didn't understand it wasn't like I'd done it!

I looked to Jacob for answer's, he seemed to be glaring at Sam, "Sam don't look at Nessie like that, it isn't her fault what that bloodsucking leach did, she'd rather he never even came here as well" I was confused, what was he talking about? did I know this Vampire who'd killed the girl? I tried to remember everyone I knew.

Sam shot a filthy look at Jacob, "just because you hate him Jacob, doesn't mean that Renesmee necessarily hates him too" I was really lost here, "what..." I began but my Grandpapa Carlisle answered.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes before answering "Nessie, Nahuel brought a friend with him when he came down to visit" I still didn't see how any of this was my fault, "was he the guy who killed that girl?" I asked trying to see why Sam was still staring daggers at me.

My father sighed heavily before saying "Nessie, Sam doesn't really blame you for what happened, it isn't your fault in the least, its just that Nahuel came here to see you so he's just looking for someone to blame" my father shot Sam an angry look.

Well at least that part was sorta cleared up, "oh" I said awkwardly, then I shot a look at my Auntie Alice, before I had a chance to voice my question aloud my father answered me "Alice couldn't see what happened, she didn't see Nahuel with a friend, just as she can't see you, Nahuel's friend is also a half-vampire, with an uncanny ability to make it impossible for anyone to track him" he said, I heard Sam grumble angrily.

I looked to Sam and asked "Paul told us that you followed the vampire up to the mountains before his sent just vanished, but if he can't be tracked, how then could you follow him so far, and why did you already pick up his sent earlier" I asked feeling confused.

Carlisle answered "yes that is true, but Nahuel told us that he isn't always un-trackable, he wasn't being careful the other day when the wolves picked up his sent, and he did let the wolves follow him up to the mountains, I think he was just curious as to what they wanted with him, when it became obvious that he was in danger, he used his ability and yes as Sam putes it, pretty much vanished, he was still there of course, you just couldn't hear or smell him".

At that moment Nahuel came down the stairs, he looked highly stressed, Sam gave him a low snarl, not a real snarl, just the human aquivalant, I looked back to Sam "I'm surprised Sam that you came to ask for our help, I thought you hated asking us for anything" I asked scathingly.

Sam shot me an angry look, but it was my Father who answered "he was worried that if this vampire could get past them once, who's to say he couldn't do it again, he was worried for the people in La Push", Nahuel looked guilty and said "and it is a good thing he did come here then, was the girl like you?" he shot at Jacob.

Jacob looked confused, "what do you mean? no she wasn't a wolf, the Makah's don't turn into wolves, it's only the Quiluets" he said, Nahuel shook his head "that isn't what I meant, I meant was this girl, are these Mahah's like you?, natives" he added as Jacob still looked confused.

Sam looked angry, "what's that got to do with anything?" he spat furious, Nahuel looked at him mildly before answering "I wasn't implying that he thought that you where ignorant natives, what I meant was that, Zambul, well he has a taste for the more _exotic_ looking young females, so your fears that he might attack your home, is quite possible" he said indifferently.

Sam was vibrating dangerously "and you! you filthy bloodsucking leach, brought him here! brought this danger to our family's, our tribe, I'll kill you!" it happened so fast, Sam seemed to explode, he bounded at Nahuel teeth bared, Edward and Emmett both reacted at the same instant, they managed to grab on to Sam's mammoth wolf flanks, but Sam was strong.

Jacob was at my side in an instant and pulled me outside away from the fight, once we where a good distance from the house I pulled my arm out of his grip "what are you doing? I want to go back!" I half turned back towards the house when Jacob grabbed me around the waist "Nessie, Sam is incredibly dangerous right now, and what do you think I'm doing? so will you please stop struggling, Edward and Emmett will be able to hold him off" I stopped struggling and burst into tears.

Jacob pulled me into a hug "don't cry Nessie, I promise they'll be alright, and if you worried about Nahuel I doubt they'll let Sam kill him" Jacob's voice became suddenly hard and detached as he mentioned Nahuel.

I shook my head "I don't give a shit about Nahuel!" I spat smacking my fist into Jacob's chest, "and I know my Father and Emmett will be fine, its just that is my fault! Sam's right! Nahuel came here to see me, if I wasn't so kind, if I wasn't welcoming to him then maybe, maybe none of this would have happened" I said pulling myself out of his embrace.

Jacob was already shaking his head "Nessie, don't you dare blame yourself, it isn't your fault at all, it isn't your fault that stupid bloodsucker deluded himself into thinking he had a chance with you, so don't even think that! please!" he said desperately, I could see the pain in his eyes, he hated me blaming myself.

I wiped my eyes and looked back towards the house, before turning back around to say "just say, just say this guy, Zambul, or whatever his name is, just say he does get past you, you heard Nahuel, he like's exotic girls, just say he kills Emily, _Rachel!_, Kim, little Clair! or any of the other girls in La Push, do you think I could live with myself, knowing it was partly my fault!" I said my voice breaking.

Jacob pulled me back into a hug, he stroked my hair and whispered into my ear "Nessie, Nessie, that's not going to happen, we won't let that happen, and I never want to hear you blaming yourself, none of this is your fault, if you want to blame someone blame that Nahuel, it's that bastard's fault for bringing him here, he knew that his friend like's the more, _exotic girls_" he said disgustedly pulling away from me to spit on the ground at the word.

Jacob pointed towards the house, his voice raising angrily "He knew we lived here, it's his fault, he knew he was putting us in danger, our women in danger, but of course he doesn't even give a shit about that does he? what does he care that his friend just goes around and kills all these young innocent girls" Jacob spat again, I flinched away, I saw Jacob ball his hands into fists, his whole body was shaking.

I reached out and put a hand to his chest "Jacob, calm down, I'm so sorry" I said tears filling up my eyes again, Jacob didn't all together stop shaking as he took my hand in his "Nessie, please stop it! stop blaming yourself! it makes it even worse!" his voice was harsh, I'd hardly ever heard him so mad before, it actually slightly scared me.

I heard the front door bang open loudly, I jumped, Sam was bounding across the lawn, he was still a wolf, Jacob pulled me behind him protectively, but there was no need, Sam just ran right past us into the woods, I saw my Father coming down the stairs.

I pulled myself away from Jacob and ran back up the lawn to him, "what happened? are you ok?" I asked my eyes suddenly raking over my father's body looking for some sign of injury, my father snorted "I'm fine Nessie, you pretty much just saw what happened, Sam's fine also" he added as I still looked worried.

Jacob had caught up behind me, Jacob barked angrily at my father "where's Nahuel? where's that bloodsucking asshole? I swear to god, if anyone, anyone at all gets hurt, I'll kill him, I'll rip him into pieces!" he snarled, I saw him still shaking, my father noticed this as well, and pulled me closer to him away from Jacob.

Jacob didn't seem to object, he took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes trying to calm himself, I turned as my mother and Carlisle came down the steps, I looked to Carlisle and asked "Grandpapa, what are we going to do? just say this Zambul guy does get into La Push and kills someone?" I asked my eyes still watering.

Carlisle looked to Jacob and asked calmly "Jacob, this Zambul, does seem very tricky, and what Nahuel has told me, he is quite exited at the fact that there is so many girls of his _preference" _he stopped as Jacob spat on the ground again "well, Jacob we would of course offer our protection and help, Sam is quite worried about his Emily and I'm sure you are scared for the safety of your sister, they and anyone else you see fit, is welcome to stay here" he asked kindly.

Jacob put his hands over his face before running them through his hair, he looked mad, really mad, "thank you for your offer, but we are protectors! it's our job, our whole point of existence is to protect our people against filthy bloodsuckers! how could we fail? how is it possible for us to fail? we can't fail them!" he said desperately, his eyes seemed oddly bright.

I couldn't stand it, I flung my arms around his neck, "oh Jake, don't be sad, we won't let anything happen, we won't let him hurt anyone, you should bring Emily, Rachel, Clair and Kim here, we can stop him from hurting them!" I said.

Jacob pulled away, "yeah ok, just say they where safe? what about all the other girls? not just in La Push also up on Makah rez, what about them? none of them deserve to get killed either!" he said angrily.

My mother spoke up "Jacob's right, we can't just protect the girls that have been imprinted on by the pack, we have to stop this Zambul before he hurts anyone else, we have to bring him here and explain that he can't kill anyone else on the reservations" she said to Carlisle and Edward.

Jacob snorted "what and send him off to kill girls somewhere else? yeah right! and besides he's already killed in our territory, if anyone catches him there won't be any discussions, his dead" he said angrily.

My mother sighed, "so what are we going to do? we can't find him if he doesn't want to be found, now what?", my father answered "well we could send Nahuel to fetch him, I know he fears our family, but if we made sure that he believes he is safe here, then we could ambush him, before he has a chance to escape" Jacob nodded slowly.

I felt a sudden thrill of fear, Carlisle shook his head "that is very dishonest Edward, I don't like it at all, I think the best thing is for us to talk to him, make him see our point of view" Jacob let out a sound of disgust.

There was an ear splitting howling coming from the woods close by, it made me jump, Jacob's head shot in the direction, he looked back to us "I have to go, the pack's calling, we need to have our own discussion and we need to speak with the elders on what's the best action, once a decisions been made we'll let you know" he said pulling his hand out of mine as I grabbed for him, "I'll be back later ok Nessie?" he said before running towards the woods and disappearing into the trees.

I watched him go feeling the tears leak back out of my eyes, I felt exhausted, my father put his hand to my back and led me back towards the house "maybe you should rest Nessie, Jacob won't be back for many hours, if at all tonight" I nodded in agreement I needed to lay down, my father caught me up behind the knees and lifted me easily into his arms, I snuggled my face into his cold hard chest as he carried me inside.

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**well there u have it, this is the last chapter i've written so far, i will write more! well anyways please comment! give me a reason to keep posting on here!**

**p.s - sorry about how much i use commas! it's a terrible bad habbit of mine! pple r always telling me to go easy on the commas but i can't help it! its engraved in my writing style! lol  
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	9. What if?

**_'Ok sorry guys, just realized that a whole line was cut out of this chapter, what the hell? Maybe I should read it through before I post it. Sorry! (embarrassing)'  
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**Okies, finally up-dating my story! My lap-top broke (agh!) so I lost a whole lotta my story, but I now have it back! so squees! enjoy...  
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**chp.9 - what if..?**

**(Jacob pov)**

I felt exhausted and slightly sick as I phased back into my human form, Embry, Quil, Seth and Leah who though was good distance from us and well hidden behind a large bush phased back also, even though most of us by rule didn't ever try to catch an eye-full of Leah before she managed to get her clothes on, I still noticed Embry's eyes flicker over to where Leah was concealed.

None of us ever really thought of Leah that way, I mean she wasn't bad looking or anything, she was quite stunning to the outsider, but once you got to know her, _really_got to know her, you just couldn't look at her in any other way than dislike, but Embry being Embry couldn't help himself, as Leah was one of the only girls of age on the reservation that he hadn't tried to have it on with.

I wasn't the only one who'd noticed Embry trying to get a perv, Seth smacked Embry hard across the back of the head, "what? I wasn't looking" Embry said in his most Innocent voice rubbing the back of his head ruefully, but the smile that was pulling at the corners of his mouth did nothing to convince anyone. Quil let out a laugh and pushed Embry into her "Leah didn't you know? Embry's got the hots for you, he was wondering if you wanted to make-out?" he laughed dancing out of the way of Embry's fist.

Leah grimaced as Quil laughed loader making stupid kissing sounds, Embry pushed him roughly into the nearest bramble bush before turning to Leah and saying in a deeper stupid voice that he obviously thought was sexy "Leah, baby, you know I find you a bitter cold hearted bitch and I seriously dislike you as a person as you do me, but I still definitely would do you if you where up for it"

Leah let out a sound of disgust and spat in Embry's direction, it happened to miss, Embry laughed and said "just wanted to let you know your've got options, I mean no strings attatched or anything, cuz believe me it would be purely phisical, and seriously it'll be beneficial for all, maybe you wouldn't be so up tight if you got layed once in a while" we all laughed, apart from Seth.

Leah was vibrating dangerously "Embry I'd rather fuck a dog" she spluttered at him furious, Embry smirked as he said slowly "well I never said we had to be human, I could fuck you as a dog if that's more your thing" Embry made an obscene sexual motions at her, Quil let out a whoop of laughter at this, Seth seemed rather quiet, Leah had reached breaking point, she exploded into blur of gray as she lunged at Embry, Embry only just turned into a wolf in time as Leah's teeth managed to sink into Embry's hind leg.

Embry let out a yelp of pain that was mingled with humor, before they got into a full blow out fight, you could hear the sounds of their snarling and fighting slowly disappearing the further they faught into the woods, Quil burst out laughing, I joined in half-heartedly, Seth brought us back to the present "is this really the time? I mean a girls just been killed and La Push is in danger from some sicko vamp" he said un-amused.

This seemed to sober Quil up pretty quick, I rubbed my eyes wearily, my pack and I just finished our long patrol, I was seriously spent and so damn tired, the meeting with the elders alone went on for a good few hours, then we had to patrol, it was nearing noon by the time Sam's pack had taken back over the watch.

I yawned widely and stretched out my slightly stiff muscles, I could see the sun was high in the sky, it was around lunch time, at the thought my stomach grumbled, Quil laughed as he heard this and patted his own stomach "read my mind perfectly" Seth made sounds of agreement so we made our way east towards Emily's and Sam's place, it was real close only a couple of yards from where we'd phased back.

Emily was already preparing food as we made our way through the back door into the small kitchen, she turned around and smiled at us warmly, she was still beautiful even though she had a thick red scar running the length of the side of her face, pulling her eye and the corner of her mouth down into a lopsided grin, we knew the scarring whent all the way down most of her whole right side, you could see the scarring on her right arm as she had her sweater's sleeves pulled up as she was stirring pancake mixture in a large bowel.

We didn't stare, Sam hated anyone staring at her, as this was a horrible downside to being a werewolf, the danger, Sam had only lost his control for one second and now his most beloved was greivisly scarred for life, and also that we saw her everyday and we'd gotten used to her a long time ago.

I sat down heavily at the scrubbed wooden table and rested my face in my arms on the table, I heard Quil and Seth sit down on the other side, "where's Embry?" I heard Emily ask, she didn't mention Leah's name, as Leah only rarely came here, and that was only if absolutely necessary, I didn't blame her, if Nessie had never come along and I'd still had feelings for Bella, I couldn't bare to go visit her and Edward living together their perfect happy lives.

Quil let out a snort and Seth kicked him hard from under the table, Quil just laughed and answered "oh him and Leah are out there fighting in the woods" he said snickering, I opened my eyes and saw Emily frown slightly, she worried too much about us, even though she knew we healed incredibly fast, she still didn't like us fighting.

Emily turned around to the stove putting the bowel down, and taking out a pan before putting it on the cooker and lighting the stove, she metled some butter into the bottom of the pan, my stomach grumbled longingly at the smell of the sizzling butter, my eyes drifted to the small clock on the wall, it was coming up to 1:15pm, damn I was so tired, I yawned again and ruffled my hair.

Emily started to pour the pancake mixture into the pan, "Seth dear could you get the maple serup out of the cupboard?" she asked Seth kindly, Seth groaned but got up and rummaged in the cupboard for a second before taking out two squeezy bottles of the old maple and putting them on the table as Emily was plating up the first batch of pancakes.

We where making our way through our fourth stack when Embry came stomping into the kitchen, his hair was sticking up in odd angles and had twigs and forresty crap tangled in it, he was flexing his left hand with a slight grimace of pain, "hey Emily, pancakes great! I'm starved!" he moaned sprawling himself all over the table after he sat down, Emily placed Quil's next stack infront of Embry instead "hey!" he complained as Embry squirted maple syrup generously over them.

Seth asked Embry sourly "where's Leah? you didn't hurt her too bad did you?" Embry though seemed to be smirking in a strange way "ah nope, she certainly wasn't in pain, she's a wild one that Leah" he said in an oddly restrained voice, Quil shot him a strange look from across the table, Embry just shrugged at me when he noticed me eyeing him, he still had that stupid grinnish smirk on his face, Seth noticed as well but looked to me as if he wasn't trying to read too much into it as Emily placed another large stack of pancakes in front of him, and Quil's moan of longing as his new stack was placed in front of him.

After I'd eaten enough I stood up "where you going?" Seth asked "back to the Cullens place, I told them I'd tell them when we came to a decision on what where doing about the bloodsucker problem" Seth jumped to his feet "I'll come too" he said stuffing the last of his pancakes in his mouth, the syrup dribbling all down his chin, "Seth didn't you mom want you home today?" Quil said amused, Seth groaned "yeah to take me clothes shopping, I mean whats the point?" Embry snickered, I sighed heavily I was too tired for this "Seth just go home, I'll take care of it, you mom's been badgering me about letting you off for a week" Seth whined "aw come on Jake" but Emily answered before I could "Seth, it isn't nice to do this to your mom, she's a good women, go home and humor her, for me_?_" she said smiling her lopsided smile at Seth, Seth just mumbled angrily, "fine" he pouted.

Embry got up to follow me and Quil copied him, "do you really wanna come?" I asked surprised, "yeah I do, well I'll come with you, but I'm not coming inside" he added as I shot him a suspcious look, I looked to Quil he just shrugged "well if Embry's going I'll come along" Seth moaned "that's so unfair!" he complained, "why don't you help me clean up Seth?" Emily asked kindly "aw great, washing the dishes and as a treat I get to spend the rest of the day with my mom trying on clothes" he said sourly, "ah well those are the breaks" Embry laughed stepping out the backdoor after Quil, I followed them out hearing Seth mumbling darkly under his breath.

I blinked dully against the bright sun which at that moment had broke though the clouds, we walked a short way into the forest to phase, "hey Embry, what was that back in the kitchen?" Quil asked, I looked to Embry curious as well, that stupid grin was back on his face, "oh nothing" he said in that same constrained voice he's used back in the kitchen, "we'll find out in a minute anyway, might as well just tell us" I said, Embry smirked wider "well umm...like you said you'll just find out in a minute anyway" he said in an amused voice, Quil asked suddenly shocked "no way, you and Leah didn't get it on did you?" he asked in disbelief Embry laughed and pushed Quil into the nearest bramble bush, "no way! I don't believe it!" Quil said pulling himself out of the bush and pulling a thorny bramble from his hair.

Embry laughed again and shook his head smiling wider but didn't answer, "I don't believe it either, I mean seriously Leah hates your guts Embry, it's probably just something stupid" I said to Quil, who was looking at Embry as if he'd never really seen him before. Embry stopped walking a few paces away "this is a good enough spot to phase" he said pulling his cut off jeans down and tying them securely around his right calf, Quil and I followed him, this was another downfall to be being a werewolf, when you phased you clothes didn't just pop in and out of existence you had to carry them around with you, after my cut off sweats was tied securely enough I felt the tremor of heat ripple up my back and through my body and in the next second I felt myself explode into the giant russet wolf.

I bounded after Embry and Quil into the forest, I saw through Embry's thoughts shocked, Quil was speechless in disbelief also, Embry and Leah fighting through the woods, we could feel the sexual energy they felt as they had ripped at each other before they stumbled down a hill, in the second of confusion before the fight had started back up again, tremors rock through Leah's body turning her back human, Embry quickly phased back also, Quil and I was stunned when just after Embry had phased back Leah had pushed Embry roughly down onto the forest floor and punched him across the face as she pushed herself down on top of him and fucked him angrily, how'd she'd broke Embry's left hand as he tried to touch her body.

Shock, utter shocked disbalief followed, I heard Embry's smug thoughts, "_no way, no fucking way!"_Quil thought, I was thinking along those lines myself "aw man, Leah" I thought surprised and still shocked, "_I know! what the hell was with that? rough, hard and rather painful but damn it was great" _Embry thought back ecstatic "_so now what? are you and Leah going to be an item?" _Quil asked amused now as the shock was wearing off, Embry let out a whine _"don't even say that" _he thought back horrified, "seriously though Embry, that better not happen again" I thought angrily, I didn't want to hear Leah's thoughts if they kept it up and it turned out bad, like I knew it would.

Embry thought it over for a minute "_why not? I mean if she wants to do it again, I'm up for it"_he thought back seeing nothing wrong in it, I growled slightly and Quil mentally groaned "_I'll tell you why not man, I can see it now, Leah will get feelings for you, and who knows now after that if she hasn't already" _Embry cut Quil off "_what? I shouldn't do it again just because you don't want to hear Leah thinking dirty thoughts about me?" _he mentally snorted, "no Embry that isn't it, I mean sure that would be horrible having to think that along with her, but don't you see?" I thought annoyed at his lack of understanding.

Embry was confused "_no what?" _Quil grumbled at him annoyed too "_you seriously can't see anything wrong with it? Leah will get the hots for you and she'll want something more than just sex, and you won't of course then you'll go sleep with another girl and she'll get hurt and then oh my god, can you imagine how much that would suck for everyone? look how long it took her to get over Sam!" _Quil and I mentally groaned, we could see it all now.

Embry could hear what we where thinking "_yeah but Leah and me? seriously guys, she won't want anything else, like I told her before, no strings attached purely a physical relationship, she knows I would never wanna date her or anything" _Embry thought back dismissively "_Embry man, she's isn't that kind of chick, sex isn't the same for her as it is for you, she'll fall for you, she'll want something more, she's extreamely jealous, she won't want you sleeping around or even looking at any other chicks and we all know Leah, she'll want that emotional relationship, she may be a cold hearted bitch on the outside, but seriously she wants someone to love her, she wants what Sam and her once had_" Quil thought back.

I couldn't agree more with Quil "and not to mention Seth! how do you think he'll feel about you just using Leah for sex? he'll hate you, and seriously Embry I don't want you even thinking about Leah and all that when Seth's with us. I don't want to have to deal with that crap" Quil agreed, Embry grumbled angrily "_seriously guy's, I know where you coming from and all that but I don't agree, its just a bit a fun, nothings going to happen" _Quil and I mentally groaned again_ "and anyways don't worry guy's, we'll keep it just between us, Seth never needs to find out, and seriously I doubt it will even happen again anyway"_Embry thought back, but we could hear the hope that he was trying to hide from us that it would.

The Cullens house came into view as we trotted up the drive, "_well I'm not coming in, I'll see you guys later I seriously need to sleep"_Quil thought yawning and shaking out his coat, "_yeah same, I'm spent" _Embry thought back, you could just hear him mentally grin at his stupid joke, I rolled my eyes "well I'll see you later then" I thought as Quil and Embry ran back into the forest, "_see ya later Jakey_" Embry thought back sarcastically, "_yeah see you later, have fun at the Cullens" _I heard Quil think just before I phased back human.

I made my way up the drive and crossed over the paddock of a front yard, I felt a small thrill of excitement and the familiar flutter of butterflies in my stomach as I thought about how I was about to see Nessie again, my mind drifted back to yesterday in my room, what we did, how amazing it was and talking about amazing, Nessie told me that I was, I knew she was just saying it, but it still made smile and made me feel like dancing, I skipped up the steps onto the front porch, I just opened the door without bothering to knock, they already would know I was here anyway.

I half skipped over the thresthold as well but stopped quickly as I spotted that Emmett give me a funny look, my eyes racked over the room Nessie was no where to be seen, and neither where Bella or Edward, "so where's Nessie?" I asked trying to stop myself grinning like a douche bag, Emmett snorted before turning his attention back to the giant flat screen, he seemed to be watching some crappy movie, "well?" I asked again annoyed, "out hunting" he said flicking his hand towards the giant window of a wall where you could see out to the woods.

"oh" I said feeling disappointed "do you know when she'll be back?" I asked, Emmett again ignored me, "do you even know when she left?" he just shrugged his shoulders, I felt a thrill of annoyance "do you even know anything?" I asked scathingly at that moment Alice came dancing down the stairs, finally someone who might answer me something "hey do you know when Nessie'll be back?" I asked her, Alice's eyes drifted to the TV, "well, will someone answer my damn question!" I burst out angrily, she looked at me appalled "maybe you should learn to show some more respect, dog, as you are a guest in our house" she said back irritation thick in her bell chime voice.

I mumbled angrily under my breath as a response, her eyes went oddly blank before saying "they'll be back at exactly ten past three" she said her eyes coming back into focus, my eyes shot to the clock over the mantle it was almost three, "ha cool" I said sitting down on the floor next to the front door to wait, I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes, I was so _tired_...

"..Jake time to wake up" I felt someone say into my ear and shaking me gently, I noticed the hot touch against my skin, not the expected cold touch, I knew at once who it was, I opened my eyes to find Nessie shaking me awake, she was just so damn stunning, no matter how many times I saw her I would never get over it, my heart twanged in my chest as I took in all her glorious beauty, from her pale peach toned skin, her warm chocolate eyes to her thick auburn locks, I couldn't help my imagination run away with me for a second, before I heard Edward growl in disapproval.

I pulled myself to my feet and stretched, I suddenly noticed on the other side of the glass wall that it was dark out, "man how long was I out?" I said feeling slightly shocked as my eyes snapped to the clock, it was eight thirty, "why didn't anyone wake me sooner?" I asked slightly annoyed, my packs shift had already started at six, "I have to go, the guys'll be wondering what the heck happened to me" I said pulling the front door open, Nessie grabbed my arm "it's fine, Seth came around earlier wondering where you where, he said that the pack is fine to patrol without you, so please stay, Grandmama Esme is making you dinner" she said trying to coax me to stay, I could smell the aroma of cooking meat wafting from the kitchen, my stomach grumbled longingly and I just couldn't deny anything to Nessie when she was looking at me the way she was.

I was feeling extreemly guilty fifteen minutes later, sitting down opposit Nessie at the dining table that was hardly ever used, Nessie was looking down at her own dinner of lamb chops, mashed potatoes, baby peas and sweet corn with a look of disgust on her face, Nessie _hated_human food, Carlisle insisted that she eat it and made her sit down every evening to eat dinner, I was always invited over for dinner as Carlisle thought having me here eating would somehow make Nessie enjoy her own dinner more, ha, mostly she would just shove her barely touched food onto my plate when Carisle was looking the other way.

Not tonight however as Carlisle had suspected as much, and had made Nessie sit on the other side of the table to eat rather than next to me. I would have to hand it to them though, for never eating they made damn good food, how was it even possible to make mash potato taste just so damn delicious? and the dinner roles! there was just no word to describe them, my eyes drifted up from my food over to Nessie who seemed to be eating one pea at a time, "aw come on, Ness, it isn't that bad" I said cheerfully, her face grimaced slightly at what I was doing, I'd mixed the peas and corn up through my mashed potato and was piling it onto one of the dinner roles.

Bella made her way into the dining room and sat down at the head of the table, her eyes narrowed like Nessie's with revulsion, as I chewed on the cutlet bone making sure I left no scrap of meat behind, this seemed to be the final straw for Nessie, she pushed her food away and complained at Bella "Mom, do I have to keep eating? Jacob's totally put me off my food!" she said looking away from my indecent amount of malling on the bones of each cutlet bone making sure I'd left absolutely nothing behind.

Rosalie had entered at that moment, "don't blame you, he isn't even just a filthy dog, he's also a disgusting pig I can't see how you can stand to be near it" she said acidly sitting down next to Nessie, "really Renesmee, you can do so much better than _that" _she said her lip curling as her eyes raked over me, "I'm serious, just because the dog's imprinted on you, it doesn't mean that _you_ have to be with him or anything, no one wants you to feel any pressure to end up with him, there's a large amount of Vampires out there, even Humans, but the Werewolf, I can't even imagine how you can even want to touch it, or kiss it, and I don't even want to imagine any further than that" Rosalie finished shaking her head in disgust.

I felt anger surge through me, the heat vibrating up my spine, I felt the lamb bone snap in my shaking hands I pushed myself away from the table to my feet, Bella and Nessie both jumped to their feet in the same instant, "stop talking about Jacob like that! I'm sick of it! just because you don't like him, I do, so could you please just be nice to him for me? because incase you haven't relized I love him!" Nessie spat at her prancing around the table to me and putting her hand on my cheek showing me calming pictures trying to get me to calm down but glaring at Rosalie with tears in her eyes.

Rosalie slowly got to her feet "I'm sorry Nessie, it isn't your fault I know you can't help what you love" she said malevolently, "Rosalie just shut up! and leave Jacob alone" Bella said angrily, Rosalie smirked in-spite of herself "oh sorry, Bella, almost forgot you've kissed him before haven't you? I forgot all about about that whole little thing you two had going on with each other, how does it feel that your only daughter is stuck to spend the rest of her existence with your cast offs? he wasn't even good enough for you, but he's good enough for Renesmee? don't you want her to find her own Edward? don't you think that maybe there's an Edward out there for her too?" Bella snarled.

Rosalie turned back to Nessie "Nessie I don't want you to feel any pressure to be stuck with that dog, I believe there's and Edward, a Emmett even a Jasper out there for you, no matter what stupid ties you might think you have with the mungruel, don't let it hinder your decitions when the right _Vampire_ comes along, because believe me he's out there" she said turning around and storming from the room, Bella let out a sound of anger before following after her.

I clenched my fists and taking deep breath's trying to calm myself down, I still felt myself vibrating dangerously, the heat surging through my body, Nessie removed her hand from my face and grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the dining room, through the oddly empty living room and out the front door before Nessie said in a strange voice "lets go back to your place, I really can't stand to live here anymore" she said her grip tightening and pulling me forcefully down the drive before breaking into a run.

I felt the anger I'd felt in the kitchen explode through me, and I was bounding after her on heavy paws, my mind going back to what that blond bitch had said, was she right? was there a vampire out there for Nessie? she was right, just because I'd imprinted on Nessie, Nessie hadn't imprinted on me, would then if she met someone else, another Vampire, her own Edward, would she feel obligated to stay with me? or would she just leave me without a second glance just like Bella did?

No, I wouldn't let that happen...

...Not again...

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**Ok so there it is, the 9th chapter! what did u think? I can barely even remember writing it's been so long! oh well, still good I say. =) _'sorry again about that!'_  
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	10. Stupid Girls

**Ok chapter 10, here it is! This was the last chapter I wrote before my comp died, I was like noooo! it was the next day after I spent forever writing it and it was all gone lol Well anyways enjoy..**

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**Chp.10 - 'Stupid Girls'**

We where back at Jacob's house, Jacob seemed kind of weird or distant? Maybe he was just thinking about something and that something I could have 3 guesses to what it was, what Auntie Rosalie had said back at the house, I felt anger bubble in my stomach and threw my veins as I thought on what she's said and did to Jacob.

My eyes drifted over to Jacob sitting on the edge of the small cruddy couch the one that reeked of werewolf, well everything reeked of werewolf, but it seemed to be extra consintrated on this putrid love seat sofa.

Jacob's eyes were diverted to the small television set, with it's slightly fuzzy picture, Jake was the only person I knew who still had the old square analog TV, his eyes though were not really watching the stupid game show that was on, but staring into nothing his mind a million miles away.

Was Jacob really thinking about what Auntie Rose had said? did he believe that I would one day leave him for some un-known Vampire? I couldn't imagine that ever happening Jacob was and always will be the only one for me, Jake _was_my Edward, my Emmett my Jasper or whatever the crap that Aunt Rose was going on about, could Jacob see that? know that? even if Auntie Rosalie was to disgusted and predigest to even try to see it my way or understand, Jacob knew, didn't he?

I knew that he had been hurt before, terribly, I didn't blame my Mother or rather I forced myself not to blame my Mom, I mean ok she did feel a small connection or pull towards Jake, my pull, but she didn't have to constantly lead him on all the time when she knew that it wouldn't go any further than than friends, that she would always love my father Edward more, and that her heart and her soul would always belong to him.

She didn't always have to tell him how much she needed Jacob, how much she loved him, how much she couldn't live without him, how much he meant to her all the time but then freak out if Jake dared try anything back, and that time that she'd asked him to kiss her, I know that Jacob wasn't totally blameless in that, but still.

Also, how'd she'd hurt my Dad as well over it all, the person who she said she couldn't live without and her everything the person she lived for, but she still ran off to Jake at any free opportunity and go around kissing him behind my dad's back, especially just after she'd promised to marry him.

I couldn't imagine kissing anyone else other than Jacob or behind his back, even if say I liked some other person the way my mom felt towards Jacob before I came along, but Jacob was my all, my everything, he is what my mom said my dad is too her. It shouldn't matter then even if you liked someone else, if my mom truly loved my dad the way she claimed to and as I said she'd even promised to marry him, you don't go around kissing other people and telling other people how much you love that other person and how you couldn't live without that other person, you just didn't.

I knew about all this, about what had happened between my mom and Jake before I was born, Jacob had told me he'd thought it was better that I knew everything than never knowing about any of it then finding out about it later from a less reliable source, like from my Grandpappy Charlie, and run away with the wrong idea about it all. Jake though said even though I was his imprinted soul mate he wouldn't take back what he'd felt for my mom, because it was always me, even before I was ever even a twinkle in my Mothers eye, his pull towards me was always that strong, from the moment he ever met my mother we were destined, so he never actually loved my mother, he loved me through her, sounds a bit crazy but there you go.

I heard the front door open, I jumped slightly I hadn't even heard anyone approuch the house I was too obsorbed in my thoughts about Jacob, and also hoping that Jake wouldn't listen to much on what my Aunt Rosalie had said, and that he should know that I would never do anything to hurt him.

Billy Black's deep gravely voice came from the hall and the higher voice of Jake's sister Rachel, Rachel half lived here with Billy and Jacob, and half lived at Paul's tiny place, Billy was now getting on in years and his diabetes that put him in the wheelchair he now had to be watched and monitored, and with Jacob out of the house pretty much all the time what with being the Alpha to a pack of werewolves and spending any spare time with me, Rachel had taken it upon herself to look after Billy.

Billy wheeled himself slowly into the living room he was struggling slightly with the effort he refused though most of the time to be helped and pushed out of pride or something stupid like that and he insisted that he was as strong and capable as he'd always been, much to Rachel's annoyment and worry.

Rachel came in after him, she had her lips pursed as she watched her elderly pride ridden weelchair bound father pant with the effort of pushing himself across the carpet and refusing point bank for any help.

"Hey Jake, Nessie is it true my dear that you are going to welcome us by staying here?" Billy asked out of breath after giving up his attempt at ever making it to the kitchen "would you like me to make you some dinner you stubborn old man?" Rachel asked poorly disguising her worry with humor, she was sick of always telling Billy to take it easy and stop straining himself the way he so unnecessarily did as it was bad for his health and that he shouldn't put himself into an early grave purely out of ego.

Billy grumbled a 'yes' as Rachel went off to make him some food, Billy returned his attention back to me as I answered his question "ah yes, but that's only if you want me here, I could go somewhere else if me staying here would be any trouble for you, I don't want to intrude or anything" I said all this very fast.

Billy laughed his deep gravely laugh waving it off with his large hand "I won't hear of you going anywhere else, it will be no trouble, no trouble at all my dear, an absolute delight, and I'm sure that Jacob will be over the moon to have you stay here and not to mention with you here Jake will be home lot more with Rachel and me than off seeing you" he finished thought full.

I felt a pang of guilt at this, I hadn't really given much thought at how Jacob's family, or at least his father Billy must must feel having Jake hardly ever home because he was spending all his time away from them with me and especially as Billy was no spring chicken and his health in the state it was these days I'd never before considered the fact that Billy probably didn't have all that much time left, it was odd for me to think that Billy, Charlie, Rachel and the other more human friends and people I knew wouldn't be around forever and with considering my immortality that they will be gone in a mere blink of an eye, a long distant memory.

Rachel was back handing Billy a plate of salad and some grilled fish, Billy grimaced in distast at what he'd been given, Billy wasn't aloud to eat any of his favorite foods aymore much to his dissapointment and tantrums, Billy forced a leaf of lettuce into his mouth and grumbled again he didn't even believe that salad could even be classed as a food, 'just a bunch of leaves and grass' he often complained.

Rachel shot Billy a sharp look before turning to Jacob "Jake, would you like me stay here longer and make you dinner or can you manage by yourself? it's just that Paul will be waiting with bated breath for my return" she laughed and shook her head in amusement.

Jacob stood up suddenly and stretched "naw I'm good and besides that will mean that Paul will come down looking for you and decide to stay for dinner as well, then we'll never get 'rid of him" he said turning the TV off, "I was just asking Jake" Rachel said with a slight bitter edge to her voice, she hated Jacob or anyone else having a go about Paul like I did about people having a go about Jake.

I stood up after Jacob as Billy grumbled "why did you turn the TV off? if you leaving give me the remote" Jacob grabbed up the remote and chucked it into Billy's lap, "Nessie wanna go out somewhere?" Jacob asked me, he looked pretty tired though and where would we go? I thought, it was pretty late nothing would be open "if you want, or we could just stay here cuz its late and you look kinda tired" I observed, Jake just shrugged and rolled his eyes "I'm fine Nessie, I slept all afternoon remember?" he said with a slight patronizing edge to it.

Billy had turned the TV back on and turned the volume up to try and drown out our voices, rude, I thought but followed Jacob outside instead of saying anything as it wasn't my house and my place too say anything, the night air was cold and icy and that pretty much was the perfect discription of the vibe I was getting from Jacob, what was his problem? and were the hell were we going this late at night?

Rachel followed out after me "hey Jake do you have any particular plan's for tonight?" she asked, Jacob shrugged "I dunno, why? what's it to you where I go?" he said in a harsh voice, Rachel looked taken aback for a second then she frowned and asked angrily back "you don't speak to me like that Jacob Black, I was just asking because I was wondering if you could give me a lift over to Paul's, but if it would be too much trouble for you I could just walk it" she said hinting something more, I was blank for a second until I saw Jacob's body slightly stiffen and his eyes rake over the tree line to the woods surrounding us.

I almost forgot about that Zambul vampire and how it would be incredibly dangerous for Rachel to walk to Paul's, even though he just lived about ten minutes away if that, what with Zambul hunting all the native girls of the area like Rachel.

Jacob swore under his breath and pushed Rachel rather rougher than nessisary into the backseat of his Volkeswagan Rabbit keeping his eyes on the trees and ignoring her angry complaint, he opened the passenger door for me and once I was in the car safely he ran around and into the drivers seat and got in the car, he was tensed and anxious as his eyes darted around the trees as he started up the engine.

Jacob drove Rachel down to Paul's quickly his eyes all the while still racking the woods, within minutes we pulled up outside Paul's tiny house well I wouldn't call it a house or even a unit more like a tiny one roomed shack, it was the only thing that Paul could afford .

Jacob got out of the car but pushed Rachel's door shut as she went to get out, "stay in there for second" he said angrily at her before turning his eyes back around the woods after a few minutes he seemed to think it was safe enough as he opened Rachel's door for her and pulled her out of the car by the arm, just as Rachel let out a sound of pain and anger the lights inside the shack suddenly flicked on which made Jacob jump.

The front door was flung open and Paul came bounding down over to us, Paul smacked Jacob out of the way without so much of a look at him, he only had eyes for Rachel who he pulled out of Jacob's grasp and into a bone cracking hug before kissing her a little too indecently for present company.

Jacob got back into the car with a sound of disgust and slamming his car door loudly and honking the horn in a irritated way, the sound though didn't seem to affect Paul's enthusiasm instead maybe even making it even more indecent, Jacob roared the engine of the Rabbit and spun it around angrily and drove back up the road to town.

I felt incredibly uncomfortable being in the car with Jacob which was a first, I looked at him out of the corner of my eye his eyes were narrowed at the dark road and his jaw seemed too hard, I wanted to ask him what was wrong but I was slightly scared of him right now I never really ever saw this side of him, he was normally kind and happy and enjoyable to be around, but not now, not when he was like this.

Jacob slowed the car down slightly as we drove up the main street were the small convenience store where Embry's mom worked, a small bait and fishing goods store which I was forced to spend an hour an a half of my time one weekend with Charlie and Billy Black and we passed a small tavern pub were I spotted Jared standing outside alone, something which I found really weird, why would he just be standing there alone in the middle of the night? I looked to Jacob to see what he thought of this, but he didn't seem to care, he spotted my confused look and answered by shaking his head slightly in a way which plainly told me not to ask.

We drove up past the shops and out to the back-roads of La Push, where in the world were we going? I looked back over to Jacob but he still looked to scary to ask him were we were going, suddenly I saw a glimmer of something like the shine of an eye in the trees to my right, "Jake, I saw something! back there in the tree's, like a glimmer of an eye, you don't think it was Zambul do you?" my voice trailing off at the look on Jacob's face "relax Nessie, it was just Seth, remember the packs patrolling right now?" he said in a sarcastic way like I'd said something that he thought was stupid.

I looked back out the window for Seth, but then relizing that he was way back behind us, I kept my eyes peeled now looking out for another member of the pack so I didn't have to look at Jacob who now had started to be making grinding sounds with his teeth, I just couldn't think what was wrong, surly Aunt Rose's words hadn't affected him this bad? he wasn't mad at _me_was he? it wasn't fair if he was and I wasn't brave enough to ask him right now anyway.

After a while of driving I think I spotted another glint of an eye in the trees just as I felt a pang of excitement Jacob swore loudly which made me jump about a foot my eyes darted back to the trees looking for Zambul, possible attacking some girl, but my eyes spotted what must have made Jacob swear two girls where stumbling down the side of the road ahead of us.

Jacob slowed the car down muttering profanity's under his breath as we reached them, they were definitely girls from La Push "what the hell do they think their doing? didn't we tell everyone on the reservation not to go wandering around like this!" Jake spat out angrily smacking his hand loudly on the dashboard making me jump again.

One of the girls half tripped over as the car startled her she clung onto her friend for support, they both looked very young, fourteen, fifteen at most, Jacob stopped the car and got out hissing at me to stay in the car, I didn't object, "what the hell do you think your doing?" he said harshly and rather frightening I thought to the girls, the girls jumped at his harsh voice.

The girl who'd tripped let go of her friend who she was still clinging onto, she narrowed her eyes and said back to Jacob "what's it to you?" it was obvious that they were drunk, very drunk which seemed to make Jacob even more furious he swore loudly and hit his fist onto the top of the car, I could see roof dent inwards slightly.

The girls jumped again, the friend to the girl who stumbled looked scared "what's it to me? what's it to me you ask? maybe your these two twelve year old girls stumbling around drunk out of your minds on the side of the road a mile away from anywhere, I mean what the hell is wrong with you?" Jake spat loudly at them, damn Jacob I thought, control your temper, the friend looked like she was about to wet herself, I mean I didn't blame her, Jacob was this ridiculously huge guy bellowing at them, who knew what they thought he was going to do to them, heck I knew Jacob and loved him and all that and I was even afraid of him a little right now.

The girl who stumbled answered Jacob "we aren't _twelve_, where both fourteen" Jacob let out a sound of annoyance the girl continued more confidently "we were at this guy's place, he was friends with her cousin" she said indicating her friend who decided to speak up now at her friends confidents "yeah Corey, he's my cousin Matt's friend he was having like this party and then we all decided to go for a drive and.." but she broke off as the girl who stumbled started giggling and then she started to giggle as well and didn't continue.

I noticed that they both didn't seem to be wearing any shoes, I felt the car start to vibrate weirdly that didn't have anything to do with the stalling engine, I decided to roll down the window and speak to the girls before Jacob did anything rash, like turn into a giant Wolf or something and total this car.

I leaned out the window and asked the girls who were still giggling and clinging to each other "so you where at you cousin's friends party, were does this guy live? he doesn't live out here does he?" I asked confused looking around the trees almost expecting to suddenly spot a house, the girls looked at each other then burst out laughing again finaly the girl who stumbled answered "Corey doesn't live out here you idiot, he lives back on the reservation no one lives out here" she said and they both burst out laughing again.

I felt my own anger bubble up, stupid was I? Jacob cut over my angry retort "get in the car and I'll drive you home" he said calmer but I could still here the icy sting that cut through it, the girls looked at each other and they seemed to communicate without words and they both started giggling again, then the girl who stumbled said "sure ok" and giggling madly both stumbled into the backseat of the Rabbit.

Jacob got back into the car before making a loud and angry U-turn back around and up the road towards town, I heard the girls whispering to each other in the backseat in slightly louder voices than they would have normally whispered if they weren't drunk, the girl who stumbled finally spoke up "hey I know who you, you know?" she said to Jacob, her friend giggling next to her, "yeah did you know your Billy Black's son, and your name is Jacob?" she said giggling again along with her friend who giggled even louder.

Jacob looked at them in the re-view mirror "yeah funnily enough I did know that" Jacob said sarcastically and the girls laughed even louder being drunk I don't think they heard the ass-hole way that he said it, Jacob continued "and guess what? I know who you are as well, your Stacey Maveric's younger sister, whats your name?" he asked his eyes flicking back up at the re-view mirror.

The girls giggled a little bit more before the girl who stumbled finaly answered with laughter still thick in her voice "yeah Stacey's my sister, my names Fanella" "and I'm Bree" the friend cut in, then they both started giggling again, it was really starting to get on my nerves, "and who are you? your defintaly not from La Push" the Fanella girl asked me with attitude while her friend Bree giggled.

My eyes narrowed at her reflection in the re-view mirror "yeah you don't think? my name is Renesmee" I said in a harsh voice, this was the first time that I'd introduced myself as Renesmee, not Nessie, but seriously these girls were really getting on my nerves, stupid girls, stupid drunken girls, Jacob noticed my irritation and looked at me out of the corner of his eye, I turned my face away from his and out the window, I was starting to feel pissed off at him as well why didn't he just get over what was up-setting him already.

After a while Jacob turned the corner and drove down the main street slowing down "so were do yous live?" he asked the girls who were still giggling in the backseat, the girls exchanged another look between them seeming to communicate without words again before the friend Bree answered "well I 'spos you could take us to my house I live down the first street to the right" she said pointing to were the road turned right.

"Righto" Jacob said under his breath speeding up again, he turned right at the end of the road "this street?" Jacob asked at the first turn, "yeppers" Bree said and they both started laughing and being so fricken annoying, I could feel myself now start to grind my teeth.

We drove down the street slowly a short way when Bree leaned in forwards inbetween the two front seats and pointed to the white panneled house three houses up, "there! that's my house" she said slipping on her hand that was on the back of my seat tangling and pulling her fingers roughly through my hair! "ah sorry" she said being not sorry at all as I hissed at her through my teeth, she just giggled madly with her friend and pointed at me thinking I couldn't see her.

Jacob stopped the car outside her house and got out, the girls giggled when Jacob opened the door for them but I knew he wasn't being a gentlemen or anything I saw his eyes rake the dark space between the two houses across the road, the girls stumbled out of the car still giggling they somehow managed to get tangled up with each other and fell over down into the gutter, I rolled my eyes as they giggled even louder when Jacob lent his hand to help them up.

They stumbled and giggled all the way down the garden path up to the house, Jacob escorted them all the way to the door looking annoyed when they tripped and stumbled over the smallest stupidest things, like each others feet, his eyes I noticed were looking left and right, even though I seriously doubted that the Zambul guy would just jump our right now from behind a bush and drag the girls away.

Once the girls stumbled through the doorway and into the house to safety, Jacob walked back down the drive to the car and climbed back in muttering something darkly under his breath "annoying stupid drunk girls they would have deserved to get fed upon that's probably all they would be good for _food_ there as stupid as sheep anyway" I ranted to Jacob highly annoyed as we drove back up the street.

Jacob didn't seem to be really listening to me, so I opted for just muttering threats under my breath, the whole car now reeked of cheap alcohol and some stupid child smelling berry shampoo, "I mean I know they said they were at some guy's party, but that still doesn't explain how they got out on that back road, and how old was this guy? I mean how did they get the alcohol? those girls were definitely too young its aagainst the law and its atrocious" I said to Jacob annoyed at his lack of conversation, Jacob noticed me pouting in an obviously irritated way, he smirked and rolled his eyes "yeah I know, how _did_ they get out there? and I don't know anyone called Corey and I don't know anything about any party going on tonight either which is really weird" he said frowning.

I perked up a bit now he was finally talking to me half normally again "yes! and the alcohol as well! I mean seriously how old were they? and how did they get it?" I said again, Jacob didn't answer for a minute "yeah well the alcohol isn't all the surprising" he said "I mean down here on the reservation Nessie people start to drink younger, pretty much everyone drinks cuz it's so damn boring and there's nothing at all to do" before he said more defensively at the disapproving look that flashed across my features "I mean at least their not sniffing petrol or anything and besides Nessie your a bit of a hypocrite I mean you get drunk with us and your definitely under 21" he said smiling at me mockingly.

I just rolled my eyes back at him and stuck my tongue out he smiled back that smile I loved, damn those teeth of his, before he looked more serious and turned his eyes back to the road "but back to the girls, what were they doing out there? that makes me really worried if stupid people are just going to go wandering around like that especially after the council meeting with the Elders telling everyone that its incredibly dangerous right now for people to go wandering around alone, especially young girls, I mean if we hadn't found them what do you wanna bet that they'd have been dead by morning?"

Jacob's knuckles turned pale as his hands tightened on the steering weel, his broud lips tightning into a more sever line I felt the air in the small car start to shift "people are just so stupid and reckless!" he spat out suddenly making me jump for the millionth time "I mean what's the point of telling these people that their in danger? when they just go out and act like complete idiots their just making our job at protecting them just that much harder" he said anger thick in his voice.

I could feel him start to vibrate next to me, his shape was starting to blur faintly at the edges his hands were gripping the steering wheel so hard now that it looked in danger of either snapping in half or being ripped out of the dashboard.

"Jacob calm down their safe now ok? please calm down before we have an accident or something you don't really want to destroy your Rabbit do you?" I said trying to joke with him, I reached over and put my hand to his cheek showing him some comical image of his car being smashed around a tree I could feel the vibrations slowly start to die down, he seemed to relax more into his seat and his grip loosened on the the steering wheel "yeah calm down, I don't like you seeing me like this, it's not fair on you and I'm sorry Nessie" he said giving me a half-hearted attempt at his useral smile.

Before I relized where we were Jacob slowed down and parked infront of his house, the engine turned off "oh I didn't even relize we were coming back here" I said suprised Jacob gave me an odd look before saying in a quieter voice "I could take you home if that's what you want" he asked scrutinizing my face "I don't want you to feel that you have to stay here or anything if you'd rather me take you home, it's totally up to you Nessie" he said looking back out the front window.

I rolled my eyes but he didn't see me, he was biting his lip and avoiding my eyes "Jake, stop being so damn sensitive and lets get inside the house" I said opening my car door before he had a chance to and walking up the drive, Jacob had jumped out and was at my side in an instant his eyes raking the trees "Jacob, you know Nahuel said that this Zambul likes the _Native _girls and with my pale skin do you really think I can pass off as one? because those girls back in the car certainly noticed I wasn't from La Push" I said with a slight bitter edge to my voice.

Jacob didn't relax his discomfort next to me until we where in the house, "Jake, can I ask you something?" I asked a thought suddenly occurring to me, "sure you can, you can ask me anything Ness" he said distracted looking out the lounge-room window I sighed before continuing "I just thought, you know how I'm _am_ paler than you" Jacob drew his head from under the curtains to look at me curiously "yes, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest if that's were your going" he said automatically.

I shook my head "no, I mean I know that it doesn't bother you, I mean just say you didn't imprint on me or umm how about before you imprinted on me before you met my Mom or anything. Do you or did you prefer like the girls of La Push than say the girls of Forks" I asked curiously, I'd never before thought about this hadn't I read somewhere that people tended to go for people of the same race as to keep that race going strong.

Jacob looked like he was thinking this through or trying to see if there was a double meaning in what I was asking when he answered he said slowly "Nessie I don't want you to worry, I'm attracted to you I think that you are a thousand no a billion times if not more beautiful than any girl in La Push or Forks or anywhere else in the world" he said I shook my head "I wasn't asking you that Jacob, I was asking did you before you met my Mom or me did you prefer La Push girls to Forks girls" I said more forcefully.

Jacob just shrugged "I dunno, the girls of La Push I guess cuz I didn't really know all that many girls from Forks or anything, but really it didn't matter that much but.." he hesitated before saying "but yeah girls from La Push I found more attractive I guess, but that doesn't mean I didn't find any Forks girls attractive either.. what about you then Nessie" he suddenly shot at me "do you prefer us La Push guy's or the guy's of Forks, not me included just say if we never were together or anything" he asked curiously.

I thought it through for about half a second "La Push guy's" I said strait away, Jacob laughed and shook his head at me "I think I'm swaying you answer Nessie, you can be honest" he said smirking, I tried to see it from another perspective as if I never knew Jacob but I came to the same conclusion "no I still say the guy's from La Push, I mean I find you amazingly attractive Jake as you know" I said as he rolled his eyes but I continued "but if I never knew you and I just lived in Forks or whatever, I swear I'd probably come down to the first beach on La Push just to check out the guy's cuz incase you haven't noticed Jake, La Push guy's are _hot" _I said pretending to fan myself.

Jacob laughed "Nessie I think for your sake you'd rather me not have noticed that cuz then we'd have had a completely different relationship" he said mockingly I just shrugged "depending Jake, I mean people can like guys and girls at the same time, maybe if you were _that way_we could bring in some of the other guys cuz Jacob if you ever have the urge to kiss any of the guys from your pack please don't let me get in the way kiss a head preferably in-front of me or someplace where I could join in" I said jokingly wiggling my eyebrows at him.

Jacob just grimaced at me "sick Nessie, sick" I laughed and gave a great pretend sigh "oh if only Jake a girl can dream" I said slipping onto the sofa and pretending to fantasize, Jacob then asked in a less jocking way "which other guy's do you find attractive Nessie?" he asked sitting down in the sofa next to me, I looked at him waiting for him to get all touchy but he didn't seem to be that upset by his question though.

I hesitated for a second I didn't think it would be right to tell him I mean really Jacob was the most attractive guy by far that I knew and I loved him and all that but I was still a teenage girl and really you can't help but look and notice other guys Jacob noticed my hesitation "come on Nessie, I want to know" I raised my eyebrows at him skeptically "ah ha sure Jake, ok you tell me then some other girls who _you_find attractive then if you do I might tell you what other guy's I think are attractive" I said wondering now Jacob said he didn't ever look at any other girls but I didn't believe it cuz how could you not? I loved Jake more than anything but you just can't help noticing when other people are hot.

Jacob looked at me shocked "Nessie, you know I don't see any other girls like that but you" he said like he thought I was mad, I rolled my eyes "come on Jake you can't honestly never _ever_look or even notice another girl is pretty I'm not going to hold it against you or anything" I said skeptically, he just shook his head before I even finished speaking "Nessie, seriously I don't, I will always tell you the truth and this is the truth I never look at any other girls ever, period, it's like I've told you before I don't see their faces" he said.

I smiled in-spite of myself "ok you don't see their faces but you never said you don't see their bodies" I said smirking at him Jacob just rolled his eyes "Nessie.." he began but I cut him off "ok ok Jake I believe you, but even though I can see other guy's and think their attractive it doesn't mean anything you know, I find you the most attractive anyway so anyone else would be an extreme downgrade" I said smiling at him mockingly.

I saw a small frown creased between his eyes "I'm just curious though Nessie, who else do you find attractive?" he asked again, I hesitated again as well Jake noticed this "ok how about I tell you some of the names and you just tell me if you find them attractive from say..1-10 ok?" he asked raising his eyebrows and biting his lip he looked so damn hot I had to agree "ok ok, shoot" I said giving in.

Jacob smirked at me mockingly before asking "ok Embry from 1 to 10" I thought it over "umm about a 8" I said honestly, Embry was pretty hot, Jake didn't look upset and continued strait away "Jared then 1 to 10" he asked "a 3" I said laughing, Jared was certainly the ugliest guy down at La Push Jacob laughed at this "a 3? are you serious?" he said shocked, I nodded "yep, Jared isn't my type at all" I said laughing again, Jacob continued "Paul?" "about a 7, but that's purely physical" I said and Jacob grimaced as he continued "Quil?" "about a 5" Jacob smirked at this as he continued with "what about Sam?"

I thought it over, _did_I find Sam attractive? "umm I don't know? I don't really see Sam like that at all but I guess a ummm a 5 as well, I don't know?" Jacob just said "huh" before saying in a different more constrained voice "what about Seth? we all know how much you love him from 1 to 10" I saw him look into my face, I knew this was the question he really wanted to know I think he thought I had some sort of feelings for Seth ridiculous but he was worried that I did, should I be honest? "what do you mean we all know how much I love Seth?" I said back but Jake just shook his head indicating that I should answer I continued slowly "Seth is about a umm..a.. lets see ah..." I saw Jacob bite his lip in anticipation "ok Seth's a good 9" I confessed deciding on being honest as Jacob would rather me tell the truth than lie on this one.

Jacob looked away and forced himself to smirk "a good 9 ay? that's pretty high Nessie" he said looking back at me again "but seriously Jake, he's nothing on you" I said snuggling closer to him on the sofa he rolled his eyes at me again "Nessie if Seth's a good 9 and even if you think I'm a good 10 there isn't really that much difference" he said jokingly but I could hear slight anger in his voice.

I was surprised, why was he so angry tonight? "Jacob I thought we where saying for normal people attractiveness from 1-10 like com paired to your attractiveness that would make Seth a 9 and you a _110 _so really that's a very low score, that's pretty much saying he's as attractive as a one eyed hunched back or something" I said jokingly running my fingers up and down his arm.

Jacob laughed at this "ha so if Seth's a one eyed hunch back than what the hell would that make Jared?" he said laughing I laughed back, "I have know idea? that would mean Jared would be like a hideously deformed grotesque gargoyle with like pig trotters for hands and feet or who knows what compared to you" I said laughing along with Jake.

This seemed to cheer Jacob up considerably he kissed me suddenly it took me by suprise for half a second before I was kissing him back, Jacob pushed me down onto the sofa underneath him I was lost in his passion as I kissed him back with enthusiasm I felt his hands roam up and down my body his mouth kissing me hungrily before he pulled my leg up suddenly and pushing himself harder into me, I wasn't ready for this, not again not so soon.

I tried to push Jacob off me but he was pretty strong he realised after a second what I was trying to do and pulled away from me slightly "what is it Nessie?" he was breathing heavily I hesitated what was I going to tell him? how could I tell him that I lied last time when I told him that I thought he was amazing when I really thought it was bad and rather painful.

"Nessie we don't have to do this if you don't want to" he said pulling himself further off me, I pushed him away as I sat up feeling embarrassed, I felt like an idoit hadn't I been telling him for ages that I wanted to sleep with him? pressuring him into it and telling him I was ready and how much we'd do it after I was of age, but now I didn't know if I was ready, was my Dad right? _was_ I ready for this kind of relationship?

Jacob was watching me concerned, what was I going to tell him? I knew that he wouldn't hold it aagainst me, I knew he wouldn't pressure me into anything I wasn't comfortable with or ready for but how what was I going to tell him he sucked and I never wanted to do it again? "Nessie.." he began but I cut him off "Jake.." I began but changed what I was about to say "I don't really want to do it out here on the sofa just say someone caught us?" I said trying to think of a way to postpone what was inevitable, Jacob would want to have sex again and much sooner than I was ready for.

Jacob's look of concern vanished and he smirked instead "Nessie, who's going to catch us? Billy's in bed and there's no way he's going to get up anytime soon and it's the middle of the night no ones going to walk in" he said making perfect sense "yeah...but still" I said slowly "well let's just go back to my room then" he said standing up and offering me his hand, I looked at it for second, damn it, I thought as he pulled me to my feet and led me down the hallway to his room.

When he flicked the light on I spotted a suitcase sitting on his bed "Alice!" I said amused, Jacob grumbled something and wrinkled his nose "what?" I asked surprised by his reaction his look of grimace turned into an un-convincing smile "nothing, nothing" he said waving it off and pushing the suitcase of the bed before flinging me down onto the bed pushing himself back down on top of me and resuming what was interrupted back in the living-room.

How was I going to tell him to stop when he seemed so damn exited and enthusiastic, I responded to him only half-heartedly he didn't seem to mind at first until he finally realized that something was up he pulled away panting slightly "Nessie are you ok?" he asked out of breath, "nothing, I'm just tired that's all" I lied looking away thinking that he'd be able to see my lie in my face, I never lied to him I felt horrible lying to him now, we never kept any secrets from each other.

Jacob scrutinized my face, I was a terrible liar he obviously saw right through it "Nessie if something's wrong you can tell me, I would _want_you to tell me" he said slowly I looked away from his peircing gaze before answering "Jake, it's nothing really..it's just..well" I hesitated Jacob put his hand under chin and pulled my face around to look into his "Nessie please tell me you don't have to lie to me if your embarrassed or you think it would hurt my feelings, just tell me" he said running his hand down my collar bone.

I hesitated for a second longer before saying slowly "Jake, it's well..remember when we..you know" I said full of implications "yeah go on" Jacob said looking more serious "well remember afterwards, when I said that you were amazing.." I stopped again, how could I tell him that he was terrible? I just couldn't "Nessie, I know that you were just saying that, if that's what's upsetting you" Jacob said raising his eyebrow at me.

I looked at him surprised, he knew that he was terrible? "Jacob, I mean it was our first time, it was bound to be terrible and.." but he cut me off "what do you mean by _terrible_? you thought it was terrible?" he sounded angry, "oh...well not _terrible_I mean you could have been worse.." but I stopped speaking by the look on his face I'd just definitely made it worse, a look of hurt crossed his face "what do you mean I could have been _worse_? how bad was I?" he said pulling away from me.

I didn't answer immediately I just bit my lip, he seemed to have guessed enough by my silence "Nessie I didn't _hurt_ you did I?" he asked slowly after a minute, I hesitated once again before answering "kind of.." I said looking down at my hands to avoid his eyes I felt him pull my face up to look into his face again "Nessie why didn't you tell me?" he asked angrily I tried to look away but it was impossible as his hand was firmly in place "I dunno..we were already doing it and it was over pretty quickly anyway so it doesn't even matter" I said pulling away from him.

Jacob was silent for a minute before I looked up at him he was still frowning at me "Jake.." I began but he cut me off "Nessie I want you to tell me next time if I hurt you, I will stop strait away I don't want you to feel like you just have to just grit your teeth and bare it or anything" he said bitterly "Jacob who said there's going to be a next time" I said icily back I was sick of his attitude what the hell was with him today?

Jacob looked tacken aback by this but his features hardened before he said "well if that's how you feel I'm sorry that I was such an un-satisfactory lover, I'm sorry that I'm not good enough for you Nessie" he said acidly getting off the bed and leaving the room, I was shocked I heard the pain in his voice under the defenciveness and anger.

I jumped up and followed Jacob down the hall he pulled the front door open and was half-way out when I managed to pull him back "where are you going?" I demanded he pulled his arm out of my grip "out" he said angrily, "out _where_?" I snapped back just as angrily, he glared at me for a second "out to see the pack remember I had to patrol with them tonight? and remember how you forced me to stay with you instead?" he said hurtfully, forced him to stay with me did I? "well Jacob I'm sorry ok? I'm sorry about what ever I've expose to have done to turn you into a total bastard today" I said trying to sound as angry but I felt a lump in my throat, we'd never ever fought like this before.

Jacob's face softened slightly but not much "Nessie I've gotta go see the pack" he said turning away from me "Jacob please don't go" I said in a smaller voice, he stopped but didn't turn around "why?" he asked in a strange detached voice I was taken aback "why do you think?" I said trying to pull him around to look at me, he turned around and looked at me with a hard look in his eyes.

There was silence I didn't know what to say Jacob broke the silence "Nessie why are you even here?" I was suprised and hurt by his quiestion "what do you mean?" I asked feeling kind of scared Jacob just sighed heavily and looked away for a second before turning back to me and saying "I mean, why do you want to stay here with me?" I still didn't really understand what he was saying, did he think I didn't want to be here?

"Jacob why do you _think_I'm here?" I asked slowly Jake seemed to chew the inside of his mouth for a second before saying "I don't know? I would like to believe your here because you love me and you want to be with me, but you look un-comfortable here you look like you don't want to be here you keep telling me that you wanted to sleep with me more than anything else and when we finally do make love you say it was terrible and I sucked and you never want to do it again, you act like I'm not good enough for you, Nessie sometimes I get the feeling from you that your just being with me until someone better comes along" he said looking at me with that same hard look on his face but I could see the pain in his eyes.

I was shocked and speachless, how could he think that? when had I ever made out that I was just baring to be with him untill someone better comes along? what was all this crap? but he had noticed how I felt un-comfortable being here and miss-understood, "Jacob.." I began but stopped I didn't know how to continue he just shook his head and turned to leave.

"Jake please don't go, your wrong I am here because I love you and I want to be here" I said desperately "sure, sure" he said sarcastically and started to walk away I followed him out the front and grabbed onto the back of his shirt "Jake I will never leave you, you _are_ good enough for me, your _more_ than good enough for me I love you Jacob I love you more than anything else in this world please don't leave me, you can't leave me I need you Jake, my life would be nothing without you!" I said half sobbing.

Jacob turned around and pulled his shirt out of my grip "Nessie.." he began but I cut him off by kissing him, I gripped the back of his hair and pulled his face down to mine, he didn't kiss me back I tried to force a response out of him but nothing I pulled away and looked at him he still had that hard look on his face "Nessie you don't have to try and prove anything to me, after all I know now how terrible I am" he said bitterly trying to pull away from me but I held on tight.

I punched him in the chest "Jacob listen to me I didn't mean it when I said I didn't want to do it again! I just said that because I was feeling irritated by your attitude, I _do_want to do it again! ok so our first time wasn't the best but so what? I mean I sucked as well! at least you tried all I did was lay there" I said breaking off "Jacob let's just do it again" I said desperately Jacob shook his head "I don't want to just _do it,_Renesmee" he said pulling away but I held on "Jake you know I didn't mean it like that" I said he turned around and said his anger flaring up again "no Nessie, you did, do you honestly want to have sex with me because _you_ honestly want to or just because you want to lie to me again the second time and tell me I was _amazing_" he said bitterly.

I let go of him "ok Jacob, you know what? your right! I don't want to sleep with you right now when your acting like a total bastard like this and I do love you Jacob, I do want to be here with you, if I didn't I wouldn't have left home would I? why would I hurt my entire family and leave my parents and my home to be here with you if I really didn't want to? wouldn't I have just stayed at home and waited for someone _better_to come along while I have you on the side? maybe I could just go an run off with Nahuel" I said bitterly as he flinched at Nahuel's name "I can't even believe that you would even think that Jacob!" I spat at him angrily.

Jacob didn't say anything so I continued "but if _you _don't want me here Jacob I can leave maybe I'll go stay at Seth's place because we _all_ know how much I _love Seth, _would you prefer that Jacob? is that what you want me to tell you? that I'm secretly in love with Seth?"I said feeling the lump in my throat hurt painfully Jacob's eyes flashed angrily "no why would I want you to leave me Nessie? how could I not want you here with me? and why the hell would I want you to run off to Seth?" his voice suddenly revealing some of the pain he'd been trying to control.

I wiped the tears from my eyes "stop being an ass then, Jacob will you just believe me when I tell you that I love _you_, not Seth not _Nahuel_" I said his name with distaste "and not some random Vampire in the future, because there isn't anyone else but you, so please will you stay Jacob and make love to me? make me forget last time" I begged him feeling kind of pathetic.

Jacob sighed and looked into my eyes for a second "I'm sorry that I've been a jerk" he said smiling at me half heartedly this gave me the queue to kiss him again this time he responded but not as passionately as I would have liked after a moment he pulled away "Nessie, honey it's late we don't have to do anything tonight we'll try again tomorrow ok? lets go back inside" he said.

We just kissed that night instead, explored each other mouthes and body's in new way's, nice ways, and there was no pressure to go any further after a while I ended up falling asleep feeling exited about the next time we were to make love and not dreading it.

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**Ok well there's chapter 10, hope u liked it. anyways yeah I'll get some more chapters up soon, just gotta get them off this other computer.**


	11. What have I done?

**Ok, well this is the 11th chapter. Finally up-loaded it! I really should up-date more often, sorry. I have like 5 more chapters on my compter that I need to put up. Soon, I guess, when I have the time, or inclination. I like this chapter, I think it's funny, but then again I find pretty much all my chapters funny. I was just reading some of the early chapters, man, I make myself laugh :)**

**Well enough rambling...here it is.**

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**chp.11 'what have I done?"**

**(Nessie pov)  
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I awoke dully to the sounds of the birds chirping outside, once I was awake however I couldn't see how I hadn't woken up sooner, was it just me or was the Werewolf smell even worse than it had ever been? I pulled my face out of the putrid smelling pillows with a sound of disgust, Jacob's smell was extra strong today or what?

I rolled over expecting to find Jacob, but coming across nothing but the empty side of the bed, it felt much colder on this side so it must have been some time since Jacob had left. I felt disappointment seep through me, for some reason I was half hoping that maybe we would try again this morning, like now, cuz I was kind of in the mood for some.

I sat up feeling surpised at myself, I never before just woke up and felt up for some, I looked around to see if I could spot a note anywere, but there seemed to be no note or letter of any kind left behind to tell me were he had gone and when to expect him back, maybe he thought he'd be back by the time I woke up? Or maybe he was just out in the kitchen getting food or something? Or _maybe_ he just didn't bother to leave one at all.

I wondered what the time could be? There was nothing in Jacob's room to tell me the time, I couldn't see how he could stand it, I was obsessed with time, I _always_ had to know what the time was, much to Jake's and my family's annoyance.

Sometimes I would check the time so frequently that I'd already checked the time like 3-4 times before the minute had even changed, then I would have to stop whatever I was doing to stand and watch the clock until the minute hand changed, then after a few more minutes I'd do it all over again, I was a little obsessive.

I laid there on my back for a few more minuted breathing in the putrid stench of Jacob's bedding I was sleeping in, revolting, but gave me an odd yearning in my stomach I couldn't quite place, I suddenly sat up and crawled over to the other side of the bed and pushed aside the curtains before pulling the tiny window open.

I breathed in the fresh air, letting it fill my lungs, I closed my eyes feeling the un-seasonally warm breeze caress my skin, and most un-usually the sun was out in all it's glory. It was one of those rare sunny day's this side of Seattle, I looked down at my hands and bare arms to watch the effect the sun had on my skin, you know that myth that Vampires can't go in the sun as it will burn and turn them to dust? Like I said, a myth.

The sun was making my skin glow, it was nothing that stand out-ish, not _really_, I mean if a normal human saw me in the sun they probably wouldn't think too much on it, what am I kidding they would find me the most beautiful girl they'd ever laid eyes on, not that I was vain or anything, it was just a fact.

But un-like my pure-Vampire parents and Vampire family, I was nothing, _their_ skin in the sun was like thousands of diamonds, you know when you catch a diamond under light or something? You know the beams of rain-bow light that shines of it? Imagine that but magnified a hundred times brighter and beautiful beaming off someones skin? _That_ is why Vampires don't go around in the sun, well in front of humans that is, it would totally give us away.

I heard Billy Black's deep gravely voice booming from out in the house somewhere, I listened carefully to try and catch who he was talking to, was it Jacob? I listened harder for Jacob's deep husky, sexy voice... then I heard the voice of Embry's not all together unpleasant voice instead, that must mean that Jake was indeed home or at least was going to be home real soon.

I got up feeling a sudden thrill of excitement that I thought was slightly odd, well at least I thought I was getting more comfortable at Jacob's place, even the werewolf smell was starting to grow on me I was thinking as I dug something out of one of the three giant suitcases of clothes that my Auntie Alice had brought over the night before, un-like my Mom, I didn't mind clothes and dressing up, but believe me I was still no Alice!

I managed find a pale cream shirt which was made out some breezy kind of fabric, something very summery and a pair of summer-inspired short-shorts, might as well make the most of the summer look while I could, plus I felt sexier today, I slipped into a pair of flat's before trying to examine myself in a piece of broken mirror that I found that looked to me if it once belonged to a dresser's mirror which had been broken a long time ago.

I left the room and headed over to the small toilet near that revolting bathroom of theirs, I heald my breath when I opened the door, if the Werewolf smell was bad in the house, it was nothing and I mean _nothing_ to the absolute appalling stench of strong male testosterone driven urine aroma, which made me feel was it queasy? No..sorta butterfly kind of sensation in my stomach? It made no sense so I disregarded it as being tired and slightly thirsty.

I didn't need to use the bathroom this badly, seriously I rather use the yard, I decided instead to head back down the hall to the living-room where not only were the sounds of Embry's voice but also Quil's, Seth's and most delightfully Jacob's.

When I entered the room Embry and Jacob stopped talking abruptly, I had a huge suspicion that they'd been talking about me not 2 seconds before, I saw Embry wink at Jacob that I knew I wasn't expose to see, Jacob jumped up off the sofa smacking Embry across the back of the head as he can striding over to me -

"Morning Nessie! did you sleep well on my horrible werewolf smelling sheets?" Jacob asked sarcastically but pulling me into one of his air-tight hugs, I felt the butterflies go hay-wire in my stomach, what was wrong with me today? Maybe it was just the sun doing crazy things to me, I saw Embry whisper something to Seth with a smirk playing around his lips and they both snickered, Jacob let me go and giving me a wink and a sly smile which made my heart twang before turning around and jumping over the sofa and grabbing Embry in a head-lock.

They scuffled on the floor with each other for a few minutes much to Seth's and Quil's amusement, the phone suddenly rung making me jump slightly, as I was suddenly overly in grossed in Jacob's and Embry's scuffle, no one seemed to be making any attempts to answer it, Jacob was now punching Embry in the ribs, I rolled my eyes as Embry laughed he seemed to be having as much fun at being punched that Jake had in punching him, I shook my head at the ridiculousness of boy's behaviour, but felt oddly tingly about it also, I was having a funny day.

The phone was still ringing, I felt awkward about doing it, but as I was the closest person to the phone and the only one caring enough to wonder who was calling I answered it "The Black's resident's, who may I ask is calling?" I said feeling like a douche and mentally kicking myself - "Nessie?" my Dad's silvery smooth voice sounded out of the receiver.

I let out the breath I hadn't noticed 'till then I'd been holding in at the nervousness at answering someone elses phone, "Daddy!" I let out releaved and suprised, why hadn't he just called me on my cell? Jacob I noticed heard me say my Father's name and letting his grip loosen a little too much on Embry who managed to free himself from Jake's clutches.

Now that Embry was free of Jacob's head-lock he punched Jacob hard across the back of the head to Quil and Seth's laughter and whoops, "ow, fuck off Embry" Jake muttered angrily rubbing the back of his head ruefully and glaring at Embry who had danced over to the other side of the room and out of Jake's immediate arms reach.

I was distracted again this time for too long obviously as my Dad's angry voice sounded out of the phone "Nessie, you there?" "ha what? yeah" I said turning my back on Jake and the others who were watching me with interest, "Nessie, when are you going to stop all this nonsense and come home?" disapproval thick my my Dad's smooth velvet voice.

"Stop what? There's nothing to stop, Dad, if it's not Auntie Rose having her say it's you or Mom or someone and really I'm an adult now so I don't have to take it anymore, I can make my own decisions and as I've told you I've decided to live here with Jake ok?" I said awkwardly into the phone with my back and shoulders hunched to the rapidly listening people behind me.

I heard my Dad give a heavy sigh "Renesmee, I know you have 'technically' stopped growing, but that doesn't make you an adult, you are still a very immature young girl, I really do not think or believe that you have the maturity at your development to leave home and live by yourself. I really don't think that your are capable of looking after yourself properly, Nessie you have lived a very pampered and sheltered life" my Dad said seriously.

"I'm more capapable than you think and besides I won't be all alone will I? I'll be living with Jacob _and_ Billy Black and not to mention Rachel's is here like everyday and the whole wolf pack and everyone, their more than qualified to take care of me, which I don't even need to be taken care of anyway" I said back angrily.

My Dad grumbled under his breath "Renesmee, Jacob is as immature as you are, he still lives at home under the care of Billy and that sister of his, he needs to be watched over nearly as much as you do and that's not to mention that Pack of his aren't at all mature, they are all just children, immature un-reliable children at that, and Billy Black is a sickly old man in a wheelchair that has to be bathed, clothed and fed by other people, if these are the people you are putting your care in, you are not making your point very strong" he said exasperated.

I hesitated, he did have me there, I could almost here his smug smile on the other side of the phone - "yeah well, Rachels' plenty mature! She looks after Billy Black and Jake and even Paul, she is perfectly capable of looking after me, and Jacob isn't that immature either" I said back defensively, I heard my Dad make a none-believing sound into the receiver.

I felt extreamely uncomfortable having this conversation with not just Jacob listening in, but also damn Embry, Quil and Seth as well, even though I had my back to them I could feel their eyes watching me, listening in to my family squabble, I heard someone whispering behind me, I didn't turn around though.

I gritted my teeth slightly before dropping my voice even lower, I wanted to finish this phone-conversation as quick as I could, anyways it wasn't anything I hadn't heard before, "Dad, Auntie Alice has already brought over all my stuff, I've made up my mind and nothing you can say can change my mind on this ok? Just deal with the fact that I'm living here from now on with Jacob and I'm not coming home. I love you Dad, you and Mom and everyone very much! But this is the way it is, I'm sorry that I'm hurting you, but you are hurting me too, just let go Dad" I said feeling the tears itch the corners of my eyes and tried to swallow the large painful lump in my throat.

There was silence on the other end for a second before "Renesmee, we are not trying to hurt you honey, all we want is what's best for you, but you have clearly made up your mind and nothing is going to change it by the sounds of it and it's obvious that this is what your really want" he asked more than stated "yes!" I said back forcefully, "and though I have some reservations and some miss-giving towards Jacob Black, I know that he will do everything he can to keep you safe and well enough as best we can hope for, but we love you Nessie, we will miss you every moment you aren't with us, but I will not drag you back or stand in the way anymore if this is really what you want" my Dad's voice sounded slightly constrained and extra smooth.

I didn't know what to say at first, I was tacken aback and a little hurt, I was sure that my Dad would fight harder on this, but he seemed to be giving in too soon, he could have tried harder to get me back? It made me feel more upset "Daddy, I'm so sorry! I'll come and I'll visit you everyday if that's what you want!" I said honestly.

I heard my Dad's smooth soft laugh "Nessie, you are almost making it sound that you are changing your mind about this, are you _really_ sure you want this? You can change your mind whenever you want and come home, none of us will hold it against you" his silky voice was lettered with amusement, I felt slightly like a douche "no! I do want this! I only said I'd come visit all the time cuz I don't want you to miss me and be all like sad" I said making myself sound even more like an idiot.

I heard Embry laugh behind me, I couldn't be sure if he was laughing at what I'd just said, or something that they'd been whispering about which was probably something to do with me anyway, "Nessie, you can visit us anytime that you want" my Dad's smooth voice breaking through my annoyance at the guy's behind me.

"Daddy, well I will then ok? I'll come over and see you everyday, I can come over and visit you today if you want!" I said honestly, my Dad laughed again that smooth velvety laugh of his "you don't have to Nessie, besides I don't think it's very cautious to Jacob Black to come running home so soon, as by knowing his thoughts he is rather pleased with you staying with him but also very worried" my Dad said meaningfully.

"What do you mean by worried?" I asked even quieter trying to shut the other people in the room out of this private conversation with my Father, I think I already knew the kinds of things that Jacob was worrying about "Jacob is worried about the fact that his house isn't good enough for you, up to par with your tastes, he knows that he can never supply you with the luxeries that you are accustomed to at home, he feels that with you now living with him that you'll come around to that kind of thinking as well, that you'll realize first hand that he can never give you all the things you want and come to the conclusion that you are too good for him and eventually decided to leave him" my Dad finished.

I already recentally found out alot of this but I was still suprised, I was suprised that Jake had noticed that I felt un-comfortable here, but that was only because of the smell - and well just the disgustingness of it all, but anyway how could he think I would leave him because of that? I already knew that he could never buy me large expensive gift's or some large rich mansion, but it didn't matter to me, if it did why would I have chosen him?

"Dad, well it doesn't matter to me does it? What do I care that Jacob isn't the the richest person in the world? What he gives me is far more valuable than anything money can buy" I said almost whispering now, I didn't want Jake and his friends to know we where talking about how poor he was and how much richer and better off I'd be at home and not living here with him or something.

My Father seemed to have guessed that Jacob or even more people were in the room listening in, "well Nessie, I've said all I can to make you come home, I hope you are happy with Jacob and I won't be as rude to keep you on the phone any longer when people are waiting to enjoy your company, so I'll see you soon then" he said.

"Oh, ok, bye then Daddy I love you! I'll come visit soon then ok?" I said louder this time, "love you too Renesmee, yes we'll see each other soon, have a fun day down at La Push" "byes" "bye" he said before hanging up.

I sighed before turning around, Jacob, Embry and Quil all looked purposely away pretending that they hadn't all just been listening in, Seth was biting his lip looking concerned, I gave him a stupid smile and a shrugged my shoulders telling him it was nothing to be worried over.

The others seemed to find it safe enough to turn their attention back over to me, Embry though had a small smirk playing around the corners of his broad _soft_ lips, I shook myself, gosh what was that thought about? Jacob looked strangely enough slightly embarrassed, the dull red flush under his skin started to do things to me "so...?" I said awkwardly trying to break this awkward tension that seemed to have manifest itself in past few short seconds.

Quil then decided to speak "so guy's, I guess we'll be headed off to Emily's then yeah?" he said more to Embry than to Seth or Jacob, Seth jumped up eagerly enough though, Embry looked less eager he gave me stupid smirk that told me that he wanted to say something but wasn't aloud to, his eyes quickly shot down when he noticed Jacob raised his fist to him as a warning.

"Well off to Emily's then" Embry said with a little too much humor in his voice than was necessary and pranced past me into the hall and out the front door, Quil shook his head at Jacob about something I missed, before following Embry "Nessie, how are you?" he asked as he past me "yeah fine I guess, you?" I said back awkwardly suddenly noticing he smelt quite good today, "never better" he smiled and indicated that Seth should follow him.

Something a little odd was up with Seth, but two seconds ago he seemed eager to leave now he seemed almost reluctant, "hey, Seth you coming or what?" Quil said more forcefully, Seth sighed but followed out after Quil, but not before bending down and whispering in my ear making my skin tingle and sudden thrill of adrenaline surged through my body -

"Nessie, you know if you ever need to talk to anyone outside Jake, I'm always here for you" he said giving me a one armed hug, which I returned a little _too_ willingly before he gave me a awkward kind of smile and leaving after Embry and Quil.

I turned to look at Jacob who quickly disguised the frown and bitter look on his face at mine and Seth's affectionate encounter.

"So the guy's have anything interesting to say?" I asked forcing Jacob to change what he was about to ask, which no doubt included a detailed description of every word that Seth had whispered to me and the exact nature of the hug, always so worried, but maybe today it was a little justified I thought guiltily.

"Not really, well nothing that you'd find perticularly interesting, Pack stuff you know" he said airily waving it off, which of course got me intrigued "try me" I said smugly, Jacob just shook his head slightly "maybe later, but as you heard the guy's, I've gotta go down to Emily's" he said looking at me apologetic. "Oh, do you have to got too?" I asked feeling the uncomfortable sensation of lead drop down into my stomach at the thought of Jake leaving me right now, I really wanted him in a way I was a little confused by.

Jacob must have noticed the look on my face "I won't be gone too long, it's just that being the Alpha and leader of a pack of werewolves is a lot of hard work and responsibility and we have to go meet up with Sam and his guy's and discuss more pack stuff" he finished rather lamely I thought, why did he have to meet up with Sam? And by 'pack stuff' did he mean...

"Is it got to do with Zambul?" I asked in more of a whisper than I meant it to come out like, Jacob gave me a small grimace and a none comical jerk of the head, "so how long will you be exactly? Are you patrolling? Please be home as quick as you possible can" I said mentally kicking myself, why did I have to sound so needy?

Jacob didn't seem to perturbed by me though "not _too_ long, were not patrolling right now, but we will most likely be at least a couple of hours, Nessie I'm really sorry! You know I'd rather spend all day and _all_ night with you" he said giving me a look that he obviously thought was smouldering, which I must say he thought right, I felt that odd yearning ache in my stomach again - "I could call Rachel if you want? So you don't have to spend all day with Billy, I am sorry, Nessie" he finished looking extremely sorry and guilty.

I shouldn't have been so suprised I thought two hours later later sitting on one of Jacob's kitchen stools watching Rachel cook lunch for Billy, herself and most disgustingly me, grilled fish on a bed of lettuce and beetroot, yum, my favorite I thought bitterly.

But as I thought, I shouldn't have been so surprised, I knew that Jacob had lot's of responsibility's with the Pack and that staying here would mean I would be spending a lot of my time either alone, or with Billy Black or Rachel when Jake was off doing Pack duty.

I knew it didn't bother me this much when Jake was off with the Pack when I was at home, but that was because I'd always had someone in my family to keep me occupied and do things and talk to while I waited for Jacob to come over.

It wasn't like I didn't _like_ Billy Black or Rachel, but we weren't like close or anything, Billy didn't feel the need to fill time with conversation and his company meant alot of just sitting there in silence while he watched sports or fishing on the TV.

And as I said it was that I didn't _like _Rachel, it was just that we were weren't friends or anything, and her company meant just sitting here watching her cook disgusting human food and we don't have anything in common apart from say Jacob and maybe Paul, but our conversations about them always feels forced and awkward, or well they do on my part.

I wished it was good manners to excuse myself from lunch and ask to just be left to sit alone in Jacob's room without them speaking to me, I wanted to wait for Jacob on his bed, surrounded by his sent, I smiled slightly at the look on Jake's face as I kissed him as passionately as I could before he left, he said that I shouldn't be aloud to do that just before he had to go out and promised that he's now definitely be back as soon as possible, but of course it wasn't good manners to go and fantasize about their brother when they made you lunch, so here I was sitting awkwardly at the dining-room table with Billy and Rachel eating this disgusting human food, feeling each mouthful slide horribly down my thought.

At least Billy seemed to be having nearly as much trouble stomaching the food as I was, but I opted for silently hating it, while Billy seemed to be very vocal about the point that he found the food horrible, I missed that part too about being at home, at least when I was at home I could have the fun and sympathy of complaining about eating the yucky human food Grandpappa Carlisle made me eat.

After lunch I managed to escape into the front yard, I sat of the bonnet of Jacob's Rabbit looking around the tree's hoping that Zambul wouldn't jump out at me and kill me or something, cuz that would be right wouldn't it? I get killed when Jacob was off with the Pack and I'd never get a chance to ravage him one last time before the end.

I seriously doubted that I could take down this Zambul, I mean sure we were both half-vampires, but I was certainly no fighter that was for sure, killing deer and other animals was nothing, but duking it out with some dangerous, blood thirsty savage vampire wasn't something that made me dance with confidants about.

Uncle Emmett had showed me a few moves in the past and so had Uncle Jasper, but Dad didn't like the idea of me fighting with Emmett or Jasper very much, and either did Jacob, but I never really did anything like that when Jacob was around.

I would miss my Uncle Emmett, we got along great he always made me laugh with his dirty jokes that my Dad hated him telling me, and apart from Jacob, Uncle Emmett was the next best thing as a hunting partner, I would also miss my Uncle Jasper, I loved to hear his story's about the New Born wars in the south when he was a younger vampire, my Dad once again didn't approve of me hearing such graphic and gory tales, but I did.

I would miss them all, I suddenly felt kind of teary, I had to go for a walk or something, clear my head, go down to the beach, I was in a really weird mood today, I jumped of the hood of the car and deliberated for a moment about just leaving without saying anything or asking if I was aloud to go, I felt weird in asking Rachel for permission to do anything, but Billy would un-doubtingly be conked out by now, the medication he took at lunch normally knocked him out for a few hours.

Rachel had said of course I was aloud to go to the beach, so about half an hour later I was making my way up the first beach of La Push alone, as it was one of those rare sunny warm days, many people were enjoying the sun and the waves, I watched a couple of kid's that were defintaly from Forks down by the waters edge, when they were joined by a couple of girls from La Push.

I sat down in the shade on a bleached white spidery like branch, it had been bleached from the salt's in the water, I watched the group play and laugh together in the sea, not really caring, I was just watching more out of something to do.

I felt like a bit of a douche sitting here all alone in the darkness, when everyone else was playing and having fun with their family's or friends in the sun, I felt kind or sinister, kind of dirty watching all the semi-naked guy's swim and play in the waves, the water glittering like beads of jewels on their skin, I wondered what would happen if one of the strong currents pulled some guy's swimming trunks off.. suddenly a voice made me jump, I hadn't noticed anyone sneaking up on me.

I looked up holding my heart which at that moment was beating a trillion miles an hour and saw it was just Embry, he seemed to be sporting a bloody lip, and a deep gash was slowly healing on his cheek along with his lip, he smirked down at me "made you shit yourself?" he asked gloatingly sitting down next to me on the birch wood making me feel oddly flushed.

I felt my already speedy heartbeat beat more adrenaline through my body "just a bit, what were you doing sneaking up on me like that anyway?" I asked half amused half annoyed, his grin widened "Nessie, I wasn't sneaking up on you, it's not my fault your just exeedingly un-observant" he teased as I rolled my eyes at him.

I looked enquiringly at his wrist which I now noticed was pretty badly bruised, I grabbed his arm and pulled it up, enjoying the feel of touching him I forced my mind away from those thoughts, maybe something bad happened I forced myself to feel worried, but Embry seemed too smug to suggest anything too dire and besides if something had, why wouldn't he have told me right away?

"What happened to you?" I asked watching the bruising slowly fade, "ah, it's nothing" he said pulling his arm out of my grip making me feel oddly rejected he looked over his shoulder slightly put-out, "what's up? Embry did something happen? something bad?" I whispered the last part starting to feel scared, maybe something bad had happened to Jacob, that was why Embry was here to tell me.

Embry broke my fears by laughing "don't be so pessimistic, Nessie, nothings happened" he said shaking his head at me mockingly, "you got beat up by someone though" I said back more defensively, his smile faulted slightly - "I wouldn't say I was beat up" he said suddenly defensively as well.

Something was defintaly up "oh come on Embry, I won't laugh, just tell me" I said giving him my most dazzling, no-one-can-resist smiles, Embry just laughed again, but this time he sounded more embarrassed than gloating, "it's nothing, and besides Leah wouldn't like it too much if I told you the details" he said mockingly again.

I pinched him hard on the arm just for a reason to touch him, I kind of liked these new kinds of feelings I've never really felt before "I could just get Jake to tell me, I bet he knows, is it about me?" I asked, almost hoping that it was and not knowing why? Embry laughed even louder at this "jeez girl, could you be any more self-absorbed?" he said sarcastically.

"Embry just tell me please I'm begging you! I promise I won't tell Leah anything!" I begged him playfully, Embry seemed to be thinking it over with a twisted grin on his face, he obviously found what ever it was hilarious, "it's just me and Leah, well I wouldn't say we are dating or anything, god no, but we have this little physical relationship thing that's been going on and well Leah will kill me for telling you this, she's a little let's say _enthusiastic_" he said laughing again.

I was surprised, Embry would have been the last person I would have thought Leah would have settled for, what with Embry going through girls like a pack of gum, what was she thinking? maybe it was purely sex? Embry did say it was a '_physical_' relationship, and Embry might call it '_enthusiastic_' I called it violent.

"Embry, you know if Leah's hurting you, or forcing you to do anything that your not comfortable with, if she's abusing you, you don't have to think you have to take it, cuz abusive relationships are just plain un-healthy and wrong, you can get help" I said feeling worried about Embry, as I knew first hand Leah's anger problems and now Embry's bruises.

Embry though seemed to think this was too much and burst out laughing after he finally settled down enough to speak he said wiping the tears or laughter from his eyes "oh my God, Nessie you seriously make me laugh, girl" then he seemed more serious "but please, I beg you! do not, I repeat do not! go saying things like that around Jake or any of the guy's you got me?" he said looking suddenly mortified.

"Embry, you don't have to feel ashamed, I know Leah's a violent and dangerous person, you can tell me, I promise I won't tell Jake or any of the guy's, but if Leah is...well forcing you to do things with her and hurting you, I'm here if you need to talk to someone about it, I won't laugh or judge you Embry" I said patting his leg to pretend to comfort him but really I was having some graphic thoughts of forcing Embry to do some wrong things to me.

Embry just burst out laughing again and shook his head "Nessie, Leah isn't _forcing_ me to do anything, it's all completely consensual and don't worry I'm not in some abusive relationship or anything" he didn't even finish before breaking out laughing again when he finally forced a strait face best he could he continued "I'm fine, Nessie, Leah just likes it rough and I mean normally that isn't the way I do it, I mean I normally like to give girls the best time of their life, but if this what gets Leah's rocks off so be it, I'm all about pleasuring the ladies" he said raising an eye-brow at me in a mock suggestive way but it still made my stomach go weird.

Embry just burst out laughing again at the absurdity of what I was suggesting, I felt a little stupid, but seriously no matter what Embry called '_enthusiastic' _or '_rough'_, neither of those things in my book's would constitute punching someone in the face as hard as Leah must have done, or restraining Embry's wrist's in such a way to leave such deep bruising, un-healthy and violent I mentally agreed with myself while thinking if I ever slept with Embry I wouldn't hurt him, I'd want to pleasure him..no stop that! I shook myself out of it.

Before I had a chance to voice any more of my concerns Embry jumped up pulling me up with him by the hand I hadn't realized I had my hand still on his thigh, I felt a little surprised by this as he pulled me down the beach some way still laughing when ever he caught my eye.

I noticed the group of kids' from Forks I'd been watching earlier were now watching Embry and me, I felt their eyes were accusing me, I quickly pulled my hand out of Embry's and took a few steps away from him, I mean I was being ridiculous, who even were these kids? they didn't know about Jake and me, heck they didn't even know who we were, I'd never seen them before in my life, so why was I so jumpy? couldn't I just walk down the beach innocently holding hands with a friend? it wasn't like I was doing anything wrong, and even if I was it wasn't like these kids were going to run off and tell Jake any of their suspicions.

I eyed Embry, he didn't seem to notice nor care that I'd hastily pulled my hand away from his, his eyes however were planted firmly on a group of girls a few paces up the beach, they were putting sun-tan lotion on each others back's, maybe the group of Forks Kid's weren't looking at me at all, maybe what I thought was accusation was really disapproval at Embry checking out some girls?

I suddenly felt extreamly guilty, why would I even think such things? why would such worries even cross my mind? it was ridiculous that I was feeling feeling guilty strolling along happily holding Embry's hand, I mean I had admitted that I found Embry was a very attractive guy, but were was this coming from? no, no I love Jake! I chanted to myself.

Suddenly another thought occurred to me, had Embry noticed that I'd kept my hand on his thigh a little longer than was just friendly? had Embry noticed how I hadn't pulled my hand out of his sooner as we strolled down the beach holding hands? did he think something was up? did he think I wanted him?

My eyes shot back over to Embry, almost expecting to see the accusations in his eyes, the disgust and loathing, but he was far more occupied with checking out the lotioned-up girls we were nearly level with, my eyes forced their way back over to the waters edge were the Forks kids were still watching us, or should I say me, their eyes were boring into me.

That's when I noticed that is wasn't only the Forks kids watching me, but so were a number of other people, I was confused, did they know what was going on in my mind? how could they know? or was it obvious? did they just think I was some cheap slut? it made no sense though, they couldn't know, I mean I hadn't done anything, I wasn't planning to ever do anything, I would never betray Jake like that, never.

At that moment Embry had stopped and I walked into his bare back, I jumped away, hoping that Embry didn't think I was trying to feel him up or anything, I noticed then why we'd stopped Embry had reached the lotiony girls, they stopped their giggling and looked up, when they spotted me they frowned and gave me disgusted looks, I felt my face flush.

Embry seemed quite oblivious to my mental breakdown, "hey, I haven't seen you girls on this beach before, are you tourists?" he asked the group of lathered up tarts, he used a deeper voice than his normal voice, and he gave them his most alluring smile, the girls swooned, even I had to force myself not to think..damn it! stop thinking that! Jacob's smile is far more sexy! I forced my mind to fill up with Jacob's sexiness.

The girls eyed Embry appreciatively before a raven haired, ridiculously fake tanned mole answered "well this is our first time here, a group of our friends from Seattle" - "that's were where from" a honey haired tart cut in flattering her eye lashes at Embry trashily, "yeah were from Seattle, well they came down here a few weeks ago and told us we just had to come here and believe me I see exactly what they meant" the raven haired whore finished with a meaningful look at her friend.

The friend had bleached blond hair, _too_ bleached to the point her hair looked frizzy and very badly damaged she caught on to what the dark haired mole was implying "yeah they said that the Native guy's were gorgeous, and we definitely see that they were not exaggerating in the least" The dark mole and the sandy tart giggled louder before the frizz ball slag said "well we would love to ask you to join us, but I don't think your girlfriend would like that too much" she said giving me a contemptuous look.

Embry though pushed me further away from him at this "she's not my girlfriend, she's a friend of friend and she was just leaving, but I'm more than happy to show you ladies around show you the sights, everything that La Push has to offer" he said flirting un-ashamedly with the frizz balled leathery tanned slag.

I could not believe how Embry was just blowing me off for such trashy whory Seattle moles, "well I'll see you around then Embry" I said annoyed and angry, "what? oh yeah, bye bye" he said not even looking at me, I felt slightly gutted at this, the blond haired frizz whore gave me a total gloating smile as she asked Embry if he would like her to put some lotion on his perfectly sculpted back.

I walked away furious and defencive, how that blond frizzy slut gloated at me, like I was jealous that she got to feel Embry up? I mean I've got a man at home a thousand times more desirable than Embry which I could have a piece of any time I wanted, Embry was after all nothing on Jacob, what did Embry have that Jacob didn't? nothing, Jacob was the Alpha of the pack! the most superior, the best, but then again Embry was a ladies kind a guy, he'd been with a lot of different girls, and it wasn't exactly a secret around La Push that Embry did what he did _well_, but Embry had lots of practice, Jake had only done it once, when Embry started out he was probably as bad Jake, if not worse.

And why should I even be thinking any of this, Embry was just a friend, or as Embry so hurtfully put it, nothing more than a friend of a friend, well he was a pig anyway, I hope he catches something off them, they looked dirty enough and who knew if Embry used protection?

And why the hell was everyone still looking at me? I thought outraged, just then my question was answered, I felt someones arms around my waist and the sound of Seth's smooth voice in my ear "nice lunar affects" he said jokingly, I pulled myself out of his embrace, I didn't need anything else to feel guilty over.

I looked down at my skin, sure enough there was definite glow, I mean it was no shards of diamond beams, but it was obviously enough to attract the attention of a third of the beach, now that I noticed, I could see that the people weren't looking at me with accusation, they guy's certainly weren't, they were all drooling over me, the girls were all looking at me with jealousy and incredulous looks, they all thought that I was attractive, which did nothing but make me feel self conscious.

I grabbed Seth by the arm and led him further up the beach towards the tree's, "Hey Seth, do you wanna go somewere more seluded with me?" I asked not thinking, then totally kicking myself when I relized how it came out, Seth looked at me suprised "umm..ok" he said confused.

After we made it a good few feet in the tree's and away from everyones watching eyes, I sat down on a mossy log feeling Seth sit down next to me, "Nessie, is everything alright?" Seth asked touching my arm, I felt my heart-rate elevate, what was wrong with me? why was I suddenly having these dirty and un-right thoughts about Jake's friends? my friends!.

I didn't answer strait away, "Nessie, you can tell me anything" Seth said now rubbing my arm in a soothing way, he obviously thought I was feeling upset, well I was feeling upset about what I was feeling, but I was feeling more turned on than anything else, I felt my skin burn under Seth's touch that had nothing at all to do with his ridiculous body heat.

Something was seriously wrong with me, I'd never felt like this before, why was this happening now? were was all this desire coming from? I felt even more strongly than I'd felt for Embry with Seth, so it wasn't Embry, I had a feeling it was just going to be any guy at this point...

I looked up at Seth, Seth was my second best friend and certainly the most attractive guy I knew away from Jacob, he was hilarious, he was kind and once or twice I'd had a dirty thought about him here or there, but nothing like this, Seth was looking at me biting his lip, he looked just so damn hot when he was concerned.

Seth noticed something in my eyes and he looked taken aback "Nessie, are you ok?" he asked his voice dropping down a slight active, he seemed suddenly nervous, he stopped his hand from rubbing me, but I noticed he didn't remove it altogether, I didn't know what I was doing, what was wrong with me?

But I felt this un-describable urge to kiss Seth, no, more than kiss him, I wanted him, I wanted to feel his body against mine, I wanted to taste him, I wanted to feel him inside of me, I couldn't control it a moment longer I snapped and crushed my lips against his, I didn't wait for a response I thrust my tongue into his mouth through his lips which were slightly parted with surprise.

I pushed him back on the mossy soft forest floor off the log, I felt Seth start to get some sense back, I felt his hands which I wanted to touch me, stroke me, hold me closer, but were instead pushing me away, he managed to pull me off him and restrain me as I tried to kiss him and touch him.

"Nessie, what are you doing?" he said loudly panting, his eyes were wide open in shock, his panting was turning me on, something about the way his pupils were dilated was telling me to keep going, telling me he wanted to do this as well, it was all instinctual, I wasn't thinking even remotely rationally anymore.

I managed to free an arm from his restraint and I groped strait for the crutch, Seth let go of my restraint in surprise and I pushed my body down onto his in an instant, I kissed him hungrily, angrily, I clawed my fingers up and down his perfect body, I could feel every perfectly toned muscle under his smooth silky skin.

I needed to feel his skin on my skin, I ripped my shirt off, bursting the buttons I didn't care, I ripped my bra off in less than an instant, I saw Seth's eyes widen further, saw his pupils dialate larger at the sight of my bare breasts, I grabbed his hands and forced them to cup my breasts.

I needed more, I needed to feel more, I pulled my shorts off along with my my underwear, I pulled at the waistband of Seth's cut off sweat's, but once again I felt his hands restrain me, not helping me get them off, not pull me closer, not caress my body, what was wrong with him? I was confused, it was obvious to me that this was what he wanted, what I wanted, I saw that Seth was visibly aroused, driving me insane, to think that his long, hard, thick cock was under the thin constricting fabric was driving me mad, why was he restraining me? why was he stopping this?

I wasn't thinking what I was doing, I was lost to desire, to my instincts, I knew what I had to do to get past Seth's restraint, to get to his welcoming yearning man hood, I knew all along that this would happen, I bit him, he let me go instantly, I tasted his blood, I felt the warmth of it swell inside me, filling me, it drove me even more over the edge.

I bit him again and again, I managed to pull his sweats off, to reveal his magnificent glory, I felt my pelvis, my body convolse, I felt my fluids run wet, I couldn't hold it off any longer, I pushed myself down onto Seth's throbbing cock, I felt his head, I felt every vain of his shaft, stimulating me, pleasuring me.

I had to feel his body on top of mine, I pulled Seth down on top of me, I wrapped my legs around his waist, my hands clawing his back, pulling him closer, in deeper, I felt him thrust deeply into me, I moaned out in pleasure, into ecstasy, I didn't want him to stop, it couldn't stop, I moaned louder as he thrust in faster and deeper, I felt his warm hot mouth on my breasts, my neck, my lips.

I couldn't stop was was building inside of me, I pulled my fingers through Seth's hair, pulled him closer, it was here, it hit me like an explosion of pure pleasure, I'd never known anything like this nirvana, I was lost, nothing mattered to me, my self, my being was nothing, gone forever, because nothing could penetrate me through this un-believable ecstasy, I arched my back and moaned like I'd never moaned before clawing at every bit of his flesh I could pull closer.

I felt it start to ebb away, faster and faster, my mind was becoming clearer, the pumping in my ears was fading, I could feel the sun, the breeze on my skin, the sound which seemed to be muted was now returning full blast, I felt Seth's heavy, sweaty body still on me, crushing down on top me, I felt his heavy breathing, his heavy panting slowing like mine, he pulled himself out of me and flumped onto the mossy floor next to me.

Everything was coming back, sense, reality, the reality of what I'd just done came crashing down around me, it was deafening, a tsunami of guilt, of shame, of self loathing, I felt naked, I felt exposed, I felt like a filthy whore, I felt violated by myself, by my instincts, my urges.

What had I done? I couldn't even bare to look at Seth, I didn't blame him one bit, I couldn't bare to look into his eyes, see there the filthy un-controllable animal I'd become, I sat up and curled my arms around my knees, what could happen now? how could I go back to Jacob and tell him? how could I ever look into Jacob's eyes ever again after what I'd just done, how could I ever be forgiven? I wanted him to yell at me, I wanted him to hit me, hurt me, rip me into a million pieces than burn me until there is nothing left, it's no more than I deserve, I deserve worse.

What had come over me? it was bewildering, I'd never before imagined that I could feel such desire, the urge to mate was overwelming, it wasn't a matter of choice, in that moment there was no choice, I _had_ to have sex, I had to fuck, there was just no two ways about it, how was that possible? was I going crazy? I felt crazy, I'd lost my mind completely, what was wrong with me? it was just so strong, so over-powering the urge to breed, I had to ask Carlisle, but how could I go to my Grandpappa for something like this?

I forced my eyes over to Seth, he was still laying there next to me on the soft mossy under-growth, how could I have done this to him? violated him the way I did? I was a predator, a sexual predator, he was my prey, what did he think of me? he must hate me, I took away his innocence, Seth had never, ever, how could I have done that to him? subject him to such a thing for his first time? I'd probably put him off ever having sex for the rest of his life.

Seth saw me looking at him, he sat up and covered himself, I saw the red flush under his dark skin, a flush of revolsion, of hatred I was thinking untill I felt his hand on my back, my eyes shot open, I noticed he had moved closer to me and was stroking his fingers up and down my spine.

"Nessie" he began in a soft and almost shy voice, I looked into his face, at least I should look at him, see the damage I had conflicted on him as he tells me how much I revolt him and how much he hates me and can never forgive me for as long as he lives, but there wasn't any trace of hatred, revulsion, not even anger or sadness, there was nervousness, but not in a horrified way, in a nervous young shy teenage boy way after he's just lost his virginity to the girl of his dreams, that was the look in his eyes.

I couldn't believe that I could ever have hated myself more than I had a moment ago, but I was wrong, he didn't hate me, he wasn't revolted by me, he wasn't furious with me, he liked me, I made him realize that we was in love with me and I knew it, I'd known it for a while now that Seth really liked me, I knew that look in his eyes, it was almost the look that Jake wore when he looked at me, almost the look my father had when he looks at my mother, almost the look that Sam had when he looks at Emily, it was the dulled down none-imprinted love look that I wore when I looked at Jacob.

It was love, but not destined imprinted love, just normal everyday love, the love that I felt for Jacob, the kind of love that would know way ever match up to imprinting, but it was strong enough, strong and powerful enough to hurt, hurt Seth so badly.

What have I done.....

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**So there it is, what did u think? I'll put the next chapter up now I guess while I'm in the mood. And also, thanks for reading! Please comment, it really does make my day! it gives me a total rush to read them! It's like, wow, someone is actually bothering to read my story lol**


	12. Revelations

**Ok well there's the 12th chappie. Nearly didn't up-load it, my cat just gave birth everwhere, eck, cat birthing blood on my hands, yuck. Babies still cute though ^^ Well anyways, yeah this chapter is pretty funny aswell. I wrote some stuff out of my own life into it lol**

**Well enjoy...**

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**chp.12 'revelations' - Jacob's POV**

I took a few deep breaths as I stepped out into the surprisingly pleasant sunshine, I really didn't want to go to see Sam and talk strategy right now, not after the way Nessie had kissed me just moments ago back in my living room, agh! why did she have to make me feel like this? especially when I had to go out! it was so unfair, it should be illegal.

Even though with every fibre of my being I wanted to run back inside and make long hot love to Nessie, who also wanted me as well right now! no matter how much it was against everything I felt right now about the girl inside, I pulled my cut off jeans down and tied them around my leg, no one was watching, I felt the ripples of heat abrupt up my spine, in the less than a moment I was bounding after the guy's into the woods.

The guy's of course felt my frustration and so did Leah, I heard her feel revolted at my thoughts about what I'd really like to be doing to Nessie right about now that I couldn't help but think, I heard Embry's gloating thoughts and Quil's amusement and also even though I tried to shut it out Seth's feelings about Nessie, that were far too close to mine right now for comfort.

I knew that Seth had the hots for Nessie, my Nessie, it drove me insane, I hated it, I hated the fact that Nessie liked Seth so much as well, even though she told me that it wasn't in that way, I could never quite be sure and especially how last night she'd giving Seth a_ good 9, _even though she said I was a 110, it still made me think, still made me feel angry.

_"Jake relax, I would never, ever try anything with Nessie, I wish I didn't feel the way I do about her, I've tried to forget her, but I can't, I swear though I would never touch her, I would never do anything" _I heard Seth tell me, but I could still hear the thoughts of happiness that he couldn't help but think as I remembered how Nessie had told me she thought he was a good 9.

Embry decided to continue the conversation we were having earlier, much to my annoyance, "_but seriously Jake, with Nessie and you and your little problem, it's nothing really, I mean it was your first time, her first time, the fist time for girls isn't expose to be that good anyway, so I wouldn't take it too personally, and with you, well all you need is some practice and some pointers"_

"Seriously, Embry, shut the fuck up, I don't need any pointers from you" I thought back annoyed, I mean I was a damn Alpha, I didn't need any pointers from Embry! "_Jake, I wasn't saying anything about your manhood, all I was saying I could give you some tips, some moves you know, show you how you went wrong last time" _Embry thought back whole-heartedly enjoying this.

I mentally groaned, but Embry had to continue "_now from what I've seen through your thoughts how it happened, I can see what you could have done better.." - _"Embry, please just shut up" I begged, it was so damn embarrassing, especially with Leah listening in with her amused and gloating thoughts at how I couldn't preform.

"_Nope, sorry man, but it's against my better judgement to let one of my best friends not to be able to pleasure their lady" _I growled at him, but Embry continued un-perterbed "_ok Jake, this is probably the biggest place you went wrong, you started too soon and it was over too quick, you see Jake there's a little thing called foreplay" - _

"Embry please! I'm begging you man" - "_shut up Jake you have to hear this, see a girl takes a little longer to get going than a guy does, you have to pre-heat the over before you stick the turkey in, if you get what I mean" -_

"_Embry, master of love, your an idiot and you know nothing" _I heard Leah think scathingly, Embry's thoughts became dangerously close to something that none of us wanted Seth to hear, "_really Leah? well I've never heard any complaints, quite the contrary actually" _he thought back mockingly, Leah mentally blush.

Seth seemed confused "_what?"_ he asked not cottoning on, Embry ignored him and forced those thoughts about Leah and him further away, "_but Jake, do you get what I'm saying? see if a girl hasn't had sex a lot it's a bit un-comfortable, so if you warm her up, pleasure her before hand, even make her go all the way, then when it comes time for the actual deed she'll be a lot more open and the endorphins will block any discomfort and if you've pleased her well than it wouldn't matter how long you can last" _-

"Embry just shut up now ok? we all get what your saying" I thought back, annoyed that I was actually going to take what he said on board. _"see Jake, this is good, your learning, now if you need any pointers on how to pleasure a women, I'm more than willing to share some with you" - "Embry, you think you a hell of a lot better than you actually are" _Leah thought annoyed.

Seth seemed slightly put-out _"Leah, how would you know about Embry's pleasuring skills?" _he asked, but still not coming to the conclusion that she knew first hand what Embry's _pleasuring skills _were, "_I'm just saying, I mean I've seen many of Embry's conquest's from his sick thoughts, and really he doesn't look that amazing" _she thought back with a cruel edge to her thoughts.

Embryhad a sudden surge of annoyance, _"yeah really Leah? you know I'm actually with Seth on this, you know nothing about my pleasuring capabilities" _Leah let out a sound of disblelief "_I think I know pretty well what your capability's are, or lack of, Embry" _she thought back scathingly, it was getting far too close now to what we wanted to keep from Seth.

Embry seemed too annoyed now to think about Seth, _"Leah, you know what? you know nothing, nothing at all about what I can do" _Embry was starting to get angry, Leah sensed this but pushed on with a image of them entangled in a moment of passion, well not really passion, more of an assault.

Embrylet out a growl and flashed images of how violent Leah was, how she punched him, restrained him forcefully, hurt him and pinned him to the ground as she had her way with him, Seth let a whine, but we all ignored him, "_well, Leah? when do I ever have a chance to show you what I can do? you never let me touch you, or even kiss you, and believe me Leah, I don't think you have any form of skills yourself, because sweetheart you suck, surprised Sam didn't leave you earlier if that's how you are in the sack, and to be honest I would never pleasure you in the ways I do for other girls either, because frankly, I don't want to taste your filthy minge" _Embry thought back angrily.

Leah growled and snapped in Embry's direction, but Embry snarled back raising his shackles warningly, _"well Embry, if that's how you feel, you can go and get fucked!" _Leah thought back trying to hide the feeling that he had actually kind of hurt her feelings, _"ha, my pleasure, but surly not by you, I actually want to enjoy it" _Embry thought back angry.

I was getting sick of this, we were almost at Emily's place anyway, "cut it out guy's, now!" I said feeling the double edge to my Alpha command, Embry and Leah stopped but I could hear them still seething, Seth was utterly disgusted as tried his best to wipe those images from his mind.

All through the meeting with Sam, we were all distracted, Embry and Leah were sitting as far apart from each other that the small kitchen could provide, the tension coming off them was as thick as custard, and Seth kept shooting murderous glances at Embry and trying his best not to make any form of eye contact with Leah, he seemed un-able to even look at her.

I was thinking about what Embry had told me, I mean sure I knew that long foreplay was better, but at the time I was just too damn exited and eager to feel myself inside of her, Nessie probably was expecting me to touch her more, maybe even go down on her? which I didn't, frankly I was just plain selfish, I felt furious and disgusted with myself, how could I ever have put my pleasure ahead of hers? even though at the time it was intentional. It just turned out that way, but it was in-excusable, when this damn meeting was over I was going to give Nessie as much foreplay, as much pleasure as I should have done the first time.

After it seemed hours of Sam just droning on and on, the meeting was finally over and Emily made lunch, I was eager to get back to Nessie but I was also starved so I decided to eat first, Embry and Leah weren't in the mood for lunch and they left bickering with each other out the back door, Seth seemed more comfortable after Embry and Leah left, but he seemed still pretty subdued, I mean I didn't blame him one bit, I remember when I was still a part of Sam's pack and Paul had first imprinted and got with Rachel, now those were some images that I wanted to forever burn out of my brain.

Seth left soon afterwards not having that much to eat, mumbling something about going down to the beach, I decided to leave not long after that, I felt a thrill of excitement and nerves in my stomach at the thought at what I was about to go home and do, I hoped that Rachel would be easy to get out of the house, and Billy would be dead to the world from his afternoon meds so he wouldn't hear anything

I heard people behind me I turned around and spotted that it was just Paul and Quil, they seemed to be talking about something highly amusing, when they saw that I noticed them they burst out laughing, well I could give a half a guess as to what was so funny.

"Jake, what's this I hear about you getting sex tips off Embry? why didn't you come to me? I could have given you plenty of advise" Paul said jogging to catch up to me, I felt humiliated, great did everyone have to know how terrible I was in the sack? and Paul! did Paul have to know?

"I was not asking to get any tips off Embry, he just believed that it was somehow his job to give me pointers, I don't want and I don't need any advise on how to preform in the bedroom!" I spluttered angrily shooting Quil a murderous look, what was it to Quil? he'd never been with any girls and he won't even come close to losing his virginity for another 7-8 years!

Paul put his arm around my shoulders "Jake, Jake, Jake, everyone knows about your disasturous first attempt, now as your brother in law, I feel obliged to give you some free moves, little' Bro" I shook his arm off, "oh great! that is what I need, seriously Paul I wouldn't want to do any moves that you think are good, I actually want to improve in that area" I growled pissed off.

Paul just laughed "well I'm not the one hearing any complaints am I Jakey boy? just ask your sister, she's more than satisfied", I didn't want to hear anymore of this, and I certainly didn't want to hear any form of sexual acts that Paul and Rachel did together, I didn't want to be put off for sex for life.

I punched Paul in the gut and ran into the trees feeling the heat ripple through my body, I heard Paul chasing after me as I burst onto large paws, feeling slightly annoyed that I didn't have time to strip, great, hopefully Rachel didn't spot me before I had time to chuck on some pants, I didn't need that kind of embarrassment again.

Rachel had un-doubtedly seen me naked at least half a dozen times already, why did whenever I happened to be desperate for no one to spot me naked, did I have to run into Rachel each time? was it destined that I should forever be humiliated by having my sister see my goods?

Paul followed me home, it was kinda weird to be running next to another wolf and not hear what they were thinking, but it wasn't like I was complaining or anything, I was very thankful that I couldn't hear Paul's thoughts, or him hear mine for that matter, I didn't want him to know I was feeling nervous and not all together over-confident about making love to Nessie again, what she'd said really was a blow to my confidants, even though I would never tell her that and it was humiliating enough that everyone in my pack knew about it!

I decided to go around the back to phase hoping that I could manage to sneak into my room before Rachel saw me, the back door was closer to my bedroom, but of course just has I phased back and was sneaking through the back door, Rachel came out of the bathroom and got an eye-full of everything that you never wanted your sister to see.

Rachel turned beat red and covered her eyes "oh, Jake, this really should stop happening like this, it's quite embarrassing" she said amused, I dashed into my room and slammed the door shut behind me, she was embarrassed! I was beyond humiliated, again! seriously I doubted if I could ever look Rachel in the eyes again.

I heard Paul's annoying voice from out in the hall, and Rachel's nervouse laugh coupled with Paul's sudden bark of humor, great, did they have to talk about what had just happened? I managed to pull out some black t-shirt from under the bed and pull on a pair of jeans, I sat down on my bed after I'd changed and put my face in my hands.

It was a moment 'till I noticed that Nessie strangely enough had not come in here to find me, she must know I was home, I felt extremely nervous all of a sudden, I jumped up off the bed as if I'd be electrocuted and examined my reflection in a piece of broken mirror, I smoothed my hair down and pulled a twig and some leaves out of my hair, that would have been embarrassing I thought.

Apart from my nervousness, I was feeling exited now I was home, I felt my heart thump fast in my chest and an un-comfortable butterfly sensation in my stomach, I took a few deep breaths before leaving the room.

I headed into the living room and saw that Nessie wasn't there, I turned and peaked into the kitchen were Rachel and Paul were getting a little too enthusiastic for my liking, were was Nessie? I thought, as I looked out the front and half looked in the garage, even though I knew she wouldn't be in there.

Maybe she went home? I thought angrily, I mean I did leave her here for hours by herself, she could have just decide, _the hell with I'm going home_, or maybe she went down the beach? I mean after all it was a rare sunny nice day, and she was dressed for the beach this morning before I left.

I decided grudgingly to go ask Rachel if she knew were Nessie had gone, it took a few moments for Paul and her to break away, jeez, Rachel managed to tell me that Nessie had indeed gone to the beach before Paul hoisted her onto the kitchen counter and what they did next was far too indecent for me to stomach, I gave a mental reminder to myself to never eat anything prepared on that bench.

I headed down to the beach, it took me a little over fifteen minutes to get there, I walked up the beach keeping my eye out for her, the beach was too crowded today for my liking, I hated it when it was like this, couldn't they have just gone to the pool or something? did they have to hog up my beach?

After a short walk I spotted Embry showing off for a bunch of girls, tourists, I noticed, the only girls he stood a chance with these days, as every girl on La Push _and_ the Makah rez, knew too stay away from Embry, unless they just wanted sex, Embry had broken many a girls heart.

I made my way over to him, "hey Embry, you haven't seen Nessie have you?" I asked, the girls I noticed exchanged looks and giggled, odd, "oh yeah, she was here just a minute ago?" Embry said looking up and down the beach, "did any of you guys see were that girl I was with before get to?" Embry asked the group, they exchanged another loaded look with each other.

A blond girl, with straw dry hair looked up at from under her eyelashes at me, "yeah I saw her, she went into those trees over there dragging along some guy, he looked like maybe he was one of your friends" she said, I looked over to were she'd pointed, dragged some guy into the trees? wonder who it was? "what did the guy look like?" I asked a little too urgently.

The blond girl just shrugged "I dunno, some Indian.. I meant Native American guy" she quickly corrected herself blushing, "yeah, but what did he look like?" I asked again, "who cares? forget her, why don't you hang with us instead, Embry here was going to show us this other more secluded beach that the tourists don't know about, join us" she said fluttering her eyelashes at me and putting on some stupid pout.

I felt annoyed, "nah I won't, I should go find Nessie" I said more to Embry who was shaking his head telling me not to come, like I wanted to, the blond girl looked upset, "why do you care so much about _Nessie_?" she sneered the name, "why care about her, when you can have all of this" she trying to pull me down onto her towel with her.

I pulled myself out of her grip, "I care about her because she happens to be my girlfriend" I said sharply, the blond girl didn't look phased, "not much of a girlfriend is she? running off with some guy into the woods, I mean she looked like she had a purpose when she dragged him off in there" she said pulling her fingers through her dry bleached hair.

I felt my hands begin to shake, Embry noticed this and jumped up, "ah well, so girl's do you want me to show you that beach now?" he asked, the girls jumped up eagerly enough, the blond one gave me one last look of longing as she and her friends followed Embry down the beach.

I slowly made my way over to were the girl had pointed, as I reached the tree's Seth came stumbling out, he had bits or moss and twigs in his hair, I noticed he had scratch marks on his skin, like made by fingernails, then I noticed a crescent bite mark healing fast on his arm.

I grabbed his arm "what is this? did Nessie bite you?" I asked shocked, I couldn't believe that Nessie would just bite Seth like that, was she really thirsty? I tried to remember last time she'd hunted, it was a few days ago come to think of it, Seth pulled his arm away, I noticed he was blushing bright red and was looking extremely guilty and awkward.

"Oh, ah.. it's nothing" Seth said not meeting my eyes, I felt a lurch in my stomach, "Seth, were is Nessie?" I asked dangerously, trying to force the vibrations I felt away, I felt the heat start to lash itself just under the surface.

Seth hesitated before answering "she went back to the Cullen's, she said she needed to see Carlisle" he said in a weird voice, something was definitely up, I was really starting to feel worried now, "Seth, why did she need to see Carlisle?" I asked in that same controlled dangerous voice, I was surprised my voice sounded to calm, as I was freaking out on the inside.

Seth didn't answer, he seemed to be slightly hyper-ventilating, he looked how I felt, "Jacob, something happened... I did something really bad, I don't know how to tell you" he broke off, I grabbed his arm again and pulled him around to look at me, "what did you do?, Seth, tell me right now!" I felt my control slipping, I felt the vibrations surge up my spine, Seth looked scared.

Seth's eyes traveled over to the packed beach, I knew I should control myself, I knew that I really couldn't turn into a giant wolf infront of all these people, I instead tightened my grip on Seth's arm and pulled him into the woods roughly, I stopped when I could smell Nessie's sent, it was strong here and so was Seth's.

Seth tried to pull his arm out of my grip, but I held on strong, "tell me, now!" I demanded, my whole body was shaking, I let go of Seth and he started to back away, "Jake, before you kill me you have to hear me out" I felt a violent tremor surge through my body, I forced myself to stay human.

I heard the blood pounding in my ears, I noticed I was trembling in a way that had nothing to do with the violent vibrations that were surging through my body, Seth took a deep breath before "Jacob, Nessie and I had sex, but I tried to stop her! I really did! she forced me into it! I'm not saying that I'm blameless, but I really did try as hard as I could to resist, she was crazy! she was a totally out of control!" he blurted out.

I felt the heat rip through my body, I lunged at Seth who second guess what I was about to do and dodged me, turning into a wolf as well and running further into the woods, "Seth, stop!" I gave the Alpha command he had to obey, Seth stopped and cowered on his stomach as I caught up with him.

It would be easy to kill him right now, there was no way he could run, I was the Alpha, there was no way he could go against what I demanded of him, there was no way he could fight me off if he even tried, I was twice his size, he was no match, he was nothing compared to me, Seth whined loudly as I bared my teeth, ready to rip him, tear him apart.

I heard an emergency howl in the distance marred with Quil's and Leah's voices in my head, _"Jake don't!"_ Quil begged, he was the one who'd howled. _"Jacob if you hurt Seth I swear to god I'll kill you!" _I heard Leah's scream in her head at me, and I knew that if I killed Seth she would definitely try, I heard Embry's voice join in with the others _"what? what's happening? Jake what are you..?"_ he chocked off when he heard what happened.

Quil and Leah had joined me in the small clearing, Leah was snarling and baring her teeth ready to spring at a moments notice, she was nothing, I could take her down in an instant, _"Jake, seriously man calm down ok?"_ I heard Embry's thoughts as he made it into the clearing also, _"Jake, Embry's right, you really need to calm down!"_ Quil thought frightened.

How could they tell me to calm down? Seth had fucked Nessie, my Nessie, my beautiful perfect Nessie, the whole reason of my existence was befouled by him, the betrayal alone was agonizing, I knew how Seth felt about Nessie, I worried, but never _really_ believed, never _really_ thought he would do this to me, the betrayal was overwhelming.

Seth whined again, _"Jake, I'm so sorry! I never meant this to happen, I never wanted this to happen!"_ I growled, I knew he wanted this to happen, I knew he wished it, fantasized about her, but I would never have believe the depths of which he would sink, I lunged at him but I barely got to make a scratch as Leah and flung herself at me.

I felt her teeth pulling and forcing me away from Seth, it just made me even more mad, I managed to get my teeth into Leah's shoulder, I felt her flesh tear under my teeth, she let out a howl of pain, I felt Embry's teeth sink into my throat pulling me back off Leah, Quil joined in and they managed to pull me off her.

I knew all I had to do was give the Alpha command and that would be it, they couldn't do anything to stop me then, but I didn't, I knew deep down that I wanted them to stop me from killing Seth, I didn't really want him dead, but tried to force away my mercy, I wanted to kill him, he deserved to do die for what he'd done, but I knew I couldn't do it.

Embry asked Seth furiously, _"seriously, why did you do it Seth? what the hell were you thinking?" _Seth was whined again and then I saw everything, I saw it all through Seth's mind, everything _Nessie_ did, it was too much, I couldn't believe it, I didn't want to believe it, all my anger was gone, I was falling.

I phased back human and collapsed onto the ground, I didn't care that they were watching, I started to cry in earnest onto the ground, I didn't care that I was naked, it meant nothing to me, how could Nessie have done this? why? the pain was terrible, I clawed at my chest, I couldn't bare the agony I wanted to rip my heart out, I wanted to die, anything to stop the pain.

I felt the others phase back around me, they meant nothing to me, my anger at Seth was totally gone, because nothing could penetrate me through this excruciating blackness, through the gaping hole in my chest, tears weren't enough, crying didn't seem strong enough to express or dumb the soul crushing sorrow I was feeling, but I continue to cry anyway.

I seemed to be aloud to cry like this for some time, the others didn't either want to touch me, or just had know idea what they should do? after all, we weren't the kinds of friends to cry into each others shoulders or anything, we weren't the kind of friends to even let each other see you cry, it was like an un-spoken agreement, keep your tears to yourself.

I thought I knew pain, I thought I'd dealt with the worse with Bella, I thought that nothing could compaire to the crushing consuming pain that she made me feel, but I was wrong, that was nothing to how I felt now, I would have gladly lived through that pain for the rest of my life and laughed and enjoy it, but not this, I couldn't live through this, I couldn't live without Nessie.

Suddenly I felt something get thrown down next to me, I couldn't think of what it could be until I heard Embry's awkward voice "Jake, maybe you would like to put some clothes on, I went and got you some" he sounded incredibly un-comfortable, I hadn't even noticed that Embry had left or returned, time had slowed down, or maybe sped up? it didn't matter.

The only thing that made me move, was the thought of going to see Nessie, I had to see her, I had to ask her why, I needed her to tell me something, anything that might help stop the crushing pain, I pushed myself out of the ball I curled myself in, and slowly pulled on the clothes Embry had brought me, I noticed that they weren't my clothes, Embry's clothes by the looks of them, I didn't care.

My whole body was still trembling, to the point were my teeth chatted together, I crossed my arms, I always thought Bella was being ridiculous when she used to hold herself after Edward had left her, I knew what she meant now, that this was the only thing you could do to hold yourself together, to try and block the gaping whole in your chest.

Embry was watching me nervously, Quil couldn't meet my eyes, he seemed to find the tears indecent, I didn't care, it did nothing to stop them from coming, I couldn't find it in myself to stop crying, at least I wasn't sobbing anymore, Leah looked as un-comfortable as the guys were with my emotional outbreak, but there seemed to be some pity in her eyes, which normally would have made me feel worse, but I couldn't care, nothing mattered.

I looked around noticing for the first time that Seth was gone, I tried to feel angry, but nothing, "where's Seth?" I asked, I sounded terrible, my voice was rough and cracked from crying, it hurt to speak, to even swallow my own saliva, the lump in my throat was so tight.

Quil looked at Leah out of the corner of his eye before answering "he left, he seemed to feel that you wanted him to go" Quil said slowly still avoiding looking into my face, but opted for telling my arm, I nodded, I didn't care if he was here or not, I felt nothing towards him.

I took a deep breath trying to calm my nerves and started off slowly in the direction of the Cullens' place, "Jake, were are you going?" Embry asked un-certainly, "too see Nessie" I croaked out emotionless, Embry didn't think this was a good idea, "Jake, seriously man, I wouldn't go see Nessie right now in the state your in", I didn't understand what he meant? "what do you mean, by the state I'm in?" I asked in a dead voice stopping.

Embry hesitated for fraction of a second before answering, "I mean you look like shit, and do you really want to let Nessie see you crying and all that? because well frankly, Jake, it's kinda desperate" he said honestly, I heard Leah let out a sound of anger, "oh my god, Embry, could you be any more insensitive?" she asked, Embry spluttered in indignation "me? me insensitive? I don't want to burst your bubble Leah, but your an insensitive cold hearted bitch yourself".

Leah opened her mouth to bicker back, but Quil cut over her, "seriously guys, this isn't really the time, and Jake, I have to half agree with Embry, maybe you should get yourself together before you go see Nessie" he said apologetic, I didn't really care what they thought, I didn't really care if Nessie saw me cry, but I agreed with them, I didn't know what I was going to say to Nessie when I saw her anyway.

Embry, Quil and Leah took me back home, I wished that they would just leave me to wallow in misery alone, but they decided to stay and try to cheer me up, which was the last thing I felt like doing, after an hour or so they decided to give it up as a bad job as through the middle of some stupid joke of Quil's I burst out into tears again.

Embry then riffled through the TV guide and found a movie that was about to start called 'Teen Wolf' which stared Michael. J Fox, but the movie was probably one of the worse most terrible movie's I'd ever seen, and apart from not making me want to laugh along with Embry and Quil, even Leah had to laugh at just the absolute crappiness of it, made me instead even more depressed.

By the time when the Michael. J Fox character started to play basketball as the most stupidest, cringe worthy excuse of a Werewolf you could ever imagine, I just couldn't stand it any longer, even the others seemed to be over the initial hilarity of it and just the sheer crappness of it was starting to were on them also.

I jumped up, seriously dealing with Nessie right now seemed a million times more appealing that watching any more of this movie, Embry, Quil and Leah jumped up along with me in an instant, I doubted they could stand to even watch another second of this movie either.

Quil turned the TV off to Leah's moan of appreciation, "god, I couldn't stand to watch it a minute longer, it's an embarrassment to be honest" Quil said shaking his head in disgust, Leah agreed, "I know! that was probably the worse movie I have ever seen, it's right up there at least with The Cat in the Hat, SpyKids and Diary of the Dead" she said as Embry groaned, we _all_ knew about the movie's that Leah thought were bad, as she had to mention them, especially The Cat in the Hat, whenever anyone mentioned a bad movie.

"I mean, the only thing that made me laugh in The Cat in the Hat was when Jared said" - "_are we expose to be laughing?" _we all chanted before Leah had a chance to finish her sentence, "we _know_, we have heard that story a million times all ready and we were _there_" Embry said exasperated rolling his eyes as Quil snorted.

Leah didn't seem embarrassed, "I was just saying" she said annoyed, "your _always_ just saying, and no one cares" Embry said the last part under his breath, but loud enough for Leah to hear him, I seriously wasn't in the mood for a Embry and Leah argument, which could go on for _hours_, they weren't fooling anyone, Quil and I already knew that they got off on it.

I mumbled something about going to the Cullen's, Embry and Leah didn't seem to be paying attention until after they heard the sound of me rattling my car key's, I felt like driving, and besides it will give me more time to think about what I was going to say to Nessie.

Much to my annoyance they followed me out and jumped in my car, even more to my annoyance Leah took shot-gun, I started the engine and pulled it away from the house and up the road, it took me about 40-50 minutes to drive from my house to the Cullen's place.

Longer today, earlier I'd been desperate to see Nessie, now I almost felt like I didn't want to see her, and that kinda frightened me, I never would have believed I would ever not want to see her, but I came to the conclusion that I didn't want to see her because I was afraid, afraid of what she'd tell me, afraid that she didn't want me anymore, afraid that she would leave me for Seth.

After a good hour I crawled the car up the Cullen's driveway, their ridiculously long driveway, it took about 20 minutes at my Pace before I even saw the house, to my surprise however Embry, Leah and Quil had kept virtually silent the whole trip, I think they knew the kinds of things that were going through my head, my fears, or they were just afraid I might burst into tears again.

I parked close to the house, but after I cut the engine I didn't get out, instead I just put my face in my arms on the steering wheel, I couldn't deal with this, I couldn't live if Nessie didn't want me, ignorance was better, at least right now there was still the possibility that she still wanted to be with me, there was no real question in the fact that I would of course still want her, I would forgive her, still love her with everything and more than I had to offer.

I felt Leah's hand on my thigh, a little higher than was strictly necessary, I'd thought that she maybe would have gotten over the stupid infatuation she had for me, what with Embry, secretly I thought that Leah and Embry suited each other in a weird twisted way, Leah voice broke my reverie, "Jake, are you going to go in?" she asked trying to keep the crassness from her voice.

I lifted my head out of my arms and looked up at the large white house, I felt my stomach lurch un-comfortably, I swallowed hard and took some deep long un-steady breaths, I felt like I was going to be sick, Leah seemed to have sensed danger and opened the passenger door and jumped out of the car, Embry and Quil must have seen what Leah saw and scrambled out of the car quickly after her.

I clenched my teeth and breathed deeply through my nose, with every breath it made me want to hurl, I forced myself out of the car, I felt a little un-steady and leaned against the side of the Rabbit closing my eyes, I really wished I wouldn't be sick, "Jake, are you sure you want to do this? you don't look very well" I heard Quil say concerned, "maybe you should sit down, Jake, seriously, you've gone green" I heard Embry say, his voices sounded like he was backing away further from me.

I forced down a few more deep lung fulls of air before opening my eyes, "no, I'm good" I said, my voice sounding oddly disconnected from myself, I pulled away from the car and headed purposely up to the house, the Cullen's must know I was here, I wondered briefly why no one had come out, I knocked on the door, normally I would have just walked in without bothering, but I felt the need to knock right now.

It was less than half a moment until the door was pulled open to reveal Edward, his expression didn't give me any answerer's I wanted to know about Nessie, I hesitated on the doorway for a moment before stepping past him into the house, Embry, Quil and Leah followed, I wished they didn't come, I wish they would leave me alone, I didn't want them here for this.

My eyes raked over the room to instantly reveal that Nessie wasn't there, either were Bella, Carlisle, Esme, Alice or Rosalie, I saw that Emmett and Jasper were here though, there seemed to be a look of humor well disguised on that Emmett's face that made me clench my fist's, but after a second of fury I felt a wave of contentment stole over me, this pissed me off more than anything else, I wanted to feel sad, angry anything but happy, I wanted to be mad, but I couldn't, damn that emotion controlling leach.

"Where's Nessie?" I asked in that same strange disconnected voice, "upstairs, Carlisle is taking some tests" Edward said, tests? I was confused? "what do you mean by tests? what kind of tests?" my voice sounded slightly worried but it was distant from me, like I was hearing someone else speak them from the other end of a long tunnel.

Edward didn't answer me right away, "Jacob, there is something that I need to tell you" he said in a constrained voice, I didn't know if I was ready for this, didn't know if I wanted to hear it, Edward then said "Jacob, maybe you should sit down".

I didn't move, I couldn't move my feet, I was rooted to the spot, when it was obvious I wasn't going to sit down Edward sighed and continued heavily, "Jacob, you know of course about what happened between Renesmee and Seth Clearwater?" it wasn't a question, I felt my stomach lurch again, I didn't say anything, I really didn't want to be sick.

I just nodded once stiffly, "Renesmee is going through something that none of us ever imagined, ever could have anticipated, no one could have seen this coming, Carlisle of course always believed it was possible, but this, he never knew, how could he?" Edward was speaking, but it made absolutely no sense what so ever to me.

At that moment I heard someone coming down the stairs, my eyes drifted over to the staircase to reveal Carlisle and Rosalie, Carlisle had an exited gleam in his eyes, so did Rosalie, what the hell was going on? "Edward, I have know idea what your saying, just tell me strait, is something wrong with Nessie?" I asked, my voice sounding closer to me than before.

But it was Carlisle who spoke, "Jacob, I am very, very sorry about what Renesmee did, but what happened is quite extraordinary" I still was totally blank, "Jacob you see, you know how in the beginning I thought that it might be possible for Renesmee to have children? but as she grew I was starting to doubt that it was going to happen, as even though her body grew and developed, she never went through her menstrual cycle" he broke off looking to Rosalie who made an odd sound in the back of her throat.

I still didn't see were he was going, Carlisle continued "well, now that Renesmee had reached physical maturity, such things are so obviously sped up, and quite remarkably and extraordinary so" he said again, "Doc, I still don't get were your going, are you trying to tell me that Nessie has got her...Period?" I said the last word un-comfortably.

Carlisle nodded, "yes, well not yet, but she will very soon, Renesmee has started her ovulation cycle, her hormones have hit the roof, it is incredible, as vampire females cannot have children, Renesmee as half-human certainly can, and the instinct to pro-create is astounding to say the least, you see Jacob, when Renesmee...well when she decided to get _friendly_ with Seth", _friendly_ didn't even cover it, I thought bitterly.

"Renesmee wasn't in her right mind, she had no control over what she was doing, any rational sense was lost completely to her instincts and need to pro-create, she was like an animal, it was nothing personal against you Jacob, it could quite easily have been you that she'd attacked if you were with her when it hit, it would have been any young fit male near her, as I said Jacob, she had no control over what she was doing, the need to breed and get pregnant was far to strong" Carlisle finished giving me a look of apology.

I forced my brain to understand what he was saying, "so Nessie, is what? on heat?" I asked making myself flinch at how the words came out, I didn't mean to make them sound like she was like a bitch on heat, Edward growled slightly, "yes, I guess you could think of it that way, but it is much more complicated than that" Carlisle said slowly.

I forced this information down, "so? how long will it last?" I asked, Carlisle cocked his head thinking it over, "I am not completely certain, but if her cycle is that of a average human, 3 to 5 days" he said, I nodded slowly, "this isn't going to be a once off kind of thing is it?" I asked already knowing the answer, Carslise shook his head "no, Jacob, I believe this will happen, if she is close to a human cycle, every month until she falls pregnant" he said.

I shook my head again, I wasn't ready to be a father right now, of course if that's what Nessie wanted, needed, I would of course give her one, Edward cut over my thoughts, "just because her urges are initially to get pregnant Jacob, it doesn't mean she's thinking of pro-creating, I mean, you can satisfy her needs to pro-create without _pro-creating_" he said in a disgusted tone.

I didn't get what he meant by this, how could I satisfy her needs to pro-create, if we didn't pro-create?, "what do you mean?" I asked, Rosalie answered "what do you think he means? you stupid dog, Edwards saying that Nessie isn't thinking about getting pregnant, all she wants is sex" she said sharply.

I understood now, "oh..." I said awkwardly, "Jacob, you are quite justified in using protection, that would be more than satisfactory, I actually urge you to use it, Renesmee is definitely not ready to be a mother right now" Carlisle said, I felt myself flush, I really didn't want to discuss my sex life with Carlisle or Edward.

There was an awkward moment of silence, "so, can I see Nessie?" I finally asked, Carlisle's eyes tightened, "well too be honest, Jacob, I don't think that would be a very wise choice right now, what with Renesmee's condition" he said slowly looking to Edward, "well, she's already had her rocks off with Seth hasn't she?" I said feeling the pain shoot through my chest.

But a new thought, a new horrible, twisting thought accured to me, Edward answered my worries, "no, Seth did not get Renesmee pregnant, thank god for that" he said sounding relieved, relief of my own spread through my body, I almost felt as if I was going to collapse on the floor and curl into a ball again, because if Nessie got pregnant to Seth, I couldn't handle that, I really couldn't deal with something so horrible.

I had to see Nessie, I suddenly bolted for the staircase, Edward grabbed me before my foot reached the second step however, "let me go!" I said angrily trying to pull my arm out of his grip, Edward didn't release me, his grip was starting to hurt, I was strong in my human form, but not as strong as a vampire, Edward could easily break my arm if he wanted to.

I struggled to break his grip, "let me go!" I demanded again, Edward growled, "no, Renesmee isn't ready to see you right now, you can see her in a few days" he said dangerously, a few days? I thought, there was no way I was going to last that long without seeing her, I needed to see her now.

The pack moved forward, but I shook my head at them, I didn't want this to come to a fight, "why can't he see her? just let Jake see Nessie for a minute, then we'll leave" Quil said to Edward, Edward just growled, Carlisle spoke however, "I do agree, but being in close proximity to Jacob right now will send Renesmee over the edge, she won't be able to control herself around him" Carlisle said.

Embry cut in, "yeah so? I mean they have already done it, what does it matter? better Jake than someone else isn't it?" Edward grip tightened even harder on my arm, it was really hurting now, it felt like it was going to be danger of shattering if he held any tighter, Carlisle sighed, "Embry, that isn't appropriate" he said heavily.

Rosalie cut over what I was about to say, "Nessie doesn't want to see you anyway, you stupid filthy dog" she spat at me, I stopped struggling against Edward instantly, I felt the bottom of my stomach drop, I felt dead, I felt cold, she didn't want to see me? I felt hollow, I was falling, I felt the corners of my eyes begin to itch, I felt the lump in my throat tightened painfully.

Edward finally released my arm, "Jacob, Renesmee didn't say it like that" he said shaking his head at Rosalie who just huffed and crossed her arms, "what Renesmee said was, she just couldn't bare for you to see her, she's afraid of seeing you, she's disgusted with what she's done, she think that she's unworthy of you, and she believes that you wouldn't ever want to see her again, that is why she doesn't want to see you right now, in a few days" he said disapproval thick in his voice.

I couldn't believe that Nessie would think that I wouldn't forgive her, of course I would, I would forgive her for anything, I would still take her back even if she slept with a different guy every night, even though I would die inside if she did, I would take it if that's what she wanted, no matter how much it would kill me, all I would want is for her to be happy.

I sank down onto the stairs, I didn't want to leave, I would stay here until she wanted to see me, I could stay here forever if I had to, I heard Edwards sound of annoyance, after a moment I felt hands pulling me up, "Jake come on, you can see Nessie in a few days then" I heard Quil's voice as he pulled me back to my feet.

Every fibre of my being was protesting about leaving, I needed to see Nessie so badly, but I let Quil and Embry push and shove me out the door and down the steps, towards the car, and as they tried to usher me into the passenger seat my eyes drifted up to a upstairs window, I saw something to make me punch Quil off me.

I ran back to the house, calling out, "Nessie, Nessie! I forgive you! please I have to see you! come down! Nessie!" I yelled up at her, the window was thrown open and Nessie leaned right out, "Jake!" she called, I saw her struggle against someone who was trying to pull her back in, "Jake! I'm sorry! I'm so, so very sorry!" she called down.

She was really struggling against who I noticed to my fury was Rosalie trying to pull her back in, "Nessie! please won't you see me?" I called desperately, "Jake!" she just called my name, "they said I can't see you! they said you don't want to see me" I yelled my voice breaking on the last part.

I spotted the big buffoon at the window with Rosalie, he managed to pull Nessie easily back and out of sight, I saw Rosalie's hated face look down at me, "go away you annoying stupid dog! your making it worse, just fuck off will you?" she called down, I felt myself begin to shake, the heat ripping up my spine, I exploded into the giant wolf.

I pulled my head back and gave out an ear splitting howl, Embry and Quil phased after me in less than an instant, _"Jake, phase back before you do anything you'll regret" _I heard Quil think, _"Jake, just phase back, and thanks a lot for destroying my clothes" _I heard Embry's annoyed thoughts.

I didn't want to listen to them, I howled again, I heard the front door open I looked over and saw Carlisle and Edward come out, "Jacob, please, you can see Renesmee in just a few days, I promise" Edward said in a heavy voice, I whined and scuffed my nose in the dirt, Edward suddenly let out a growl of disapproval at Carlisle, "Edward, how will it hurt? Nessie would want to see Jacob" Carlisle said, I suddenly felt hopeful.

"No! it's not fair on Nessie, it will stress her out un-necessarily to have Jacob so close, it will just be cruel to intervene or constrain her, it will just be easier to wait a few days, don't hand her temptation just to rip it away" Edward said to Carlisle.

Carlisle shook his head, "Edward, Nessie loves Jacob, she has chosen him, and Nessie is already quite distressed as it is, it will be easier, kinder to just let her see him" Carlisle said, with an apologetic look at Edward.

Edward was already shaking his head, "No! I will not have it! I will not have such a thing go on under our roof! I couldn't handle it Carlisle, I am her Father and I won't allow it" he said shooting me a look of deepest loathing.

"You can't stop it from happening, Edward, it has already happened, it will make this a lot easier for Nessie to have Jacob with her, it is a difficult and confusing time for her, you can't lock her up every month for the rest of her life" Carlisle said.

Edward let out a horrible ripping snarl from deep in his throat, "I know that Carlisle, but just not this time, just not now" he said clenching his teeth, "Edward, Renesmee has needs, urges, she has only been here for a few hours and look how she's coping, do you think it's not cruel to let her go through this for another day? 3 days? longer?" Carlisle said.

Edward just growled again, his eyes shooting over to me, then there was a sudden glimmer in his eye, I didn't understand, "Carlisle, I may allow Renesmee to see the dog, as a dog, that wouldn't tempt her will it?" he asked turning to look at Carlisle, who's eyes drifted over me for a moment.

"Well, I don't think so, as an animal Nessie wouldn't have any physical desires for him, I shouldn't think" he said slowly, before continuing "but can Jacob stay as a wolf if Renesmee begs him to phase back human for her?" Carlisle said.

Edward turned to me ,"Jacob, how would you cope seeing Renesmee in your wolf form? could you promise not to phase back even if Nessie begs you? crys at you? urges you to change back?" he asked.

I already knew the answer before he even finished asking it, I couldn't do it, if Nessie begged and cried at me to turn back human I would do so, I couldn't bare to see her in stress, Edward let out a sound of disgust, "could you do it dog, if this was the only way you were allowed to see Renesmee?" he shot at me, I thought it over, I didn't know? all I could come to the conclusion of was I would try my best, but there would be no guarantees.

Edward turned his back on me, "the dog can't handle it, he's not to be trusted to stay in his animal form" he said to Carlisle dismissing what ever Carlisle was about to say, Carlisle sighed heavily, but continued anyway, "Edward, Renesmee is now an adult" Edward opened his mouth to protest, but Carlisle put up his hand to silence him and continued "Renesmee _is_ an adult, Edward, no matter how much you might dislike that fact, Renesmee is responsible to make her own decisions and her own mistakes, that is why something this important and something that affects her so strongly should fall to Renesmee, she should decide herself if she wished to see Jacob now or not" he said.

Edward didn't seem to be buying it, "I am her Father, and what I say goes" he said disregarding everything Carlisle had just said, "Edward, I agree with Carlisle" everyones eyes shot over to the porch, no one had noticed that Bella had come out and had been listening in.

Edward shook his head, "Bella, you can't honestly think that Renesmee should make this desicion" he said as if Bella was making a joke that was in bad taste, Bella came down the stairs and strode over to were we were standing, "I do think that this should be up to Nessie, she is old enough to know what she's doing" Bella said.

Edward suddenly growled again, "Bella, you can't be telling me that you think this is the right thing? you can't tell me that if we let this..this disgusting thing proceed, that you could just stand by happily and not let it affect you, you can't honestly tell me that you could sit around knowing that.. that filthy mongrel his having his sick disgusting way with our Nessie in the other room?" he said pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes as the thought of it mortally offended him.

I felt a thrill of anger, have my my sick _disgusting_ way with Nessie? I growled, Edward snarled back, Bella sighed and put her hand on Edward's chest and spoke in a softer voice, "Edward, Jacob loves Nessie, more than anything in the world, and Nessie loves Jacob back, I know that this is difficult for you, Jacob wouldn't ever hurt Nessie, or treat her in any other way than with utter respect, there wouldn't be anyone else out there that would worship Nessie the way that Jacob does" Edward was shaking his head, "Bella" he said softly, almost begging, he traced his cold fingers down her cheek, "I just can't, I just can't stand aside and let this happen in our home" he said closing his eyes again.

Bella looked over to me, "Jake, can we trust you with keeping Nessie pre-occupied? on constant watch untill this cycle of hers is over? keep her at your house and away from any other tempting males?" she asked suddenly stern.

Edward's eyes flew open, "what are you saying Bella? do you think just giving her away to Jacob Black to take advantage of her and maker her do who knows what to him?, when she isn't capable of sensible thought, how would that make me feel any better about what you are asking of me?" he flared up furious.

I snarled and raised my shackles, did he really think that I would take advantage of Nessie like that? to do sick and degrading things to her to quench some disgusting fetish or something? that I would make her please me in ways that Nessie wouldn't otherwise ever even consider? I felt anger pulse through me.

Bella looked angry as well, "Edward, listen to yourself! how can you even think that Jake would take advantage of Nessie in such a way? that's just wrong!" she said looking at him in shock, Edward calmed down a bit, "ok, ok I didn't mean it, but Bella love, it's just to hard for me to let this happen, she's only a girl" he said almost begging again.

Bella traised her finger over Edwards brow, "Edward, she's not a child anymore, today has proved that, you need to let her go, this is her life and I believe this is what's best for her, if you keep her here, keep her locked up like this, Nessie will resent you, she'll find away to escape and she'll just go running off to Jacob anyway, the more you hold on the more she'll fight it, she _needs_ this, Edward" Bella finished in an almost finalizing tone.

Edward let out a angry sound in the back of his throat before pulling away from Bella, "fine! fine! let the dog see her" he said walking down the lawn, "were are you going?" Bella called after him, "just because I have allowed it, doesn't mean I have to be here to witness it" he said back anger and revulsion thick in his voice.

Bella sighed and gave me a small mocking smile, "treat Nessie well Jacob, because Edward would really like an excuse to castrate you" she said laughing, I rolled my eyes and let out a fake whine, she laughed again before looking back over to Edwards retreating figuer and sighed heavily before running down the lawn after Edward, when she reached him she grabbed his hand and they ran the length of the yard, they were out of sigh within seconds.

I was thrilled, I was elated, I was really going to see Nessie after all, I was so exited by this I phased back human forgetting that I'd just destroyed the only clothes I had, at that moment Rosalie came fuming out the door, Alice followed behind her looking amused, obviously they'd heard everything, "Carlisle! I will not have this..that _dog _touching her, befouling her, just look at it!" she exclaimed gesturing over me with disgust thick on her face.

Alice laughed, and appraised my body for a moment, "I dunno, Rose, I think Nessie's got it good, I mean apart from the smell, the boys got a good body, quite well endowed as well" she said smirking in obvious amusement, Rosalie spluttered in outrage, "well endowed! a horse is well endowed, an ox is well endowed, that doesn't mean anything, it's still sick disgusting and wrong!" she spat looking down my body in revulsion.

I was feeling humiliated and incredibly self conscious right about now, it wasn't just the Blond Bitch and Alice perving over me, Carlisle's eyes quickly racked over my body, his lips pursed in an amused way and shaking his head, the big idiot and the other one were now standing out on the porch getting an eye-full for themselves.

I heard Embry and Quil let out wolfy barks of obvious amusement, I shot them my most furious, you-just-wait-for-later glare, when I heard the voice of Esme, "Oh for heavens sake, give the boy some dignity" she came fluttering past Emmett and Jasper who were laughing on the front porch and over to me carrying clothes in her arms.

Esme shot Rosalie and Alice sever looks before giving me a kindly and motherly smile handing me the clothes, "there you are dear, I took it upon myself to purchase some clothes that will fit much better than the usual clothes we lend you" she said kindly, I grimaced awkwardly and muttered an embarrassed "thanks".

I ran over to my car making sure to stomp on Quil's tail as I passed and bend down behind my Rabbit for some privacy, didn't know how much privacy, and pulled on the clothes as fast as I could, not even looking to see what they were, embarrassing, embarrassing, embarrassing, was the only thing chanting through my head, I straitened up and put on my best I-don't-care-that-everyone-has-just-seen-me-naked face, before having to do the walk of shame past them all into the house.

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**Well there is it. OMG have if you have never seen that 'Teen Wolf" movie. Don't! It is soooooooooooooooooooo bad, OMG! Like you wouldn't belive! And I just chucked in some other movies i can't stand, like SpyKids, Cat in the Hat (egh! kills me just thinking about it!) and Casablanka, it's some old movie if u didn't know, it is sooo boring! It's like a sleeping pill...lol**

**Well comment if u like it. As I said, it gives me a total high to hear what you guys think of my ridiculous little story lol :)  
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	13. Desire

**Ok back with another chapter. Thanks for the comment! And yeah, if my story is a bit like, u know, Bella and Edwards lol that's totally unintentional! Mostly cuz I have absolutely know idea what I'm going to write before I write it, each line. Each word! Is just made up on the spot lol Ok I have a basic idea about say, one or two things that are going to happen, but that's it, mostly chapters take me totally by surprise after I've written them.**

**Ok anyways, here it is. warning, do u need a warning? Sex scenes abound in this chapter. :)**

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**chp.13 'Desire' - Nessie pov**

I couldn't believe this was happening to me, after I'd _assaulted _Seth, I winced at the memory followed by the extreme guilt, I'd come home to ask Grandpappa Carlisle about what he thought on what was wrong with me. Why couldn't I control myself? Why did I lose every form of sensible thinking and to have been lost completely to my insatiable desire for sex?

Grandpappa Carlisle took some tests, he had some theories he wanted to check. While this was happening however, I felt the urges, the desires, start to control me again, which was a horrifying and not to mention _humiliating_ experience for everyone involved. My Uncle Emmett, Uncle Jasper and worse even, Grandpappa Carlisle! Were all subjected to my uncontrollable sexual advances.

So now I'd been confined to my Fathers old bedroom, only until a more secure room near the front of the house was set up for me. Auntie Rosalie had found the giant, easily breakable windows in this room were incapable of holding me securely if I wanted to escape and run off and have my way with the first male I came across.

I really hoped it was just going to be a once off, one of a kind, moment of madness kinda thing, that was never going to happen again. How wrong I'd been! I felt a twinge of horror when ever I thought about what Grandpappa Carlisle's test results had discovered.

Grandpappa Carlisle, and especially Auntie Rose were a bit _too_ thrilled with the results, what they'd shown was that I was ovulating, in other words, I was in heat. I felt sickened at the thought. My body was sending large amounts of the hormone Testosterone surging through my body which resulted in my insatiable desire for sex. Testosterone is the hormone that controls sexual desire.

Testosterone also dulls the part of the brain that controls rational thought, and reasoning. And with the such large _amounts_ of Testosterone being released into my system along with copulates amounts of the chemical Serotonin which makes you feel happy and immensely close to someone intimately, which only normally gets released after you orgasms, but which I felt strait away and all that adrenalin making me an un-stoppable force.

Also the ridiculous amounts of Endorphins getting released which affects your well being and pleasure, giving me a total _Endorphin-driven-pleasure-high!, _which equals any heroin, cocaine, crystal-meth addict experiences with their first hit of their drug of choice. Meaning? I'm completely and utterly lost to any form of reasoning, a total slave to the hormonal rampage that surges through my body. When ever I'm in the vicinity of a male, it's like a powerful hit of heroin. Or in Seth's case, even stronger.

I jumped off the couch I'd been sitting on and started pacing the room. I felt too jittery to sit still. I wasn't used to all these new human emotions and feelings that were taking part in my body. The weird and horrible butterfly sensation was making me feel queasy, it wasn't the same kind of butterflies for when you were exited or nervous, this kind was making me feel just _weird,_ like this strange feeling like I was constantly yearning for something I couldn't quite place?

I'd asked Grandpappa Carlisle on what he thought this could be? Grandpappa had told me that it was the blood in my stomach and abdomen rushing down into my groin area which was making the butterfly sensation that I couldn't stand, it was making me jumpy.

I hated being confined to a room like this, like I was some uncontrollable animal that would ravage anyone I could reach, with a lurch, I realized that they were precisely right, I was feeling half-way normal at the moment, well my mind was ok, but my body was acting crazy, damn overreacting human emotions! I cursed to myself.

There was one thing that made me feel slightly better about all this, even though had I tried to have it off with both my Uncle's and even my Grandpappa! I felt disgusted and humiliated again by the memory, I hadn't at least had any desires for my Dad, thank goodness for that! I thought thankfully.

Grandpappa had decided this was due to the fact that my Dad, was well my _Dad! _that I was biologically related to him, unlike Uncle Emmett, Uncle Jasper or Grandpappa Carlise, even though they _were_ my family, they were in no way related to me _biologically_.

So my brain or whatever it was? telling me to breed saw them as adequate males to have baby's with. Whilst my Dad not so. Somehow my brain or body knew that having children with your own Father wouldn't be evolutionarily good for the children, which calculates to, in-breeding equals weak inferior children. So thank God for that! I thought with a shiver of horror.

But that also brought me to the strange fact that _why_ did Seth have far more control over me than Embry did? I was with Embry only moments before Seth, I _did_ have sexual urges towards Embry, but it was nothing at all to what happened to me when I was with Seth.

With Seth, I was the uncontrollable-sex-mad-crazy-person that my hormones pointed to, but with Embry or even with my Uncle's Emmett and Jasper or even Grandpappa Carlisle, they were no were near as all consuming and overly powerful like with Seth. But what if I _had_ felt the way I did for Seth with Embry? well I knew I wouldn't have cared that we were on a beach full of people, I would have attacked Embry, crowd of people or not. I shivered again in horror.

Grandpappa Carlisle had been intrigued with this when I'd told him, he said he wouldn't have thought that I would feel stronger desires for some people more than others, but he had the theory about how my body knew that my Dad was out of bounds, that maybe my body or whatever it was that was controlling my need to breed, my _instincts_, Grandpappa had said, that maybe my _instincts _were triggered by people who would genetically give me the best, strongest and healthiest children.

Grandpappa had explained that with humans, that people were subconsciously much more attracted to people who's genes, who's immunities withing those genes, in their blood, were the total opposite of your own. Meaning that the person who's parents had different immunity's within their genes, blood, would make healthier stronger children, getting the best of both worlds, that was a reason why in-breeding is bad, the parent's genes and immunity's are far too alike within family's or pretty much identical to each other, which would make any child they had weaker, and much more open to having genetic defects and a lower immune system to illnesses.

Grandpappa had explained that my baby-making raider, (well that was the name I gave it), Grandpappa used a more scientific name. Picked up that Seth was a total genetic opposite to me, the kind of person that all my instincts tell me or more accurately, _force_ me into breeding and have children with. My baby-making radar was obviously telling me that any child I would have with Seth would be healthy and strong and have the best start in life, Seth was _genetically_ my perfect baby-making match.

This thought did nothing to cheer me up, I felt an uncomfortable clench in my stomach when ever I thought of this, it scared me to death, made me feel horrid, I worried that Jacob wouldn't have the same affect on me like Seth had, that maybe this was _my_ sick warped kind of imprinting, not the lovey-peachy-perfect kind that werewolves had, the -disgusting, dirty and deviant kind half-vampires had.

Grandpappa Carlisle doubted this was the case, and told me that he'd never before considered that maybe this was what the wolves imprinting might be, Edward had told Carlisle Sam's theory on why the wolves imprinted, to find the person that was most compatible to keep the werewolf gene alive and strong.

And maybe if this was indeed the case, that I shouldn't have anything to worry about because Jacob _had_ already imprinted on me, which would mean, (if his theory was right), that Jacob would have a far stronger pull and control over me than Seth had. I forced myself to believe this was the case, because I really didn't want to be lusting after Seth every month for the rest of my existence.

_Every month for the rest of my existence, _I thought with horror, sinking back down onto the couch and putting my face into my hands, or every month until I fell _pregnant, _I felt even more horror, I really, _really_ hoped that I would need to breed with Jacob like I did with Seth, because if I didn't, if I felt any less desire for Jacob, I couldn't live with that, even if I felt the same for Jake that I did for Embry, it wouldn't be enough, I _needed_ to want Jake in the way I needed Seth. No. I _needed_ to want Jacob far _stronger_ than the way I wanted Seth.

I heard a car pull up outside the front, I felt my whole body tense and my stomach give another uncomfortable lurch, I really hoped that it wasn't Jacob, but the familiar sound of the engine was un-mistakenly Jacob's Rabbit, I jumped up off the couch and started panicking, I couldn't see Jacob, not now, not ever, I was too sickened, too horrified and revolted with myself to face him, how could I face him after what I'd done to him? that was why he was here, I was sure of it, to tell me I was a filthy whore and that he never wanted to see me again, and that would be hard enough to live through without having every probability that I would throw myself all over him and try to have sex with him. No. I couldn't have that.

I had already told Grandpappa, Aunt Rosalie, that if Jacob _did_ come around looking for me, to send him away, tell him that he could see me in a few day's, I begged _only within a few days_, when my ovulation cycle ended and I could control myself, and I could safely see Jacob, and let him be able to tell me how much I disgust him, I swallowed down on the hard lump in my throat, without acting like a sex-crazed-maniac.

But when I heard his deep, husky, _sexy voice..._ a few moments later drifting up from downstairs, all my worries vanished, what was I thinking? how could I be so stupid to not want to see Jacob? how could I ever have told them to send Jake away? I knew I had to see him, I _needed _to see Jacob right _now_.

The bedroom door was suddenly thrown open, I barely even registered Auntie Alice or Grandmama Esme as they entered the room, every nerve in my body, all my senses were directed downstairs to the person I needed to see, I heard his voice again and it brought a shiver, this time of pleasure, of yearning through my body.

I bounded for the bedroom door, but within an instant I felt hands constraining me, holding me back, I growled, I wasn't in any mood for this, I distantly heard Auntie Alice's voice, _"Esme, we need to get Nessie to the other room without letting her get anywhere near Jacob Black" - _The words meant nothing to me, she could have been speaking another language for all the sense they made to me.

I distantly felt hands pulling and shoving me, I barely knew I was being escorted down a hall, before I could even attempt to try and notice were we where going, I light breeze blew its way down the hall drifting from downstairs, that was when I caught _his _scent, I could taste it on my tongue, feel it in every particle of my brain, of my body, of my being, I was blind to desire.

I managed to tear myself for my constrains and run, I was almost at the stairs when I felt hands, arms, pull, yank me away, I didn't even think on what I was doing, I let out a muffled scream, because in that instant a hand had enclosed over my mouth, pulling me back, blocking my nose and mouth, I did the only reasonable thing that made sense, I bit, I bit down as hard as I could onto the constraining hand.

Even though I bit and struggled with all my strength it wasn't enough, I was being dragged away from the stairs, away from the only thing that made any sense in this world and there was nothing I could do about it, I let out as many snarls, growls rip through my chest, but it did nothing to bring me any closer to what I most desired.

My body was screaming at me, screaming in desire, yearning to feel _his_ body on mine, taste him on my lips, my tongue, to feel _him _moving inside me, thrusting inside me, my body let out many convulsions, spasms, I snarled and growled and moaned until I was suddenly released, I was thrown down onto a bed.

The instant I was free however I flung off the bed and tried to push my way through the people who were blocking my way to out into the hall, stopping me from reaching what I needed, I bit again, not even realizing who I was even trying to bite, but before I could sink my teeth into the hard granite skin I was hit hard across the face, I was thrown roughly across the room, I smashed into the wall hard, I landed lightly on all fours and flung myself back across the room.

I was hit hard again across the face, before I even managed to fight back I was being constrained on the floor, being held down, my face was being mushed into the carpet, I couldn't bite the person doing this to me, I saw blond hair spilling onto the carpet next to me, I couldn't bite her so instead I bit and tore at the carpet, I could hear the rips as my teeth tore chunks away.

I struggled and screamed in fury, trying to fight Aunt Rosalie off me, after a few minutes, it felt like hours to me I felt her grip slightly loosen as she growled at something, that's when I heard voices dimly though my madness coming from behind me, out the window and down in the front yard, I heard _his_ voice.

I spasm shot through me as I threw myself off the floor and out of her grip and across the room, in a few too long seconds I managed to fling the window open, and I yelled out something that I didn't even understand, language was beyond me, my mouth was acting of it's own accord, I couldn't have told you what I was yelling as I felt hand's pulling at me.

I heard Jacob's voice, the deep tones to his voice sent another thrill through my body, I didn't understand what he said, I just managed to yell out "Jake" I understood that much as hands pulled at me, I was so close, I couldn't let them win this time, I was almost climbing out the window when I felt another more powerful and less gentle pair of hands grab me, I was ripped back off the windowsill and thrown across the room, I hit something as hard and cold as concrete, I realized after an instant that I'd been thrown into someones arms, as I couldn't manage to free myself as I tried to fling myself back across the room to the window. I saw Auntie Rosalie yell something out the window before I heard the heart-shattering howl from outside.

That was when I felt utter serenity, calm, utterly calm, I relaxed my struggling in who ever arms I was in, I noticed for the first time that it wasn't just Aunt Rosalie, Aunt Alice, Grandmama Esme in the room, I spotted Uncle Emmett looking at me uncertainly, I suspected he was the one who'd managed to rip me from the window and toss me across the room, that's when I realized that Uncle Jasper was the one who'd caught me, and now he was using his strange gift at controlling emotions, to control my craziness, I wasn't complaining.

After a couple of minutes when everyone had assessed that I wasn't going to try anything, Uncle Jasper lowered me down onto the bed, I put my face in my arms, I wanted to feel humiliated, but I couldn't, not with Uncle Jasper here, I looked up and spotted them all listening to what was going on out the window, I didn't listen to what was going on down below, but I still managed to notice my Dad's and Grandpappa's voices as they were talking, my Dad sounded mad.

Something that they'd obviously said out-side after a fair few minutes of listening made Aunt Rosalie snarl in fury, I shot her a look, she looked livid, "not over my pile of ashes!" she snarled under breath and shot from the room, Auntie Alice looked half-amused half-disgusted, she gave me a sorta amused grimace before following out after Aunt Rosalie.

I heard Uncle Emmett snicker from his corner, even though I hadn't tried anything, he seemed to still feel the need to keep a distance from me, I couldn't blame him, especially after the way I'd reacted earlier this afternoon towards him. I looked around and spotted Uncle Jasper also keeping his distance, even though he knew exactly how I was feeling. Man, I must have really freaked them out I thought shamefully.

Uncle Emmett then let out a sudden boom of laughter making me jump, he shot me a crooked grin and gave me a wink, I didn't understand what he was going on about? "see you laters, Nessie, gotta go see this" Uncle Emmett said with humor thick in his voice, Uncle Jasper gave me a small shrug and followed out after Uncle Emmett.

I couldn't make tail or heads on what was going on? I was suddenly aware that I was in the room alone, I hadn't even noticed when my Grandmama Esme had left? now after Uncle Jasper's departure I waited for the crazies to hit, it didn't, well the calm and serenity I'd been feeling a moment ago had been stripped of me the instant Uncle Jasper had left the room, all I could feel now was humiliation, shame and horror at myself.

I heard laughter and loud angry voices coming from outside, I put my hands over my ears, trying to block it out, I didn't want to know what they were all arguing about, or in my Uncle Emmett's case laughing about! I thought that if I could block it out I could control myself better, I knew that Jacob was most definitely still down there, I didn't know for how much longer? I didn't know when he would give up trying to see me and just go home, I wish he would leave for my peace of mind.

After a long pause of silence and having my fingers pressed in my ears and humming, trying to drown out everything else, I heard someone faintly knocking on the bedroom door, I was half-surprised that they bothered to knock, why not just barge in? Why give me a choice to tell them if I wanted to be left alone? After all I was just some sex crazed maniac.

I pulled my fingers out of my ears with a groan, "who is it?" I asked dully, I really didn't want to see anyone right now, especially after my newest _episode_, I felt a twinge of humiliation, "Nessie, it's me" I heard the familiar deep husky voice of Jacob Black. I jumped off the bed and flew to the other side of the room and pushed myself up against the wall, I couldn't see Jacob now! what was my family playing at? how could they let me see Jacob when they knew I would just throw myself at him and beg for sex? didn't they know I would be able to control myself around him?

I saw the doorknob slowly start to turn, I didn't even tell him he was allowed to come in, what was I going to do? Should I tell him to go away? Tell him I didn't want to see him? Jump out the window and do a run for it? But before I could think of anything further on the matter the door was opened. I managed to control myself by holding my breath for all but two seconds before flinging myself across the room and into Jacob's arms.

I crushed my lips against his with a long moan of longing, I clawed my fingers over every piece of flesh I could reach, it took only a second before I felt his large hands grip the tops of my arms and pull me off him, I was too lost in that instant of passion, before I realized what I was doing I bit him, bit him hard, but Jacob hardly even flinched, his hold on me just got stronger, I felt him lead me backwards, I let this proceed until he pushed me down onto the bed.

But instead of Jacob pushing himself down on top of me like I wanted him too, he instead moved swiftly back over to the other side of the room and pushed himself up against the wall. I couldn't understand this game he was playing? and seriously with the way I was feeling right now, the way I needed him, the way I needed him _inside_ me, the way he was all on the other side of the room looking at me in a way that didn't go with the moment of passion at all. Frankly it was frustrating the hell out of me.

I let out an annoyed half-growl half-purr and beckoned Jacob to come closer, but he didn't move an inch, instead he just shook his head with quick sharp movements with his eyes wide, but not with desire, with some other emotion, and in my moment of desire I couldn't recognize was fear. I just let out a another long half-moan half-groan of annoyance, I was sick of this game, if he wasn't going to come over to me then I was just going to go over there to him.

I jumped of the bed lightly and stalked over to Jacob as seductively as I could, when I reached him I coiled ready to spring when he grabbed my upper-arms again, restraining me from getting any closer, which made me let out a proper growl of annoyance, "Nessie, please" Jacob said in a pleading voice, this stupid game he was playing at hard to get was really starting to get old fast.

I managed to pull myself out of his grip with a grown of longing and frustration, I was willing to play along with his stupid pathetic, frustrating little game if it got me to were I wanted to go, if he wanted to play hard to get, then I guess I would just have to try my hardest to make him come to me, I moved back over to the bed and slid down onto it as smooth and sensually as I could.

I started my own little game of making him come over to me, I started to slowly caress my fingers up and down my body, between and over my breasts, down my stomach, lower, _lower_, I let out a moan of the pleasure that I was bringing myself, but it wasn't enough to satisfy me, I _needed_ more, I _needed_ to feel his hard, thick cock pushing and thrusting deep inside me, I arched my back and moaned even louder at the thought.

I looked over to were Jacob was still pressed against the wall, with a twinge of annoyance I saw that he was now avoiding looking at me, I let out a low snarl, "Jacob, why don't you want me?" I shot at him in a low snarl, Jacob's eyes dared spare a glance at me before looking down to the carpet, he let out a breath before saying, "Nessie, it isn't anything to do with me not wanting you, how could I never not want you? it's just that I know your not feeling, well much yourself right now, and I don't want to do anything that you'll regret" he said.

I wasn't even listen anymore, the deep monotones of his voice were bringing spasms down my spine, I didn't know what garbage he was saying about me regretting anything, I wanted him, he wanted me, it was as simple as that. I groaned again, "the only thing I'm regretting Jacob, is the fact that I don't have your cock thrusting inside of me" I said in a low annoyed moan.

Jacob just bit his lip, "Nessie, I can't, I just can't, I'm sorry" he said closing his eyes as if he was in physical pain, I knew it hurt him to deny me like this, deny me anything, somewhere in my mind, under my hormonal craziness was telling me to keep pushing him, telling me to play on the fact that he hated hurting me, making me sad.

"Jake, I need you, please? don't you love me?" I asked surprising myself at how much sadness I could evoke in my low deep lusting after him voice, I saw the sudden agony in his eyes, "Nessie, don't even think that, of course I love you, I love you with everything I have, but that is why I won't, I _can't_ give you what you _think_ you want, because honey, you don't want this, you will regret it later" he said the pain evident in his voice.

I suddenly let out a snarl of fury, "I won't regret anything, you claim that you love me, but you won't make love to me? you won't show me how much you love me, want me, need me?" I snapped feeling furious with frustration, I was sick of his little mind games, I'd had enough.

I pushed myself off the bed with lightning speed and flung myself across the room, hitting Jacob with such force I'd managed to knock the wind out of him, before he'd managed to get his breath back I crushed my mouth on his and forced my tongue into his mouth, I managed to rip the t-shirt he was wearing over his head, which made no sense at all as Jacob never wore a shirt, probably just wearing one to drive me mad.

I pushed him harder against the wall, Jacob tried to push me off him but I managed to grab his wrists, I pulled his arms up over his head, restraining him this time, I kissed down his jaw, down his neck, over his _throat_, that was when I stopped at the place were his blood ran fast, his pulse thudding through his veins, I felt the blood pulsing under my lips, I let my tongue trace the point, tasting the salt of his skin, but wishing to taste the hot, mouthwatering blood instead.

I could feel the thudding, I could feel his rapid pulse beating under my lips, my tongue, just the thin easily tear-able membraine, just the tiniest of bites and I would taste, feel the warmth of his blood in my mouth, pouring down my throat, fill every fibre of my body. I grazed my razor sharp teeth against his skin, I knew how easy it would be, Jacob may be a werewolf, but as half-vampire I matched his strength, in this moment if I decided to bite he wouldn't be able to fight me off before he lost too much blood.

Jacob struggled against my restraint, my teeth at his throat, but even through my madness I knew this wasn't what I wanted, I _did _want to feel some part of him inside me, but not this, his blood wasn't what I wanted, wasn't what my body was yearning for, I forced my teeth, my lips to move away from his throat, I managed to push my mouth back onto his, I kissed him ferociously letting all my frustrations and yearnings seep into the kiss.

Jacob still wasn't responding to my kiss, I kissed him even harder, but all he was doing was trying to break free of my grip, I loosened my fingers on his wrists by the tiniest amount, but it was enough for him to pull his arms free and push me off him. Jacob was out of breath and was panting hard, his panting was doing things to me, and the way his lips were swollen and red, the way the deep flush very visible even under his dark _gorgeous_ russet skin made me want to moan.

My eyes raked over Jacob's perfect body, the way the muscles flexed under the dark skin, the absolutely perfect way his stomach was sculpted, it was all driving me insane. But I needed to see more, feel more, to my increasing frustration and annoyance Jacob was wearing jeans, still covering up the only thing that really mattered, the only thing that could bring me the kind of pleasure my body yearned for.

I forced my lips back to Jacob's broad perfect lips, but only for a moment, I kissed back down his jaw, back down his throat, only lingering this time a half a fraction longer. Before forcing my lips down further, I kissed down Jacob's collar bone, over his amazing chest, down that perfectly sculpted stomach, down onto my knees.

I stopped when I reached the waistband of his jeans. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, going so fast it was almost impossible for me to distinguish between individual beats, it just sounded like a constant thrumming. Slowly I undid the button, my trembling exited fingers slowly started to pull down the zip when Jacob suddenly grabbed my hand, stopping me going any further.

I let out a snarl, that's when I noticed that the hand holding mine was shaking slightly, I trailed my eyes up Jacob's body noticing all the while that his frame seemed to be trembling. When my eyes reached his face, I noticed Jacob was biting down on his perfect bottom lip, his eyes were torn, there was still the pain and reluctance, but his eyes also showed another emotion, an emotion that made a shiver go down my spine, made my stomach flutter with the yearning that was almost to the point of physical pain.

I knew then I was going to win this, a moment of weakness was all I needed. "I know you want this Jake" I breathed out, Jacob just shook his head, but I knew that I'd already won, he'd given up trying to resist me. Jacob didn't even attempt to stop me when I pulled his jeans down.

I hadn't removed my eyes from his face when I curled my fingers over the top of the waistband of his underwear, he didn't try to stop me when I slowly pulled them down also. I could feel Jacob's body was still trembling, I knew that _he_ would regret this, regret giving in to me. But I couldn't care less when I needed this so badly.

I saw to my immense satisfaction Jacob close his eyes and lean his head back onto the wall with a low moan when I traced my fingertips down his shaft. I tore my eyes from Jacob's face and my body let out a shiver of ecstasy when my eyes took in all Jacob's magnificents. I couldn't believe how I'd ever been afraid of any of this, how I'd been taken aback by the sheer _size_ of his cock, all it brought to me now was waves of yearning.

I traced my tongue up his shaft, taking in every curve, the taste, I licked around his head before taking him into my mouth. Thrills of my own pleasure shot through my body as I heard Jacob's low moan of pleasure, Jacob's pleasure was the fuel, the source of my own pleasure, his pleasure my pleasure were entwined as one.

I could feel the blood surging through Jacob's cock as I licked and sucked, I could almost taste the blood, how it would flow if I bit now, I could even feel his pulse, every heartbeat, surging and pushing all that blood to the cock in my mouth, how thin was this skin, something so delicate and inviting should never be anywhere near my razor sharp teeth.

I wondered how Jacob could ever be so _trusting_, how could he be so reckless? Even when I wasn't out of my mind with desire. This would be dangerous, foolish, completely stupid to have my mouth anywhere near his blood-swollen cock. So before I did something _I knew _I would regret, I pulled myself away.

I let my eyes travel over Jacob's wet, glistening member, I grit my teeth feeling my throat constrict as I _really_ saw how stupid I'd been, just how _swollen_ with blood he was, the deep purple color his head was, the way I could actually see the pulse beating, made me clench my teeth down hard. Stupid. Dangerous. Incredibly inviting. Yes, _how could_ Jacob ever be so trusting to let my teeth anywhere near this?

I forced my eyes away from his dick. Jacob was breathing heavily, I felt a small smirk pull at the corners of my lips as I gripped the top of the dress Auntie Alice had given me and pulled, the material ripped easily, I ripped the ruined dress away and slowly pulled myself back onto my feet. I pushed and forced my naked body up against Jacob's. I dug my nails into his flesh, needing to feel him closer, needing Jacob to respond more than he was.

Jacob was still being too reluctant as I'd kissed him, I gripped the back of his hair pulling his face, his mouth down closer to mine, he was kissing me back gently, almost hesitantly, his large hands traced there way up and down my body still too gently, I felt his hands still trembling slightly, I wanted more than this, I wanted real hard _passion._

I groan sounded deep in my chest before pulling my mouth away from his, I punched my fist hard against his chest, "Jacob, just fuck me already, your driving me insane! you don't want me to go find Seth do you?" I snarled, knowing that was a blow that was _far_ below the belt. I saw the pain and anger tear across his face, but I wasn't going to take it back, Jacob must have seen it in my face that I really did mean it.

Jacob tore his gaze from mine and spat suddenly on the carpet, before turning his furious eyes back to mine, I saw the resolve in his face before he grabbed the back of my neck pulling my face up towards his, he kissed me angrily, clenching his fingers into my hair as if he was prepared to pull it out by the roots. Jacob gripped my arm so tight now that would actually hurt in any other circumstance.

I could feel the tremors rock through Jacob's body, I thought wryly at how dangerous this was as I kissed him back with urgency, how I pulled my leg up higher around his waist, how I pushed myself harder onto his erection. The furious tremors rocked through Jacob's frame, how easily he could just phase and tear me apart. But it didn't stop me from moaning as I pushed myself even harder down into his shaft, using the tremors for bringing myself pleasure. How could I be so _trusting?_ so stupid?

Jacob's hand grabbed me around waist, while the other gripped tightly around the thigh of my extended leg, pushing himself hard into me, I moaned in appreciation. I gripped my hands tighter around his neck as Jacob pulled me harder into him, forcing his way deeper inside me.

Jacob pushed himself down hard on top of me as he's pushed me down onto the bed, I felt his grip on my thigh suddenly tighten and pull my leg roughly up higher, thrusting himself even deeper into me. I arched my back and moaned even louder, I felt Jacob's nails dig into the flesh of the small of my back as he pulled me harder against him, I also dug my nails deep into his shoulders, down his back as I clawed my hands up and down trying to pull him impossibly closer.

The tremors and vibrations were still surging through his body, I could feel every tremor rip up his spine, down his arms, his legs, down through his thrusting cock, the vibrations and the pleasure were everywhere. I moaned as I felt the explosion build up so rapidly through me, I arched my back and dug my nails even deeper into Jacob's flesh as I pulled and clawed him closer, I could smell the rich but also animal smell of Jacob's blood as my nails broke through his skin, but I was too far gone in pleasure that I barely even registered that I'd drawn blood as I screamed out in utter ecstasy.

The Nirvana, the heavenly ecstasy lasted longer this time, I pushed myself harder onto Jacob's vibrating shaft, I could feel it building up again, I could feel myself on the verge of another explosion of ecstasy but sooner than I wanted I felt the tremors, the vibrations that I wanted for just a little longer suddenly stop but at the same time the vibrations stopped a deep half-growl half-moan grumbled deep within Jacob's chest as he gave one last deep thrust, I felt warmth spread rapidly up into me as Jacob's body crushed down heavily on top of mine.

I groaned loudly, this time not from pleasure, but disappointment and irritation, if only Jacob had lasted just a moment longer, just 2 more seconds! I thought frustrated feeling the last of the pleasure drain away, leaving my mind suddenly clear, and like last time, the world, my senses, sound, sight, smell all came crashing back down on me, I heard my family downstairs talking, my Uncle Emmett's booming voice louder than the rest.

Jacob pushed himself up slightly, his face was inches from my own, I could feel his hot breath on my face, and I was sure he could feel mine on his, his body was still pressed down on top mine, and he was still inside me, I could feel the excitement and hardness ebbing away.

Jacob looked into my eyes, but I couldn't read the expression on his face, I couldn't be sure if he was still mad or not, that's when I felt my stomach clench terribly as I remembered what I said, I couldn't believe I'd told him I would go to Seth. And that I meant it, I really would have gone to Seth and that Jacob knew that I would have.

I couldn't even believe how much that would have hurt him, how much I've _already_ hurt him, I didn't deserve Jacob, I could never be forgiven, never, not for as long as I lived would I ever forgive myself. I closed my eyes, I couldn't bare to look at him in the eye. I felt tears build up under my tightly closed lids, but I couldn't stop them from squeezing their way out through my lashes.

I tightened my lips trying to hold in the sob that was building up in my throat, making a tight hard ball that I couldn't swallow, I felt Jacob fingers gently brush away the tears from my cheek, "Nessie" he said in a whisper, I couldn't bare it, there wasn't any of the hatred, the loathing I wanted to hear in his voice, I opened my eyes as I tried to push him off me.

Jacob didn't budge as I pushed feebly against his chest, "get off!" I snarled shoving against him harder, "Jacob, please just get off me" I let out a sob, I closed my eyes again and turned my head to the side, I didn't want to see the hurt that I knew would be evident on his face. I felt Jacob pull himself off me but instead of just laying down next to me on the bed like I expected him to, I felt the bed jostle as he got off.

I rolled over on to my side facing away from him, keeping my eyes tightly shut but the tears still leaked freely down my cheeks, I let out a shuddering breath trying to stop the sobs that were forcing their way to the surface, I didn't know why I didn't want Jacob to see me cry? it at least showed that I felt remorse and that didn't just not give a shit about any of this, but I still didn't want him to see how much it was hurting me, maybe because I felt ashamed, maybe he should be the one crying and not me.

I curled up into a tighter ball, I waited to hear Jacob leave, waited to hear the sound of the bedroom door open and than close on me, leaving me here to wallow in revulsion and hatred at myself, but even after a good few minutes when I was sure he'd had enough time to pull his clothes back on, which I'd already heard him doing, Jacob still hadn't left yet.

I waited another long moment, before my curiosity got the better of me, I peeked over my shoulder and spotted Jacob sitting on a chair next to the small study desk on the far side of the room. Jacob was bowed over with his head in his hands, he had his fingers clenched in his hair, at first with a pang of hatred at myself I thought he was crying, but I noticed that the shaking his body were making wasn't coming from sobs, and with a different pang of hatred at myself, I noticed it was of suppressed anger.

I closed my eyes and swallowed hard on the painful abstraction in my throat and slid off the bed wrapping the sheet around myself as I'd destroyed my clothes, and walked slowly over to him. I knelt down slightly more cautiously than I would have normally in front of him, Jacob didn't make any response to my presents, but maybe clench his fingers tighter into his hair.

I opened my mouth to say something to comfort him, but I stopped myself, I didn't know what I was going to say? what could I ever say to comfort Jacob after all the terrible things I'd subjected him to? I couldn't, there were no words to make it better.

I hesitated for a long moment before slowly reaching towards his face, I curled my fingers still cautiously around one of his hands and tried to remove it from his face, Jacob squeezed my hand and removed it from his face along with the other hand and sat up a little straighter. Jacob looked down at me with an expression on his face that I could only recognize was half torn with both agony and fury. I bit my lip and went to pull my hand out of his, but his fingers tightened around my hand and pulled it closer to his chest not letting me pull away from him.

I could feel Jacob's hands were still shaking and were he was holding my hand against his chest I could feel heavy vibrations still rocking through his frame, the vibrations extended down to even make the floor under me knees vibrate dangerously. But it was the expression on Jacob's face that frightened me more than his turning into a giant wolf and tearing my face off.

I'd never seen or believed that Jacob could ever look at me with such fury and hatred, I felt my throat tightened painfully again but this time I didn't even bother to try and stop the sobs from escaping, "Jacob, I'm so sorry, I know sorry isn't even remotely strong enough to make anything better, but I'm so, so sorry, I don't blame you one bit for hating me, I deserve it, I'm a disgusting person and you deserve so much better" I couldn't go on, I started sobbing into the carpet.

I felt Jacob push the chair back and kneel down in front of me, I felt him put his hand under my chin and pull my face out of the carpet to look at him, all the anger and hatred had left his face to be replaced with horror and pain, "Nessie, Nessie, I don't hate you, I could never hate you" - I protested, "how could you not? look what I've done to you Jacob, I deserve nothing more than your hatred" I let out another sob.

Jacob shook his head, "Nessie, there's nothing you can ever do that would make me hate you" he said honestly, I shook my head at his words, "Jacob, I saw the hatred in your face, I felt that you were trying not to phase and rip me apart, I see that I disgust and revolt you" I said back.

I saw Jacob's jaw tighten and his eyes darkened, "Nessie, that was so...so very stupid of me! I'm so stupid! I can't believe that I put you in that kind of danger!" Jacob's voice broke at the end and closing his eyes and shaking his head back and forth.

After a second he opened his eyes they were oddly dark, "Nessie, I'm not mad at you, I don't hate you! and there is no way that I could ever be disgusted or..or revolted by you!" Jacob grabbed my arms and shook me slightly, "Nessie, can't you see? I'm mad at myself, I hate myself, I hate myself because I couldn't believe just how stupid I was at putting you into that kind of danger! I was just so _mad_" his voice became suddenly deadly.

I sniffed, "I'm sorry" I mumbled, Jacob let out a low snarl, "I wasn't mad at you, I was mad...I'm _furious_ at Seth!" his voice rising so suddenly it made me jump, I saw the hatred and un-veiled fury flash across his face, his lips were pulled back slightly over his teeth. "I didn't mean it Jacob, I wouldn't ever have gone to Seth" I lied, Jacob knew I was lying, his expression didn't change but he snapped his teeth shut and I could hear him grinding his teeth.

I swallowed hard, "I'm sorry" I said again quietly, "it makes me sick, it makes me feel so sick to the stomach, Nessie" Jacob's voice was also quiet but it was more of a groan, Jacob this time leaned forward into the carpet, "I saw it all, Nessie. I saw everything through Seth's thoughts" Jacob said slightly muffled into the carpet.

It felt like I'd swallowed a bucket of ice, "I wanted to ask you why, I couldn't believe that you would do that to me" Jacob pulled his face back out of the carpet and looked into my face "Nessie, I could have...I _would_ have killed Seth when I found out, after what I'd seen, how could I possibly not have ripped his throat out? How can I let him go free after the way he's betrayed me?" Jacob's voice was urgent and suddenly passionate as he searched my face.

I couldn't be sure if he was asking my permission to kill Seth? Jacob's eyes were looking into my face intensely, "you shouldn't have..I mean it's good that you didn't kill Seth, it isn't really his fault" I said, then saying with more passion "It's _my fault_ Jacob, _I_ was the one who betrayed you, if you want to kill someone, kill me, I deserve it far worse than Seth does" I said feeling sick myself.

The intensity drained out of his face slowly, "Nessie, I couldn't ever do that. Kill you, or blame you" I raised my eyebrows incredulously, Jacob sighed heavily looking down, "Nessie, it isn't your fault, you didn't have any control over what you were doing" his face looking back up with anger back on his face, "unlike Seth! _he_ knew exactly what he was doing! _he_ had complete control over everything he did! he could have stopped you, he didn't have to give in!" Jacob snarled angrily but he was more talking to himself than me.

I shook my head, "Jacob, please don't blame Seth, I was wild! I was a totally out of control! I don't feel anything bad towards Seth" Jacob cut me off with a snort of anger, "you should blame Seth. Nessie, in case you haven't realized, Seth totally took advantage of you!", I spluttered out in disbelief, "_Seth_ took advantage of _me?_ do you honestly think that? Jacob, no, _I _took complete and utter advantage of Seth! not the other way around!" I said shaking my head shocked that Jacob could think it was the other way around.

Jacob was looking at me totally unconvinced, "Nessie, you weren't in your right mind, you didn't know what was happening, what you were doing, Seth knew everything he was doing, he was completely aware of what was going on" Jacob's said it in a way as if he was trying to discuss something very simple to a mentally deranged person, which made me feel angry.

I suddenly hit Jacob hard in the chest, "Jacob, I seriously doubt Seth knew what was going on any more than I did. And besides Seth likes me, Jacob, Seth has a huge crush on me and I've totally just made _that_ worse!" I spat out furious and guilt ridden, "I mean seriously Jacob, Seth obviously thought that I'd liked him back, I mean look at how I was throwing myself all over him? how could Seth have known that I was just some crazy half-vampire in heat?" I spluttered out throwing my hands in the air.

Jacob pulled me back down onto the carpet and rubbed my arms trying to calm me down, "Nessie" he said shaking his head with tiny movements, I could see his eyes had darkened significantly when I'd mentioned Seth's feelings for me, "Nessie, it doesn't change anything, I know everything about Seth's _feelings_ for you" Jacob closed his eyes for a second as if in pain.

Jacob swallowed hard before opening his eyes and continuing in a deadlier voice, "Seth had _promised_ me that he would never try _anything_ with you Nessie, and it doesn't matter how _you_ acted, whatever you did to entice him into sleeping with you, it doesn't change the fact that he betrayed me! Seth has gone against his word, Nessie, you _do not_ sleep with the girl another wolf brother has imprinted on, that's automatic death! and that isn't even to mention defying and going against the Alpha of the pack! Seth has a double death sentence on his head" Jacob's voice was thick in fury.

I felt fear shoot through my heart, "Jacob, you can't kill Seth! please you can't!" I was begging now feeling the sobs suddenly return back to the surface, I grabbed on to the front of his shirt, I could feel the vibrations start to rock through his body again, "you can't! for me, please don't kill Seth, for me. Jacob please!" I was pleading through sobs.

I looked up into Jacob's face, feeling the tears pouring down my cheeks, Jacob closed his eyes and took deep calming breaths, I felt the fresh tremors dull down until they stopped completely, it was still a second or so before Jacob opening his eyes again, there was anger still in his eyes but also pain, he slowly nodded his head at my pleading face, "ok, ok, I won't...hurt Seth. For you" he said in a constrained voice tracing his fingers down were the tears stained my cheeks.

I only felt slightly reassured, I wasn't sure that Jacob was completely telling me the truth, there was still definitely a murderous glint in his eye, "Jacob, you won't, will you?" my voice coming out in a whisper, an expression flashed across Jacob's face, he looked away towards the window for a long moment, I thought he wasn't going to answer me when he looked back into my face, "Nessie, can I ask you something? and please be honest with me" he asked seriously.

I was confused but I nodded, knowing that he was just avoiding my question about not killing Seth, Jacob bit his lip for a second before asking in a careful voice, "Nessie, do you have feelings for Seth?" his eyes racked over my face taking in my expression, I didn't answer immediately, I hesitated for a moment to really think through my answer.

Jacob's jaw tightened at my silence, it almost looked like he was trying not to cry, he obviously took my silence as a yes. "Jacob" I finally said, "I do like Seth, I really, really do like Seth, a lot" Jacob put his hands over his face, I pulled his hands away and looked beseechingly into his tortured eyes, "let me finish, I like Seth as a _friend_, Jacob I swear with everything I have, a _friend_ and that's it. Jacob, _you_ are my everything, I love you more than anything in this world, how could you ever think I would choose Seth over you? Seth is _nothing_ compared to you!" I wiped my eyes on the corner of the sheet I had draped around myself.

I couldn't be sure that Jacob had believed me or not, the expression on his face didn't tell me much, Jacob looked deeply into my eyes, almost like he was trying to catch me out in a lie, but after a few minutes he obviously had come to some conclusion, "Nessie" he began in a heavy voice, "I know that your attracted to Seth, and I do know that you do love me, but you can like more than one person at the same time", a small smile twisted the corners of his mouth as he said this, like he had found it humorous against his better judgment.

I was already shaking my head, "I don't have any romantic feelings towards Seth, Jacob I swear!" I said in a shaky voice, Jacob smiled that twisted smile again and shook his head at something he was thinking, "what?" I asked, Jacob looked back at me and laughed softy under his breath, "nothing, I was just feeling some sympathy for Edward" he said still smirking, I didn't understand what any of this made him think of my Dad, "Jacob, who cares about my Dad? I'm telling you the truth, I don't like Seth in that way, at all, why won't you believe me?" I asked bringing him back to the matter at hand.

The smirk on Jacob's face vanished to a look that was more serious, "it isn't a matter of not believing you, Nessie, it's just.." he then hesitated in the middle of saying something and changed speed, "you know what? it doesn't even matter anyway" Jacob said suddenly dismissive pulling me up to my feet as he stood up, I wasn't expecting him to yank me to my feet and I didn't secure my sheet around me quick enough and it slipped.

I felt my face burn with embarrassment as I quickly covered myself, I didn't know why I was suddenly so embarrassed about Jacob seeing me naked? as only moments before it would have been the last possible thing on my mind, but now that my hormones were under control (for now!) and my mind was perfectly clear again, _all _my modesty and humiliation crashed down around me.

I muttered an apology that was totally incoherent, then I started babbling making a total fool of myself, "Alice is going to kill me! she just brought me that sheet, I meant shirt, I meant dress" then I let out a slightly hysterical laugh, why was it so hard to breath all of a sudden? Jacob grabbed my shoulders holding me still, "Nessie, calm down, your hyperventilating" Jacob then directed me to the bed, "there, sit down before you pass out" he said laughing slightly.

I sat and clutched the sheet tighter around me. I took a few deep calming breaths, rocking backwards and forwards realizing that I'd totally just made myself look like a complete idiot, I could feel my face still burning, what the hell is wrong with me? I felt the bed dip down as Jacob sat on the bed next to me.

I felt his warm hand come under my chin and pull my face around to look at him, "Nessie, are you alright? your cracking up" Jacob's face was a mix between concern and humor, I pulled my face away and laughed embarrassed, "yes, I'm good, I'm good" it was more of a chant, Jacob snorted, "what was all that about?" he asked leaning down to try and look in my eyes as I head my head bent trying to avoid eye contact, I just shook my head and looked away.

I felt Jacob scootch closer to me on the bed until he was pressed right up against my side, "Nessie, you don't have to be embarrassed because of me" he pulled my face back around to look at him, "I don't see why you were so embarrassed anyway? I mean we just...well look what we just did" he said changing what he was going to say mid-sentence.

I laughed and shook my head, "you mean, after I'd attacked you the way I did?" I said feeling my stomach flutter uncomfortably, Jacob bit his lip and looked down for a second before looking back up into my face with his eyebrow raised slightly, "_you _attacked me? ha, I think at the end there it was me doing the attacking" Jacob laughed slightly bitter, I was already shaking my head, "I was the one who forced you into having sex with me, I know you didn't want to and I'm so sorry about that, I really am!" I said my voice going up an octave as I apologized feeling a clench of guilt in my stomach.

Jacob didn't say anything for a second, when he spoke he said each word carefully, "Nessie, it wasn't that I _didn't_ want to make love to you, it was that I knew that you would regret it and that afterwards when you were...when you were yourself again" he looked to up at my face, "I thought that you would be mad at me for giving in" he looked down and continued just as I opened my mouth to tell him I could never be mad at him and I only had myself to blame.

"And I thought, when just afterwards" he peeked a look at me again before continuing, "when you wanted me to get off you, I thought that you hated me for taking advantage of you. Nessie I'm really sorry, I should have been able to control myself better" I cut him off, "Jacob, I wasn't mad at you, not at all, and if anyone was taking _advantage_ of anyone it was me taking advantage of you! I wanted you to.._get off me_" I spoke the words with apology, "because I felt ashamed and disgusted with _myself_, it had nothing to do with you Jacob, I couldn't bare to see the same disgust in your face" I said chocking up a bit at the end.

I saw Jacob roll his eyes, "Nessie, when will understand that I've imprinted on you, and there is nothing you can possibly do that would make me feel any less unwavering adoration and love for you. I could never be disgusted by you, or hate you or anything anymore than I could kill you" he voice shook a little over the last part. It was my turn to roll my eyes, "Jacob, maybe you should be disgusted and angry with me, I deserve it" I heard my own voice shake a little.

Jacob was already shaking his head, "sorry, I can't do that Nessie" he said somberly, I blew out a gust of air, "well were both idiots, because if I had any ounce of intelligence I would break up with you on your behalf" I said half-jocking, but I knew I was deadly serious, I knew that Jacob had every right to break up with me.

Jacob's head shot up to look at me, I saw a sudden glimmer of fear in his eyes, "Nessie, I would never, ever want to break up with you! don't ever say that!" he said loudly, I was a little surprised by the terror in his voice. I laughed, but there was nothing humorous about the situation.

"Jacob, relax! it isn't like I _want_ you to dump me! not at all! even though I totally deserve it if you wanted to leave me!" I said grimacing, "but seriously Jacob, if you left me I swear I would spend the rest of my existence begging for your forgiveness and for you to take me back" I said jokingly, but knowing that I was speaking the truth.

Jacob flashed me a smile that made my heart twang in my chest, "you wouldn't have to beg me long, Nessie, I'd already would have taken you back before I'd even told you I was dumping you" pain flashed across his face, "so don't worry, I forgive you. Anyway there was nothing to forgive. It's not like it's your fault, you shouldn't blame yourself the way your doing, you can't control what's happening to you" he said understandingly.

I couldn't agree with him, it _was_ my fault, but I decided to drop it, "Jacob, I don't deserve your love at all, your too good for me" I said, Jacob just raised his eyebrow in a mocking way, "Nessie, your ridiculous" he said looking at me as if I was mad and laughed like I'd just told him that I thought the world was still flat or something.

I sighed heavily and directed my eyes to the carpet, it was silent for a few moments as I chewed my bottom lip, I leaned forward slightly which made me flinch in pain, I was feeling a little sore now all my crazy hormones were temporarily dormant, after all, I'd only had sex once before today and the two times I had sex today it wasn't exactly gentle, but then again I didn't have anyone to blame for that but myself, I was the one who wanted it hard.

Jacob saw me flinch, I felt his fingers slowly brush down my cheek, "Nessie are you alright?" his voice was thick with concern, I just shrugged, "Nessie" Jacob pulled my face around to look at him, I sighed again, "Jake, it's nothing, I'm just feeling a little...sore" I said feeling my cheeks burn, I couldn't believe I even said that, I knew how Jacob would react.

Sure enough I saw the horror and realization hit, "Nessie, I hurt you again, could I even be a worse lover?!" I heard the pain and revulsion thick in his voice, "Jake, it's nothing, don't blame youself" I said warningly, I knew he would blame himself for this, Jacob _always_ blames himself over _everything_ that causes me the slightest discomfort.

Sure enough I saw the horror and self-hatred in his eyes, I could feel a smirk pulling at the corner of my lips, "seriously Jake, don't worry about the pain, I'd take the trade any day" I said raising my eyebrow meaningfully, Jacob though looked slightly confused, "what do you mean?" he asked his eyebrows knotting together.

I rolled my eyes and decided to give a boost to his male ego, after all it wasn't like this was untrue, I traced my fingers slowly up his arm, following along a vein that was pertrudent under his skin over his muscles, I suddenly felt Jacob's body tense, my eyes flicked up to his face and saw that he was looking at me wary and slightly afraid, with a pang of shame I realized that he must have thought I was coming on to him again.

I hit his shoulder playfully, "don't look so scared, I was just saying that I'd take the trade any day, because seriously Jacob, feeling a little sore is nothing to just how amazing it was, you were the furthest thing from a un-satisfactory lover, you were wild, serious Jake, I never would have believed it could feel so good" I said feeling myself blush, Jacob didn't look entirely convinced, "Nessie, you don't have to lie, I'm sure you were freaking out! I mean I was barely even in control" he said looking down at his hands which he balled into fists.

I felt my cheeks burn even hotter as I said, "Jacob, that was what made it feel so good" he looked up at me confused and disapproving, "what, the danger?" he said frowning, I shook my head, "Jacob, what does your body do when your about to phase?" I asked, Jacob still looked confused for a moment before realization flicked across his face.

Jacob opened his mouth like he was about to say something than quickly shut it, he shook his head for a minute before saying in a constrained voice, "Nessie, that is...that's just crazy! do you even know how dangerous it is to think such thing's? It can never happen again, I won't ever loose control like that ever again" he said frowning at me.

I felt disappointment flood into my stomach, I knew I should be more horrified with myself, Jacob was right, it was incredibly dangerous and should never happen again, Jacob must have seen the disappointment on my face, he laughed without much humor, "Nessie, I can't become your personal.._Vibrator, _it's just way too dangerous" he said grimacing at the thought but there was a definite blush under his dark skin all the same.

I laid down onto my back and sighed heavily, "oh well, at least I got to experience the best sex in the world, because believe me Jake, that was every women's best dream, a guy than can vibrate! Seriously Jakey boy, you could become the most expensive and sought after male gigolo in the world" I said waggling my eyebrows at him and grinning like an idiot.

I saw the blush intensify under Jacob's skin before he suddenly smirked to himself "yeah because what women wouldn't like to be ripped to pieces from the inside out by a giant wolf?" he said sarcastically. I rolled my eyes, "you know what I meant" I said, Jacob suddenly grinned and laid down on his back next to me on the bed.

I rolled onto my side as Jacob did, he propped his head up on his arm, "the best sex in the world ay?" he said mocking his grin turning into more of a smirk, I traced my fingers lightly down the length of his jaw before answering, "the best in the world" I agreed. Jacob beamed at me for a moment before the grin slowly faded, he seemed to hesitate for a second before saying "was I better than Seth?" he asked seriously.

I groaned and rolled on to my back, Jacob suddenly shifted his body so he was hovering over me, his arms on either side of my head, looking down at me he asked again, "I'm serious, Nessie, I have to know" he said raising an eyebrow and showing his teeth in a weird half grimace half smile.

I pushed myself onto my elbows and leaned up to kiss him for a long moment, when I pulled away I said in a smug voice, "there was no comparison". Jacob pained smile turned into a full out grin again before turning into a smirk. Jacob raised his eyebrows and said in a teasing voice, "I knew it. After all, Nessie baby I give the best sex in the world right?" I rolled my eyes and pulled his head down to kiss me again.

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**Ok there it was. What did u think? I tried to correct as much of the spelling mistakes that I could see. But, I'm only human after all, and my weak human eyes normally miss things. Well hopefully a new chapter will be up soon. Actually, I think the next chapter is the last one I've written so far? Hmm...need to start writing some more of this ridiculous story.**


	14. Vile little Bloodsucking leech

**Ok well, there's one more chapter after this. I don't really know what to say about this chapter..nothing much...**

**Well enjoy anyway.**

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**chp.14 'vile little bloodsucking leech" - **

**Jacob's pov**

I felt my mind half-come back into a semi-consciousness state, I felt happiness flood through me as I remembered that Nessie _did_ still love me and that she was in no way going to leave me for _Seth_. I also remembered that we had the best sex of our lives, twice. Which isn't really saying all that much as I'd only done it once before.

I realized I must have fallen asleep, I couldn't remember when though? that was when I realized someone was shaking me. I opened my eyes expecting to find Nessie's face, but instead it was the Doctor's face looking down at me, I jumped and fell off the bed, I hadn't realized I was right on the very edge of the bed.

I managed to pull myself to my feet, "sorry to scare you, Jacob, but I wondered if I could have a word? there's something I need to tell you" Carlisle asked looking sympathetic, "ah sure" I said awkwardly remembering all the noise Nessie and I'd had made, I knew that everyone in the house no doubt would have heard everything of our moments of passion.

Carlisle gave me a tight lipped smile, "do you mind if we have this conversation in my office?" he asked, I shrugged and followed him out. We walked a short way down the hall and to the right were Carlisle opened a door, he indicated that I should go in before him.

I shrunk past him into the office, I'd never been in here before, my eyes racked over some paintings hanging on the wall before sitting down on a chair in front of a handsome desk. Carlisle sat down opposite me with a heavy sigh, he put his fingers together on the desk in front of him.

I had no idea what this could be about, but I had a sneaking feeling that this had something to do with me not using protection when I made love to Nessie. Before I was aloud to see Nessie, the Doctor had taken me aside and gave me a couple of condoms, which I'd hastily stashed into my jeans pocket and forgot all about when it came time to do the deed.

I felt my face heat up, "I forgot to use the condoms ok? I'm sorry" I blurted out, a look of surprised flickered across Carlisle's calm features, "oh well, Jacob, I'm disappointed in you for that, but I'd already had that talk with Renesmee" he said inclining his head towards the door, "oh" was all I could say.

I had know idea what the hell he wanted to talk to me about then, then another horrid thought occurred to me, "Nessie isn't..?" I began but Carlisle cut me off, "no, Jacob, Renesmee has quite successfully evaded falling pregnant once again" he said evasively, there was something obviously else on his mine.

Sure enough Carlisle said, "Jacob, there was a reason I called you into my office, I have something grave to tell you" I noticed the perfectly mastered sympathetic voice of the Doctor when he informs a family or patient about a life threatening illness. I clenched my hands into fists to stop them from shaking.

I swallowed hard before saying, "just give it to me strait, Doc, what's happened?" I was a little suprised at how even my voice sounded. Carlisle gave a heavy sigh clenching his hands together infront of him, I swallowed hard again waiting for the horrible news.

"Jacob, I regret deeply to inform you that there had been another attack" he cut off suddenly as I'd jumped to my feet knocking the chair over with a crash, I could feels the waves of heat rippling down my spine, I put my hands on the table and leaned towards him before snarling out, "when, were?", the Doctor seemed to hesitate for a moment, for a bit _too_ long. I felt my stomach drop. "Who?" I managed choked out.

Despite the waves of heat rolling down my spine and through my limbs, I felt cold, like I'd just swallowed a bucket of ice cold lead. Carlisle stood up slowly and walked around the desk, he hesitated for a second before reaching out and putting a hand on my shoulder in what was obviously a comforting gesture. I shrugged it off.

I straightened up and took a deep breath before asking again with more conviction, "who was it?", the Doctors eyes tightened around the corners before he said in a voice thick with regret, "Jacob, it was your sister Rebbecca and her husband" - "what?" I snapped, my voice rising in surprise.

I wanted to believe it was all a mistake, "my sister _Rebbecca_? how? she lives in Hawaii, how is that even possible?" I half yelled, the Doctor's face was too understanding, "your sister and her husband came home to visit Billy, your sister and yourself. They wanted to come home as a huge surprise, they had some very good news they wanted to tell you all. When your sister and her husband were suddenly attacked. Zambul easily disposed of the male before turning on your sister" he stopped when I let out a choking sound.

I slid down onto the floor, "I am so sorry, Jacob, I can't even begin to give you my deepest condolences" his words meant nothing, I felt numb, struck to the floor with with disbelief, it made no sense, Rebbecca dead? it just couldn't be, "good news?" I repeated to the floor in a dead emotionless voice.

I felt Carlisle cold hand on my shoulder again, "there is more I have to tell you" he sqeezed my shoulder for a second before moving back around the desk, I looked up at him, Carlisle stood with his back to me looking out the window behind his chair.

After a moment he turned around, there was a new look on his face I couldn't place, I didn't understand, it wasn't quiet apology, more regret and maybe guilty? it didn't make any sense, "more?" I asked in that same dead emotionless voice. Carlisle pinched the bridge of his nose for a second before saying in a even graver voice, "Jacob, I am so sorry, but I think I might have some even worse news to tell you", I couldn't believe that was possible, I felt my stomach drop.

"Jacob, your sister Rebecca was with child" he said, I let out another choking sound, but I noticed that his tone made it suggest that wasn't the worst of it, that it hadn't ended there, there was something even worse. Carlisle looked at me wearily like he was almost afraid to continue, there was a long silence until I broke it, "there's more" it was a statement not a question.

There was shame in the Doctor voice when he continued, "yes there is more. Jacob, I do not know if what I have done was the right thing to do, I feel very un-easy about the choice I have made, more so than any of the choices I have made in the past" he seemed to be either stalling or trying to find the right words, "just tell me" I said with slightly more conviction but my voice was still dead.

Carlisle gave me a long look before saying, "I thought I could save your sister, her heart was still beating, I have performed the same procedure on Edward, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett, I didn't know if I should, knowing how your people feel about our kind. I was hesitant, but it was such a waste of life, I had to try." he said looking at me with thick apology.

I felt a wave of heat surge through my body, "you bit her? you turned my sister into a filthy stinking bloodsucking leech?" I demanded, anger surging through me again, my eyesight was becoming blurred from the extend of the tremours and vibrating ripping through my body, I had to really try to keep it together.

"Alas no, it was miraculous that her heart was beating at all, her blood had all but been nearly completely drained, she was more dead than alive. Zambul as half-vampire takes more after Renesmee than Nahuel" I looked at him confused, "Nahuel has venom, Renesmee and Zambul do not" Carlisle explained.

Carlisle hesitated again, "once my venom was in her system I thought she would be fine, but the transformation can only be completed if the heart continues to beat, your sisters heart failed to do so, it was too late, the venom hadn't been sufficiently spread through-out her body." I didn't understand what he was telling me. Was my sister dead or not? "so my sister _isn't_ a vampire?" I asked.

"No she is not" Carlisle answered, I looked at him confused and slightly relieved but also sickened, Rebbecca wasn't a filthy bloodsucker, but that meant that she was dead. "The child's heart on the other hand,impossible as it might sound, _was_ still beating, the mother managed to keep her heart beating just long enough to sufficiently carry enough of my venom to her unborn child for it's transformation " he said in a constrained voice.

Revulsion pulsed through my veins, "the child is a vampire?" I asked in a disgusted tone, Carlisle shook his head slightly, "yes and no, at first I was sure that it was an immortal-child, especially with the vicious way it tore it's way out of it's mother's womb" he stopped when I let out a real growl, it was almost impossible to keep myself together, I felt myself shifting, changing, but I managed to just hold it bay as I closed my eyes and pushed my knuckles against my temples to force myself to calm down.

Carlisle waited until I was in enough control of myself before continuing, "as I said, I thought it was an immortal-child, but after closer observation it appears not to be full vampire, I do not understand completely, maybe my venom wasn't as potent when it was diluted through the mother's system, I have know idea? the child shows many great vampire characteristics, but the Child's heart beats, he is more or less alive in the sense that Renesmee lives" he said in a almost fascinated voice.

I couldn't make much of what he was telling me, all I felt was hatred for the creature, "so the child is like Nessie?" I asked, Carlisle considered my question for a moment before answering, he spoke each word carefully and with deliberation, "the child indeed seems to be a lot like Renesmee, as in his heart beats, but he is not completely like her, there are some differences, as in the child's growth, you know how Renesmee grew with such speed?" he asked me, I nodded, "the child seems to be growing at a even faster rate than Renesmee, at the rate he is growing, I would say he will be full grown by the end of the year" he said in awe.

I didn't know what to think, "were is it?" I asked, Carlisle looked at me suspiciously for a moment before answering in an almost un-willing voice, "downstairs, Renesmee and Rosalie are with the child" he said, scrutinizing my reaction, I nodded instead of speaking. My mind went to Nessie, I knew that all the crazy hormones and over-active sex drive was all the pretence to falling pregnant and having a baby, I wondered if the same instincts and hormones that drove her insane when she was around me or any other male, would also trigger some over-powering motherly instincts when she was near a baby?

I opened my mouth but changed my question hastily, "does my Father and sister know..?" I asked, I felt my stomach clench painfully as I thought of how this will absolutely destroy my father. Billy never really got over my mom's death and I knew he was far more protective over my sisters than he was over me. Billy had told me this was only because he knew I could take care of myself and there was nothing to stress over with me. But he'd been like this even before I'd became a werewolf. I think it was because he feared that my sisters would somehow go the same way as my mom.

I also thought of my sister Rachel, this would absolutally destroy her, Rachel and Rebecca were twins, and they always claimed that they had some kind of crazy '_twin-bond' _that no one would ever understand unless they were twins. It killed them to be apart, when Rebbecca had got married and moved to Hawaii and Rachel had gone to college, they told me that they felt like they had left apart of themselves behind and they even now still talked on the phone with each other every single day.

I clenched my teeth and swallowed hard on the hard lump in my throat, I really didn't want to start crying or something. Instead I let the heat pulse through my veins, I let anger instead of the sadness fill through me, I felt an extreme loathing that I hadn't felt in seven years build in my stomach, I wanted to kill any and all vampires, I even wanted to rip and tear apart the Vampire Doctor standing close to me, who was probably still looking at me with pity and sympathy. I wanted to tear apart every vampire in this house, comb through the world and kill every single stinking leech I could sink my teeth into.

I took an un-steady breath and instantally felt guilty, I would never want to hurt Bella or my most beloved Nessie. Most of the time I half-forgot that Nessie had any connection to vampires, even despite the slight pain her sent burnt through my nose, I didn't ever see her as a filthy bloodsucker in any form, she was Nessie, _my beautiful and perfect Nessie_. I hated myself for even thinking about harming anyone in her family.

I spun around, "I want to see Nessie" I said already heading towards the door, my hand was on the doorknob and I'd already half-pulled it open when I felt the Doctors hand on my shoulder, "Jacob, there are other ways the child differs from Renesmee that I really think you should hear first" he said.

I closed my eyes and forced myself to turn back around, Carlisle's eyes tightened around the edges, "well? hurry up" I snapped, I wasn't in the mood to be polite. Carlisle took a deep breath before saying, "as I said, the child is like Renesmee in some ways, but there are also many ways that the child is not like Renesmee" he said, and indicated that I should sit back down.

I made no attempt to move, but after a moment in seemed evident that Carlisle wouldn't continue untill I was seated, I let out an annoyed grumble as I picked the chair up and sat in it crossing my arms, Carlisle gave me a smile before settling himself behind the desk, I looked at him with impatiant annoyance.

Carlisle looked down at some papers in front of him before continuing as if he hadn't been interrupted, "the child, unlike Renesmee, is not receptable to human food, he seems totally reliant on blood" I let out a disgusted 'teh', Carlisle continued like he hadn't heard me, "the child also, unlike Renesmee at the same age, cannot or _does _not show any kind of restraint when it comes to his appetite, he seems as incapable and volatile as the next Newborn Vampire does" I cut over him, "so the little bloodsucker is a danger to people?" I snarled, curling my shaking hands into fists.

Carlisle gave me a strained look, "yes and no, I mean it is highly advisable to keep the child away from any human, he seems to have an extraordinary amount of strength, even greater I believe than Renesmee had at this age" I cut over him again with another thought, "when you say _'at this age'_, you told me that the little leech will be full grown within a few months right? so wouldn't it just get bigger and stronger and harder to control?" I asked.

Carlisle gave me a hard look, "we are perfectly capable of looking after the child. He is not as strong as a full newborn vampire, it will be relatively easy to keep him away from the human population. So I wouldn't worry about that" he said reassuring. I didn't say anything to that, so he continued.

"The child shows far more intelligence for his age, he, like Renesmee, shows every sign that he is well aware of his surroundings and can easily be taught and reasoned with. The child however does not have the same temperament as Renesmee, Renesmee when she was young reached out and wanted to make bonds with people and was open to accept and love everyone who showed her kindness. The child isn't the same. But I expect that is purely down to personality" he said shaking his head at something he didn't voice aloud.

Carlisle didn't continue for a moment. so I wondered how much different it's personality was to Nessie. I also thought when the Doctor had said,_ 'cannot or _does_ not show any kind of restraint when it comes to his appetite'. _Did that mean the filthy little parasite didn't care about what or _who _it bit to get blood? That it was exactly like any other bloodthirsty cold-hearted evil bloodsucker from the dawn of time?

Carlisle seemed to guess what I was thinking, he said in a more defensive tone, "they child is exactly that. A child. He is young, we shouldn't have expected him to be like Renesmee. Just like any other newborn. Everyone is completely different, for every one of us it differs at how much restraint we are capable of. But that does not mean that the child cannot or will not learn to live our way of life in time, when he is older" he said almost beseeching.

I made an angry sarcastic snort "and if the little bloodsucker chooses not to follow your chosen lifestyle?" I asked, Carlisle looked at me for a moment deliberating, "well then Jacob Black, I do believe that those kinds of choices and what is to happen to the child lays in yours or your family's hands. After all Jacob, the child is your family and lies to your family to decide his future if you should want that. But of course we would be more than happy to take the boy if you wanted us to, after all we have far greater tolerance and experience with bringing up such a child" he said seriously.

I jumped like I just recieved a jolt of electricity. It never even accured to me that the child was in any way related or connected to my family or me, it was just some filthy bloodsucker who ripped itself free of my dead sisters womb. An abonation, evil, something that deserved to be destroyed ASAP. I felt even more sickened, I felt tainted, I didn't want this..this filthy bloodsucker apart of my family, I didn't want to be responsible for it, I held no love for the thing, only revolsion. It couldn't and will never be apart of my family.

"I don't want it, it can be killed for all I care. Actually if I am responsible for the thing, I will destroy it, there will be no need for you to care for it, because I want it dead" I snarled jumping back onto my feet, "Jacob, I cannot allow that" I let out a snort, "what? will you try and stop me?" I jeered, Carlisle frowned, "of course we would try to stop you, but I really do not think it will even come to that. Jacob, I don't think you would want to destroy the boy" I let out a un-believing sound in my throat.

Carlisle continued, "yes, Jacob Black, I do not think you will hurt the boy. Renesmee has shown a connection to the baby, I feel she has grown already quite attached. She looks to the baby as her own nephew as much as yours. As family" he explained. I felt another wave of anger and also horror shoot through me. Nessie better not be thinking along the lines of us becoming the filthy things _parents_. Because there was no way in hell would I ever want an evil bloodsucking parasitic leech to look after as my own child.

But I also knew that if this was what Nessie really wanted, I would of course do that, no matter how much it would disgust me. But I still don't see it as my...my..I couldn't even think the word '_nephew' _it was just too unbearable an un-thinkable atrocity to be in anyway related to something as revolting and evil as this_ thing_.

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I took a deep breath to try and calm my nerves and clenched my hands into tighter fists to try and control the shaking as I stood on the stairs. I could hear Nessie and the Blond Bitch _'cooing' _to the little bloodsucker. I gritted my teeth. I knew I had to do this, not for myself, not even for my dead sister, but for Nessie. I wouldn't make Nessie resent me for not at least _trying_ to warm to the child, or at least see me _pretend_ to warm to the child. Same difference, I'm going to hate it no matter what.

I took one more deep breath before descending the rest of the stairs and striding into the living room. Sure enough I spotted the little leech nestled into Nessie's arms, and I also noted a couple of already healing bit-marks on Nessie's arms, hands and even to her throat. If there was ever going to be a chance of me ever remotely liking the child, no matter how un-likely. It was completely gone. Only to be filled with just another sharp stab of hatred.

Nessie had her hand to the things cheek showing it who knows what? She and Blondie looked up at my approach, the Blond Bitch of course gave me a disgusted look and full of accusation as well. I knew she'd be imagining all the horrible ways she wanted to hurt me after what Nessie and I did. Out of everyone in the Cullen family. Even Edward. Blondie _hated_ the fact that Nessie and I were together. And she was absolutely _revulted_ by the idea of Nessie and I having any form of a _physical_ relationship.

I tried to give her a mocking smirk, but I think it looked more like a pained grimace. Nessie handed the little bloodsucker to Blondie and jumped to her feet, she flung her arms around my waist. For a fraction of a second I thought she wanted to do it again! that's when I noticed she was crying, I stroked her curls gently. "Nessie, what's wrong?" I asked in a shocked and concerned voice. It sent a prick of physical pain through my heart when she cried.

Nessie pulled her head out of my chest and looked up at me through her watery eyes, "what do you thinks wrong? Jake? your sister..." she trailed off pushing her face back into my chest and hugging me tighter breaking back into sobs. I felt another pang of sickening pain churn my stomach. But it was the fact that this was hurting Nessie like this that hurt the most. Nessie's pain effected me far more profoundly than my own.

I tightened my arms around her and pressed my lips to her hair, "Nessie, honey, don't cry" I whispered. She pulled back again to look up into my face, "Jake, how can I not cry? Your sister is dead, _because of me!! _how is it possible that I could ever hate myself more than I already did? How many times do I have to hurt you? Jake I'm so, so sorry!" she couldn't continue and started crying again, a little hysterically.

I felt the pain in my stomach twist into a more agonizing not, I felt my throat tighten painfully, I tried to swallow down the hard lump before speaking, "Nessie, _this isn't your fault_. Please, _please_ don't think that it is, don't blame yourself. It hurts me that your hating yourself more than anything. I can't stand anyone hating you, even _yourself"_ I said.

Nessie looked up at me through her tears, she sniffed and tried to hold in her sobs, "Jake, I'm sorry. _I_ should be the one _comforting_ _you!" _she said thickly, I traced my finger down her cheek wiping away the tears. "Nessie, honey, _please_ don't cry over me" I said seriously. Nessie sniffed again, "sorry, Jake, but I can't help blaming myself, when even though you can't see it through your blind _imprinted _eyes, but this _is_ my fault" she said disgustedly.

I couldn't agree, imprinting or not, I couldn't see how this could possible be Nessie's fault in any tangible way, she was like Bella. Nessie just liked to blame herself for everything. Well ok Bella did bring everything on herself and a lot of things _were_ Bella's fault. But Nessie was just being ridiculous, how could this possibly be Nessie's fault? Vampires were a part of our life now, if we liked it or not. So it was inevitable that one day a vampire would strike La Push, even if Nessie had known the friend of the bastard or not.

At that moment there was a low gurgling purring sound, my eyes snapped over to the _thing_ in Blondie's lap. I saw with a thrill of revulsion that Blondie was holding the evil little bloodsucker securely around the torso. Holding it back. The _thing_ was looking at me through bright red crimson eyes, it's little rose-bud lips pulled back to reveal a row of perfect white teeth. The gurgling purring sound I noticed was neither, the sound was ripping through the horrible creatures teeth, it was _growling_ at me. I could see the insatiable glint it's crimson souless eyes. With a powerful wave of loathing I saw that it was thirsting for my _blood_.

I pulled Nessie away from the creature, in case the Blond Bitch decided to let it go. Nessie looked confused for a second before her face turned shocked, "Jake! the baby isn't going to hurt me" she said surprised at my reaction, I gave her an incredulous look, "Nessie, look at this" I grabbed her wrist and pulled her arm up showing off the small crescent shaped healing bite-marks all down her arm.

Nessie looked at the marks for a second before pulling her arm out of mine, "Jake, he's just a little baby, he can't help that I smell tasty to him" she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the word, then she turned to the horrible creature and leaned down to become eye level and cooed at it, "you can't help it can you? pretty baby, does Auntie Nessie smell yummy?" she said reaching over to take the thing out of Blondie's lap.

I made an movement to stop this but Nessie already lifted the thing into her arm and hugged it close to her breast, the creature sniffed and looked like it was about to snuggle it's face into her hair, but I saw the lips pull back and the teeth were less than an inch from the crook of her neck when I ripped it out of Nessie's arms.

I held the flailing creature at arms length, the gurgling-purr was ripping louder through it's bared teeth. Nessie half-squealed and Blondie jumped to her feet letting out a ripping snarl that was far more threatening than the baby's. "let go of the baby mongrel!" Blondie snarled at me low and deadly. I ignored her. The little bloodsucker managed to sink it's teeth into my flesh at that point.

I let out a snarl of fury of my own, but it was no were near as threatening being in my human form. Just as I was about to smash it against the wall Nessie's arms grabbed the baby and tried to pull it from my grip. I didn't let go of it. "Jake! your hurting him. _Please!"_ she begged tears pouring down her cheeks. It took everything I had not to fling the evil little bastard at the wall as hard as I could. I gritted my teeth and let my grip loosen enough for Nessie to yank him away.

Just as the filthy thing was a safe distance from me the Blond Bitch hit me across the face with the speed of light, I was knocked off my feet and flung into the wall myself. I heard Nessie scream in horror. I pulled myself up to my feet feeling the heat rip down my spine and the spasms vibrate up my arms and through my legs.

Blondie was crouched down ready spring as soon as I phase. My jaw throbbed painfully. I wondered idly if she'd broken it, hair-line fracture at the least. It didn't matter. I could already feel my jaw healing, it would be fine in a day or two at the most if it _was_ broken.

Nessie jumped in between us, shoving the parasite into the Bitches arms and flinging herself back into my chest, after a second she pulled away. Nessie traced her fingers down my jaw with a pained expression, "Jake, are you ok? she didn't hurt you too bad did she?" she asked, voice full of concern. I tried to give her a sarcastic I'm-fine-don't-worry-about-it smirk, but it came out as a flinch of pain instead. Damn, it really did hurt quite a lot. Stupid Bitch, I'll tear her a new one. I angrily glared over Nessie's head at Blondie as she cooed and kissed the disgusting little leech on the cheeks totally ignorant to everything else.

I heard a booming laugh and my eyes shot over to the front door as the Big Idiot came through it, closely followed by Edward and Bella. Edward gave Rosalie an appraising look, "good on you Rosalie, I've been wanting to break the dog's jaw for years" he said appreciatively. Bella elbowed him in the chest, but I knew he wasn't as serious as he would have been a few years back.

I rubbed my jaw ruefully. "I think Grandpappa should look at it, don't you?" Nessie asked still worried. I rolled my eyes, "Nessie, give it rest. It's nothing" I said but grimacing in pain. At that moment the good doctor came down the stairs followed by Esme, "what do I hear about a broken jaw?" he asked as I groaned, more embarrassed than in pain. "Grandpappa, do you think he'll be ok?" Nessie asked shooting me a scrutinizing look as if expecting me to suddenly pass-out or something.

I'd had enough of this, "I'm fine ok? Just leave it!" I said warningly to the doctor as he took a step towards me. And it was true, it didn't hurt half as bad as it had a moment ago, I would be healed in no time. I heard the Mother Esme cooing now at the vile creature in Blondie's arms, "you know, he really _does_ look alot like you, Jacob" she said suddenly smiling over at me like she thought it was a complement, my stomach churned.

My eyes racked over the little leech, trying to prove that she was wrong, instead of focusing on the bright crimson eyes and the glistening teeth. I noticed that it's skin was a soft milky russet color despite the chalky complexion, the thing wasn't quite as chalky though as the arms it was being held. I also noticed that it had high cheekbones, a glossy silk of black hair and full lips. The disgusting creature to my deepest regret and revulsion _did_ have some sort of family resemblance.

Nessie perked up, "I know! he looks so much like Jacob doesn't he? _Handsome little baby"_ she cooed the last part at the horrible infant. I wasn't the only one who didn't seem to like this comparison, "agh, don't insult something so precious like this exotic angel with something as utterly disgusting as _that"_ she spat the last word at me, giving me a reproachful look. I felt a twinge of annoyance, even though I _hated_ the vile infant in her arms, I still didn't want her to think that she could have it as her own child. It was purely spite that I didn't want her to have it and nothing more.

"Well, you stupid Bitch, the little bloodsucker belongs to me, so as it's guardian I think the best course would be for me to repeatedly smash it against the wall until it's dead" I spat at her. Nessie gasped and Esme gave me a shocked and horrified look. Bella was the one who spoke just before Blondie had a chance to retort back. A hideous snarl ripped through her teeth though.

- "Jacob Black, that's a horrible thing to say! that is your sisters baby, and despite everything you might be feeling right now about your sisters death and your anger for the vampire who did that to her. I think she would be horrified and disgusted to hear you speak of her baby like that!" Bella shot at me severely. I swallowed down hard on the obstruction in my throat, her words at brought all the pain for my sister and my family crashing back down around me.

Bella's disapproving expression melted into a look of horror, I mustn't have been hiding my pain well enough because Bella strided over and flung her arms around my waist. It wasn't the same as her hugging me in the past, apart from not having any romantic feelings for Bella anymore so I didn't feel the familiar flutter in my stomach when ever she touched me. Bella was no longer soft and warm and pleasant smelling, rather hard cold and with a burning horrible sickly sent that burned my nostrils far worse than Nessie's subtler sent does.

I patted her back awkwardly, "oh Jake, I'm so sorry about your sister, you must be absolutaly devestated. And Billy! _Rachel!"_ Bella said shaking her head in sadness, "it sucks all right" I agreed. Nessie none to stealthily shoved Bella off me to the side before sliding her own arms around me waist, "I'll hold you Jake" she said slightly muffled into my chest, Bella let out an amused and exasperated sound at her daughter, and the Big Idiot boomed with laughter.

I hugged Nessie back gently, it was _much_ nicer hugging Nessie, even though her sent was a little sickly, it was _nothing_ compared to Bella's or the rest of the vamps. Nessie was as warm as I was, and it's better hugging someone warm rather than cold. Blondie spoke, "Carlisle, the dog can't have any say over this baby!" she pleaded. I felt a smirk tug at the corner of my mouth sending only the smallest of twinges through my jaw.

I saw that the Blond Bitch was looking horror-struck as her eyes darted back and forth between the doctor and me, she clutched the horrible thing closer to her stone cold chest like she never wanted to let it go, it really looked to me that she's already called dibs on the thing.

The doctor looked apologetic, "I'm afraid so Rosalie" She spluttered in out-rage. "Rosalie, the child was Jacob's sisters baby, Jacob or any of the rest of his family are the rightful guardians, just because the child is vampiristic, doesn't mean that we can claim him as our own, he has a family" he said to her firmly. Rosalie looked like she would have cried if she could. It looked to me like she'd already adopted the thing as her own evil spawn.

The big one came and put his arm around the bitches shoulders, "come on babe, do you really want a kid that looks like an ugly dog?" he said laughing at his own joke. Nessie suddenly growled into my chest, "he's beautiful" she snarled. The idiot just let out a another booming laugh. "Wait! what about Nessie? couldn't she adopt the baby instead?" she said desperately to Carlisle.

Nessie pulled her head out of my chest and looked around to Rosalie, "me?" she said blankly. I felt relieved at the surprise in her voice, at least one part of my fears weren't true. Nessie hadn't been thinking about adopting the vile thing. But then again the Blond Bitch was giving her idea's! "hey, Blondie, we don't want any kids! and even if we did, we'd have out own children, not that one" I snapped at her.

Blondie liked this, "see, Carlisle, the dog doesn't even want him, can I have him _please?"_ she asked, she sounded to me like a spoiled bitch. Nessie gave me an odd look for a moment before saying, "what's wrong with this baby Jacob? I mean any child of ours would still be vampirish."

"The baby also shares your genes so it's not like your not related to him if that's the problem" she said before adding at the look of disgust on my face, "and I'm a half-vampire in case you've forgotten, what makes this baby so much worse than I am? If you'd never imprinted on me Jacob, would you have wanted to beat me against a wall until I was dead as well?" she snapped at me accusatory.

Everyone in the room knew the answer to that. Yes, yes I would have. Nessie seemed to have guessed as much, I saw the tears well up in her eyes again and she pulled away from me, I grabbed and pulled her around, "Nessie, don't cry, please! I love you more than anything in this world, see right now the pain I just caused you hurts me even more than I feel about my sister dying! I know that sounds insane, but Nessie, everyone, everything I ever loved or liked before I met you means nothing to me compared with you, you are my life, my everything, I'm sorry, if you want to keep the baby then I'll love it as much as you want me to" I was pleading.

Nessie pulled herself out of my grip, "that's the imprinting talking Jacob, it's not you, not the _real_ you! I have never known the real you, but I know that he would have hated me, loathed everything about me! you'd have wanted to tear and rip me to pieces then..then you and the other wolves would have gone and celebrated over it!" she spat at me.

It felt like my chest has been ripped open, "no, never! this is the _real_ me, before I met you I was nothing, my life was nothing, who I was then was no one! everything about me then wasn't real. When I saw you Nessie, everything in my life made sense, none of it mattered, everything was nothing compared to how I need you, love you." I was more begging now.

Nessie tried to blink the tears away and she was shaking her head, "you only love me because your forced to, you have to against your own will, no matter if I was a horrible person, no matter if I was the last person on earth that anyone would want, none of that would matter because imprinting would make you blind to it, it has taken away your free will! It's like the strongest love potion in the world, it's all manufactured love".

"Your identity, everything you were before it was ripped away from you. It's not like you wanted to be with me by choice was it? it's not like you met me and liked my personality then fell in love, nothing like that! your only with me because of some stupid crazy werewold crap" she was sobbing now.

I was on my knees now, "Nessie, Nessie, please don't think that. I loved you before you were even born, it was _destined_, it wasn't like I didn't want this, I _wanted_ to imprint, don't you understand? All the time I was in love with Bella was because we were always meant to be together".

"Why would I imprint on someone that was terrible for me? I imprinted on you because your perfect for me Nessie, your my perfect match. If I never did imprint on you and met you normally I would have fallen for you. No doubt in my mind. It's not like a love potion, Nessie, you only imprint when you find that other person, your other half, your soul mate. Werewolf imprinting or not, you are my _real_ soul mate Nessie" I said.

Nessie pulled on my arm, I stood back up and grabbed her hands holding them against my chest, I saw a tear slide slowly down her cheek, she sniffed and looked into my eyes for a moment, I didn't know what she was thinking. Finally she spoke in a soft almost embarrassed voice, "imprinting is so much more romantic than what I have, werewolf-imprinting happens when you find your soul mate, what do I have? my vampirey-imprinting happens when I find someone who will give me the best kids, then makes me want to fuck their brains out" she snorted slightly flushing pink.

I felt as if a weight had been taken of my heart, "oh Nessie, I really thought you were going to leave me just then" I said almost breathless with relief, she snorted again, "yeah right, like I would ever leave you Jake? I love _you_ too much to leave, I mean seriously if love potions and all that existed I think if you ever left me I'd force feed you love potion, manufactured love or not. Wouldn't matter, anything to have you with me" Nessie said.

I pulled her into a hug and held her tightly against me, "Nessie, it isn't really like a love potion, because this _is_ real, it's not manufactured love at all I swear" I told her honestly, she laughed struggling against my vise-like hug, I let her free herself enough to look up at my face. "Oh I know Jake, because even though my little imprinting thing is way more sleazy than yours, it's still telling me exactly what yours is. Jacob, you think I had it hard for Seth?" I tensed my body and gritted my teeth down at the treacherous name.

Nessie continued pretending not to notice, "Well that was nothing and I mean _nothing_ to how the absolutely all-consuming need to sleep with you was, it was like I felt that I would actually die if you didn't sleep with me. Seriously Jake when you were resisting me it caused me physical pain, it's like me right now telling you that I don't love you, and that if I told you I do, you would regret it later" she let out a laugh using my own words back at me.

I laughed lightly, but I wasn't in a very humorous mood. My eyes looked up expecting to see five disgusted vampire faces watching us and a smaller evil bloodthirsty face leering at our jugulars, but I realized with a shock that we were completely alone, "hey, Ness, did you notice when your family left?" I asked feeling a little out of it.

Nessie laughed again, "ah yes, they left like as soon as it started to get uncomfortable" I raised an eyebrow, she laughed again, "it was right around the time you started confessing you deepest love for me" I tried to remember them leaving, but nothing, "hah" was all I said.

Nessie pulled away and smoothed down the front of her shirt, she seemed to be thinking about something, "what are you thinking?" I asked, she looked up and shrugged, "I dunno? I was just thinking, you know how you said that if we were to have any babies you rather they where ours?" she asked. "Yeah" I said hoping she wasn't going were I thought she was going.

Nessie hesitated before continuing, "well I was thinking Jake, you know how all my hormones and being in heat and all that is over-active?" she stopped, waiting for my reply, "yeah, go on" I said. Nessie didn't speak for a moment, "Nessie?" I asked uncertainly, she smiled and continued like there hadn't been any silence, "well I was thinking, you would think that my body would make it so I could get pregnant easy right?" I nodded, "well then why haven't I? I've have sex four times now? And every time I didn't use any protection, I mean maybe I can't?" she said in a smaller voice and looking away from me.

I pulled her face around to look back at me, I saw tears welling back into her eyes, "Nessie, honey, I seriously doubt anythings wrong, I mean if it was, why would you be going through with all the motions?" I asked, Nessie shrugged, "I dunno? maybe all half-vampire girls go through this? maybe it doesn't matter, maybe my body _is_ just going through the motions and that's all?" she was looking at me with the tears spilling down her cheeks.

I brushed them away, "Nessie, I mean we have only done it three times, and the first time you weren't even.." I stuttered over the word _'in heat'_ because it sounded terrible to me, "..you weren't even, feeling feisty" I smiled as she gave a short laugh at my chosen word. "So I mean, people try all the time for ages to have kids, and that doesn't mean anything, it just hasn't happened yet. But Nessie, seriously I think if something _was_ wrong, I don't think you'd be going through any of the _motions_" I said honestly.

Nessie nodded, "I guess, well hopefully, because seriously Jake, I never really thought about kids, but I really do love that little baby, I know I've only known him for a few short hours but I already love him so much. Jake he really _does_ look so much like you! and it makes me think how _our_ babies will look, I hope they'll look just as perfect as he does, perfect and just like little Jacob's, because Jake your seriously a knock-out!" she smacked my chest as I rolled my eyes, "sure, sure" I mumbled under my breath.

Nessie smirked suddenly at something she was thinking, "what?" I asked, Nessie smirked wider, "Rosalie thinks your hot" she stated. I snorted. "Yeah right, don't even say that" I said in a jocking-disgusted voice, but really, hells no!

Nessie laughed and continued in a teasing voice, "she would _never_ not in a _million_ years, or should I say, not for as long as she may live? Just in the off chance she lives for a million years. Ever admit that she thinks you've got it going on. But oh Jake, she does! The way she always goes on about how hideous and how you disgust her physically, well I think it's all an act, because she doesn't like you as a person and would never admit that she thinks some dirty mongrel is attractive" she laughed.

I shook my head, I wasn't buying it, Nessie continued, "Oh come on Jake! the way she is now fawning all over that baby? I know that she wants and loves babies more than anything else in this world. But she also thinks that he's a totally adorable little baby, and there is no way that she can't see the resemblance between the two of you! Because he's like almost the perfect spitting image of you Jake, apart from the eyes and paler skin, cuz your quite dark. But other than that, damn. But I spos' your sister, his mom, looked like you as well, like I've said, _you two_ could have been the twins not her and Rachel" she trailed off suddenly as if she'd said too much.

I didn't feel any twinge of pain or anything, being with Nessie like this made it disappear, sounds terrible, but it was true, nothing could matter more to me than Nessie, I couldn't really even hold anymore love in my heart for anyone else, everything I could ever feel was all for her. That's when I heard the howling.

My head snapped up, "crap, Nessie, honey, I really have to go!" I said already feeling the tremors rock through my frame as I strode across the room towards the front door. I yanked it open and darted out, I just cleared the porch steps when Nessie grabbed my arm, I spun around in some odd pirouette, "ha what?" I said then getting surprised by the fright on her face, I pulled her into a hug, "Nessie, what's wrong?" I asked.

Nessie hugged me back for a moment before pulling back, "Jake" she said looking at me with intense eyes, "yeah" I said slowly, "Jake, please, _please_, no matter how furious and angry the pack and Sam is going to be, don't let them hurt the baby! please, _please_ Jake for me!" she clutched her hands over her heart.

I nodded, "Of course, I won't let anything bad happen to the baby" I said honestly, even though I wouldn't care less if it was ripped to pieces, well I would, but only because it would upset Nessie. Nessie seemed to believe me, she looked less afraid when her face became concerned instead, "Jacob, if this is about killing Zambul, be careful ok? don't do anything too dangerous or reckless alright?" she said searching my face.

I snorted breaking the serious atmosphere, "Nessie, your as bad as your mom, I'll be fine, nothing's going to happen to me, after all he's not even full vampire is he? with mine and Sam's pack, there is no way he can beat us" I said shaking my head and laughing at the ridiculousness of it, but then again, he does seem to be a tricky one.

Nessie nodded, but this time didn't look very convinced about keeping myself safe, I pulled her back into my arms and kissed her with as much passion as I could muster, I heard her moan into my kiss and I pulled reluctantly away, I didn't want her getting any ideas, I mean any other time and I mean _any_ _other time_, I would be jumping to go, but as another howl ripped through air I really had to get a move on, I kissed her once more quickly before dashing off down the lawn and to discuss with the guys the most hideous, horrific way we can kill this bloodsucking Zambul bastard.


	15. Garry Stackhouse

**Alright pplz, Finally up-dated my story. Sorry it took so long but I'm a lazy person. This chapter turned out COMPLETELY different to what I thought it would. Like I've said before I have know idea what I'm going to write until I write it. I wrote the first bit ages ago, then I got writers block and it was a fair bit later that I wrote the rest and yeah, so different.**

**Well anyways, enjoy!**

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**chp.15 'Garry Stackhouse'**

**(Jacob pov)**

About half-way down the drive I stuttered to a stop and ripped the T-shirt over my head and yanked my pants and underwear down together in one quick movement. I felt the heat ripple down my spine, the spasms in my arms and legs slashed dangerously just under the surface ready to explode in a second. I kicked the discarded clothing into a bush and in half a second I was bounding forwards on giant paws down the Cullen's drive at full tilt.

_"Jake!" "Jacob!" "Jake man"_ I heard the voices of everone at once in my head, "hey guy's, what's happening?" I asked. I heard Leah splutter in disbelief and Seth's confusion under his absolute awkwardness and guilt. _"what do you think's happening, Jacob? That filthy Bloodsucking leech has killed again!"_ Leah thought obviously.

_"Ah man, I'm so sorry Jake, about Rebecca!"_ Quil said growling along with me and others. _"Yeah, were meeting Sam and the other guy's now" _Embry stated unnecessarily as another string of loud howls ripped through the air. I pushed on faster to catch up to them.

I heard worry thick in Quil's thoughts. It was our worse fear that this bloodsucker would get by us and attack La Push. I heard Quil's only thoughts now were for Claire and her safety. I managed to catch up to them, Seth wined and took a wide berth around me to fall back so he wasn't running with us anymore.

I had half a mind to turn around and rip at every part of him I could sink my teeth into. Seth wined again as Leah snarled warningly at me. I snapped at her heels, she yelped as my teeth broke through the skin. _"Hey, this is isn't really the time"_ I heard Embry think tentatively, there was an annoyed edge to his thoughts as I bit Leah, but also felt un-easy about telling the Alpha off.

I gave Leah my own warning growl, full of the Alpha command, she buckled under the weight of it and wined on her back under me. I didn't like to flout my authority like that, but I wasn't in the mood for Leah thinking that she could tell me what to do, who the hell did she think she was? If I wanted to kill Seth it would be my choice and right as the Alpha.

Embry quickly tried to change the subject, _"hey Jake, is it true that Rebecca's kid's now a vamp?", _I flinched and let my mind wonder over everything that Carlisle had told me about the thing, to how Nessie and Blondie were fawning all over it and the crescent bite marks down Nessie's arms and hands and how it tried to bite her neck as she cuddled the thing and over everything that happened after that.

I tried to stutter over the part were they thought the thing looked a lot like me, and how Blondie wants it as her own kid, to Nessie and I becoming it's parents. Quil and Embry bristled and growled. Leah's thoughts however became scathing, _"aw, how precious. A beautiful little mini Bloodsucking leech. You and Renesmee must be so proud". _This time I really wanted to lay it into Leah, she yelped loudly as my teeth sunk deeply into her flanks.

After a long scuffle of fighting we broke apart. Leah limping fell back to run beside Seth. We made it into a clearing in the trees to spot Sam sitting on the base of a cut down tree. Sam's pack were gathered in a line on his right.

"Sam" I thought curtly as I came to stand beside him. On the left my pack sat in a line facing the others. _"Jacob, I am so sorry about Rebecca's death, I can't even begin to express my regret for what happened" _Sam thought gravely. Sam's and my pack howled, growled and snarled.

I nodded, Sam continued, _"I am also sorry about the fact that once again that bloodsucking bastard escaped! We caught his sent too late. When we came across the scene there was nothing we could have done, the second he spotted us he tossed Rebecca aside. Paul, Jared and I chased him to the edge of the tree's were he darted across the road and into Forks main district. There were too many people around." _

I could see it all in his head, I could feel the fury and the frustration, it would have been impossible to bring him down right in the middle of Forks infront of all those people. _"That Cullen Doctor's Mercedes pulled-up in front of us out of nowhere, he briefly explained that he'd been at the hospital and was on his way home when he spotted the whole thing, there wasn't any time to waste when he guessed they'd been another attack." _

Sam's thoughts became un-easy, _"I was hesitant about involving the Doctor, but he'd insisted that there might be something he could do to help and we couldn't let the Bloodsucker escape any further. We let Carlisle go to find Rebecca as we kept to the trees and took a wide circle around the town to try and catch the elusive leech." _

Sam swished his tail for a moment, before looking at me in the eye,_ "Jacob I had know idea what the Doctor Cullen would do, if I'd have known I never would have let him go!" _, I could feel the regret in Sam the way he was revolted and ashamed that he had trust in the good Doctor. Sam believed he was the one to blame about the baby being turned into a filthy leech.

I saw Sam, Paul and Jared running through the trees, to try and block off Zambul's escape roots. But once again no matter how long they'd waited, and risked getting closer into the town to search for the filthy Bloodsucker seemed to have vanished again. Meanwhile Sam ran through the younger wolves who'd stayed behind to protect Rebecca thoughts on what had happened when the Doctor got there.

The younger wolves were watching over Rebecca and her husband's lifeless bodies when Carlisle has come running through the trees, he'd told the hostile wolves that Sam had sent him to try and see what he could do. I saw how Carlisle had examined Rebecca's husband first, quickly revealing that his neck had been broken. To his surprised when he felt Rebecca's heart still beating, how he suddenly told the watching wolves that they should go and help Sam.

I saw how they didn't trust Carlisle, they thought something was up, they couldn't see what he wanted to do with the bodies? but they felt obligated to go and help Sam and the others who were now trying to catch Zambul, so they reluctantly agreed and left. I heard Sam's displeasure at how easy they'd just run off and left Carlisle with the bodies.

I ran through everything that Carlisle had explained me in his office about what happened after he got the others to leave, to everything else about the little leech baby. I tried to stutter over the part about how they'd all thought the thing looked like me, but Sam didn't seem to care about that part at all and I begrudgingly showed him the part how the Blond Bitch put the idea into Nessie's head that we should become it's parent's.

Mine and Sam's pack were equally restless and horrified at the fact that one of us was now a filthy bloodsucker. All apart from one person, I could hear that Seth didn't think anything bad of it, I could hear that he thought we were all over reacting and that there was no real big deal over the fact that the kid was a vampire, he believed that it was better a vamp than dead. Plus he was no different to Nessie, and everyone liked Nessie. I tried to ignore him.

Sam got up and trotted around the two packs, swishing his tail and growling to himself, I could feel that he was fuming over his own stupidity and disgusted with himself that the Bloodsucker once again out smarted him and escaped, horrified and furious at not just himself but every wolf for failing again at protecting the people and the tribe.

I thought idly that I should go and see Billy and Rachel, Sam heard what I was thinking and said I should go and see them as there wasn't much we could do until we had any new leads on how to track down and kill the filthy bloodsucker. I trotted past my pack and in my peripheral vision I saw a wolf from Sam's line get up and follow me, I didn't even have to look to know that it was of course Paul.

My pack jumped and followed aswell, "you know, you guy's can just go home or whatever" I thought dully. _"Yeah sure, what ever man. It's not like like I was trying to intrude in your family's grief or anything"_ Embry said. _"Jake, I'm really sorry. Your family must be totally cut up about this, tell your Dad and Rachel that I'm so sorry and we'll catch the bloodsucker who did this. If you need me or whatever I'll be with Claire ok?" _Quil said, I could feel that he was jumpy to get to Claire as soon as possible.

"Sure, sure." I thought back as Quil pelted past me in the direction of La Push, _"well, see ya Jake, tell your Dad and Rach than I'm sorry as well" _Embry said before kicking off after Quil. I totally ignored Leah and Seth as I ran in the direction of my house, I could hear Paul's heavy paws thudding closely behind me as he followed.

When I reached the house I trotted around to the back before phasing as I'd left the clothes that Esme had left me in a bush back in the Cullen's drive way. I slid my bedroom window open wondering why I'd never thought of this before, it would have saved me a lot of embarrassment at being caught by Rachel.

I quickly pulled on the first things I could find before leaving my room and finding my Dad. Rachel was curled up in Paul's lap crying in the small living-room. I sank down onto a sagging armchair and put my head in my hands, I heard my Dad's wheels creak the floorboards.

I looked up and tried to avoid looking at Rachel and Paul, even in grief their intimacy was indecent and embarrassing to watch. My Dad put one of his hands on my shoulder as he'd wheeled himself closer to me. I took a deep breath, I couldn't think of anything to say. "I saw the kid" I eventually said in a strained voice.

I heard Rachel hiccup loudly before speaking, "when?" she asked thickly, I looked over at her "just before" I answered, "what is the baby like?" she asked almost tentatively, like she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear the answer. I hesitated wishing I hadn't brought it up. I shrugged, "I dunno? Like any other little bloodsucking leech" I said.

Rachel didn't drop it, "no, I'm serious" she said, "so am I" I said back wishing she'd just shut it. Paul didn't like the tone I'd used, "Jacob, don't speak to your sister like that, she was just asking a valid question so answer her" he said sternly. I shot him a filthy look before saying really fast, "he's strong, got red eyes and craves blood and hasn't got any worries about biting anyone it wants" I said dismissively.

Rachel thought about this for a moment before asking, "so the baby is a boy?" she asked, "mmm" I answered with no feeling, "I 'spos he hasn't got a name or anything" she said, I shrugged not caring, Rachel pressed on though, "what does he look like?" she asked, I didn't want to answer this one so I just shrugged again.

Rachel didn't think this was a good enough answer, "well apart from his red eyes, what else? Is he cute? I expect he's really pale though" she added thoughtfully, I didn't answer. "Jake?" she pressed, I took another deep breath and leaned back in the chair before answering, "yeah, he's pretty pale, but he still definitely looks like us" I said hoping that would be enough to satisfy her.

Rachel "hmm'ed" and was silent for a moment before asking another quiestion. I groaned. "Does he look like Rebecca or like...?" she trailed off and I heard a sob escape her lips, I looked over to see Paul pull her closer into his chest and rub small circles on her back trying to calm her.

My Dad's deep gravely voice spoke, "Jake, just answer your sisters questions" he said sternly, I made a sound in the back of my throat before saying grudgingly, "Nessie thinks he looks like me" I said in my most disgusted voice. Rachel stopped sobbing and looked back around to me, "oh, does she? What do you think?" she asked with interest.

I shrugged again but caught the look on my Dad's face and gave her a more descriptive answer, "I don't know? The mother one, Esme, she thinks he looks like me as well, but I don't think so, not _really, _I mean sure, he _does_ have some sort of family resemblance, but I dunno?" I finished lamely.

Rachel thought about this for another second before asking, "so were is he?", "At the Cullen's house" I said, Rachel shook her head, "no, I know that, what I meant was, were are they keeping him?" she said, I shrugged but answered with words as well, "the living-room, well that's where I saw it, Nessie and the Blond one, Rosalie, they were acting all lovey-dovey over the thing" I said revolted.

Rachel frowned and her voice was more severe when she spoke next, "Jake, don't call him a _thing_, even if he is a vampire he's still Rebecca's little baby" she said choking up again. I felt a twinge of something as I remembered that was what Bella had said.

Even though I knew it was Rebecca's baby, I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that it wasn't more than a evil little bloodsucking leech. I didn't know why I was feeling so strongly against it either, as I'd accepted Nessie of course, but other than her I've accepted and even learned to like most of the other Cullen's and I always liked Bella so nothing ever really changed there when she turned apart from losing all my romantic feelings for her.

But there was just something about _this_ little leech that really had me hating it. I couldn't even justify it to myself. It was true, he was just a little baby and it wasn't his _fault_ that it was turned into a vampire. But I still couldn't help blaming it, and hating it, almost like I blamed the kid for Rebecca's death, almost like it was linked or apart of Zambul I didn't know? All I knew was that it was evil, just pure evil and shouldn't be allowed to keep existing.

My Dad asked me a question now, "what are the Cullen's planning to do with the child? Are they planning to take care of him?" he asked, I hesitated wondering if I should just say that the Blond Bitch wants it, but I decided to tell them what Carlisle told me, "Well the Doctor, Carlisle, he said that it should be up to us on what happens to it..him" I corrected myself quickly at the look on Rachel's face.

"He said that were his family so we should have the final say. Also the blond one, Rosalie, wants the kid she's like obsessed with babies and she really want's him, but I hate her, cuz she's a bitch, and I don't want her to have it" I said smirking inspite of myself.

Rachel suddenly looked thoughtful, "so the baby is ours? But didn't you say Jacob, that the baby bites and wants to drink blood?" she said in almost a whisper, I nodded, "yep, I mean it would be pretty dangerous to have it here" I said angrily not even going to let Rachel get any crazy ideas about adopting the vile thing.

My Dad spoke, "I think the best course would be for the Cullen's to keep the child, we don't know anything about looking after such a child, apart from you Jacob, I know how well you cared for your Nessie, but under the Cullen's supervision, and we have no means of acquiring...the baby's dietary acquirement's" he said skipping over the word 'blood', "so the Cullen's I believe should keep him" he finished.

I totally agreed, I even felt relieved that it wouldn't be aloud to live here with us, Rachel nodded, "I agree, I mean I don't think I could handle feeding the baby a bottle of blood" she shot me a grimace, "I know that you have Jake, but it would just feel sick and wrong, for me" she said. "But as the baby is our responsibility, the Cullen's can look after him, but for Rebecca's sake I think we should keep family ties with the baby and give it a name that we choose, I for one know for a fact that Rebecca would have wanted me to name the baby" she said sadly.

I didn't really care if Rachel wanted to name it, didn't bother me, what ever name she chose, wouldn't stop me from hating it.

I didn't feel like being subjected to anymore questioning about the horrid little thing and stood up, "bedroom" I muttered as Rachel and my Father opened their mouths to ask were I was going. I threw myself down onto my bed when I entered my room.

I draped my arm over my eyes and tried not to think of those red eyes, Nessie's bite marks, Rachel dead. No I wouldn't, couldn't think about that, even though I didn't feel sad about it, more like it just didn't seem real, it hadn't sunk in yet. I let my mind drift and after a while I heard the sound of a smooth purring engine approaching, I recognized the sound of Carlisle's Mercedes.

I really didn't feel like hearing Carlisle repeat to my family what he told me, as I presumed that was what he was here for. I jumped up and pulled my bedroom window open quietly before slipping out into the back. I listened carefully after a second I heard the purring engine cut off and then the sound of a car door opening and closing.

I sighed heavily before making my way right around the back of the yard and up behind my homemade garage. I knew I was being ridiculous as I kept to the trees for cover, I knew the Doctor was all ready probably in the house. I went right around the long way before stepping out onto the road away from the house.

I didn't know where I was going, I didn't even know where I felt like going? I wouldn't mind seeing Nessie, but I really didn't feel like going back the Cullen's place, and I knew that Nessie wasn't aloud to leave the house, what with being in...I mentally cringed at the words '_in heat'_. Then I felt a new emotion as I pushed my way through the low scrub and walked down the slope to the beach.

I didn't know wither to feel happy or disgusted with myself for giving into Nessie and sleeping with her, I knew Nessie really wanted to, well _needed _to, but that was now, while she feeling all _in the mood_, how will she feel once it's passed? When she's back to herself again, will she be mad at me? Nessie said she didn't at all blame me, but when she was in her right mind again, would she feel then as if I took advantage of her?

I shuddered to myself and felt mingled feeling of guilt and horror, I was just promising myself that next time I would try harder, have stronger self control when Nessie tries to have it on again, when I heard a strange sort of muffled sound. I froze. My heart beating loudly in my chest, Zambul? I felt the heat surge through my body, I could feel the heat rippling down my spine, turning me into something else, in less than an instant I was no longer running on two legs but on four powerful paws.

But my fears were extinguished almost instantally as I bounded through the scrubbery to spot that it was only Embry and Leah having some sort of argument, the muffled sound was really just Leah hissing threats through her teeth and trying to pull her sleeve free of Embry's grip. I felt an irritated snarl escape through my muzzle.

Embry and Leah stopped what they were doing when they heard my snarl. Embry opened his mouth to say something, but I let out an another annoyed growl before jogging back to where I stripped my jeans off. I spotted them and phased back human. After I'd pulled them on hastily I trudged back to were Embry and Leah where.

When I returned they quickly stopped speaking in low voices. "What are you two bitching about?" I said more to Embry, as I could half guess on what it could be, most likely Leah had caught Embry with another girl. I knew this would happen, I just new it! Embry shot Leah a angry look before shaking his head, "nothing, Jake, just forget it" he said in a heavy voice.

I looked to Leah, she just shrugged There was a slightly guilty and was it embarrassed look on her face? There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment until Leah said something about needing to go home. Embry just glared at her as she left, she avoided my gaze as she slipped past me and almost ran up the sandy slope I'd just come down.

I turned back to Embry once Leah dissapeared, "well? What was that about" I asked him again. Embry had a strange bitter look on his face, he let out a low sigh before saying in a different voice than his own, "nothing, just forget it" before pushing past me and down onto the flatter surface of the beach. I hesitated for a second before deciding to follow.

We walked in silence for a few minutes before I voiced my suspicions, "Embry, Leah saw you with another girl didn't she?" I said annoyed. Embry let out a low none humorous laugh and shook his head, "hardly" he said in a hard voice. My curiosity was aroused, "what's up? Embry what happened?" I asked in a lower voice.

Embry didn't answer strait away, but kept walking a short way, not after he kicked a stone into the bushes he turned to me looking almost embarrassed. "Well, I guess you'll find out soon anyway. Leah didn't see _me_ with another girl, I saw _her_ with another guy" Embry turned away looking almost angry at himself for telling me. I didn't know what to say, it was hard to believe, not just the fact that _Leah_ of all people would be with another guy! But that this really seemed to have upset Embry, it was just weird, as Embry was normally a one date kinda guy.

The silence stretched on as we walked slowly up the beach, I finally asked in a careful voice, "what guy? What do you mean you _saw_ her with another guy, what was she doing?" Embry just scowled deeper but didn't answer, I almost thought he wasn't going to say anything after a long pause, but just as I opened my mouth to tell him to forget it, he didn't have to tell me if he didn't want to, he stopped in his tracks and said with anger thick in his voice.

"Just now! Down outside the shop, right infront of my _Mother _and everything, Leah kissing some random guy! I didn't even recognize him at all! I have absolutely know idea who the hell he was. I didn't say anything though, after...well Leah said goodbye to that asshole and I followed her down the beach, I asked her to tell me who the fuck this guy was, and what she was doing with him, she just told me to but out and mind my own business!" Embry said and spitting.

I didn't really know why this was upsetting Embry so much, "Embry" I said hesitantly, "do you _like_ Leah?" I peeked as his reaction, I found it beyond me, I never would have thought that Embry would get so worked up over a girl this much, let alone _Leah!_ Embry didn't answer again strait away, but this time he seemed more embarrassed to answer than anything else.

I waited, when it seemed like he really wasn't going to answer me, I decided to speak again, "Embry, I mean, you don't have to be _embarrassed_ or anything, I mean yeah it's kinda a surprise, but it was really just a matter of time before you properly fell for someone, it's good for you, in a way, even if it is Leah"

Embry cut over me, "I haven't _fallen_ for Leah, ok? And I'm not _embarrassed_ over anything. It's nothing, it's just that...I don't know? It just hit me when I saw her with another guy. I mean I know we were never _together_ or anything, but I just...I don't know? It just pissed me off when I saw her kissing him, I don't even know why? An overreaction, it's nothing, it's just..." He stopped mid-sentence and looked away to ocean.

I didn't really know what to say, so all I said was "huh". We started walking slowly up the beach again. Whatever Embry said, it was obvious that he had a more than a thing for Leah. But what surprised me even more, was the fact that Leah was with another guy. I mean what the fuck? She didn't date, and she didn't just kiss random people in the street, that wasn't her at all.

And who was this guy? We've all heard Leah's thoughts, and never, not once, had she ever thought about another guy, she didn't even talk to any other guy's out of the packs. So who was he? Embry suddenly broke my musings, "Jake" he said in a low voice, I looked up, Embry was looking extremely uncomfortable. "Yeah" I said slowly, Embry hesitated for a moment before saying in a quieter voice, it was obvious he didn't really want to tell me.

"It's just...Well lets say for arguments sake that I _did_ like Leah. I'm not admitting anything. I'm just saying hypothetically!" he added hastily, I laughed lightly, "ok, _hypothetically_" I said. Embry hesitated again before speaking, "yeah, _hypothetically_, say I liked Leah. Even though I don't. But what would happen if Leah didn't feel the same way? What if she liked someone else?" he shot me a furtive look.

I knew what he was thinking there. "What if she was _with_ someone else as well, but she still wanted to be..._physically _involved with me. Even thought that's all I ever wanted from her. But just _say,_ maybe it wasn't enough, _just say_ I wanted it to be exclusive, I mean, just _us_, and no one else" Embry trailed off going red.

I took a deep breath before speaking, "_hypothetically?"_ I asked, Embry just nodded. "Well, _hypothetically_, I think you would have to tell Leah how you feel, I mean _really_ tell her, tell her that you want more than just sex, tell her that you like her, tell her that you want to make it exclusive and official. And who ever this _guy_ is, tell her that she has to choose, because she can't have you both, tell her that either she's giving it to you and no one else, or be with this guy, who ever he is. Also Embry, you'll have to tell Leah, that _you_ won't go flirting or sleeping around with any other girls either." I said seriously.

Embry bit his lip. I didn't really know if was even listening to me, I sighed, "Embry, why _Leah_? Out of all the girls you've been with, why Leah and why now?" I asked. Embry just shrugged, I sighed again and turned to leave, but Embry grabbed me, "wait, Jake, just...wait" he said almost pleading. I turned back around, "what Embry? I don't know what to tell you" I said.

Embry walked over and sat down on a large rock. I hesitated and walked over to him and sat down on the sand. Embry put his face in his hands and didn't speak for a long moment. I felt incredibly awkward, it wasn't so much the fact that Embry really liked a girl more than just for sex, but more the fact that is was _Leah_. Leah who liked me, Leah who Embry _knew_ had a thing for me.

Also, who was this guy? It was all very strange, what had gotten into Leah? I mean it was surprising as shit that she even had that thing going on with Embry, I mean it was common knowledge that she _hated_ Embry, and was disgusted by his play-boy ways, then to go and sleep with him! It made no sense? It was everything against Leah's personality, especially for her to have two guys on the go at once, when she never thought about dating anyone.

Embry finally looked up from his hands to look at me, "Jake, could you..I mean, would _you_ talk to Leah for me?" he asked doubtfully, I was already shaking my head, "no way man! Anyway, it has to come from _you_ Embry not me" Embry sighed heavily and said in a hopeless voice, "I _know,_ it's just that...I can't, Jake" he looked me squarely in the face, "I just _can't"_ he said through gritted teeth and looking down ashamed.

I'd never seen Embry so out of his element like this, it was surprising, Embry was always so confident, it was so weird for him to be so down over a girl, even if it was Leah. Embry never had any problem before telling Leah how he felt about her, but then again it was different I guess, telling her that she was a cold hearted bitch, or even telling her that she had a hot body, even if the personality didn't go with it, was still different than telling her that you've fallen head over heels.

I took a deep breath, regretting it the second I said it. That I would try and talk to Leah for him. Embry looked so relieved, "oh Jake, oh Jakey, your the best, man! Your the best friend in the world! I can't even tell you how much I'll owe you for this." I just grumbled. Embry suddenly grabbed me in a headlock and rubbed his knuckled painfully into my scalp. I managed to punch him in the ribs and dance away from him down the beach muttering angrily under my breath.

As I walked my way slowly up the slope and out into the road. I really, _really_ didn't want to talk to Leah, I didn't even know what I was going to say? I wanted to put it off, I wanted to go back and tell Embry that I'd changed my mind. But just my luck. As I made my way up the road to the main street I saw Leah walking my way. Leah slowed down her walk when she saw me, there was a defensive look in her eyes as I slowly dragged my feet over to her.

There was an awkward silence for a moment before Leah burst out suddenly, "Jacob, don't look at me like! What Embry and I had was nothing ok? I regret ever even being with Embry at all! And I don't even know why he even cares that I was with another guy! I mean, I saw him yesterday, I saw him with a whole group of tourist sluts, he was flirting with them an-ashamedly, and _I'm_ the slut for kissing someone else" she ranted.

I waited until she finished, I still really felt awkward about telling her that Embry liked her, it really didn't feel like my place, it should be Embry! Damn it, why did I ever agree to this? I took a deep breath and spoke through my teeth, "Leah, just shut up and listen to me for a minute" Leah gave me a scathing look, but I cut over her before she could speak.

"Leah, I was with Embry just now" she opened her mouth furiously, I put my finger up to silence her, "just listen, Leah..." I took another breath. "What? What did Embry say? That he thought I was a complete slut?" she spat out angrily. I shook my head. "No! Will you listen to me? Embry doesn't think your a _slut_ at all." "Then what? What did he say about me" Leah said going full on defencive mode.

I hesitated, I didn't know how to say what Embry wanted me to say. Leah was still glaring at me, "Leah" I began. "What?" she snapped, I took another breath and pushed my fringe out of my eyes, "Leah, can I ask you something? Something..personal?" I asked going red. Leah glared at me suspiciously, but didn't say anything, I bit my lip and looked down at my feet for a moment.

I looked up and blurted out, "Embry wanted to know if you..you know.._liked_ him" I said. This was _so_ awkward. Leah just glared a little harder, "what do you mean? _Liked_ him?" she asked, even though it was pretty obvious what I meant, "you know what I mean, do you _like_ Embry, Leah?" I asked. She just shook her head. After a few more moments of uncomfortable silence she looked up with guarded eyes, "why?" was all she said.

It took me a second to think of a response, "Embry just wanted to know" I said. Leah ground her teeth for a second before saying, "does _Embry_ want to know, or do _you_ Jacob?" she asked in a completely different voice. I was taken aback by the change in her tone, it took me a second before I realized that she thought I was asking her if she liked Embry more than me, like somehow I cared, like somehow that I was jealous or something.

I took a step back, "Leah" I began looking down at my hands, but in the next second before I could react. I felt Leah suddenly shift closer to me. Grabbing the back of my hair she pulled my face down to crush my lips against hers. I was shocked for half a heartbeat before I pushed her away. We looked at each other. I felt my eyes popping in surprise. Leah was panting and going bright red, in the next second tears filled her eyes and she turned to run off.

Before I knew what I was doing I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her around, Leah tried to struggle free, "Leah! just stop, listen to me" I tried to reason with her. She finally calmed down and stopped trying to hit me. She put her face in her hands and looked down shaking under my hands, but I knew this time it had nothing to do with phasing. I took a long breath before saying slowly, "Leah, I...I'm sorry, ok? I _really_ am, I'm so sorry, but I can't. You _know_ that" I said in a low voice.

I _did_ feel bad for Leah, I always knew she liked me, but I never would, I never _could_ ever think of being with her, or liking her back. I did feel bad that everyone she liked had to imprint on someone else. After a long moment Leah looked up at me slowly, tears were still in her eyes, but her face was a bitter mask. We looked at each other for a long moment.

Leah let out a wet humourless laugh and pulled away from me, she took a unsteady breath to calm herself before saying in a constrained voice, "I know...Jake, _I know_...it's just that..I'm sorry" she changed what she was about to say and mumbled the apology instead. I swallowed before saying in what I hoped was an understanding tone, "Leah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I made you believe that...well...." I trailed off.

Leah chewed the inside of her mouth for a second before asking, "Jake, why would Embry care if I liked him or not?" she asked in a hard voice. I hesitated for what seemed like the hundredth time. I decided on telling her the truth about how Embry felt for her. "Leah" I began, "Leah...the thing is...Embry likes you, I mean he really, _really_ likes you" I said feeling so out of place.

Leah looked at me confused, and skeptical, like she thought I was lying to her. I continued, "Embry, wanted me to tell you how he felt, he wanted me to tell you that he really does like you, in that way, he wanted me to tell you that...That he wants to make it official you know? Like be your boyfriend" the word didn't sound right to me.

Leah was still looking at me skeptically, "Embry, was well...pretty cut up when he saw you kissing that other guy" I said. Leah suddenly looked furious again, "Well what do I care? Big deal, Embry didn't like seeing me with another guy, but then it's perfectly fine for _him_, to go kissing other girls! Sleeping with other girls! That's a pretty poor way to show that he wants to be my _boyfriend_" she sneered the word, "_boyfriends_ don't go flirting around with other girls!" she said spitting onto the road.

I agreed whole heartedly with her, "I know, I agree with you" I said, she glared at me as if she thought I was making fun, I explained, "I told Embry that, I told him if he wants to make it official, it would have to be _exclusive, _I told him that he can't go around with any others girls if he's serious about you" I said. Leah looked at me oddly, I couldn't work out what she was thinking.

Finally she said in a smaller voice, "_if_ Embry does indeed like me, if Embry wanted more than what...than what we had, then why didn't he just say so?" she asked confused. It took me a second to answer, "I think Embry feels, well, _embarrassed_" I admitted for him. Leah's eyes flashed, "embarrassed? If he's so _embarrassed_ by me, why the fuck would he want to make of official? If he so embarrassed by me, why would he want to be my _boyfriend" _she spat the word back at me.

I shook my head before saying slowly. "No...I didn't mean he was embarrassed by _you_, more like embarrassed about telling you himself. Embry's embarrassed to admit he has feelings for you. Face to face. that's why he's making me ask you out for him" I said feeling like an absolute idiot. I couldn't believe that I ever agreed to this, it would have been to so much easier. Easier for me that is. if Embry just did this himself.

Leah bit her lip before saying slowly, "Jacob, how could I ever be sure? I can't..I mean _Embry!_ When has Embry ever really liked, I mean _really_ liked a girl? When has Embry ever been with someone. _Exclusively_? Is he even capable of being with one girl. And one girl _only_?" she said doubtfully. I would have agreed with her, but the way Embry was so uncomfortable, and made me talk to Leah for him, that this was something different, something real.

I looked at Leah's doubtful expression, "Leah, I believe that Embry won't cheat on you, this is something different, something more. That's why he's made me do this for him. I mean, why in hell would Embry ever let someone else talk to a girl for him? I think he means it this time. Leah, seriously, Embry's fallen for you, he's fallen for you hard" I said.

Leah didn't say anything for a long moment, she seemed to be thinking about something hard. Finally she looked back up at me, "Ok, just say, that Embry really _does_ like me, I mean that's kind of...I don't know..would it be right, for us to be together?" she asked, she sounded to me as if she was asking my permission to be with him. I knew that if something did happen, like they broke up that it would be pretty much unbearable to the pack, but then again, I'd never seen Embry this way before. And Leah, well Leah deserved _some_ happiness.

I smiled, "sure it is, if you like him though, I mean Leah, if _you_ aren't serious about him, then I don't think you should lead him on, I mean sure Embry probably deserves to have his heart broken" I smiled ruefully to myself and Leah smiled in-spite of herself, "but as his friend, I don't want to see him hurt like that, especially not by someone who knows how it feels to have their heart trampled on" I said seriously.

Leah hesitated before saying, "Embry would deserve it though, to see how all the girls he's hurt in the past have felt, when he just crushed them." Leah eyes flashed. "But...I don't know? I have to admit I don't _hate_ Embry...not _really_" she added and looking out into the trees for a second before turning her gaze back to me, "Jacob, tell Embry that I'll _consider_ it, if he tells me himself, and not send his friends to ask me out, tell him to grow a pair" we both laughed awkwardly.

After a slight pause Leah said, "Jacob, don't tell Embry about...well about..._you know_" she said meaningfully and going red. I looked away embarrassed. Leah hit me suddenly in the arm and smirked, "your a good kid, but I need someone with a bit more _experience_, and despite what I may say, Embry does have _some_ skill, which you so embarrassingly _lack_ in that department" she laughed and dodged me as I tried to grab her and ran down the road at full tilt laughing.

I grumbled to myself watching her go. When she was out of sight, I turned back around and started to head back up to the main road. Just as I turned the corner I ran into Sam, "oh, hey Sam" I said, Sam gave me an apologetic grimace, "Jacob" he said in a grave voice. It was obvious that he still blamed himself for Rebecca's death and Carlisle turning the child into a filthy Bloodsucker.

There was this slightly awkward pause until Sam broke the silence, "how's Billy and Rachel holding up?" he asked in that same grave voice. I grimaced at this. "Yeah well...not too great you know" I said feeling rather subdued. Sam sighed heavily, "I was heading over to your place, to give Billy and your sister my deepest regret and" he swallowed hard before continuing, "and my apologies for my mistakes, I hope they will find it in their hearts to forgive me. Jacob, you as well, I will never forgive myself for what I let happen" he finished with a growl.

I didn't like Sam blaming himself, "Sam, man, seriously, it isn't your fault, no one blames you. I certainly don't!" I said. Sam gave me a sad smile that clearly told me that he didn't agree with what I was trying to telling him. I sighed this time, "Sam, it _isn't_ your fault! Stop blaming yourself, if it's anyone's fault it's that bastard _Nahuel"_ my mouth twisted around the name as I chocked it out.

Sam's eyes flashed dangerously at the name also. Just then someone called out our names, I looked around to spot Jared running towards us. "What is it, what has happened?" Sam asked him sharply, Jared shook his head, "nothing, nothing Sam" he said, Jared gave me an apologetic look, I looked away, their pity made things worse.

I heard Sam ask Jared, "anything new?" I looked up at Jared who answered, "no..not _really_, I mean nothing to do with the bloodsuckers" he seemed hesitant. I eyed Jared curiously as did Sam, "what is Jared?" I asked. Jared's eyes flickered to Sam then away again, almost guilty, "Jared, spit it out" Sam said in a dangerous sort of voice.

Jared gave Sam another un-easy look, obviously wishing he kept his mouth shut now. "Well..." he began. "Well what?" I asked more urgently. Jared shifted uncomfortably before saying in a carefully controlled voice, as if he weighed each word before he said them, "It's about Leah" his eyes shot back to Sam's face then quickly away. "What about her?" I asked slightly weary now. _Now_ what has she done? I thought to myself.

Jared hesitated for a heartbeat before blurting it out, as if it wouldn't be as bad if he said it quickly, "I saw Leah making out with Embry's cousin, you know the one? He's down from the Makah rez." I was shocked for a second. Embry's _cousin_? "How do you know he's Embry's cousin? I didn't know Embry had any cousins from up there?" I asked.

Jared seemed slightly more relaxed when it was obvious that Sam wasn't going to hit him or something, Jared said, "yeah, neither did I? But my mom was talking to Embry's mom this morning and did you know she has a younger sister? Embry has an uncle?" "No" Sam and I said at the same time, "Yeah...it's just that Embry's mom doesn't really like talking about them, cuz they kinda got really pissed off at her when she got pregnant with Embry with some other man..." Jared broke of suddenly, there was an awkward silence.

This was a touchy subject, especially between Sam and me. See Embry's mom moved down here from the Makah reservation when she was pregnant with Embry, everyone just presumed that she left the father up there, until Embry turned into a werewolf that is, it was only ever the Quiluets who could turn into wolves, and to make it even more of a scandal, there were only three people left alive at the time with the werewolf gene who could have fathered Embry.

Old Quil Ateara, my own father Billy Black, and Sam's father Joshua Uley, and everyone of them married at the time. Everyone liked to believe that it was Sam's father, because well, Sam's father was never much of a Father, he was never around. But there was still that, well not really _doubt_, because I knew how much my dad loved my mom, but I still haven't been brave enough to ask him. It's not like I would hate to have Embry as a half brother, it would just be weird that's all.

Sam broke the silence again, "so Embry's mom has a younger sister and?" Jared gave me a shifty look before continuing, "Yeah...well like I said, Embry's mom's family kinda...shunned her and Embry, but Embry's Aunt had a kid and there was some shit that went down up there so Embry's cousin decided to move down here to visit his shunned Aunt and cousin" Jared said.

I thought this over, "does Embry know?" I asked, as I would have sworn that Embry would have told me about this, Jared shrugged, "dunno? He only came down like this afternoon" Jared said, "and Leah was kissing him? Just like that, when she didn't even know who he was?" Sam sounded shocked. So was I, what the hell was with Leah? And did she know that the guy was Embry's cousin before she stuck her tongue down his throat?

Jared gave Sam another measured look before answering, "well I don't know? But yeah..that's what it looked like" I opened my mouth to mention the whole Embry-Leah relationship, as the only people who knew about it were Quil, Seth (most reluctentaly) and me. But then I closed my mouth, I didn't think it was my place to tell everyone about it, I'd wait for Embry or Leah to tell people.

There was this nother stretched out silence, I couldn't handle it anymore, "well guy's, that's pretty fucked up, but I kinda gotta go" I said, Sam and Jared both looked at me with a little _too_ much understanding in their eyes, "of course, Jake, I am really sorry about your sister" Jared said with that same pity in his eyes, I couldn't think of a response and mumbled something incoherent and not meeting Sam's gaze I pushed past them and crossed over the street.

I wasn't really paying attention to where I was going and only after I'd cut up the back of the shop were Embry's mom worked and out the back to where Embry's house was, did I spot a guy sitting on the front step, I hesitated not knowing whither to say something or not, just as I decided to not say anything, the guy spoke up, obviously I was just standing there staring at him long enough for him to notice.

"Hey, anything I can help you with?" he called over to me, I hesitated for half a second on the pavement before cutting up Embry's yard to the guy, "no, not really. I heard your related to Embry Call" I said. The guy stood up as I reached him, he was surprisingly short, maybe I was just so used to all the guys being around my size, or at least over 6' foot, this guy however was like 5' foot 4 or something ridiculous like that.

"Yeah, I 'spos I am, you know Embry then?" he asked holding out his hand, I shook it. Weak grip. I noticed. "Yeah sure, Embry's one of my really good friends" I replied, "hah" the kid said. He looked like just that to me, a kid, he was no more than 17. I couldn't believe what the hell Leah was thinking making out with this kid. It wasn't like he was even all that attractive, his eyes were spaced too far apart and his nose looked oddly flattened. I also didn't think much of his hair-cut either, it was a perfect bowel-cut, as if someone actually placed a bowel on his head and cut around it. Tragic. I noted.

I decided to introduce myself, "my names Jacob, Jacob Black" I added, the kid nodded, "cool, my names Garry, Garry Stackhouse" he said giving me a smile. I noticed he had a huge gap between his front teeth. Stackhouse? I thought, reminded me of shit-house, and I always hated the name _Garry_. For some reason I felt a huge wave of dislike for this kid, have you ever just not liked someone and there wasn't anything they did to you, but there was just _something_ about them that you just hated for no apparent reason? That's how I felt, I just hated this guy.

Just then the front door was opened and Embry's mom poked her head out, "oh hey Jacob, Embry isn't home, I don't know where he is? Sorry darlin'" She yelled over at me giving me a huge smile, I waved back at her, "That's ok, Ms. Call. I think I saw him down the beach or something?" I called back to her. Garry suddenly sneezed. I felt a light spraying of spit hit on my hand, I repressed a shudder and the sudden urge to punch him. "Sorry 'bout that" Garry said giving me a shifty grin that I did not return.

I wiped my hand on my jeans and turned to leave, "well, nice meeting you Garry, but I must be off. Tell Embry I said hey" I said, "sure, ok, see ya later alligator" he said in revolting corniness that made my want to punch him again. I gave him a weak tight lipped smile, before I sprinted the rest of the yard and up the street. It was only after a few minutes of jogging that I realized I had know idea where I was going? I slowed to a walk and pushed my hair out of my eyes, it was kinda a warm day. I could stand the cold fine. But the _heat_. Nope. It killed me.

That was when I noticed someone turn the corner up ahead, it took me half a second to recognize that it was Embry, "speak of the devil" I muttered under my breath. "Hey Embry, man, I just met your couz" I called out to him. Embry reached me looking slightly confused, "my couz? What are you on about?" he asked looking at me oddly.

"Are you serious? You don't know?" I asked him, Embry just gave me a blank look, I sighed, "Jared's mom ran into your mom this morning right, and she told her that your Aunt's kid got in with some sort of scrape up at the Makah rez and decided to come down here and stay with you guys" I told him. Surly Embry knew he had a cousin, didn't he? Embry looked surprised though.

"Are you joking me Jake?" he asked in an incredulous voice, I shook my head, "nah, man, I'm serious, I just met him not two minutes ago" Embry looked incrediably confused and still a little incredulous, "but you know if that's true, why didn't my mom say anything to me?" he asked giving me a suspicious look. I shrugged, "I dunno, do I?" I said before changing the subject.

"Hey Embry, I found out who Leah was making out with" I said. Embry who had been lost in thought looked up at me with anger in his eyes, "who? I wanna kick the bastards head in!" he snarled curling his hand into fists that shook slightly. I laughed, but humorously, "your cousin. Jared saw them at it as well. And oh my god, have you _seen_ him? He is so damn _tragic_, I can't believe that Leah would have gone for him, plus he only looks like 16 or something" I said.

Embry ground his teeth slightly before saying, "my cousin? Did Leah know that when she..." he let the sentence trail off meaningfully. "I dunno, maybe?" I said doubtfully. Embry muttered something under his breath, "well you can go see the guy now. _Garry_" I sneered his name. Embry glanced up at my face before saying in a dark voice, "sure, I'd _love_ to meet him. Where is he?" he added, "at your place, he was sitting out the front" I said, Embry grumbled something else, but it was too low for me to catch, but I could get the gist.

We turned around the bend and Embry's small house came back into view, when we got closer it was evident that the kid was no longer outside, "come on" Embry said cutting up the lawn ignoring the neat little garden path. Embry banged open the front door and called out to his mom. "I'm in the kitchen" his mom called back, Embry gave me nudge and I followed him into the kitchen.

Embry's mom was cutting up carrots at the bench, and the smell of something delicious was bubbling away in a pot on the stove. The kitchen walls were painted a bright egg-yolk yellow, and the lace curtains on the windows had a yellow tint to them also. The floor was yellow linoleum and everything in the kitchen seemed to be some sort of shade of yellow, all the way to the yellow ornamental ducks on the windowsill, the effect was slightly eye watering.

Embry's mom turned around when we came in, "Oh hey Jake, found him did you?" she asked me kindly, "yeah" I replied. Embry suddenly growled at his mother, "what is Jake saying about me having a cousin?" he spit at her, gave Embry a sharp glare, "what have I told you about speaking to me like that?" she snapped at him.

Embry mumbled something incoherent, his mom just glared, "well, what do you have to say?" she snapped, "so_rry"_ Embry said making it two words and rolling his eyes at me. didn't seem to think that it was a good enough apology and opened her mouth to probably yell at him, Embry cut her off, "so who is this, Garry?" he said looking at me as if to ask if he got the name right, I nodded. Embry turned back to his mom who looked every bit ready to start telling him off again.

decided to let it drop for now and turned back to cutting the carrots, "Garry is my sister Janet's son, he wasn't having such a good time and decided to come down and stay with us for a while" she said, her voice hinted as there was something more, but didn't want to say with me there. I felt slightly awkward. Embry let out a huge sigh and collapsed down at the small round table which was draped in a yellow tablecloth.

I sat down opposite Embry at the table and fiddled with the salt Shaker for something to do with my hands. Embry then asked his mom when dinner would be ready because he was apparently _starving_. said it wouldn't be long and that I was invited to stay for dinner if I wanted. I agreed. mostly to be polite than anything else, as I was starting to feel the withdrawals of being away from Nessie for such a length of time.

Just then Garry came sidling into the kitchen, Embry jumped up out of his seat. "Oh hey, you must be Embry, I'm Garry" Garry said cheerfully holding his hand out to shake Embry's. Embry gripped Garry's hand a little too tightly and shook it with a hard look to his jaw. When Embry let go, Garry flexed his fingers with a slight grimace of pain. Garry flushed slightly at the look Embry was giving him and took a step back. Embry being almost as tall as I was, he towered quite impressively over Garry.

turned just as Embry slumped back into his seat and didn't notice the tention that was radiating of Embry moments before. "Oh and Embry, Garry'll be sharing with you in your room, so I would like you to lend him one of your mattrices as you really don't need two, and one of your pillows as well. And also bring me your bedding and any clothes you want washed as I'm about to do a load" she added.

Embry jumped back onto his feet and spluttered outraged at his mother, "what? What do you mean I have to share a room with him? Can't he just sleep on the couch or something? I _need_ two matrices! It feels like I'm sleeping on the floor with only one. And I don't want him ruining my pillows!" he complained outraged. fired up at once, "Embry, what have I told you about speaking to me like that! I don't want to hear another word out of you! Garry is _family_, and he _will_ be sharing with in your room, so do as your told!" she screamed at him.

Pointing her finger to door she said through gritted teeth, "Now, stop making a nuisance of yourself and fix up Garry's bed and get me any clothes you need washing. _Now!" _She snapped at him. Garry shot me another one of his shifty grins. I still didn't return it. I jumped up and grabbed Embry by the elbow, "c'mon" I muttered under my breath as Embry opened his mouth to protest.

Embry grumbling furiously let me lead him out of the kitchen and down the hall to his room. Embry slammed the bedroom door shut loudly behind us and kicked Garry's suitcase across the room, scattering it with clothes. Embry laid down on his bed, which was higher than the average bed due to having two matrices. I mean it was still a single bed, he had to have something more, I couldn't live without my double bed.

I sat down on the swivel chair at his computer desk. Embry shot at me, "do you think it's fair? That I have share a room with that asshole? After he goes kissing my girlfriend! Am I expose to just give him half my bed and pillows!" he said darkly. "mmm" was all I said. I turned on his computer, it thrummed loudly. I looked around Embry's room as windows started up.

Embry's room was at least twice the size of mine, he insisted on having the masters bedroom, and his mom had the smaller room. It was only a two bedroom house, like mine. But Embry's was nicer, and _cleaner_. I mean my house wasn't quite as filthy as it used to be now Rachel was helping out, but she wasn't a big cleaner, and neither was I. Plus I couldn't imagine Billy scrubbing the toilet or anything. Embry's mom was a clean freak though. The house was a little _too_ clean, a little _too_ perfect. It was like you were scared to sit on the couch in case you messed up the cushions or something.

Embry's room though was probably the messiest place in the house, and that wasn't even to say that it was messy. It looked slightly more _lived_ in. Apart from the fact that Embry had kicked Garry's clothes all over the floor, the room was pretty tidy, the only things that were slightly out of place, was Embry's comics that he never read. I didn't even know why he even bought them? Were scattered in the corner. And there was a small pile of dirty clothes and underwear piled up in the space between his bed and the wardrobe.

I turned my attention back to the computer as the welcome screen came up, I clicked on the only file, it needed a password. "Hey Embry, what's your password?" I asked, turning to look at him. Embry was laying with his hands behind his head glaring at the ceiling. He looked over at me and sighed heavily before slipping off the bed and coming over. He bent down and typed in his password too fast for me to see what it was, before throwing himself back down on the bed again.

I waited a minute or so for it to load properly. After I got rid of the last of the pop-ups. I looked blankly at Embry's desktop background of some swimsuit model and thought that Leah would probably blow a fuse if she ever saw it. I sat there for a moment deliberating before clicking on the 'pictures shortcut' on his desktop.

I riffled through his pics, and smiling when I imagined Leah's face if she saw how much damn pornographic material he had on his computer. I wondered wryly if that's why Embry put a password on his computer, it made no real sense as he was the only one used it, probably just in case his mom saw what he had, his mom would probably throw the computer out the window or something if she found out.

I sighed, porn held to interest for me and got out of his pictures. I clicked on 'windows media player' which was also on his desktop and clicked on 'Embry's playlist' I scanned through his music, noticing that it mostly consisted of metal. I didn't really care that much about those bands. I noticed that he had the soundtrack to that cartoon movie 'Spirit.' You know the one with the horses?

I laughed as I put one of the songs on to be ridiculous. Embry secretly like Brian Adams, well not so _secretly_ anymore, not since Quil and I told everyone the second we found out. Plus Embry had some thing for children's cartoons still, his favorite movie was the 'sword in the stone'. I have to admit though, it is pretty hilarious. Embry laughed when he heard what song I put it on and sang along, I joined in laughing.

Halfway through the third song on the soundtrack, the bedroom door opened and Embry and I quickly stopped singing and I hastily clicked 'pause'. Embry's mom came in. Embry and I muffled our laughter. though couldn't have cared less, she probably preferred us listening to _good, wholesome_ music, not the usual 'senseless screaming' as she described most of Embry's other favorite music. I had to agree. Kinda. I hated bands that screamed the whole way through, I mean what's the point when you can't even understand what they are saying?

shot Embry a dark look before gathering up his dirty clothes from the foot of his bed. "Wait!" Embry said sitting up, "what?" his mom snapped, "I need that shirt" Embry said tugging on a red dirty looking wrinkled shirt in his mothers arms. pulled it free of his grasp and said in a sever voice, "no, it's dirty! I will not have you running around in filthy clothing" she said in a voice as though the idea of it mortally offended her.

Just as Embry opened his mouth to say something that would no doubt get him into more trouble, Garry slouched through the bedroom door. Embry closed his mouth with a snap and gave Garry a look of pure loathing. Garry noticed that his clothes were scattered all over the floor, then he looked up to the dirty clothes in 's arms. "Ms. Call" he said in a smarmy sucking up kinda voice.

"Yes dear?" said in a gentler voice than I'd ever heard her use with Embry. "_Well_..I wouldn't want to be _too_ much of a bother, but seeings that Embry has chucked my clothes all over the floor. I was just _wondering_ if you could be so kind as to wash them for me too?" he asked giving a simpering look. shot Embry a sharp glare, "what!" Embry started to complain before his mother even had a chance to speak.

turned back to Garry, "of course dear" she said in a kind voice, before snapping at Embry, "pick up Garry's clothes for me and bring them to the laundry, my arms are full. _No complaints!"_ she added in a sever voice before storming out of the room. After she left, Embry made no attempt to pick up any of Garry's clothes. Instead he just layed back down on the bed and closed his eyes.

I looked at Garry waiting for him to leave, it was kinda awkward with him just standing there. Instead of leaving however, he just slouched further into the room, he stopped and leaned up against the window. There was a odd smirk playing about his lips, "what's up with you?" I said in a none too friendly voice. Garry looked up, still with that smirk playing about his mouth and said, "do you guys know a girl call, Leah?" he asked in a smug voice.

Embry's eyes shot open and sat up to glare at Garry, "_yeah, what about her?" _Embry said through gritted teeth sliding off the bed in a menacing fashion. I sensed danger coming and jumped up also. Garry's eyes widened in surprise at our reaction. "Well, it's just that, she's quite attractive isn't she?" he said giving Embry a wary look. Embry looked on the verge of killing.

"If you say so" I said in a sharp tone. Garry's eyes darted from Embry's hostile expression to me. "Yeah she is, so you _do_ know her then?" he asked again. I nodded, "yeah, we know her allright" I said in a bitter voice. Garry glanced back to Embry and quickly away. "So, you guy's don't like her?" he said. It was a statement not a question.

Embry flashed me a look before saying. "What is it to _you_?" he said in a dangerous sorta voice. Garry assessed his tone for a second before answering, "well for someone so attractive and that, she's quite easy. I wasn't talking to her more than ten minutes before we were suddenly making out" he said smug but also slightly wary. Embry jumped suddenly forward and grabbed the front of Garry's shirt, his teeth were pulled back in a silent snarl, I noticed Embry's frame vibrating dangerously.

"You little...how _dare_ you call my girlfriend _easy!_ I'll fucking kick your _fucking_ head in!" Embry snarled into Garry's face. Garry's eyes flashed in shock and fear. I decided to interfere, I pulled on the back of Embry's shirt, "come on, calm down, Embry" I said. It wasn't a command or anything. Embry seemed to ignore me. After a long moment however he finally let go of Garry's shirt and took a step back. Garry rubbed his chest with a pained look on his face.

Embry clenched his hands into fists to stop them shaking. It didn't do much. I could see his frame slightly blurring at the edges. Garry then said in a small voice, "hey I'm sorry, I didn't now it was like that. How could I have know she was your girlfriend?" he exclaimed. Embry just glared at Garry furiously for a long drawn out moment. "Well maybe next time, you should ask around before kissing someone elses girl" Embry finally said in a scathing tone full of fury.

Garry opened his mouth to say something, but from the look Embry was still giving him, decided better against it. Wise move. I noted. Just then Embry's mom's voice broke the heavy silence. "Embry! Are you bringing me those clothes or what?" she screamed. Embry's eyes flashed at Garry, before turning around and banging out of the room yelling back at his mother. "NO! They aren't my damn clothes! You do it!"

I sighed as I heard the screaming match between them start up again. There was this awkward moment between Garry and me, before Garry decided to break it, "so.." he said giving me another one of his shifty grins. If I didn't return it before, I wasn't going to start now. "so, _what_?" I snapped at him. Garry gave me a searching look before saying, "well no offence or anything, Jacob. But your friends girlfriend _is_ easy" he said. I felt my hands start to shake this time.

I swallowed down on my anger hard. "Leah, isn't _easy"_ I said in a low voice making it a warning. Garry just shrugged, there was a hint of the smirk back on his face. "Well, more than easy, if she really is Embry's girlfriend, that would make her a cheating slut also" he said smiling as though he thought it was funny. It was my turn to try and control the heat now rippling down my spine.

Garry looked me in the eyes, there was a dark humour sparking in his. "Hey, have you...you know, _fucked_ her?" he said in a suddenly different voice. It was slightly menacing, dangerous, it made my skin scrawl. "No, Leah is just a friend. A _very_ good friend" I added through gritted teeth. Garry smirked, "a _very_ good friend? Are you trying to tell me that. _Yes_. You have _fucked_ her? Or does she just give good head?"

The atmosphere in the room had changed dramatically. There was something, bad, something, _sick_. About this kid. I didn't at all like the depraved glint in his eyes, the twisted and obscene smirk that pulled at the corners of his mouth made me feel uneasy. My eyes narrowed and I made my tone as dangerous as I could, "I'm warning you, kid. If you try _anything_ with Leah, I'll personally make sure that you'll regret it for the rest of your life. You can't even begin to imagine how badly we could fuck you up." There was no sound of a bluff in my warning, I meant it.

Garry's eyes glinted maliciously, "of course, I wouldn't dream of it." he said in a phony sincere voice that I didn't believe for a second. Embry came banging back into the room looking furious, "Jake, let's go, I can't stand to hear the damn banshee scream for another second" I shot Garry a look of deepest hatred and warning before following Embry out.

Once we were a safe distance from the house, I decided to speak. "Embry, I have a bad feeling about that Garry kid. I mean it. There's something sick about him...I dunno? But I feel as if his.._dangerous_. I really think you should ask your mom, exactly _what did _happen up at the Makah rez for him to move down here. I don't like him. You know he asked me if I'd fucked Leah" I said in a bitter tone. Embry let out a growl of fury. "What! That little cunt, what did you say?" he asked me suddenly.

I laughed once humerously, "I told him that Leah was my good friend, _only._ Then he made some notions about Leah being some cheap whore. There was something about him though, Embry, it was like...I don't know? Like he was planning on doing something..something sick" I said with that same uneasy feel I had back in the room. Embry made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat before saying, "like what? Like _rape_ Leah or something? I mean it would be impossible, Leah could easily snap his neck" Embry said with a slightly smug sound to the bitter edge in his voice.

I shrugged, "yeah I know Leah can take care of herself. But just say he did something to another girl, you know? Someone who wasn't strong enough to snap every bone in his body" I said feeling sick at the very thought. Embry shook his head darkly. "Well, if he ever even tried, I would kill him. I'd rip that bastard into a thousand pieces" Embry said darkly. "Yeah, I told him that. I told him he had no idea how badly we could fuck him up, if he ever tried anything" I said in the same dark voice.

I looked up at the sky, the sun was sinking lower into the horizon. It had been far too long since I'd seen Nessie. "Embry, I'm gonna go to the Cullen's place, I need to see Nessie" I said suddenly. Embry just shrugged, "yeah sure, whatever. I might go meet up with Leah" he said his voice going dark again. I just remembered, "Oh yeah, did Leah tell you? I spoke to her, she said she's up for going out with you" I said keeping my tone light. Embry gave me a quick look, "yeah...I know, I ran into her down the beach" he said his tone lightning suddenly.

I laughed breaking the dark mood. "So, you and Leah are a couple now, hah?" I said in a teesing voice, Embry laughed, "yeah..I guess" he said slightly embarrassed. I laughed again, Embry seemed to take out his embarrassment by grabbing me in a headlock, "agh, get off!" I laughed in pain as Embry rubbed his knuckled painfully into my scalp for the second time today.

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**Ok so there it is. What did you guys think? The whole Brian Adams 'spirit' thing was just some stupid thing about my friend, she likes Brian Adams, what the hell? And yeah we always put on that stupid Spirit album when I go over to her house. **

**Ok, well I'm still half-way through the chapter after this. Writers block a bit again. What should I write about? Any suggestions? lol  
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	16. Defeated

**Ok well here is the what? 16th chapter? Cool beans. Well this chapter I got writers block at the beggining but it turned out alright** **at the end. So here it is I hope u enjoy it.**

**p.s, I had know idea though what i was going to call this chapter? I'm still not happy with the chapter name. But oh well.  
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**chp.16 'Defeated'**

**(Nessie pov)**

I sighed in appreciation as I sank deep into the hot foamy water of an actually clean bath. I repressed a shudder as I remembered how utterly revolting the last time was that I bathed at Jake's house. Then I remembered back to the cause of my desperation for that bath.

I couldn't even begin to imagine how I could ever have found sleeping with Jacob anything less than mind-blowingly amazing. I felt a smile spread across my face as I sank my head under the water. I couldn't believe that sex could have been so good, even though I was crazy out of control at the time, it was still the best experience of my life.

I broke my face back through the surface and breathed in the slightly cool scented air of my bathroom. Then I felt a sudden jolt in my stomach as I realized that it had been almost a whole day since I'd seen Jacob. It was rare that Jacob would stay away for so long. Then with another jolt. I remembered the reason for his absense. of course he should be as long as he wants, his sister had just died, he obviously wanted to be with his family.

Even though I tried to tell that to myself, I still couldn't help but feel selfishly rejected, I knew it was stupid, but I couldn't help but feel that _I_ should be the one comforting Jacob right now. But then another horrible thought occurred to me, maybe he finally realized who's fault it was that his sister had died. Mine. I couldn't help but feel the tight obstruction in my throat.

After another moment, I realized that it was impossible, Jacob never blamed me for anything. Maybe, I thought, maybe it was the baby that was keeping him away, maybe this was too much for him to handle, maybe he thought I was going to try and pressure him into becoming a Dad or something. Sure I could see how that would freak him out.

I remembered back to this morning, the way Jacob had looked at the child, the words he had said. I knew that he was upset now about Rebecca, so I couldn't hold it against him too hard. But I couldn't help but take it personally, the hatred in his eyes, were somehow directed at me.

I sighed again and wiped my soupy fringe out of my eyes, I wouldn't think like that. It was ridiculous and untrue. Jacob would come around, after he accepted the loss of his sister, I honestly believed he would come around and see how perfect that little angel was, after all he is family, no matter what Jacob may want to believe, the baby is his nephew and there's nothing he can say that can change that fact.

I heard a soft knock on the bathroom door, I felt a pang of annoyance. "What?" I called towards the door. The bathroom door suddenly opened and I jumped and tried to cover myself as my Auntie Alice came in closing the door behind her.

"Alice!" I complained as she sat down on the edge of the bath. "Nessie, you've got nothing I've never seen before" Alice said exasperated. I still pulled my legs up to my chest and glared at her. "Just tell me what you want, then get out!" I demanded. Alice just shot me a sharp look, before saying in a disapproving voice, "Nessie, what it that I hear about you not using protection" she shot me another sever look.

I groaned in embarrassment and sunk under the water. When I couldn't hold my breath any longer I broke back through the surface coughing and gasping for air. Damn. Why did I have to breath? Why couldn't I could stay under the water indefinitely like the rest of my family could. It was so unfair, I thought as I caught the look on my Auntie's face.

By the look on Alice's face it was clear that she was still waiting for an answer. So with my cheeks burning I muttered almost incoherently, "I don't know? It just sorta happened, we were in the moment and..." I trailed off, too humiliated to continue. Alice rolled her eyes and took a heavy sigh.

"Rensesmee" she said, and I couldn't help but notice the use of my full name. "I don't blame you of course, as you weren't in right mind, unable to make any sort of reasonable thought. But I would like you advise Jacob Black, that next time, if he ever wants there to _be_ a next time, to please listen to Carlisle and actually use the condoms that he gave him!" she said, her eyes flashing.

I tried to remember back through my hazey-sex-crazed memory, I couldn't even remember Jacob ever even mentioning that he had been given any condoms? And I certainly couldn't ever remember him ever trying to put one on? Ok maybe the first time was kinda impossible, what with the way I'd attacked him so completely, I probably would have ripped it out of his hands if he even tried. But what about the second time? It was nowhere near as crazy the second time, also the third time! There would have been time for him to slip one on either one of those times.

Alice broke through my revere, "Nessie, just remember that you are highly susceptible to falling pregnant, so unless you want to have a baby, which I certainly don't advise, and Edward would probably blow a fuse and neuter the dog." Alice suppressed a grin at the thought, then continued in a more finalizing tone. "Just remember Nessie, or at least tell Jacob to please think about if he ever wants to sleep with you again" she said standing up.

I just mumbled, as Alice danced back across the bathroom and finally leaving me to enjoy my bath in peace. I groaned as I leaned back into the water, noticing that the water had cooled down considerably. Muttering to myself annoyed I sank back under the bubbles.

As I wrapped a light peach colored towel around myself and wrapped a towel around my head, I had a sudden jolt of excitement as I heard the phone ring. I hoped beyond hope that it was Jacob calling, after all, I couldn't really ever remember him staying away for so long without a call or message or anything.

I bounded out of the bathroom and down the short hall to the living room. My mom had answered the phone, I waited there with almost bated breath. "oh, hey Jake, how are you?" my mom asked in a sympathetic voice, my stomach went hay-wire when I knew that it was indeed Jacob on the other side of the line.

I held my hand out for the phone, but my mom didn't give it to me, Jacob was obviously still speaking, "yeah, really?" my mom said frowning slightly, I heard the buzz of Jake's voice, but I could make-out individual words. I almost could bust with anticipation as my mom continued to ask questions and not give the phone to me.

After what seemed a million years she finally handed over the phone, I moaned in longing as I snatched it from my moms hand. "Jake!" I exlaimed it a little bit too much enthusiasm, I heard Jacob laugh at my eagerness,"Nessie, it feels too long since I've heard your voice" he said, his voice sounding relieved.

I laughed this time, "yeah tell me about it! How are you? What have you been doing? Have you missed me as much as I've missed you? Why did it take so long for you to call? Why haven't you come over?" I rushed to ask him a million questions, almost tumbling in my eagerness to get them all out.

There was silence for a fraction too long I thought on the other end, and I felt the bottom of my stomach drop, maybe there was something terribly wrong? "oh my, Jake, whats wrong? Are you ok? Why aren't you talking!" I demanded in horror and worry.

Jacob just laughed again, "Nessie, calm down! I'm talking, sheesh girl, you didn't give me any openings to speak" he said amused. I sighed in relief, "sorry" I said feeling like a douche. Jake just laughed again, "it's fine, you never have to apologise to me Nessie" he said honestly.

I didn't answer, I waited for him to speak, "ok, which question did you want me to answer first? Or all of them at once?" he asked still sounding amused, I felt my cheeks burn again, "oh shut up" I snapped laughing to take the sting out of it. Jacob took a deep breath on the other side and started answering all my questions.

"I'm fine. I've been with Embry most of this afternoon. And of course I missed you! Nessie I miss you every second of every minute of the time I'm away from you." He said sounding just as desperate and needy as I had, which made me smile. "I'm sorry that I didn't call earlier, I haven't been home, and I thought it would have been kinda rude to call from Embry's place, and I didn't have any change on me for the public phone, so that's why" he said.

I thought it sounded reasonable, then another thought accured to me, "hey, what about ur cell? Remember I got you one to call me!" I reminded him, Jacob hesitated on the other end. "What?" I demanded. Jacob just said "err..", "Jacob!" I wined.

Jacob laughed again, but in a guilty way. "Ok, Nessie, don't be mad at me, but I kinda broke that phone ages ago" he admitted. I felt my eyebrows pull together, "huh, how'd you manage that?" I asked slightly peeved. "I err...kinda dropped it on the road and Embry, well he kinda...kicked it under a speeding car" he said sounding awkward.

"Oh what? Why did you let him do that!" I demanded, Jacob just made a "hmm" sound. I took a deep breath, feeling pissed, damn Embry! "Well, Embry can go a buy you a new one then, can't he?" I said. Jacob laughed incredulous "yeah right! I can just imagine Embry doing that" he snorted.

I didn't like the way this conversation was going, I didn't want to get into a fight with Jacob. "Well who cares, it's only a stupid phone" I blew it off. "Are you mad at me?" Jacob asked sounding upset, I sighed heavily, "no, I don't care. _Really"_ I added as I could still feel Jacob's ashamed silence.

I decided to change the subject to something that we couldn't fight over, "What did you do with Embry today?" I asked, but then despite calming down, I felt even more angry, "Anyways, I thought you would have been home with Billy and Rachel, and you've been off with Embry!" I suddenly burst out.

I was feeling even more neglected than before, at least then I could convince myself that Jacob was with his family, but now I found out that he was off with Embry! When he could have been here with me! It was outrages! I thought fuming to myself.

There was an uncomfortable silence on the other end. "Well? Are you going to answer me or not? I didn't know that you'd much rather spend all day with Embry! Is it like, _oh, now I've had sex with Nessie, I don't need to see her anymore! Now I've had my way with her I can ignore her and spend all my time with fucking Embry!"_ I spluttered.

I didn't even know why I was overreacting like this, I was just suddenly so pissed off at him, I could feel the angry and hurt tears in my eyes. How dare he! After I've been sitting around all day on tender-hooks, waiting for him to come over, or at least to call! But no, nothing! Asshole. I came to the conclusion.

There was a shocked silence on the other end, finally when Jacob spoke it was in a quiet voice, "Nessie. It wasn't like that at all! How can you even think that I'd do something like that? I..I don't even know what to say" he said horrified at what I'd accused of him.

I suddenly felt incredibly guilty, and stupid, how could I ever have said that? What was I thinking!? It was ridiculous and utterly untrue, I was an idiot. What was wrong with me? "Jake, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I was just...I don't even know? You didn't deserve that, I don't believe you would do that. I'm sorry" I added again ashamed.

There was silence again, when Jacob spoke next he sounded concerned. "Nessie, honey. Are you ok?" he sounded really worried. I felt tears of humiliation in my eyes now. Why did I have to sound like a total idiot? "I'm fine" I lied thickly through the ridiculous sobs now trying to break through.

"Nessie, are you crying? Oh please don't cry! I'm so sorry! I swear I'll never do this again! I just lost track of the time...Nessie please, will you ever forgive me?" he asked desperately. I sniffed loudly before answering, "of course I forgive you, I was just overreacting. I'm so sorry. I'm being an idiot" I half laughed, even though I didn't find anything funny about it.

Jacob hesitated again before speaking, "Nessie, are you sure your allright?" he asked still sounding worried. "I'll come over right now" he added urgently. I sniffed again before answering, "I'm fine" I lied again, Jacob make a non-believing sound into the receiver. "Jake? can you come over? Please. I really need to see you" I almost whispered.

"Nessie, I'll be there as fast as I can. I swear. _Please_ don't cry" Jake almost begged. "ok, see you soon then" I said in a subdued voice. "Nessie, I'll be there in less time than soon" he promised. I made a non-comical sound in the back of my throat, "Jake?" I whispered, "Nessie?" he said. "I..I love you" I finished lamely. "Oh Nessie, I love you too. I love you so much!" he said back, his voice changing completely into one with such adoration that it made me feel even more rotten.

After I hung up, I felt happier now that Jacob would be here in no time at all. But it wasn't fast enough. I really needed to see him now, so bad it was like a physical pain in my chest. I went out and sat on the front step to my little cottage to wait for him. I looked up and watched as the sun slowly sunk behind the trees and the first of the stars could be seen sparkling in the dark navy of the darkening sky.

After what seemed like aternatity to me I heard the sound of large paws close by. My eyes scanned irratically through the trees, I couldn't see anything for a long drawn out second until suddenly I saw Jacob stomping through the undergrowth towards me in his Human form.

I jumped up and exhaled in relief. Being too impatient to wait for him to reach me. I ran to meet him. I collided with Jacob with a little too much force and we fell backwards onto the forest floor. I heard him let out a whooshing gasp and I realized that I must have knocked the breath out of him. I pulled myself back to look down at him under me.

I ran my hands over his chest, and down his perfect stomach, in awe that anyone could be so perfect. I leaned down and traced my lips down his jaw and I kissing his collar bone by the time that Jacob responded, and only hesitantly, he slowly pulled my face up to look at him.

"Nessie" he said in a low voice sitting up straighter so that I was now sitting in his lap. Jacob traced his fingers down my cheek then over my lips before pressing his palm back to my cheek and leaning forward with exaggerated slowness. I let out an annoyed sound and crushed my lips to his. I gripped the back of his neck and pulled him in closer.

Suddenly the hand Jacob had lightly touching my thigh, gripped me harder and pulled it up as he pushed me back onto the forest floor crushing me under his suddenly exited body. I felt his mouth that was sweet before suddenly turn passionate and eager. I kissed him with equal passion and dug my nails into his shoulder blades as Jake made a deep sound of pleasure in his throat.

Jacob was the first to break away from the kiss for air, and I took advantage of that to push him back off me, instead I pushed him back down onto the forest floor and was on top of him again. I grinded myself against him, and leaned over him to crush my lips back to his.

I felt Jacob's large hands grip the small of my back and pulled me harder into him and guided my grinding. I heard him make the same deep sound rumble in his throat and I moaned back against his kiss. I pulled back this time to breath and leaned back to look down at his face as I slowly started to undo the buttons on my blouse. I felt his fingers dig into my back harder than before and breathing in deeper, heavier.

I pulled my shirt off angrily and struggled to undo my bra as well. Damn it. Why was it so hard when you wanted to get it off quickly? I thought annoyed. Finally I managed to undo the clasp and pulled it off flinging it away. I didn't even get a chance to see what happened to it as Jacob with a moan of appreciation and gripping my waist almost painfully he pushed himself back down on top of me.

I let out a gasp as I felt Jacob rip my skirt open, and hastilly started to pull my panties down. Once they were off he pushed himself heavily back down on me, kissing me again for a second before pulling back and undoing his cut-off jeans before pulling them down too.

I only managed to half a glimpse of his obviously exited state when he pushed himself back down on top of me, I felt him positioning himself between my thighs and pulling my leg up higher. I felt his eager hands roam up and down my body before gripping the small of my back again and pulling me harder into him, the other hand was cupping my breast.

I suddenly realised that I didn't want it like this, I didn't want it so angry, so hard. I was already still feeling a little tender from the last few times. And I knew I didn't want him in the way I had then either, I had my mind still, this wasn't the sex-crazed-me wanting this.

I pushed against Jacob's chest, as he pulled back to take a breath I whispered out of breath, "Jake, stop..stop" I gasped for breath. I saw the eagerness in his eyes dull, his grip loosened on me and I felt him stop pushing into me as hard as before. "Nessie, what? Are you ok?" he asked out of breath but I could still make-out the concern in his breathless voice.

I felt my breathing slow, I let my head fall back against the ground and I pulled my hair out of my face. I felt Jacob's breathing slowing down a few breaths behind mine. Jacob brushed his fingers down my cheek, "Nessie, we don't have to do anything you don't want to" he said less breathless now, and the concern was far more evident.

I pulled myself up to a sitting position, Jacob was still leaning into me, his hands were on either side of my hips. I could feel his hot breath on my skin as he tried to calm his breathing down to match mine. I couldn't think of the words to tell him, so instead I just kissed his lips gently, all the fire and passion gone.

Jacob assessed the change in my mood and started kissing me back just as gently. I trailed my hand up his arm before holding the back of his neck again for a few moments before resting my palm against his cheek. I showed him how I liked how his lips were now moving with mine gently and not angrily. I also showed him that I wanted it gentle like this kiss.

After a long moment of kissing sweetly, I felt Jacob slowly start to push me back down on to my back, far more gentle than before. Once I was on my back, I felt Jacob's body still pressed down against mine, but he had repositioned all his weight so that he wasn't crushing down on me this time.

With the back of his fingers I felt Jacob slowly, almost hesitentally, brush my hair back and then slowly brush his fingers down my collor bone and then ever so gently mould his palm to the shape of my breast. After a few pleasent moments Jacob broke the kiss and pulled his face back to look into my eyes.

I didn't understand at first why he'd stopped kissing me and looked back into his face, It looked like he was trying to communicate something to me through his eyes. I had know idea what though? So I just smiled and brushed my fingers over his lips as he suddenly bit his lip. I moved my hand to brush over his cheek, I noticed he looked like he was blushing.

Jacob raised one his eyebrows and still biting his lip. I felt his hand ever so slowly and gently trail down my body. I raised my eyebrow to imitate him, when I suddenly gasped. I felt Jacob stimulating me, south of the border. I bit my lip as well and I felt my breathing shoot right back up, I felt my heart fluttering in my chest.

After a few minutes I was breathing heavily and I felt my cheeks begin to burn again. I didn't know how too feel. I didn't know to feel embarrassed or not? I felt self-contious the way Jacob never looked away, and scrutinized every flicker of emotion that flashed across my features.

I tried to look away from Jacob's intense gaze, but he just pulled my face back to look at him, he held my face securely in his palm. I didn't know if he could feel my cheek burning, but I was sure he could see me blushing. I tried again to divert my gaze, my just followed my gaze wherever I looked.

I felt my cheeks burn even hotter when I accidentally let a sigh of pleasure escape my lips. Jacob just smiled at that, I didn't know why I was feeling so embarrassed? After all the things I've done before? Surly some of those things I did should have made me feel totally humiliated by! But this, this was different.

I felt vulnerable, more so than I ever felt before. It was too personal, it was just embarrassing. Jacob had heard me moan before, groan, scream out in ecstasy. But just something about breathing heavily, something about that small tiny, insignificant _sigh_, made my cheeks burn and my stomach squirm with embarrassment. It made no sense.

Jacob wasn't going to let me look away from his intent gaze, so instead I closed my eyes. After a few seconds I felt Jacob trace his fingers down my arm then over my wrist and slowly pulled my hand up to rest my palm against his cheek. I closed my eyes tighter shut, and decided on showing Jacob my embarrassment. Then I decided to show him everything I was feeling, how he was making me feel. Every touch, everything he was doing to me. Jacob could now see.

My breathing was getting heavier, I could feel it building, slower this time than before, I opened my eyes suddenly and found Jacob's gaze hadn't left mine for a second. I felt it building stronger, I couldn't help the sound that escaped my lips this time. I made the hand that wasn't showing Jacob everything, grip his shoulder, I could feel my nails digging into his skin.

I curled my hand on his cheek into a fist. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, I moved the hand that was touching Jacob's face and fastened my grip around the back of his neck. I saw some disappointment flicker across Jacob's features as he couldn't see anything anymore.

I didn't even try to control the small sounds I was making now, I felt my back arching into Jacob's touch, willing him to keep going. "Don't stop" I managed to whisper closing my eyes again. I felt Jacob's fingers brush across my cheek before saying "I won't" I heard the smile in his voice. "Nessie, open your eyes" he suddenly whispered more urgently.

I forced my eyes open, and saw that Jacob's face was closer than before. He smiled at me when I met his gaze. I tried to return it, but suddenly I felt it building stronger than before, I knew I couldn't hold it off any longer, Jacob must have noticed the change in my expression, because his eyes searched my face far more urgently than before.

"Nessie, stay with me" he whispered as I tried to close my eyes again. I forced myself to look into his face, but I wasn't really seeing him anymore. I arched my back again and I gripped against his shoulder with desperation. I managed to loosen my grip on the back of his neck and I pushed my palm against his cheek just in time.

I felt it explode, I didn't even care that the sound that escaped from my lips was louder than before. I pushed myself hard into his hand willing him not to stop, it just felt so good. Then like before, it slowly started to ebb away. I felt the pounding in my ears fade and I could hear the birds again, the wind blowing through the trees, the steady breathing of Jacob on top of me.

My eyes were came back into focus and I saw the wonder on Jacob's face, when he saw my eyes focus on him again, he gave me a dazzling smile, like the sun breaking free of the clouds, his expression was that of such joy and wonder than I couldn't help but grinning back impishly.

Jacob suddenly crushed his lips to mine, it wasn't passionate and angry like before, but it wasn't as controlled and gentle either. It was of pure happiness, I kissed him back eagerly. Suddenly too soon, he broke the kiss and looked over my face as if he has never seen anything so beautiful. I felt myself blush again.

"Jake?" I said breathless, Jacob just raised his eyebrows. "I'm sorry" I said the first thing that came out of my lips. Jacob's joyful expression turned into that of confusion. "Nessie, why in the world are you _sorry?"_ he asked incredulous, I felt my cheeks burn again for the millionth time. "I...I don't know? I'm sorry that I couldn't...you know...hold it in" I said mumbling by the end.

Jacob just stared at me confused still, "what do you mean? Nessie, sweetie. I didn't want you to, _hold it in_. I wanted you to..you know...go _all the way._" He said giving me that same dazzling smile as before. I sat up suddenly pushing him back off me slightly before answering my stupid question.

"Jake, I just meant, well I thought you wanted to. Well. _Do it?_" I told him feeling stupid. Jacob scrutinized my expression for another second before laughing lightly, "Nessie, your pleasure is as good. No wait. _Better_. than anything. But besides that, Nessie" he gave me a grin, which I just returned with raising my eyebrow.

"Nessie" he said again amused, "you aren't a guy, you don't have to wait or anything, you can just do it strait away" he said grinning now in amusement. I let out a snort. "Jake, I _know_. I mean sure I am _able_ to do it right away. But it won't be as good, and I would want it to be as good, doing it with you, than just having you pleasure me...manually" I said going red again.

Jacob just laughed at that. I put my face in my hands, I couldn't believe how idiotic I sounded. I felt Jacob pull my hands away from my face, I kept my face looking down though. Jacob just bent down to look into my face, I turned my face away from his. "Nessie, look at me" he said but still with the same amusement in his voice.

That reminded me, "Jake" I said regretfully turning to look at him, he just smiled. "Why did you want me to look at you? Why did you keep trying to make me look at you?" I asked, already knowing the answer I'm sure, but I just wanted ask him anyway. Hopefully he would feel embarrassed telling me or something. I hoped.

Jacob just bit his lip again and raised his eyebrow at me meaningfully. The expression clearly meant that he thought my question was obvious. But I didn't say anything, waiting for him to say it out loud. Jacob waited another few seconds until it was clear that I wanted him to answer.

"Nessie" he said slowly, emphasising each word "I wanted to see the pleasure on your face. I wanted to see every flicker of that pleasure. I wanted to see you go all the way. I wanted to see you climax" he said unashamed and grinned again at the memory. My cheeks burned worse than ever. I wished I never said anything now. It was just so humiliating.

I felt his fingers brush down my cheek, "why are you so embarrassed?" he asked me. I gave him an incredulous look before answering, "ah lets think? Maybe because it's utterly humiliating" I said obviously. Jacob laughed again and shook his head, his expression became suddenly earnest, "why do you keep feeling embarrassed about things? I've told you before, you never have to feel embarrassed around me, I will never judge you" he said honestly.

I let out the breath I'd be unconsciously holding in, "Jake, I don't know, ok? Sometimes you can't help but be embarrassed, it's not really something you can control is it? It's just that...Well...It was just embarrassing ok!" I burst out. Jacob just gave me an odd look.

I looked down to avoid his gaze and to think of something to change the subject. It took me a second to realize what I was blankly staring at, with a sudden jolt I realized that Jacob was still very obviously physically aroused. A sudden thought occurred to me and I gently wrapped my fingers around his erection.

I heard Jacob take a sudden intake of breath at my touch, and I shot my eyes up to look into his face, I could feel a small smirk playing around my lips. "Well Jake, as you pleasured me, it's only right that I pleasure you back, and also" I gave him a mocking smile, "it's only right that I should see every flicker of pleasure cross your face, to hear you groan in pleasure, to see you face as I make you come" I said feeling strangely powerful.

Jacob put his palm back on to the side of my face and he slowly leaned in closer before whispering an inch from my face, I could feel his hot breath in my lips. "Anything you want." I looked squarely into his eyes and tightened my grip around his throbbing shaft and started to move up and down.

After axactly three seconds though I heard the sound of someone approuching, I jumped up to my feet in an instant gasping and whirling around. I saw no one. I scanned the forest floor before scrambling around to pick up my clothes, I put my bra, knickers and shirt on in record time. But the skirt was totally ruined.

I let out a cuss, Jacob had jumped to his feet too and hastily pulled his cut-off's back on. I couldn't help but glancing down to his still exited state. Before flicking my eyes away to search the trees around us. I couldn't see anyone, or hear anything anymore. It was strange, I could have sworn I heard someone, after all, my hearing was impeccable.

Jacob was scanning the trees around us also. After a long drawn out moment, I relaxed and turned back to look at Jacob who was still tense. I scanned the trees one last time, still nothing. Jacob suddenly took my hand and firmly marched me back to my little cottage.

After we were inside, Jacob relaxed his grip on my hand, but I tightened my hand around his and pulled him down the hall to my room. Once we were inside I closed the door behind us with a snap and went and pulled on a pair of jeans. Jacob sat on the bed watching me pull twigs and leaved out of my hair with an amused look on his face.

After I got as much of it I could see out, I joined Jacob on the bed. I positioned myself onto his lap and traced my fingers back down his perfect stomach about to resume what was just interupeted when I heard the front door open. I gasped and pushed Jake away from me and jumped off the bed, just then the bedroom door was opened.

My mom came in, but stopped short and her expression became suddenly suspicious, probably by the guilty look I could feel on my face, I tried to rearange my features into one of indifferance. But my mom wasn't fooled, her eyes shot Jacob a sever look as Jacob sat leaning forward, obviously trying to cover the fact that he had a raging erection.

I tried to fight the smile that was pulling the corners of my lips. "Hey, mom, what's up?" I asked trying to sound innocent. "Billy called, he wants you Jake back home" my mom told Jacob. I let out a groan, That made Jacob laugh. "Sure, ok, I guess I should go then" he said sounding just as disappointed as I felt.

I had a sudden thought as my mom turned to leave, "Mom, can I drive Jake home?" I asked, hoping. She turned around to give me an uncertain look, "I mean, nothings going to happen, I feel perfectly fine, very normal! Not crazy or anything, I swear I'll just take him strait there and come strait back" I said almost begging, crossing my fingers.

My mom gave me a long searching look, "Please!" I begged. My mom shot another look at Jacob's suddenly hopeful expression back to mine pursing her lips. After the longest pause I thought she was going to say no, I felt the disappointment sink into my stomach, I let out a sigh and turned to tell Jacob goodbye.

When my mom spoke, "well.." she slowly, "I guess, but only if you go strait there and back, no detours, no stops along the way. Strait there and back" she said again firmly. I let out a squeel and hugged my mom, "I promise! Thank you so much. I love you mom" I said breaking away and dancing on the spot, looking no doubt like a complete idiot.

My mom laughed as did Jacob, "Well let's go then" I said with as much dignity as possible and marching past my mom and out of the room. I was already outside by the time Jacob had caught up with me. "I thought you hated to drive, Nessie" Jacob said amused still. I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the main house, were my hardly ever driven car was in my family's large garage with all the other mouth watering cars, or so I've been told.

After we were in the garage and I located my car. I hesitated on the spot. I wasn't a very good driver, mostly because I couldn't be bothered practicing. I opened the drivers side for Jacob, he raised an eyebrow, "you can drive" I said. Jacob shrugged and got in smiling as he leaned over to open the passenger door for me.

I got in and slammed the door shut. We sat there for a long second, before I realised why Jacob was looking at me expectantly, "oh right, the keys!" I said flipping down my vanity mirror were I'd put them last time. Jacob started up the engine, and backed out of the garage.

We drove along the winding path for a good while in silence, before Jacob suddenly spoke, "I thought you were going to be the one to take me home?" he asked shooting me a mocking grin. I just shrugged, "just because I'm not driving, doesn't mean that I'm not taking you home, it's my car after all" I stated simply, Jacob laughed.

I switched the radio on after a while, and tuned it onto my favorite radio station, it was some crappy AM station, that played no music normally later than the 60's. Jacob pursed his lips as some old 50's doo-wop kinda song was playing. "Why do you like this station? You know Nessie, we have moved into the era of FM" Jacob said joking.

I shrugged again, "I like the oldies. Anyways I always wanted to learn the jitterbug" I said, Jacob made a face that I wasn't expose to see, I could guess what he was thinking, he probably thought I was going to force him to go to 50's inspired dancing lessons or something. I laughed to myself even imagining it, Jacob was a _terrible_ dancer. "What's so funny?" Jake asked me with a bit too much interest.

I just shook my head still smiling to myself. "Oh come on Ness, tell me" Jacob begged me, I laughed again at his expression, then decided to play with him. "I was thinking...Jacob" I said trying to force the smile off my face and look serious. Jacob urged me to go on. "Well I was thinking, how would you feel if I asked you to take 50's dance lessons with me?" I asked, biting the inside of my cheek to stop from laughing out loud and giving the joke up.

I could see the horror for a fraction of a second flicker across Jacob's face, before composing his features and answering, "sure, anything you want Nessie. But... I mean I'm not the best dancer in the world, but I would try my best, if you were really serious about it" he said honestly. I couldn't hold it in and bust out laughing. Jacob gave me a confused look.

I smacked his arm still laughing, I wiped the tears from my eyes, "Jake, do you honestly think that I would do that to you?" I said with laughter in my voice. Jacob's confused expression became suddenly relieved, "I don't know? I mean if that's what you wanted to do Nessie, I would have course done it with you. I will always do anything you ask of me" he said seriously. I was shaking my head still shaking slightly with laughter.

After I calmed down I asked him what he did with Embry today. Jacob hesitated and glanced worried at my expression, probably hoping I wouldn't freak out at him again. I smiled at him, "well? Or don't you want to tell me?" I asked teasing. Jacob looked relieved, then his expression changed, and I could have sworn he was blushing at something he was remembering. "Are you _blushing?_" I said incredulous, "seriously Jake, what _did_ you and Embry do together? Should I have been there to watch?" I added still teasing. Jacob just rolled his eyes and grimaced at what I'd implied.

"Don't be sick. No, Embry and I didn't. _Make-out_. Or anything. Nor will that _ever_ happen" Jacob said grimacing again in revulsion at the very thought. I smirked again to myself, "Well Jake, you just said you'd do anything I asked. _Would_ you? I mean, would you make-out with Embry, _for me_" I added batting my eyelashes at him and forcing down my laugh. Jacob grimaced again and hesitated for a long moment before he answered. "Nessie...I mean...I don't think Embry would agree to doing something like that" he said slowly keeping his eyes suddenly on the road.

Jacob was getting increasingly uncomfortable, and I decided to push it further. "Well sure, normally. But your the Alpha, just give him the Alpha command that he has to make-out with you, he can't go against a direct order like that can he?" I asked, forcing myself to not break out laughing again at the look of disgust and horror on Jacob's face.

Jacob gave me an agonized look, "please Nessie, don't make me do that. I mean, apart from being disgusting and..and _Horrible!"_ Jacob said looking incredibly uncomfortable. "But if I did that to Embry, I mean wouldn't that kinda be classed as... _Rape_ or something?" Jacob's mouth twisted around the word.

I burst out laughing at this, I couldn't help it. After a long period of laughing, I finally managed to calm down enough to speak. "Jacob, I wouldn't ever ask you to do something like that! What kind of person do you think I am? And besides, why would I do that to Embry also? After all he doesn't need to be like raped by another member of the pack" I let slip.

Jacob shot me a sharp look, "what do you mean by that? Nobody in the pack, _rapes_, Embry, Nessie." He said confused. I let out a gust of air and said slowly, "Well it's just that..Yesterday when I was with Embry down the beach, I saw that he had all these bruises and stuff, like he had been beat up. I asked him what happened, and he didn't really want to tell me. But I managed to get it out of him, he said that it was Leah, that Leah and him were having, you know, sex" I said going red, "and that Leah liked it rough. But Jake, you should have seen him! It looked pretty bad, I mean I think Leah is taking advantage of him, forcing him to have sex with her. Embry just laughed it off, but I swear, I think she might be raping him or something" I finished concerned.

Jacob didn't answer for a long moment until he suddenly burst out laughing making me jump. "Nessie, that is probably the funniest thing you've ever said" Jacob said still laughing. I felt my face flush. "Oh shut up, Jacob. Maybe you should be more concerned about your friends" I snapped at him defensively. Jacob stopped laughing and gave me a serious look. "Nessie, I'm sorry that I upset you. But seriously, Embry's fine, to be honest, the whole Embry and Leah relationship is part of what happened today" he said.

I stopped feeling annoyed and was interested, "Oh? And?" I prompted, Jacob took a deep breath and began, "Well I ran into Embry and Leah having some argument down the beach right. And I thought that it was about Leah seeing Embry with another girl, which wouldn't be surprising in the slightest. Cuz when Embry and Leah started whatever the hell they started with each other. I knew it was just a matter of time before Embry cheated and Leah freaked out" Jacob said shaking his head at something he didn't say.

"Yeah...So did he cheat?" I asked. Jacob shook his head, "Nope. This is when it gets weird. Well Embry and me walked down the beach and I asked him that, if he was with another chick. But then he got all defensive saying he wasn't with any other girls, and that he was the one who saw Leah making-out with some guy down the street" - "What!" I exlaimed in shock. Jacob nodded looking just as surprised as me.

"I _know!_ Well then Embry was all awkward, like he was really cut up over it. Then I asked him if he had a crush on Leah and he was real embarrassed and admitted that he did have a thing for Leah. Then asked me if I would ask Leah how she felt for him" Jacob said laughing darkly to himself. I waited for Jacob to continue. After a second Jacob continued. "Well I agreed, but regretted it almost immediately. Before I could tell Embry that I changed my mind I ran into Leah and asked her if she liked Embry back. But err.." Jacob stopped looking incredibly uncomfortable.

I felt a tight feeling of worry in my stomach, "And?" I prompted in a wary voice. Jacob hesitated again, bringing the car to a crawl and stopping but not shutting the engine off so that the radio was still playing. that's when I realized that we were outside Jacob's house. Jacob gave me a long look, I couldn't really make out the look on his face. "Jake, what?" I said again, feeling the fear squeeze stronger against my throat.

Jacob took a deep breath and every word he spoke sounded like an apology. "Leah thought I was trying to tell her that I liked her or something, then it got really out of hand, and she..Nessie I am so sorry, I didn't know what she was going to do I swear! Leah...She kissed me." he said flinching as I let out a growl of fury.

"What! That...That bitch! What did _you_ do?" I asked him feeling the rage turn suddenly to fear. Jacob looked slightly afraid at my hostile expression. "I pushed her away, obviously. Nessie you know I'll will only want to kiss only you" he said desperately. I felt the anger bubble in my stomach, I could feel my teeth bared. I felt like finding Leah right this instant and ripping her throat out.

I took a few deep breaths trying to calm myself then asked in a dead voice, "I see. And when were you planning on telling me this?" I asked turning to glare at him. Jacob looked horrified, "I just did" he said. I shook my head, "no, you only did because I asked you what you did today, if I never did. Would you have told me Jake?" I asked again in that same dead voice, trying to control my emotions.

Jacob searched my face for something, after a long moment he finally spoke, measuring each word before he spoke the. "Nessie, I would have told you, of course I would have. I'll always tell you everything that happens" he said honestly. I glared at him still, "yes ok, but _when_ would you have told me?" I asked him again this time with a bit more feeling.

Jacob hesitated for a long moment before speaking. "Nessie, I don't know? I would have told you...It's just that it's embarrassing and horrible, and I wouldn't want to have upset you" he said reaching over and stroking his fingers over my cheek. I slapped his hand away, and a look of hurt flashed across his face at my rejection. "I see. You would have held it off to protect my feelings, I understand that. But how would you feel if say...Se..Embry kissed me and I didn't tell _you_ to protect your feelings" I said, catching myself a second too late in saying Seth's name. Then I felt horrible, as I had done much, _much_ worse than just letting Seth kiss me.

There was this awkward and hurt silence in the car. Jacob caught how I was about to mention Seth's name. All my anger towards Jacob was distinguished, only to be replaced my disgust and guilt. How could I feel mad at Jacob for Leah kissing him, and for what he said, pushing her away the second it happened. It was ridiculous, after what I did. After how I actually has sex with Seth. I couldn't even begin to imagine how badly that must have hurt him. How badly it hurts me just thinking about Leah kissing Jake makes me want to kill her, I couldn't even begin to imagine what I would do if I found out that Jake had fucked Leah the way I did with Seth.

I forced myself to look at Jacob, he was staring out the windscreen grinding his teeth, or chewing the inside of his mouth it was hard to tell. I hesitated for a long moment before slowly reaching over and touching his arm, I could feel all the muscils tence at my touch. I felt my breath choke in my throat. How could I ever be so stupid to even mention anything like that? "Jake?" I managed to choke out, Jacob's body relaxed slightly but he didn't make any other sign that he heard me.

"I'm..I'm so _sorry._" I whispered and making it sound more like a gurgle. Jacob tore his eyes away from the windscreen to look at me, his expression softened as his eyes studied my face. "Nessie, it's ok. You don't have to be sorry" he said in a low voice. I shook my head, "like hell I don't! Look what _I_ did! And I have any right what so ever to be mad at you for Leah being unable to keep her filthy paws off you" I said feeling my stomach clench as I said her name.

I put my face in my hands. I couldn't bare to look at him. I felt Jacob stroke my arm, after a second I forced myself to look up at him. Before I could say anything else to hurt him I suddenly pushed myself onto him and kissed him with passion. Jacob took a second to respond. After a long moment I pulled away breathing heavy. Jacob gave me a searching look, I could still see the hurt in his eyes.

I had to think of a way to make it up to him, I swore to myself, that somewhere, somehow, I would find out how to make it up to him. I looked into his face for a long moment feeling highly doubtful. Then another thought occurred to me, I knew it was no were near enough, and that it was absolutely nothing to go towards making it up to him after what I did with Seth. But it had to count as something now, I couldn't bare to see the hurt in Jacob's eyes for another second.

I felt my heart flutter in my chest, and the blood flush to my cheeks as I contemplated doing what I was about to do. Jacob noticed the change and misunderstood and looked alarmed, "Nessie, what's wrong?" he asked worried. I bit my lip and tried to calm my breathing. I reached my hand out and placed my palm against Jacob's cheek, he closed his eyes at my touch, waiting for me to show him whatever was on my mind.

After a second his eyes flew open, "Nessie, you don't have to do anything to make it up to me, I don't want you to think that you have to...Do _that_. Ever. If you don't one hundred percent want to." he said looking shocked. I just kissed him again for a long moment, when I pulled away this time, the butterflies were going hay-wire in my stomach. I wasn't sure that I really wanted to do this, but then I wasn't apposed to it either.

I undid my set-belt, it was only a prop, there was no way a car accident would kill me or anything, but just encase Charlie, or another cop pulled us over for not wearing a seat-belt, Grandpappy Charlie would _freak!_ I unclicked Jacob's seat belt as well. My hand's were shaking slightly as I slowly started to unzip Jacob's cut-off jeans. Jacob suddenly grabbed my hand, "Nessie, you don't have to do this. It's either right for both of us, or it's not right for either of us" he said.

I laughed lightly, more out of nerves than anything. I tried to pull my hand out of Jacob's grip but he didn't let go. "If it's right for you, it's right for me. And besides, I never got to thank you for, _before_" I said raising my eyebrow meaningfully. Jacob still didn't let go of my hand. I sighed, "Jake, I w_ant_ to do this. I want to pleasure you. Or is it that you don't want me to do that? You don't trust me?" I asked curiously.

Jacob gave me a long look, finally when he answered he sounded regretful, as if he was admitting something terrible. "I..I do trust you, Nessie, impeccably. And it isn't that I don't _want_ you to do that, the total opposite is true. But...Nessie, are you _sure_? I don't want you to do something like that, just for me" he said seriously. I looked into his eyes for a moment, and smiled. "I want to do for you, but I also want to do it for me. Jake, do you want a blow-job or not?" I said forcing myself not to blush at my directness.

Jacob's eyes widened, he didn't say anything but finally let go of my hand almost unwillingly. I felt the butterflies start up again, or maybe they were snakes now writhing in my stomach. I zipped his jeans down the rest of the way. I looked into his eyes seriously, "now, Jake. Stop freaking out. Will you do something for me?" I asked. "Anything, anything Nessie" Jacob sad in a pained voice. I sighed, "I want you to promise me that you won't feel guilty or anything, promise me that you'll enjoy this. Promise me that. Jake" I said. Jacob bit his lip for a second before nodding.

I smiled in triamph. Before the feeling of the snakes returned, I gently reached into his his jeans and pulled it out, I could allready feel him getting hard under my grip. I gave Jacob another long kiss on the mouth feeling him getting harder under my hand as I rubbed slowly. It was only when Jacob made a low moan did I break the kiss and slowly kiss down his jaw, down his neck, lower.

It wasn't entirely unpleasant. I noted. Well I meant the sucking. Not the delicious hot blood pounding through his veins in my mouth. I resisted the urge to bite him. That would help no one. I felt Jacob's hand touch the back of my hair gently, hesitantly. I didn't know if I was doing it right, I knew I'd kinda done it before, but everything I did when I was in my sex-crazed-moments was a bit of a haze, I could remember it, but not completely, is was more just flickers, like trying to remember a good movie that you hadn't seen in sometime, you remembered your favorite parts and then other parts were more blurred.

I couldn't fit all of him inside my mouth, unless I wanted to gag or something. So I stimulated the rest with my hands hoping that it was enough. I tried to ignore just how tempting his blood was at this moment, just one tiny bite, just a graze of my sharp teeth would do it, then I would feel his warm blood rush into my mouth..I stopped right there. No. Something else. Anything else.

I tried to think of the taste instead, wasn't anything amazing, just kinda salty, it wasn't enough to distract me. I heard the radio still playing softy. The song totally didn't go with the moment, some old melody was crooning out of the speakers. I wondered idly if it was distracting Jacob, but just as this thought occurred to me, I heard Jake make a low moan. I smiled at that. And repeated what I did to make him moan.

Suddenly a rap of someones knuckles on the window made Jake and I both jump. Which could have been a really bad thing for me, well actually more for Jacob than me, but I would make me feel terrible if I bit into him. I pulled my face away from Jacob to look up at the window. It was bloody Embry! He had his hands cupped to the window trying to see in through the black tint. Jacob made a low groan of annoyance.

Jacob pressed the button than wound down the window. "What do you want?" he snapped at Embry. Embry looked taken aback at Jacob's tone. "Ah, nothing really. What are you two doing?" He asked with a grin suddenly spreading across his face. "Nothing. Go away" Jacob said back in a low annoyed voice, but there was a double edge to it. The Alpha command couldn't touch Embry in his human form. But Embry still looked nervous to disagree.

"Ah ok, Jake. I get it..I'll err, just go?" Embry said taking a step back from the car. Suddenly I didn't really want to continue with what I was doing before Embry interrupted. I didn't really know why? But I'd really lost my nerve. Most likely it was because Embry nearly caught us. I felt embarrassed and awkward. So before Embry could properly leave. I suddenly leaned over Jacob and called out his window to Embry's retreating back. "Hey, Embry!" He turned around at his name.

Jacob leaned in close to my ear and said in a low voice to keep from Embry hearing. "Nessie, what are you doing?" I ignored him. "Come here!" I called at Embry and waved him back over the car. Embry looked slightly confused but came over anyway. "Nessie!" Jacob hissed in my ear, and I ignored him again. Embry trotted back over to the car and leaned his arms on the top of the half-opened window. "Yeah?" He asked hesitantly, his eyes shooting to Jacob then quickly back to mine. What ever the look that was on Jacob's face, was obviously making Embry suddenly wary.

I hesitated, I realised I had know idea what I was going to say to him. Embry was looking at me expectantly. "So umm...What did you want Jake about?" I asked the first thing the came into my head. Embry's eyes flickered to Jacob for a fraction of a second again before looking back to me and answering. "Well, it was nothing really. I was just coming over to see Jake to tell him something... Something about Leah" he said shooting another look at Jacob.

My eyes flickered over to Jacob too, but he quickly rearranged his expression into a very unconvincing smile. I turned back to Embry, "what about Leah?" I asked. Embry hesitated again, "what? Is it a secret? You know Jacob will tell me anyway" I said. Embry let out a long sigh before shooting Jacob another look. "Okay, I don't know how much you know about me and Leah, Ness." He began. "Well I know that you two have a thing going on, and that you have a crush on Leah and made Jake tell Leah that you liked her. Plus I already knew about you and Leah. How you well..._You know" _I implied shooting Embry a meaningful look.

Embry flushed under his dark skin and shot Jacob another wary, but more embarrassed look. I knew what he was thinking. That I went and told Jacob my fears about Leah physically abusing him, which he made me swear not to mention to the rest of the guys. Embry continued quickly before I had a chance to voice my worries or something. "Yeah ok, so you pretty much know everything. Well the thing is, I asked Leah about _Garry_" Embry sneered the word with as much distaste as possible.

I heard Jacob make a disgusted sound in the back of his throat too. I flashed Jacob a confused look. But it was Embry who answered, "Garry, is my cousin" he said bitterly. "Your _cousin_? I didn't know you had a cousin Embry" I said surprised at this. Embry nodded gravely, "yeah, either did I. But earlier this afternoon I found out that I did. But not just finding out that I had a cousin, but he made out with my girlfriend. He weaseled in and stole my mom's affections. Oh man, Garry can do no wrong at my house!" Embry suddenly spat. And I flinched, trying to hold back the revulsion on my face. I _hated_ people who spat in the street.

Embry continued his voice rising in anger, "That bastard, stole half my room, half my bed, half my pillows. Pretty much my whole entire house and possessions and fricken my whole life! I mean can't he just fucking go back to where he came from!" Embry spat on the ground again. It was harder this time not to let keep the disgust off my face. But Embry didn't seem to notice, his hands were shaking and I could feel the air around his start to shimmer oddly.

Jacob sensed danger the second I did. Jacob threw the car door open and jumped out pushing Embry a safe distance from the car and me. "Embry, calm down!" Jacob warned him. Embry closed his eyes and ran his shaking fingers through his hair and trying to calm his breathing. After a few moments Embry opened his eyes and gave me a sheepish grin. I returned it half-hearted.

After it was obvious that Embry was in control again, I asked him, "and what does this Garry, have anything to do with _Leah?"_ I asked confused. Embry and Jake exchanged a loaded look. Embry answered again this time more reluctantly, "Well, Leah..She sorta kissed him" he said looking very much like he would like to punch something, preferably Garry's face I thought.

I gave Jacob a glance before saying, "So, was this before you and Leah, you know. Made if official?" I asked Embry. Embry didn't say anything at first but took another deep breath, I could see his hands start to shake again. After a few moments he looked back down at me and answered in a dark voice, "well not really _technically_" he sneered the word. "But, still! Leah was with me, and she knew it! You just don't go..sticking your tongue down some random guy's throat when your having it on with someone already. So what, if it's not _official_. What we _had_ still meant _something_. well to me, it did" he suddenly stopped short and flushed again.

I felt a wave of anger towards Leah. I mean I knew full well that Embry broke as many hearts as he could go through them. But I hated Leah, so it was easy feel anger towards her. I pushed my car door open and ran around the front of the car to join them. I couldn't help it, I placed my palm to Embry's cheek and showed him that I didn't approve of Leah's behaviour, and how he didn't need to feel sad, because I would always be there if he wanted someone to talk to, if he ever wanted to cry onto my shoulder or something. Being one of Jacob's best friends, he was one of my best friends too.

I felt Jacob grip my other hand and tugged on me lightly, I knew what he was thinking. But I ignored him. Embry reached up and pulled my hand away from his face and gave me a sarcastic kinda smile, "thanks Ness, but really girl. Don't worry about it. And besides I don't think Jake wouldn't approve too much if I came and cried into your lap or something" he said laughing as Jacob punched him in the arm and went to hit Embry again as he was still laughing.

I shot Jacob a sharp look and grabbed his arm, "don't hit him!" I said appalled. Embry just laughed louder, but Jacob stopped trying to hit Embry at once. I let go of Jake's arm as soon I was certain he wasn't going to hit Embry again. I mean seriously, who hits their friends when their going through a rough time? He should be comforting Embry and possibly hugging. I then I caught myself in my musings and realized I was being ridiculous.

Instead I suddenly threw my arms around Embry's waist. I felt Embry's whole body tense at my embrace. I felt his awkwardly pat my shoulder, "there, there. Nessie really, you so don't need to go hugging me. I'm fine." Embry said in a slightly higher voice than his own. I took me a second to realize that he sounded slightly scared? I pulled away from him and looked up at his face.

I turned my eyes to follow his and saw that he was looking at Jacob, who had a dark look in his eyes. I turned back to Embry and he had his arms up obviously emphasising that we had his hands well away from touching me in any form. I sighed heavily and took a few steps away from him. I knew what Embry was thinking, after Seth. Well Jake was bound to be a bit touchy about the whole _'touchy' _thing with any of the other guys. Ridiculous. But sound. I tried to swallow on the lump of shame that suddenly felt hard in my throat.

There seemed to be a tense kinda silence for a moment, it was like everyone was waiting for someone else to speak. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore and broke the silence. "So um...Anyways" I began and swinging my arms awkwardly. Jacob decided to save me from having to say anything else. "_Anyways_" he emphasised. "I think you should just go home now Embry, we'll talk later ok? Nessie has to go home before Bella and Edward start to freak that somethings happened or something" he said.

I sighed heavily, I'd forgotten completely about how I swore to my mom that I would go strait here and back. But then again, I didn't stop along the way, I was just here a little longer than necessary. Embry looked more relieved now, "yeah sure. Talk later than Jake" he said, before turned back to me and saying in a more subdued voice, "Nessie, don't want to get your folks angry or whatever, so I'll be seeing you some other time then or whatever" he said.

I felt suddenly nervouse now Embry was about to leave. I didn't know why? But I just didn't want to be alone with Jacob. I didn't want to hear his questions as to why I was so eager to not letting Embry leave and forcing conversation out of him. I didn't want to have to deal with the accusations. But then Jacob never accused me of anything. But his questions felt like accusations to me. Or maybe more, that I knew his non-judgemental questions _should_ be the accusations any other person should ask.

But it would have been kinda weird if I told Embry to stay. And I wasn't going to call him back again as he started to make his way down the road. I watched Embry go for a bit longer than usual. I felt Jacob come over and wrap his arms around me from behind. I closed my eyes tight when I felt him kiss the spot just under my ear. I felt Jacob remove one of his arms from around my waste and trace down my arm until closing around my hand and pulling it up to place my palm against his cheek.

I felt Jacob's warm hand hold my palm securely to his cheek before he whispered into my ear, "will you show _me,_ what you showed Embry?" he asked. Jacob's tone was light, but there was still an undertone of another emotion just below the surface I couldn't quite place. I didn't bother to argue with him so I showed him what I showed Embry.

After I was done, Jacob didn't say anything, which was either a good thing, that he didn't find it anything to freak out over. Or it was the total opposite. But then I tried to think, there was nothing particular in there that Jacob should feel jealous or whatever over. I was just saying that I was here for Embry. As a _friend._ There was certainly nothing to imply that I meant anything other than comforting him as just a _friend._

I realised that my palm was still on Jacob's cheek and I'd just shown him what I'd just been thinking and stressing about. Great. I tried to pull my hand free, but Jacob just tightened his grip on my hand but removed it from his face anyway. I struggled slightly under Jacob's arms, he realized I was trying to do and let me turn around to face him. I moved and wrapped my free arm around his neck as Jacob pulled me closer into him. I forced my hand out of his and placed it back on Jacob's cheek.

I closed my eyes and rested my face against his chest, and showed him just flickers, a slide-show of images of things I loved about him. Over compensating a little perhaps, but they were all still true. It was very peaceful, Jacob traced patterns up my spine. Suddenly the sound of Jacob's front door being thrown open with a loud _crash_. Made me jump. "Get out!" I heard someone screech. I pulled away from Jacob and whirled around to see what was going on.

Rachel was standing in the doorway chucking a pile of clothes at Paul who stumbled out the door. "What the hell?" Jacob said was I was thinking. This was way out of character for them to be having a fight like this, but then it occurred to me that there was no _they_ about it, Paul would _never_ fight with Rachel. So I'd wondered what in the world Paul could have possibly _done_ to make Rachel so mad?

Jacob grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the house, "What's going on?" he asked Rachel, shooting Paul an almost smug look. Paul spoke before Rachel could get a word in. "Rach, baby. I am so sorry! I didn't meant anything by it! _Please! _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, _I'm so sorry!"_ he was begging now at Rachel's feet. Rachel just took a step away from his reaching hands. "Paul, just go home. I don't want to see you. Just go!" she snapped at him as he opened his mouth to either protest or beg again I wasn't sure.

Jacob pushed Paul away with his foot, Paul didn't even protest, he seemed frozen in some kind of horrified trance or something. Jake took a step towards Rachel into the house. As Jake still had his hand around mine, I tried not to stand on Paul, with some difficulty, as he was right between us, and followed after Jacob and Rachel into the house. Once we were inside Rachel turned and slammed the door on Paul's horrified face. "Rachel, what happened? What in the hell did Paul do?" Jacob asked his sister surprised and slightly amused.

Rachel shot Jacob a look of pure anger. "This isn't _funny_ Jacob!" she snapped at him furious. Jacob asked again, trying to keep the humour at a bare minimum. "Ok, ok. I'm sorry. What _did_ Paul do?" he asked her again. Rachel just shook her head and threw herself down onto the couch and crossing her arms and legs so tight it looked like she would never loosen them again.

Jacob flopped onto the sagging armchair that was usually occupied by Billy. I didn't know where to sit, so I awkwardly just knelt down on the floor at Jacob's feet. I was only on the floor for less than a heart-beat before Jacob jumped up off the chair as if electrocuted and pulled me off the floor. "Don't be silly, Nessie" he said appalled that I could ever think that he was making me sit on the floor at his feet or something. Jacob pulled me up into his vacated chair and grabbed my hand again and sat on the floor leaning back and resting himself against my knees.

Jacob asked Rachel again, "Well? What happened that made you so mad at Paul?" he asked again more forcefully. Rachel sighed heavily, I thought she wasn't going to say anything from how long it took for her to answer. "What made me so mad at _Paul_? Well he started running his mouth about...About well Rebecca's little baby, and then some stuff about Nessie" she said angrily. I felt Jacob's body tense against my legs and he squeezed my hand tighter in his.

I felt a thrill of hurt, what had _Paul_ been saying about me? I thought confused. Jacob asked my question for me, "Nessie? What the _hell_ was _Paul_ saying about Nessie?" he said in a voice that poorly disguised his anger. I felt the smallest of spasms go down Jacob's spine, but that was only because he was leaning right up against my knees.

Rachel shook her head, "some crap, I don't know. About how we shouldn't be having so many Blood..Vampires in the family. That it wasn't right. That it was ridiculous, wrong and sick that one of us could ever waste something so pure as imprinting on a Bl..._Vampire_" She said quickly corrected herself from saying Bloodsucker for the second time. "What!" Jacob exclaimed. I felt more spasms shoot down Jacob's spine, and also slight trembling in the hand he had around mine. I held his hand tighter.

Rachel shook her head again, "It was ridiculous. I mean how _dare_ he? I know how he feels about, well about Vampires. But to say the things that he did. Did he really believe that saying that my brother's imprinting on a Vampire was sick and twisted, that I was going to somehow think he'd wasted his chance to find someone better? Someone from La Push? Fat chance! I told him.

Who ever Jacob imprinted on was right, if he'd imprinted on Nessie, than that meant that she was your perfect match. Paul didn't seem to agree with me and then said that Bella was a better choice, even though he never really felt all that kind towards Bella. '_But at least Bella Swan was still human.' _She quoted Paul bitterly.

I felt gutted. Like someone had kicked me in the stomach. Jacob had jumped to his feet. I could see him visibly trembling from head to foot. I jumped to my feet also and pulled Jacob down onto the chair. I sat on the arm and placed my palm back to his face and showed him to calm down. And not too care about what Paul had said, cuz it didn't even matter anyway. Who cared if he didn't like me? And we certainly didn't need his _approval_. Jacob slowed his tremors, but every few seconds they would rock through his frame in small bursts.

I heard the sound of an engine being cut off outside. The load and deep voice of Billy Black, followed by a strong Females voice, Sue Clearwater, I predicted. Then I heard the sound of a wheelchair being pulled out of a car and set on the gravel outside. "Maybe you should go help Sue, Jake." Rachel told Jacob. Jacob grumbled a bit but stood up anyway. I jumped up to follow.

Then as we got to the hallway. I hesitated, I realized that I really didn't want to see Sue Clearwater. I knew for a fact that she didn't like me, not just me, but whole entire family. I knew that she hated vampires. Jacob noticed my hesitation. "What's wrong?" he asked me frowning. I just shrugged. "Nessie?" I said again. I sighed and opted for going over and placing my hand to his cheek and just showing him my fears instead of telling him.

After a moment, Jacob looked shocked. "Nessie" he said again, this time more surprised. "Sue doesn't _hate_ you! And she doesn't hate the other Cullen's either! Why would you think that?" he asked me shocked. I was surprised at this. Was what Jacob telling me the truth? I knew he would never lie to. Ever. But maybe he was just so clouded with him loving me and everyone else loving me. Well apart from Paul. I grimaced at that, I would never have thought that Paul hated me the way he did, to believe the things that he did about me. It was unsettling.

Jacob tugged me towards the door, "c'mon Ness, there's no reason to be afraid of Sue or anything" he said laughing. I sighed and let him tow me out the front door and over to Sue's car where Jacob quickly joined her and pulled Billy out of the car and into his wheelchair with ease. Sue shot me an un-friendly smile. I returned it as warmly as I could, her eyes flashed before turning her back on me to address Jacob.

"Good thing you were here, Jake. I have to admit it would have been a tad of problem for Billy and I to get him outta the car and into that wheelchair of his" Sue said to Jacob appreciatively. Billy grumbled something, that sounded to me very much like, "I'm not a bother." I saw Sue's eyes narrowed at my porch with a disapproving expression.

Jacob gave me a shifty grin and he clearly hadn't realized the icey tension coming of Sue. Jacob wheeled Billy towards the house, and Sue followed. I was just about to skulk to my car and drive home, when Sue clicked her fingers at me, "Oh you...err Girl, would you be so kind as to get the fish lasagna out of the car for me" she said in a poorly constrained voice of having to adress me directly. "Oh sure, of course" I said and grabbing a covered dish out of the backseat with a revolted expression. Disgusting. I thought as the strong stench of fish and cheese wafted up my nose.

I shuffled after them. I slouched into the tiny kitchen I placed the dish on the counter and stood awkwardly in the doorway. Sue turned and grimaced slightly when she spotted me standing there. Billy grumbled about being hungry or something, I wasn't really listening. I heard someone knock on the front door. Sue shot to me, "you dear, would go and answer that, I'll bet it's my Leah" she said.

I felt ice mingled with the sensation of bubbling fire sink into my stomach. I hadn't for a second forgot about Leah kissing Jacob earlier this afternoon. It made me see red. Jacob shot me a nervouse look, "ah, that's ok Sue, I'll get the door" he said almost urgently. I had a sudden thought. "No, Jake it's fine" Jacob gave me an odd look, I continued pretending not to notice. "Sit down and eat, it's fine, I want to have a word to Leah about something" I said as lightly as I could, but not just Jacob this time gave me a confused look, so did Billy and Sue, who looked also suspicious.

I gave them a reassuring smile and flittered down the hall. I opened the door to Leah who had her fist up obviously about to knock on the door again. When Leah saw me her eyes narrowed and her mouth twisted as if she'd just licked a lemon. "Renesmee" Leah said in her most contemptuous voice she could muster. I grimaced at her and said in a lower voice than my own. "Leah, could I have a word?" I asked.

Leah's eyebrows shot up in sursprise for half a second before she norrowed her eyes and asked suspiciously, "what?" she snapped. I raised an eyebrow at her and said in a lower but more dangerous voice, "outside? Away from listening ears" I said. Leah gave me a searching look before finally settling on a scowl, "sure, anything" she said in a dirty voice.

I shrugged past her as Leah had made no attempt to make room for me to get past. I walked down the length of the yard and across the road. I didn't turn to see if Leah was following me until I reached just beyond the tree line on the forest. I stopped and turned around to see Leah right behind me. Leah crossed her arms and gave me her most insolent stare. "Well little are you gunna tell me what you want to say now" she said.

I took a deep breath, I didn't know how I was going to say what I wanted to say. I had no practice with telling people to stay away from Jacob. I wasn't a very confrontational person. Normally anything like this would have made me feel like having a panic attack. But I was being fueled by anger and a sudden surge of some other emotion that was making me braver than I was.

I gave Leah an even stare before speaking, "Leah, I know about what you did this afternoon with Jake" Leah opened her mouth at this but I continued louder cutting over whatever she was about to say. "_And_ I also know how you feel about him, I have known, I have lived with the knowledge of your infatuation. But today was going too far. You crossed the line Leah! What I am saying is. _Stay away from Jacob Black. He is mine!"_ I said the last part as dangerously and with as much warning as I could.

Leah let out a half disgusted half amused snort. "Sure, whatever you say. He's all yours bloodsucker" she said sarcastically. My eyes narrowed as she went on. "Besides, I no longer give a shit about Jacob. I've moved on, don't know what I was ever even thinking anyway? I mean I suppose it was the whole _Alpha_ thing." Leah seemed to be talking more to herself now than to me.

"Yeah that must have been it. I mean Jacob as a _person_ never held much interest for me. But as an Alpha of a pack, definitely. And..." Leah hesitated and said something different to what she was going to say. "And besides, I have Embry now. I mean he's no legendary _Alpha _male. But he's still got a certain charm I'll admit." Suddenly Leah was herself again. She refocused on me with a insolent glare.

I was temporally speechless. This was the last thing I'd expected from Leah. I was all revved up to have her freak out at me. Only after half a second did I recover though and another thought that had upset me came into my mind. "Talking about Embry, Leah" I began. Leah raised an eyebrow and suddenly snapped, "what about Embry? You have _nothing_ to do with Embry! So don't you even dare even mention anything about him" Leah said overly defensively.

I was shocked at this. Touchy. I noted. "All I was going to say Leah, was that maybe you shouldn't be so...So rough with him. It isn't nice, if you really do care about him, then why would you want to hurt him like that. I've seen the bruises Leah! He even _told_ me that you did it. So don't even try to deny it" I said all this very quickly. Leah didn't say anything for a moment. I couldn't tell what she was thinking.

Finally she spoke, this time her voice was less cutting than usual. "You don't know anything ok? You don't know what me and Embry have. Besides it's none of your business anyway. What do you care how I treat Embry? He's not complaining! Or is he? What did he say to you?" Leah's voice was suddenly unsure and maybe a little scared?

I hesitated, I'd never seen Leah let her guard down this much in front of me. "Nothing really. I saw his bruises and blood lip and asked him what happened. He just told me that you liked it..._Rough_" I said feeling myself go red. "And that's it. I asked him that he shouldn't be with you, that he didn't have to take it if you were abusing him or something. That if you were forcing him to do _anything_ that he didn't want to do, that he didn't have to tak it. Then he just laughed and said he didn't care and that I was being ridiculous. That's it" I said almost nervously at the look that had suddenly come over Leah's face.

When Leah spoke next her voice shook slightly. "How..How _dare_ you! You had absolutely no right at all to say that to Embry. How could you even think that I would intentionally go out of my to hurt him! How could you think that I would...Would _force_ Embry into doing anything that he didn't want to do. What kind of person do you think I am? Do you think that I would take advantage and..I don't know? Abuse the guys in my pack?" her voice was rising into a shrill screech.

I saw her whole frame starting to shake. I could feel the ground under my feet begin to vibrate. I felt the air in the space between Leah and I start to shimmer oddly. I sensed danger. Just then however I felt someones strong grip pull me suddenly away from Leah. In less than a second. before I really realized what was happening there was the sound of ripping and Leah exploded into a giant grey blur, but before I could see anymore. My vision was obscured by a larger reddish brown blur as I was pushed to the ground.

I looked up and saw the huge russet brown wolf of Jacob going to head to head with the smaller grey wolf that was Leah. The sounds of the snapping and growling made me cover my ears. They disappeared into the trees. But I could still here them taring and snarling at each other. I saw the trees quake and the birds fly into the night sky squawking loudly.

I scrambled to my feet. "Jake!" I yelled towards the trees. It took me only half a minute before I was tearing into the forest after the sounds of the vicious snarls. I came to skidding halt as I reached them. Leah seemed to be definitely losing the fight. Jacob's growls seemed to reverberate through my bones. "Jake! _Jacob!"_ I screamed at him. Leah let out a ear-splitting turret of yelps as Jacob's teeth ripped and tore at any bit of flesh were he could sink his teeth into.

I hated Leah, but I hated this more. No matter how much I disliked Leah, I really couldn't stand to see her getting mauled up this badly. "Jacob! _Stop! Stop it!"_ I screamed at him again my voice breaking. Jacob finally stopped ripping into Leah, who was now whimpering loudly on her back, blood streaked the ferns and forest floor around us. But I couldn't have been less interested in my life.

I had never seen Jacob lose control like that. I have never seen him that vicious before. I was never, not once in my life, ever scared of Jacob in his Wolf form or any of the Wolves for that matter. Not even Leah. I couldn't even imagine them being deadly or anything. But now, the hair on the back of my neck was standing up. I could feel my heart thrumming in my chest. So fast I couldn't even work out the individual beats. I felt a trickle of fear. This was the first time that I could really see that the Wolves were made to kill, that they could easily rip me or any other vampire to shreds if they really wanted to.

Jacob took a few steps towards me but stopped as I took two steps back from him. I could see the confusion in his entelligent dark eyes suddenly turn to horror. I low whine escaped his teeth and bent down on his front paws and scuffled the dirt with his nose. The gesture was obviously non-threatening, but it lost it a bit with the blood that streaked the fur around his muzzle.

Leah rolled over off her back onto her paws, but keeping as low as she possibly could to the ground slowly started to retreat. Jacob's ear twitched at the sounds of the crackling leaves and broken twigs behind him as Leah slowly escaped. But chose to ignore it, for my sake, I could tell. Jacob scuffled closer to me on his stomach and made a whining sound again.

I took a step towards him, "Jake" I said in a small voice. Jacob rolled over onto his back and his tongue lolled out. I felt my fear disappear, I was being ridiculous. I felt embarrassed at myself for even being afraid of Jacob. I covered the small space between us and fell down onto my knees and stroked my fingers through the thick fur on his chest.

I silently petted his fur for a few moments before saying almost scoulding, "you shouldn't have hurt Leah like that, Jake." Jacob let out a another small whine and rolled over into his stomach touching his wet nose to my hand before scuffling his paws at the dirt under where I sat and letting out another small whine pushed his large head against me. I didn't hold up any resistance and fell back onto the forest floor. I looked up at the sky, the birds had fluttered back down into the branches of their trees. I saw the moon's light trying to break through of the thick clouds and sighed.

Jacob huffed next to me and rested his head on his paws. When I spoke it was almost a whisper, "It's getting late. I really should go home. How much do you wanna bet that my Dad is having a fit right about now?" I laughed to myself. Jacob made a small sound in his throat. I rolled over onto my side and propped my head up on my arm. Jacob moved his large head to the side to look at me.

I reached over to Jacob and traced my fingers from his wet nose up his snout, between his eyes and over the large spans of his head. Jacob close his eyes and made a loud thrumming sound in his throat. I sight again and closing my eyes I pressed my palm to his furry cheek and showed him a replay of how he looked when he attacked Leah, and also how I'd felt as I watched.

I heard Jacob whine again and I felt him press his warm wet nose against my face. I opened my eyes and sat up slowly. Jacob was looking at me, even though his eyes were far more intelligent than any animals, at this moment he had those sooky puppy dog eyes look. I couldn't help but laugh. Jacob huffed at my laughter. He obviously wasn't feeling like laughing himself.

I jumped to my feet suddenly, and bent down and snatched up the nearest stick, well it was more of a large branch than a stick. And I chucked it as hard as I could, it whistled through the trees and out of sight in a quarter of a second, I pointed after it and said to Jacob laughing, "Fetch, Jake!" Jacob just huffed and rolled his eyes. I laughed louder. "Come on boy, come here!" I said tapping my hands against my thighs.

Jacob huffed again and making a grumbling sound came trotting over to me. I ripped a branch off the nearest tree and chucked it, "fetch! Go on" I said pushing against his large shoulder. Jacob let out an irritated huff and put his face in his paws. "Oh come on, just this once! Before I have to go home. Please" I said trying to sound whiny but laughing.

Jacob breathed in and let out a gust of air before bounding off into the trees. After a few moments he came trotting back with the branch clenched in his teeth. When Jacob reached me he snapped the branch in half inbetween his jaws. I patted his snout and said, "good boy! Aren't you a clever boy" I couldn't help it and burst out laughing. Jacob just rolled his eyes and grumbled again but he seemed amused.

Jacob suddenly crouched down onto his front paws in a pounce position. He let out a playful barkish kinda noise, I backed away into the trees holding my hands up in front of me in surrender, but laughing all the while. Jacob wiggled his butt and pounced at me, he knocked me clean off my feet. It didn't hurt. I was on my back laughing and Jacob licked me from chin to hair-line.

I wriggled free from him and pranced off into the trees whiping my face on my sleeve in the direction of his house. Jacob bounded after me. It took less than three minutes to make it too my car. I opened the drivers side and climbed in. Jacob whined and scratched at the car door. I laughed and wound the window down. "I have to go home, I'm going to be in so much trouble, I swear!" I said as Jacob whined again.

Suddenly he bounded off and around the side of the house. I was confused, where was he going? After a few moments though it was visibly obvious. Jacob came walking over in his human form and wearing a pair of hurriedly chucked on cut-off jeans. I laughed and yelled at him out the open window before he'd made it to me, "Aw, I prefer you as a wolf, your more fun!" I sighed in mock-resentment.

Jacob just shook his head and gave out a short bark of laughter. When he made it to the car leaned in on the open window. "Nessie, you are aware than I'm not your pet dog?" he said amused. I just shrugged, "you act like one sometimes, so how am I 'spos to think otherwise" I said mocking. Jacob rolled his eyes but didn't answer. Then I became serious, "Jake" I said.

Jacob's eyes tightened at the sudden change in my tone. "Yeah?" he said hesitantly. I took a deep breath before saying. "Jake, with Leah just now. You didn't have to hurt her like that." I said in a suddenly subdued voice. Jacob let out a breath that he seemed to be holding. "Nessie" he said. "It wasn't that bad, I mean she was going to rip your head off, lucky I made it when I did! I mean I was listening to your conversation. Just in case she did exactly what she did!" he said defensively as I opened my mouth in indignation.

Jacob pulled the car door open and chivied me into the passenger seat. I grumbled. He turned to look to me seriously, "Nessie, I'm serious. Leah would have gone you" he said suddenly angrily his jaw tightening. I shrugged, "Jake, I could have taken her" I said, but I didn't convince Jacob for a second. I was a terrible fighter. And after today, I finally realized that I stood absolutely no chance against one of the wolves if they wanted to attack me.

Jacob shook his head and made a 'tch' sound. I changed speed. "Even if you thought that Leah was going to phase or something. That's still no excuse to ears-drop on our conversation. I mean it could have been something that I didn't want you to hear, it could have been about anything!" I said trying to sound madder than I was.

Jacob gave me a long look, before saying slowly, "Nessie, I wasn't listening in like that, I didn't want to make you upset. But I know Leah. And I couldn't ever just leave it, I would never take that kind of risk, and I was right anyway! But Nessie, I am sorry. You don't really care that I heard what you were saying to Leah do you? I mean it wasn't anything I didn't already know" he finished biting his lip.

I sighed and leaned my head back against the soft leather of the seat. "No I don't really care. I was just saying, like just say it _was_ something that I would have cared about if you overhead!" I said looking over at him. Jacob didn't answer for a minute, when he spoke he said in lower voice. "Nessie, I'm sorry about upsetting you, but I'm not sorry that I did it" he said.

I couldn't be bothered fighting with Jacob again, all I seemed to be doing nowadays was fight with him. I breathed in loudly through my nose before saying in a completely different voice, "So, Jake. You driving me home or what?" I asked. Jacob let out a breath of relief as he realized that I wasn't angry with him. "You know Nessie, you should really drive yourself. I mean it's really not that hard" he said. I just stuck my tongue out at him.

I buckled my seat-belt and looked at him expectantly. Jacob laughed and put his own seat-belt on for my sake and turned the engine on (the key's were still in the ignition.) Jacob did a wide U-turn and drove back down the road. After a moment or so he said, "you know Nessie, I don't mind driving you around. Personally I wouldn't care less if I drove you around for the rest of my life" he said jokingly.

I laughed. "Oh, I know" I said smugly. Jacob laughed at that. I looked at the time on the dashboard and my stomach dropped. It was a quarter to eleven! "Holy crow! Look at the time!" I exclaimed in surprise making Jacob jump. I saw Jacob's eyes flicker to the time then just made a 'mmm' sound. I sighed heavily. I was going to be pulled over the coals for this, I was sure.

I turned the radio up louder to try and calm my nerves. I heard Jacob make a 'tch' sound again under his breath, he clearly didn't mean for me to hear it. I couldn't help but suppress a smile. I knew not many people my age, well actually hardly anyone at all would listen to music nearly 60 years old. Jacob finally spoke up, almost hesitantly, "Nessie, I don't want to do anything that you don't want to do. But would it bother you so terribly if you changed the station?" he asked almost pleadingly.

I laughed and shook my head. "Nope. I mean I might miss a good song" I said earnestly. Jacob made a sound in the back of his throat that sounded like he highly doubted it. I laughed, "sometimes they play newer music you know" I said. Jacob snorted. "By _newer_ music do you mean like the 70's?" he said dubiously. I shrugged, "Sometimes they play songs from the 80's and I think I did here a modern song once or twice" I said trying to think if they ever did.

Jacob just sighed. There was silence for a few moments until I spoke, "well the other day they played that 'Desperado' song from the Eagles. Your dad likes the Eagles doesn't he? I mean I've heard him play that old record of theirs before" I said. Jacob nodded slowly, "yeah, Billy does like them. But that doesn't mean that _I _do. I don't sit around with like a bottle of bourbon or something and listen to that cruddy old Eagles record with him or anything" he said smirking.

I snorted, "yeah I have to agree with you on that, it's such old middle-aged man music or something. Like old gold rum and raisin chocolate, old men stuff" I said. Jacob nodded in amused agreement and grimaced, "I hate dark chocolate, it's disgusting and sickening" he said. I laughed, "Jacob, _all_ chocolate is disgusting and sickening" I reminded him amused.

Jacob snorted, "to you maybe. I like milk chocolate and white is ok. But dark, bleh!" he said. I couldn't agree with him on that. "You knows what tastes good?" I asked. Jacob grimaced, "I bet I can guess what your thinking" he said shooting me a glance. I narrowed my eyes at him mockingly, "I bet you can. I was going to say something something more dirty though" I admitted and laughed.

It took Jacob half a second to realise what I was implying, and flushed slightly. I went on, "No offence or anything Jake, but I'm not the hugest fan of your blood" I said glancing at him. Jacob laughed, "Nessie, that's a good thing" he reminded me. I shrugged, "yeah...I guess." Jacob looked at me oddly. "What? Do you wish my blood was overly appealing to you Nessie?" he asked grimacing.

I thought it over for a second than shook my head, "nah, not really. I mean your already appealing enough to me in that department for your own good. And in other parts. Well, you appeal to me far too much for _my_ own good" I said trying to give him my most smouldering look. But he missed it as he looked back out the windscreen in that split second. I sighed.

Jacob looked back over at me, "what?" he said in response to my sigh. I laughed lightly, "Nothing, I was just trying to come on to you and it just totally went right over your head" I said in a joking voice. Jacob just raised one eyebrow. There seemed to be something on his mind as he looked at me. I felt myself flush and pointed to the road, "watch where your going" I said urgently.

Jacob just laughed but turned his eyes back to the road. After a longer pause yet, Jacob opened his mouth to say something the same second I did. We both laughed, "after you, what were you going to say Ness?" he asked me. I just shook my head, "nothing interesting, what were you going to say?" I asked. Jacob hesitated, "no, you go first" he urged. I sighed. "_I_ was just going to say, that my dad drives a hell of a lot faster than you do in this car" I noted.

Jacob's eyes glanced at the speedometer and shook his head. We were going at a steady 80. "Sorry, that I don't drive like more of a maniac" he said smirking at me. I shrugged. "Oh well, who cares. What were you going to say?" I pressed. Jacob didn't speak for a second too long, I thought he wasn't going to answer. "Well?" I said just as he began to speak.

Jacob laughed, "what were you saying?" I urged. Jacob glanced at me again before looking back at the road before speaking, "I was just thinking. About.._Before_, you know?" he said looking at me again. I sighed heavily, "I thought we were over this? Ok I'm not happy about how you treated Leah. But I'm over it. You know what? I'm actually so over it right now that I feel kinda happy that she got the crap bitten out of her" I said smiling in-spite of myself.

Jacob's expression told me before he quickly looked back to the road that he wasn't talking about the whole him trying to kill Leah thing. It took me too long to know what he meant. "oh..._Oh"_ I said looking at him suddenly when I realized exactly what he was thinking about. Jacob flushed under his dark skin again. "Jake" I began slowly. Jacob cut over me, "Nessie, you don't have to be embarrassed, I'm sorry ok?" he said suddenly looking sad.

I didn't understand why he was apologizing. "Jake" I said again. "Why are you sorry?" I asked confused. Jacob flushed again and shot me a glance before quickly looking back at the road. "I'm sorry because, well I never should have let you do that. It was so obvious when Embry interrupted that you were jumping with joy. I know you regret what you did and I'm sorry for that, I really am" he said honestly.

I felt myself flush this time. I didn't realize that he'd noticed that. But the truth was, I only regretted, no not _regretted_, felt awkward and embarrassed more like after Embry nearly caught us. I was embarrassed to talk about it, but I knew I had to as this seemed to be really cutting Jacob up. "Jake, it wasn't so much me not wanting to do it, or regretting it or anything. It was just that nearly getting caught by damn Embry made me lose my nerve that's all. I was embarrassed that's all" I confessed.

Jacob didn't look convinced. So I pressed on, "Jacob, I'm serious. I don't regret it at all. If it wasn't for Embry, I would have been happy to have gone...All the way" I said flushing. "And err...Well I would do it again, somewhere more secluded. I really would. Seriously I don't regret it Jake" I said seriously. Jacob gave me a searching look and after a moment he looked more relaxed as he'd obviously believed me.

I looked out the window for a moment before voicing something else I'd been wondering about. "Jake, I'm surprised that you trust me enough to do that. I mean do you realize how incredibly dangerous that is? I mean I may not have venom. But my teeth a very, _very_ sharp" I said looking at him. Jacob seemed to be thinking over what I said, "I didn't..Well honestly, Nessie. That didn't even cross my mind" he admitted looking suddenly embarrassed.

I laughed and said, "well I guess, it's the same for me. Remember when we...Well _you know, _made hot passionate love?" I said laughing. Jacob shot me a grin, "Oh yeah, I remember" he said smiling. I laughed. "Yeah, well remember that first time that night? Well how you were all angry and well vibratory?" Jacob's smile vanished and turned serious.

"Yes, I remember that too. Nessie, that was so utterly dangerous" he said glancing over at me with a disapproving look. I laughed lightly. "Jake, believe me, what I did is just as dangerous" I said half joking but then sighed. Jacob just made a 'mmm' sound. It was obvious that he didn't agree. I opened my mouth to protest, but closed it almost immediately, I couldn't be bothered arguing.

Suddenly it started to rain. No, not rain. But _pour_. "Ah wow" I said watching as the rain seemed to look more like a waterfall down the windscreen than anything else. Jacob turned the window-wipers on, but it made hardly any difference, the rain was so heavy. Suddenly my phone in my pocket began to ring which made Jake and I both jump. I pulled it out and glanced to see who was calling before answering.

"Dad, I'm on my way home now" I said before he had a chance to speak. "Nessie, is Jacob with you?" my Dad asked urgently. I was surprised at his tone. "Yeah he is. Why?" I asked. "Put him on, it's urgent" my Dad demanded. "Ah sure, ok" I said handing the phone to Jacob, who looked at me confused. "It's my Dad, he wants to talk to you, he said it's urgent" I said nervously.

Jacob took and the phone, "What is it Edward?" he asked as he slowed the car down. There was silence on Jacob's end as he listened. I wished I could make out what my Dad was saying. So instead I tried to read every expression that flickered across Jacob's face. There was tense look to Jacob's jaw and his eyes tightened around the edges, but other than that, there wasn't too much that gave away what my Dad was saying.

"Ah ha...Yeah?" Jacob said, which gave away absolutely nothing. I started to ask Jake what was up, but he shushed me. "What did Sam say?" Jacob asked. I opened my mouth again but Jacob held up his hand before I even spoke. After another second or so, Jacob's expression became furious. "Well get Embry to go and get her. Tell Embry that I said for Leah to get back _now_" Jacob said with irritation thick in his voice.

Another moment and Jacob groaned, "what! Where's Quil then?" he asked even more angry than before. "What's going on?" I managed to get out before Jacob could shush me again. Jacob held up two fingers to imply, either two seconds, or two minutes. Maybe even two hours, which it felt like to me. Jacob's eyes narrowed and a darker look came over his face that was more than just anger or irritation.

"Ok, put him" Jacob said an almost resigned voice. After a second Jacob said "Seth" in a hard voice. There was silence for another moment or so as Seth was speaking. "Yeah? yeah ok. Just stay there alright? I'll go after them" Jacob said, but Seth's voice was suddenly a louder buzz on the other end. Clearly he didn't think much of staying behind.

Jacob growled, "Seth, shut up and do as I say. Your more than lucky I haven't kicked you out of the pack. Or _worse"_ Jacob said the last word as more of a warning. Jacob's expression became beyond outraged, when he spoke the next words it was with a great difficulty keeping his voice from shaking with anger. "No way! Are you out of your mind?" Seth said something else and Jacob snorted humorously, "yeah ha. Right. In what corrupted universe would I even consider doing that?" Jacob answered with bitter sarcasm.

I heard Seth's voice on the other end go up and octive. Jacob raised an eyebrow to whatever Seth was trying to sell to him now. "I said no!" Jacob spat into the phone, Seth said something else and Jacob's eyes glanced at me for half a second before saying, "It's not up to her. And I say _no way_ in hell!" I couldn't stand it anymore. "Jacob! tell me what's happening" I begged.

Jacob just looked at me for a long moment as Seth continued to speak. Jacob made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. "What?" I said. But Jacob didn't answer. "_No!" _Jacob said again. I managed to catch my name on the other end of the line. "Is Seth talking about me?" I asked. Jacob looked even madder. "Well? I heard him say my name!" I said angrily myself.

Jacob shook his head, after a second he said in a revolted voice, "Seth wants to speak to you. But I say no way in hell." I was surprised, "Oh, what about?" I asked confused. Jacob made a 'tch' sound again at whatever Seth was saying and ignored my question. I held my hand out for the phone, "Give it to me Jake, I wanna hear what Seth has to say" I said feeling ice and shame settle into my stomach.

Jacob seemed to be biting the inside of his mouth before finally spitting into the phone, "Ok, Ok. Keep it short. And just so you know I want a full recount on every word that you tell her" Jacob said sounding even angrier now he'd given in and handed me the phone. "Seth?" I said into the receiver. "Hey, Nessie!" was all Seth managed to say when Jacob unbuckled his seat-belt and threw the car door open.

"What are you doing!" I demanded of him. Jacob didn't answer, he got out of the car and slammed the door shut behind him. I reached over and pressed the button to wined the window down. It was still raining buckets and lots of water was getting in through the open window but I didn't care. "Jake!" I protested at him. Jacob leaned down on the open window.

"Nessie, I gotta go. I'm so sorry. But Leah's acting like a complete idiot! And she's dragged Embry and Quil along with her. I have to go and stop them" Jacob said. But he seemed to be holding some information back. "Stop them? What is Leah doing?" I asked urgently, But Jacob ignored me and said. "Listen will you be ok to drive home?" But as he said it he shook his head as to answer his own question. Droplets of water from his wet sopping hair flickered across my face.

"Ah damn it!" Jacob shouted looking left and right down the pounding rain drenched road. Jacob ran his finger through his wet hair and let out a angry yell into the rain. "Jake?" I said uncertainly, he looked beyond enraged. Jacob ignored me and suddenly reaching into the car and held his hand out. "Give me the phone. I need to speak to Seth" he said in a disgusted and furious voice.

There was some powerful battle raging in Jacob's head that was clear on his face. I handed the phone to Jacob immediately. Jacob swore to himself and spat on the ground (I flinched) Jacob shot me a long agonized look before speaking into the receiver. "Seth? I've got a job for you after all" he growled into the phone defeated.

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**Damn, why is there so many sex-scenes in my stories? lol So what did you guys think? Any comments? ANYTHING? Oh and by the way, just to let u guys know, The music that Renesmee likes, is not my type of music. I just think it's good writing music lol  
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**Plus, with the car's speed. 80? I have know idea if that's fast or not? lol I don't live in America, we have something different here. I think? Well i don't even know how far a mile is? Anyways, I'm writing the next chapter now so yeah. Please comment if u read my story! It makes my whole day!  
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	17. What the hell is going on?

**Okies. Finally posting another chapter. Sorry it took _forever. _But I don't know? Just hadn't gotten around to doing it. Well I hope you like. I don't know how I feel about this chapter. I was in a funny mood when I wrote it all that time ago. It seems like AGES since I wrote this!**

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**chp.17 'What the hell is going on?'**

**(Nessie pov)**

"Hey, Nessie what's up?" Seth asked me cheerfully as slid into the drivers side. Jacob only stayed until Seth got there, but he'd insisted that he needed to phase to keep a check on the others. So When Seth finally arrived Jacob just growled at him and flew off into the rain. "Hey" I said to Seth as he soaked right through the leather seats.

I didn't really care all that much about my car, but Seth's mud encrusted feet in my car still bothered me some. Seth started up the engine and drove through the pounding rain. After a moment or so he said, "I'm surprised Jacob agreed to this, I know why of course. Bit still it surprised me. You could have just ran home or whatever if you really didn't want to drive and I could have met you at the the house or something" Seth said.

"Well I spos' it's cuz Jacob wouldn't make me go home in the pouring rain and besides I think what Leah is up to has got to do with Zambul. I think he wanted you to drive me home was more for my safety over than me not getting wet. Jacob would have much preferred me to get soaking wet than spend any time with you if that was the only case." I was said to myself.

Seth's eyes tightened slightly around the edges. There was this uncomfortable drawn out silence now as we drove. The rain seemed to be ten times as loud. I knew what Seth was thinking alright and I didn't want to have this conversation. If it was up to me I'd love just to go about and pretend it never happened. Put it out of my mind permanently. Never speak of it again.

Seth however had other ideas. "Nessie" he finally broke the silence. "Yeah?" I said reluctentally. Seth shot me a glance before saying, "about..Well _you_ _know"_ he said sounding highly nervous all of a sudden. "Yeah...about that. Seth" I said looking at him. "I am so, so. _Sorry!_ I can't even begin to tell you how beyond sorry I am! Will you ever forgive me after what I did?" I asked feeling the tears prickle the corners of my eyes.

Seth seemed to hesitate and when he spoke it wasn't what he was going to say. "Of course I forgive you! I never...Blamed you or was mad at you at all" he said honestly. I felt even worse. "Seth, you should! You should hate me! You should call me a filthy whore and that you never want to be my friend again" I said wiping the stupid tears away quickly before Seth noticed.

But it was a lost cause, the sobs were obvious in my voice. Seth shook his head. When he spoke he spoke each word carefully. "I don't think your a..._filthy whore_" he said uncomfortably. "I am" I stated stubbornly. Seth slowed the car down and stopped before turning and looking at me directly. "Nessie, don't say that. Don't _think_ that. You aren't at all. It wasn't your fault about what happened. It's not like you did it because you were a...Well like _that._" Seth reached out to comfort me but pulled his hand back quickly thinking better of it.

I pulled my legs up onto the chair and put my face into my hands and rested them against my legs. "Take me home" I said muffled. There was silence on Seth's end but I didn't look at him. After a moment however Seth started the car back up and drove more slowly than before. I tried to listen to every word of the song that was playing, I think it was some Nat King Cole song. But I wasn't really paying attention. I started to wish that I'd just told Jacob not to worry and ran home alone, instead of calling for Seth.

Just as I was memorizing the melody Seth changed the station. I looked up at him and grumbled, "I was listening to that you know!" I said annoyed. Seth shot me a disbelieving look. "Ha, it was crap" he said. I felt my cheeks flush with annoyance. "And this isn't?" I said through my teeth as some horrible modern pop song was playing. Seth gave me a measured look before speaking, "Well yeah, this particular song isn't the best. But you can't honestly say that you like that other music Nessie, it's beyond shitty" he said looking at me as if I'd just told him a joke that was in bad taste.

I threw my legs back down and crossed my arms over my chest and ground my teeth. "As a matter of fact, _Seth"_ I said with as much contempt I could muster. "I do actually like that other music. It actually has some substance and beautiful melodies. unlike like _that!_" I spat pointing at the radio as some R' n B song started. Seth protested, "Kanye West is probably one of the most talented artist of out time!" I couldn't hold it in and let out a derisive laugh, "What? Are you being_serious?_" I spluttered out indignantly.

Seth frowned at me, "yes, I am. I own all his albums. You just don't like new music, you have know idea what is classed as good" he defensively. I made 'tch' sound, "if _this_ is classed as good music. Thank god that I'm a vampire and I'll out-live this _crap_" I said with bitter satisfaction. Seth said something under his breath. "What? What did you say?" I demanded ruefully.

Seth just shook his head, "Nothing, Nessie. Just forget it" he said in a more subdued voice than I expected. I sighed heavily. grumbling I opened the glove compartment for something to do and saw my old MP3 player. "I wondered what ever happened to this" I said holding it up so Seth could see. He just nodded. I couldn't be bothered trying to work him out, so instead I plugged the MP3 up to the car's MP3 player thing.

Linkin Park blared out. I scanned through the music 'till I found the song I liked, it was 'In between' off the Minutes to Midnight album. Seth gave me quick glance, "What?" I said defensively. Seth laughed lightly, "You say you hate all modern music, but you like Linkin Park?" he said amused. I shrugged, "I can't help what music's good. Sometimes modern music is damn good. Besides my mom and dad both like Linkin Park, so it was bound for me to like it too" I said as simply as I could.

Seth laughed at my logic then said, "I prefer their older music, like Hybrid Theory and Meteora" he said. I nodded, "Yeah same, I mean I never even listened to this album. Ever, cuz I thought at first that I didn't like the songs, but after really listening to them, I realized that they were actually pretty good" I admitted. "Like this song for instance" I pointed to the speakers unnecessarily, as I changed it to 'The little things give you away' instead.

Seth shrugged, "I don't know it" he admitted. After that we sat in a comfortable silence listening to Linkin Park until Seth suddenly turned the music off. I looked at him confused, "hey, I was listening to that" I protested. Seth slowed the car down before parking and turned the engine off. I looked out the window. The rain had lightened considerably, it was still raining, but not pouring like there was no tomorrow.

I also noticed that Seth had parked on the road just before it turned into my drive. I looked back over to him to tell ask him why the hell he just parked here. But stopped short, the look on Seth's face made suddenly nervous. "Nessie" he said in a serious voice.

Oh no, no no no no. I chanted in my head. I didn't say anything. Seth took a breath before looking down at his hands and speaking slowly, "Nessie, I know you regret what happened, but I just wanted to let you know that" he took another deep breath before forcing his eyes up to look at me. "Nessie, I don't regret what happened, I know I destroyed Jacob, I know I made you feel terrible. But still, I don't regret it" he said quickly looking back down at his hands.

I opened my mouth but then quickly snapped it shut. I didn't know what to say? After a drawn out moment of awkwardness, I finally spoke in a small voice. "Seth?" he looked up slowly. I hesitated before taking a deep breath and saying "We can't be together!" I said it forcefully and with as much finality that I could. There was a flash of hurt that crossed over Seth's face before he leaned his face against his hands on the steering-wheel.

I knew I should comfort him. But I also knew that he needed to be told a strong and definite. _No. _But after a second I realised that I couldn't be so heartless. And put my hand tentatively on his shoulder, "Seth, I'm sorry. But it's the way it is. Besides, you _knew_ that it could never happen" I said. But I still knew that it didn't matter. You couldn't help who you liked, no matter how wrong it was. I sighed.

Seth suddenly said, "I disgust you" in muffled voice. I was taken aback a second before saying, even though I knew I would regret it later. "Seth, of course I'm not _disgusted_ by you! I find you attractive, _really_ attractive. And you make me laugh like no one else can. Your..." But I stopped there and said instead, "Seth, maybe we shouldn't be friends anymore" I said in a dead voice.

Seth looked up from his hands and looked at me. "I agree" he said, and there was different kind of electricity to his voice. And he turned the engine back on stomped on the gas. It took no time than less to reach the house. There was an uncomfortable silence until Seth said, "well, your home. Are you ok to walk to the front door? Or do I have to escort you there as well?" he asked with a bitter sarcasm.

I made a annoyed sound in the back of my throat. "Grow up, Seth." I said angrily. Seth didn't say anything. I got mad, "Look! I don't know why your so mad? You knew it could never work out between us! And you know what? Even if Jacob never imprinted on me, I'd still choose him over you. So there's no point of even thinking. _Oh_ _what might have been,_ or anything. Because there was never a chance in hell. So just get over it and move on. Leah got over Sam, maybe you should do the same" I said as heartlessly as I could.

Seth gave me a filthy look before a spark of something else entirely lit his eyes, before I could work out what it was however, Seth jumped on me. He crushed himself up against me, I couldn't get free, I was tangled in my damn seat-belt that I didn't even need. I could feel the door handle digging into my back. But it was impossible to open the door as the arm that wasn't being held down by Seth was caught-up in the seat-belt.

I pushed against Seth, but he didn't stop. Seth suddenly pulled my leg up, I could feel his hand roam up my inner thigh. Higher, higher. Until I bit him, I bit down hard on his bottom lip. I felt his body tense ontop of me as my teeth dug into his flesh deep. After a moment however Seth just let out a low moan and pushed himself harder into me.

I was screaming in my head for my Dad to hear me. Dad! Daddy! _Help, HELP!_ But nothing. Then it occurred to me, that if he hadn't come out yet to save me that it was probably because he wasn't home. Fear surged through me. ANYONE, _PLEASE! _I begged over and over in my head with desperation. Seth suddenly pulled back, I could see his lip bleeding heavily, "Seth! please, _please_ don't!" I begged him weakly.

Seth was breathing heavily he shot me a guilty grin and said, "it's ok, Nessie. It's alright, ok? Stop freaking out, I won't hurt you." But before I could protest he pushed himself back onto me and crushed his lips back to mine. I squealed into his mouth when I felt his hands reach their destination. I felt him tear my underwear away. I felt his other hand remove the restraint he had on my arm and thrust it up my shirt, under my bra.

I dug my nails as hard as I could into his skin. After another moment he pulled back again, panting and, frowning. "Nessie, stop freaking out will you? I mean I'm not hurting you am I? Just settle down" he said with a slightly disapproving edge to his voice. I let out a real guttural snarl. "Seth! let me go! _Please_ _just let me go"_ I said again in real desperation.

Seth just made a sound quietly that sounded a lot like, 'tch' to me. Seth slowly pulled himself back off me, I thought at first that he was going to let me free. But instead he just zipped down the zipper on his cut off jeans and pulled _it_ out. Before I had a chance to do anything but gape, he's pushed himself back onto me. I couldn't help but really start to freak out right about now. I could feel him pushing against my entrance.

When Seth pulled away to take a breath I manged to choke out, "don't Seth! _Please._ It won't just be Jacob who'll kill you if you rape me!" Seth pulled himself back off me suddenly. "_Rape_ you? Nessie, I wasn't trying to _rape_ you" he said panting slightly, but he also sounded shocked at my accusation. I managed to sit up into a more dignified position and pull my legs together.

I glared at him before answering, "holding someone down and forcing them to have sex against their will, is called _RAPE_" I screeched the last part. Seth flinched at my outburst. Seth's look of shock turned into accusation, "oh, really? Just like you did to me?" he said raising an eyebrow. I felt as if he's punched me in the gut. I was knocked speechless. He was right. Oh my Gosh, how right he was.

I recovered myself and said back through my teeth, "I know, I'm sorry about that Seth, you have _know_ idea at how sorry I am. But it wasn't me! I wasn't myself, I wasn't even in my right mind at the time! Anyway that doesn't mean that a rap for a rape is fair! If I could think of a way to make it up to you I would. But how can I possibly make it up to you Seth?" I said feeling sick.

Seth had pulled right back now and he leaned his head back against his seat and closed his eyes. I could see him slowing his breathing down. But I also noticed that he hadn't decided to, well, _cover_ himself either. It was still out there for everyone to see that he was still _exited._ I swallowed on my words and turned away so I wouldn't have too see it.

After a moment Seth opened his eyes and turned his head to look at me, "Nessie?" he said in a different voice than I expected. "What?" I almost spat back. Seth didn't seem perturbed by my rudeness, instead he was looking at me in a way that made me feel highly uncomfortable. "Nessie?" he said again, before continuing without waiting for my reply. "I know a way how you can make it up to me" he said very quickly.

I glared at him and said in a low voice, "_No!"_ Seth laughed lightly under his breath, then looking up and said, "not sex then. How serious are you about making it up to me?" he said as something occurring to him. I gave him a wary look, "I don't know? Depending on what your asking" I said in a slow and careful voice. Seth nodded to himself and looked out the windshield for a moment before turning back to look at me.

I looked down at his hands for a second and taking a deep breath before looking back up at me with a new expression back on his face, I could some of the excitement that he'd had before return. "No sex" he said quickly and honestly when I opened my mouth to protest. "Then what?" I said instead. Seth gave me a long searching look before saying slowly, measuring each word. "How far would you be willing to go?" he said slowly.

I glared and snarled under my breath, "not _that_ far" I said angrily. Seth didn't look upset or even discouraged at my words, he just raised his eyebrows. "Ok" he said slowly, thinking about how he was going to phrase what he wanted to say next. When Seth spoke next he seemed determined. "Nessie, would..Well would a blow-job be going too far?" he asked without a hint of embarrassment.

I felt my whole body blush. "NO!" I spluttered unbuckling my damn seat-belt. But Seth grabbed my hand stopping me. "Ok, no blow-jobs. How about...How about just _touching?_" he said his voice rising slightly in excitement at what he was now thinking. I shook my head, "no" I said again, but more mechanically that with any real feeling, which was probably a bad thing as this seemed to give Seth some hope that I was going to give in or something.

"Nessie, just...Just touch me, a little. And that's it, you'll be off the hook, I won't ever bring it up again. You will never have to feel guilty about it ever again. That's all I'm asking, just touch it for a second" he said almost begging. I felt his fingers clench tighter around the hand he was still holding and started to pull it closer to his lap. I jerked my hand free quickly.

"Seth, what part of, _no way in hell!_ Is too hard for you to understand?" I said. Seth made an annoyed or frustrated sound and leaned his head back heavily against the back of his seat. "Nessie, it's no so bad, it's really nothing at all. What would it hurt you just to touch me, I mean look at what you did last time. really this would be even less subdued form of that as holding hands or something!" he said looking at me seriously.

I felt myself blush but chose not to answer. Seth was looking at me waiting for me to say something when it was clear that I wasn't going to speak, he said in a more hurt voice, "am I really that repulsive to you? Do I disgust you that much that you couldn't even bare to even _touch_ me?" he said almost angrily. I let out a splutter of indignation, "Seth. You not just asking me to...to hug you or something, your asking me to. . Dick!" I said each word separately and with as much disgust as I could.

Seth flushed and looked away from me and chewed on his bottom lip. After a long pause Seth spoke in a lower voice than before, "I didn't realise that my _dick_ was more disgusting than the rest of me, Nessie" he said glancing back over at me. I shrugged, "well, it is" I said automatically. Seth didn't speak for another second and I dared a glance at him and felt a jolt in my stomach as if I missed a step going downstairs, or whatever that would feel like if I'd ever been clumsy enough to do such a thing. Seth looked almost like he was trying not to cry.

"Damn it" I said under my breath and Seth looked over at me disguising the look on his face poorly. "Seth" I said forcing my voice to sound my sympathetic. "I didn't meant to make you feel, _inadequate, _or anything. But...How about this? it's not like it's just you that I'm disgusted by, just say I said it was _all_ guy's dicks that I was mildly disgusted by?" I said thinking wildly, then coming to a conclusion that it was indeed true. Well _most_ of the time.

Seth then said in a more bitter voice, "and what about Jacob? Does _his_ knob disgust you too?" he almost sneered. I glared at him then said trying to keep the bitterness out of my own voice, "yes!...I mean, No...I mean sometimes...A bit..Kind of... Yes.." I said all this going red. Seth looked slightly less bitter and said, "So does touching _my_ dick disgust you more or less than Jacob's?" he said, but more mocking than bitter this time.

I shrugged, "I dunno?" I said, then stretching the truth a bit said. "About the same, I guess" I said slowly, daring a glance at Seth's exposed self again, before saying going even redder, "But Jacob's slightly scares me, he is quite a bit..._Bigger_ than you are" I said. Seth grimaced slightly. But after a moment he seemed less offended by this and asked, "So I'm less scary?" he said fighting off a smile.

I made a low groan of embrarrassment and buried my face into my knees. After a long pause Seth said seriously, "Nessie, I wouldn't hurt you. I couldn't even hurt you the same as Jacob has". I pulled my face up and glared at him, "What the _hell_ does that expose to mean?" I spat at him. Seth look uncomfortable but answered, "Nessie, we all know about Jacob's disastrous _first time_." He said smirking inspite of himself. "And he hurt you, why? Because he was too big. And remember that time when _we_ did it?" he said and gesture's to himself and me meaningfully.

I just glared at him, Seth continued, "Were better together, like that. I know all about your going into _heat_ thing" (I flinched) "I know how much I appeal to you. Even if your brain or whatever doesn't want it, you can't deny that. _Physically_. You don't want me. And you can't deny that you didn't enjoy it when we did it, you can't deny _that!_ Nessie. I'm not stupid, I could hear how you moaned when I touched you, the way you screamed" he said forcing me to remember.

I was already shaking my head before he'd even finished. "No, your wrong! Ok I'm not going to lie as much as to say that I didn't...well...._like it_. But I would have liked if it was anyone. Like Embry! It could have easily have been him and not you" I said. Knowing that it would have only been Seth in that moment. But I wasn't going to tell him that, not at all.

Seth didn't look convinced so I continued, "Seth, Jacob was better! Apart from that one time, he has been _amazing_, the best! A million times better than you. So what if he is a little _bigger_ than I would normally have liked, but so what? He knows how to use it" I finished going red. At least if Jacob heard this later through Seth's thoughts he'd see that I defended him, to the point of making Seth feel emasculated. He'd like that. Jacob would.

When Seth spoke next he sounded more defeated than before. "Ok, ok. I get it. I repulse you and I suck in the sack. I am and always will be second or...Third to Jacob" he said more bitterly. I sighed heavily, "Seth, I've already told you that you don't _repulse_ me. And I wouldn't say that you _suck_ in the sack. I mean if I'd only had done it with Jacob that one time and then you were the last person I did it with. Damn it, I would have thought that _nobody_ could be better than _that_." I said wishing I could bite my tongue off. Sorry Jacob! I thought as he'd most definitely hear that in Seth's thoughts later.

Seth didn't look any more cheered by it though. "You know Seth, you don't really want me to touch you. I mean, I'm a dangerous vampire, I could just snap and bite it off" I said trying to make light of the situation. But Seth didn't laugh, but said still sounding too sober, "I don't mind it if when you bite me Nessie. I don't think it's that bad. I actually find it kinda...." he stopped and suddenly blushed under his dark skin.

"Kinda what?" I pressed almost urgently. Seth gave me a different look at the change in my tone and continued slowly, "I mean...I don't think it's that horrible. By _you_ that is. I actually kind find it...Sorta sexy in a way?" he said the last part as more of a question that a statement. And he looked at me warily. Unsure how I would react to this.

I didn't know how to make this. Not really. I mean I was always brought up to believe never to bite anyone, because it hurt them. Now Seth's telling me he finds it sorta _sexy?_ It made no sense. "Seth, that's...What do you mean exactly by _sexy?_ How can me tearing through your flesh in anyone books be classed as sexy in any sense?" I said trying to understand.

Seth blushed again and looked down. I saw him look even more embarrassed and quickly turned away from me, and zipped his pants back up. Something I was highly grateful for. It was starting to get ridiculous. When he saw me staring at him he shot me a guilty sort of grin. I felt my face flush, then asked again, "Well? How is my biting you sexy?" I said again. Seth looked uncomfortable. He hesitated, I couldn't be sure, if he just didn't want to tell me, or that he didn't know how to phrase what he wanted to say.

After a second however Seth answered, slowly. "Well...I mean it's kinda hard to explain you know? It just sorta is...Like umm...How to explain it? Like I don't know? It's kinda an intimate thing isn't it? Like err...I don't know?" he finished lamely. I rolled my eyes. "Seth, remember before when you were trying to rape me?" I said sharply. Seth started to protest but I went on over him, "When I bit you? And you didn't even care? You just moaned and it got you more exited. Why? Is it just me biting you? Or are you kind of like a..What's the word? Masochist?" I finished.

Seth looked like he was thinking hard then he said, more to himself I think than to me, "it's just _you_ biting me...I mean I don't like getting hurt, I don't normally get off on pain or anything. But something about _you_ biting me, really gets me going" he said looking at me curiously. "I see" I managed to say. I didn't know what to say actually. "You don't think that's creepy do you?" he said suddenly unsure and slightly worried.

I laughed lightly under my breath and shook my head, "I don't think _creepy_ is the right word. Maybe...Just plain weird" I said, then added, almost reluctantly. "But you liking it is...Kinda...hot?" I said more as a question than a statement this time. "Is that creepy?" I laughed. Seth shook his head and the light of excitement was starting to come back into his eyes. And I highly regretted saying that.

"No, I don't think it's creepy at all" he said almost forcefully. I sighed. "Seth, please. _This_..._Us_. It really can't happen. I'll never leave Jacob. And besides. Jacob. He'll _never_ let me go" I said in almost a whisper. Seth sighed too, "I know" he stated almost angrily. And I couldn't be sure if he was agreeing to me never being able to leave Jacob, or the fact that Jacob would never let me go.

I smiled in-spite of myself and glanced over at Seth, he looked almost hopeless. "I could always bite you for old times sake?" I said laughing. Seth looked over at me and laughed too. Then he hesitated before saying, "You know, Nessie? You can bite me whenever you want" he said in a joking voice, but it was still honest. I shook my head, "I won't" I said laughing lightly. Seth then said, "You know? _Biting _doesn't really class as cheating does it? I mean if you bit me or whatever, would you class that as cheating on Jake?" he asked seriously.

I gave him an odd look before saying, "Yes! I mean if I bit you to cause you pain or whatever, then no. But in the way that you mean, yes, most certainly. Like you said before and I quite agree, it is rather intimate isn't it?" I said seriously. The sudden light in Seth's eyes dimmed as he could see that I was right. "Would you ever cheat on Jacob? I mean you have already done it once, would it be so bad if you did it again? I mean with the whole _imprinting_ thing, he would let you, he wouldn't hold it against you, Nessie" he said.

I laughed out loud. "Yes! It would matter! I can't even believe that I ever did it once, that will be the greatest regret in my life..Existence" I corrected myself. "The pain I have caused Jacob, I can't even begin to fathom. I know he would let me cheat if I really w_anted_ to. But how could I ever possibly do that to him? And why would I? As Jacob is my everything, why would I abuse him in such a way? How could I ever look into his eyes again? How could I ever just walk out that door and be like, _oh I'm off to go and have sex with Seth, you don't mind do you? After all, you did say that you'd give me _anything_ I want"_ I said sarcastically.

Then I was myself again, "Seth, really. You weren't s_erious_ were you? Please lie to me if you were" I said feeling sick at the very thought. Seth laughed under his breath. "No, I mean not really...I wouldn't do that. Besides, I couldn't live with the fact that you were with me but you were still with Jacob. Anyway, it wouldn't even get that far, Jacob would kill me, quite literally" Seth said seriously. I felt a pang of horror, as I realised that he was exactly right. "Jacob _was_ already going to kill you" I said looking over at Seth, "But I begged him not to. That's the only reason your not dead" I said in a constricted voice. More of fear than sadness.

Seth opened his mouth then closed it quickly. "I didn't know if Jacob was telling me the truth when he promised me he wouldn't kill you. I thought he was just saying he wouldn't to make me feel better. I'd never seen him so mad Seth" I said quietly thinking back to that moment. Seth looked over at me, I couldn't work out the look on his face. When he spoke however, he sounded quite calm.

"Jacob...He wanted to kill me when he found out, before he met you and you asked him not too. Thanks for that by the way" he said smiling at me, I grinned back weakly. "But, even though he really, _really_ wanted to kill me then, he didn't. I really shouldn't have...kissed you before. I'm sorry about that. I really am. I really wasn't trying to _rape_ you Nessie. I just got...I just got a little carried away. I'm sorry if I scared you" he said looking incredibly guilty.

I made a sound in my throat, "Scared me, doesn't really cover it Seth. I really honestly believed you were going to have you way with me" I said shivering at the memory. Seth bit his lip and looked like he was trying not to say something he really wanted to say. I was glad he didn't. I didn't even want to know what he wanted to say about the matter.

I changed the subject, "Well, I guess I should go inside now. I wouldn't tell Jacob about what happened, but I 'spos he'll know as soon as you phase anyway" I said flinching at what Jacob will soon hear through Seth's thoughts. Seth seemed to be thinking along my lines and looked somewhere between horrified and scared to death. "Ah yeah...I guess he will" he said, I could hear the fear in his voice.

I sighed and looked out the window up at my Grandpappa's house. Then I turned back to Seth and said, "Ok how about this? Jacob!" I said in a formal voice, "I don't want you to hurt Seth in any way! Or kick him out of the pack! If you do anything bad to him, I'll....I'll never forgive you!" I said as a warning. Then I was myself again, "there, show Jacob that, and I hope just seeing it through your thoughts will be enough" I said laughing lightly.

Seth laughed quietly also, more awkwardly though than anything. "It will, don't you worry" he said confidently. But he still seemed worried for himself. "Seth, I'm really sorry about what happened between us" I said and Seth grimaced. "I wish you didn't feel bad about it. But it's ok. I forgive you, I mean there wasn't anything to forgive anyways, actually. I really should be _thanking_ you. That was the best moment of my life" he said grinning like an idiot.

I slapped him across the arm, "Stop thinking about it! I want you to promise me that you'll never think of it ever again" I demanded only half angry. Seth just made a disbelieving sound, "ha! Like that's going to be possible? I can't get it off my mind. It's all I can think about. I can't even sleep, I can't stop thinking about it Nessie. It always there, always on the for-front of my mind. And believe me the only time I can stop thinking about it is when Jacob demands that I do using the Alpha command" he said grimacing at something he didn't say.

Seth looked at me sadly, "I'm sorry, but I just can't" he said. I sighed heavily and rubbed my eyes. "It's my fault. I shouldn't blame you for something that I did." I said opening my eyes and looking at Seth again. Seth just nodded grimly. "Well, I really, _really_ should go inside now" I said laughing nervously. Seth nodded, "Yeah sure" he said grinning. I scowled at him.

I undid my infernal seatbelt and half opened the door before, knowing beyond everything I knew that I should kill myself before doing. but I did it anyway. I turned around in my seat and leaned into Seth and kissed him slowly on a spot just under his jaw. I grazed my teeth across his skin before pulling back and jumping out of the car and running up the short lawn up the front steps, across the porch and into the house not even daring to look back at the damage I'd just done.

But the moment I stepped over the threshold, Seth was right behind me. Damn. "Doesn't Jake need you or something?" I asked in an determined to be casual voice. Seth shook his head, "Nope, he said once I get you home to stay here and wait for him." Seth's voice sounding frustrated about being left behind annoyed. "oh" was all I said. Before I realised that no one was in the sitting-room. "Err..Where is everyone?" I asked out loud.

Seth shrugged. I listened hard, but I couldn't hear anyone in any of the rooms upstairs. Weird. Too weird. Even though I couldn't hear anyone in the house I called out anyway, "Daddy? Mom? Grandpappa? Anyone home? Hello!" Nothing. Seth shuffled over and sat down on one of the chairs. I was starting to get a little worried. Maybe something had happened to them? Something bad?

But just as I was thinking the worse Seth suddenly snatched up a piece of paper off the coffee table I hadn't noticed. Seth scanned it quickly. "Well? What does it say?" I barked with a slight edge to my voice. Seth read out loud, "Dear Nessie, don't worry. We won't be long. Stay there with Seth and don't come looking for us. Everythings fine, please don't worry. Love Mom and Dad + Family" Seth finished reading.

I walked over and snatched the note out of Seth's hands and read it through quickly myself, looking for some clue to where they'd gone that I didn't catch when Seth read it out loud. But nothing. "Don't worry? How could I possibly NOT worry!" I spluttered out-loud to myself. Seth looked slightly troubled, "yeah, it's a bit wierd. I mean with _all_ of them going I mean" - "Seth, just shut up will you!" I cut over him.

"What?" Seth said surprised at my outburst. I just glared at him, "I'm _trying_ not to freak out here. And I don't need you saying the obvious and making me go over the edge with worry" I yelled at Seth throwing my arms in the air. Anger was an emotion I was trying to let consume me. It made me less scared when I was yelling. I was trying to force myself to be angry at my family for not leaving a better note. But I still couldn't shake off the heart-gripping fear that was trying to claw it's way to the surface.

"So_rry_" Seth said holding up his hands in defeat. I collapsed down onto the couch and scanned through the letter half a dozen times, hoping, _willing_ for some clue, some secret message. _Anything._ Anything at all. But I was to be disappointed, there was nothing in here. No words of comfort. Nothing to ease my worry. I couldn't stand it a second longer. I jumped to my feet. Seth stood up also.

I turned and ran up the stairs, I looked in every room on the second landing, trying to ignore Seth who'd followed me. And stood staring at each door watching me search and rip the blankets back from the beds. Pull out drawers. Look in wardrobes. Flip through random books. Looking for something, they just _had_ to have left _something_ behind to tell me where did they'd gone. _Please_ let there be something!

But after searching through the cupboard under the sink in the tiny bathroom on the third storey, I realised with crashing realisation, that there was nothing to find. There was nothing here for me. Nothing to stop me going into a panic attack. "Nessie, I bet it's nothing" Seth said suddenly, it was obvious that he only said this to make me feel better.

I muttered some threats under my breath. I stood up from the floor and looked in the mirror over the sink. I ran my fingers through my ringlets, that at this moments were closer to tangles. I glared at Seth's refection in the mirror. Seth just scratched the back of his neck. I sighed and turned around. "You don't think you could phase do you? Just to see what's going on?" I asked Seth beseechingly.

Seth looked hesitant, "I could" Seth said evasively. "What?" I demanded. Seth flinched at my tone, "well, it's just that" ... "I mean, Jake told me not to" he changed what he was going to say mid-sentence. "Jacob told you _not_ to phase? Ah ha, I believe _that!_" I said sarcastically. Seth didn't say anything. I let out an annoyed snarl. "Maybe, I'll just go and find them then myself!" I said barging my way out of the bathroom, elbowing Seth out of my way.

Seth just followed me down the two flights of stairs, I was almost at the back door when I felt Seth grab me by the arm. "Nessie, your not 'spos to go after them. You have to you to stay here" he said with more authority than I'd ever heard in his voice before. "What's going on Seth? And don't you _dare_ tell me that you don't know! I'm not stupid!" I spat, yanking my arm free of his grip.

Seth's looked uncomfortable. "Nessie, just trust me ok? We have to stay _here_" he said again. I groaned. "Seth! Please tell me what's going on!" I begged in a more softer voice than before. Seth just shook his head, "I'm not alou...I can't tell you" he said turning away from me and flopping down on the sofa. I stayed where I was for a long moment before sitting down on the couch next to him.

"Seth, where are they? And why can't I know what's going on?" I asked. Seth bit his lip and looked down at the floor before answering, "It's not that...Your not _aloud_ to know what's going on. More like, if you knew, you would go looking for them" Seth looked up at me then, "and Nessie. You _have_ to stay here. It was why Jake made me drive you home! To keep you here! Nessie this is my job. I have to obey him!" he said sounding apologetic.

I glared at him. "_What's_ going on?" I said again. Seth sighed and leaned his head back on the couch. "Nessie, I can't tell you, that was another one of my orders" he said closing his eyes. I hit him in the chest. "What?" Seth said opening his eyes and rubbing his chest where I'd hit him. "Just tell me god dammit!" I snarled at him. "I _can't_. It was a direct order from Jacob! I can't go against a direct order like that, you know that!" Seth said defensively.

I stood up, "you can't _make_ me stay here, Seth!" I said savagely, running for the door. But Seth caught me around the middle and pulled me clean off my feet. "Let me go!" I protested loudly. "Nessie, just. Stop. Being. Difficult!" Seth said panting in the effort to hold onto me. I was struggling with all my might. Seth managed to fling me down into the couch.

"Rensemee, I'll do everything in my power to keep you in this house if I have to" Seth said warningly. I noticed the use of my full name and I just glared furiously at him. I jumped up suddenly and headed for the front door. My hand was on the doorknob when Seth pulled me back. "Let me GO!" I screamed. "NO! I _CAN'T!_" Seth yelled back, managing to pin me down face first into carpet.

I pulled my face sideways so I could breath, "stop man handling me, Seth!" I said dangerously. "Stop trying to escape then!" Seth said angrily. I just hissed from between my teeth. "I'll tell Jake what you did, I'll tell him that you hurt me!" I warned him. "I'll take my chances" Seth said. I screamed out annoyed and tried to struggle free, but it was pointless.

I started to fake sob. "Nessie, I'm sorry. But I _have_ to do everything I can to keep you here" Seth said in a hard voice. "Just let me go! I won't try and escape" I said. Seth didn't say anything, it was obvious he didn't believe me. "Ok ok, I promise! _Only_ if you tell me what's going on" I said. Seth didn't speak for a moment, then he finally said, "I can't, Nessie. I _can't. _Why is that so hard for you to understand?" he said frustrated.

I struggled against him a little more, but not really putting my heart into it and stopped pretty quickly. "Look. Seth, ok I'm sorry. I get it. You can't tell me. You can let me up now, please? I really won't try and go after them, I swear!" I said after a few more minutes. "I don't trust you" Seth stated. I grumbled and struggled against him harder than before, "Well you'd just grab me again if I tried, so just give me a chance" I complained.

Seth was silent for a long minute until he finally loosened his grip on me, and in that instant I pushed him roughly off me. But I didn't try to escape. Instead I went and sank into one of the soft armchairs. Seth looked relieved and came and sat on the cushion on the sofa nearest me. But he didn't take his eyes off me and I knew he was just waiting for me to do a runner again.

I picked up the remote and turned on the TV. I flipped aimlessly through the channels before coming to a conclusion that I really didn't feel like watching TV. I heard Seth's stomach suddenly grumble. I turned the TV off and jumped to my feet. Seth jumped up in the same instant and grabbed my arm. "I wasn't trying to escape! I was wondering, do you want any food?" I said annoyed.

I felt Seth's grip loosen slightly on my arm but didn't let go. I sighed. Then pulled against him in the direction of the kitchen. Still not letting my arm go he followed me into the kitchen. I opened the fridge and scanned over the items. "What kind of food do you like?" I asked him. I really couldn't tell the different between all different types of food, it was all just different variations of disgusting. Seth finally let my arm go.

Seth looked at the stuff in the fridge. "I dunno? Everything looks pretty good. A sandwich?" he suggested shrugging. "Ok, what type?" I asked. "What do you have?" Seth said looking deeper in the fridge. "I dunno?" I said honestly. I never normally dug through t

he fridge looking for food. Seth pulled out some salami, cheese, tomato and the butter. "This'll be good" he said placing it on the bench.

I went and got some bread out of the cupboard. I looked at Seth, "so umm.... Do you want me to make it? Or do you wanna make it?" I asked awkwardly. Seth shrugged again, "I can make it myself, if you don't want to" Seth said. I nodded. "Yeah, cuz I don't really..." I didn't finish my sentence. Seth started to make a couple of sandwiches and I watched him trying not to look disgusted by the raw ingredients

After Seth managed to swallow half a sandwich he turned to me and asked, "do can have one if you want" he said indicating half a dozen sandwiches infront of him. I shook my head, "I'm good" I said grimacing. Just then I heard a banging on the front door. I flew out of the kitchen and flung the door open in the less than a second.

Standing on the other side of the door was Quil. My heart sank. "Oh, hey" I said. Quil smiled, "hey, Ness. Is Seth here?" he asked just as Seth came sauntering into the room. "Yes, of course I am" Seth said slightly bitterly. "What's going on Quil? What's happened?" I asked him instead. Quil's eyes shot to Seth, then back to me, "nope, sorry Ness. Not aloud to tell ya" Quil said simply. I growled in annoyment and anger.

Seth asked then, "Why are you here? What's going on?" it was easy to hear the frustration in his voice too. I looked back to Quil expectantly. "Let's phase then" Quil said moving back down onto the lawn. I went to follow but Seth grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back. "Nessie, just stay here for the moment ok? he said. "What, why?" I protested, "Just will you do as I say for just this once?" Seth said exasperated. I bristled at that. "Do as _you_ say! Why would I _ever_ have to obey you Seth?" I said indignantly.

Seth sighed, "Ok, if not for me. Could you just stay here for Jacob's sake then? Cuz it's what he wants" Seth said seriously. I glared at him for a long moment before pulling my arm out of his grip and going and flopping down on the sofa, folding my arms angrily over my chest. "Thank you" Seth said and he closed the door behind him with a snap as he left.

I sat there for a whole 10 seconds before jumping up and looking out the window. I saw the two large wolves. The gangly sandy coloured Seth and the slightly larger chocolate brown wolf of Quil where deep in a mental conversation. Then I felt a thrill of exitment mixed with satisfaction. Seth was distracted, I highly doubted he would notice if I snuck quietly out the back.

So as quietly and quickly as I could, I snuck through the back door. Across the short lawn and bounded over the river into the forest and then ran at full speed. I caught the sent of my Father and Mother mixed together, their scents showed me they ran close together, possibly holding hands? I could make out the scents of Carlisle with Esme's, Emmett and Rosalie's. The scents of Alice and Jasper where a little further away than the others. I wondered why that was?

After a about fifteen minutes however, their scents divided sharply into different directions. I didn't know which to follow? I deliberated for a moment before deciding on following my Mom and Dad's sent path. After a short while however Jasper and Alice's scents intersected with my parents again. Then suddenly their was the sent of Nahuel. I was getting more confused. What the hell where they doing? And _what_ in the hell was going on?

But I didn't have long to feel confused, because at that second I felt a sickening pain on the back of my head. The last thing I saw was the moss covered ground and someones bare brown feet before I lost consciousness.

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**Ok so there it was. I know, I know. Seth would NEVER do anything like that to Nessie or anyone. But as I said, I was in a odd mood lolz I was going to change it later, but meh, I couldn't be bothered. Anyways. Hope it didn't annoy too many pple lol Comments? Oh yeah, and THANK YOU to those pple who have commented! I can't even believe that pple even read this, let alone _LIKE_ it at all! So cheers.  
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	18. Kidnapped

**Ok, so chapter 18 is up. OMG, I actually totally forgot about this chapter! Which makes no sense reading it back, as I accidentally didn't save it ages ago, and I had to re-write most of it all over again!! This chapter is err....Ridiculous I guess, like pretty much all my others. **

**Well enjoy.......**

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**chp.18 'Kidnapped'**

**(Jacob pov)**

"Damn it, Leah!" I snarled loudly in my head as I tore after her, Embry and Quil as fast as my legs would carry me. I could see that they were far away to the west. "_Jake!" _I heard Quil's relief at me finally joining them. "Leah, what did you think you were doing? Why didn't you just sound the alarm?" I thought angrily. I heard Leah huff, "_because, I had the chance to catch that bloodsucking bastard. There wasn't any time to send an alarm!_" Leah said obviously. I growled.

Then I directed my thoughts to Embry and Quil, "And why in the hell didn't you stop her! Especially you Quil! When you heard what happened you should have come strait to me! Instead of just joining in" I thought furiously. I felt Quil's guilt. _"I know man. Seriously I'm sorry! But Leah was so close and Embry was going after her. And he's only one vamp, we thought we could easily take him down without you" _Quil thought guiltily, seeing now how ridiculous it was not to inform me.

Embry's thoughts however weren't guilty at all. "_Jake, sorry we didn't call for you. But seriously, we thought you were with Nessie and we didn't really need you. So why bother you with this?" _he said. But I could hear another edge to his thoughts that he was trying to conceal from me. "Oh really? Not more like you freaked out when you saw what Leah thinking she could take him down on her own, and you never even spared a thought for me! Why didn't either of you just _stop_ her?" I said again.

None of them seemed to have thought this. I growled. "_Oh shut up Jake. I'm second in command, they couldn't have touched me"_ Leah thought back smugly. I growled louder and pushed my legs faster. "You know Leah, if your going to flout your authority like this ever again. You _won't_ be second in command much longer" I said furiously.

Suddenly the sent of Zambul that Leah had been following, vanished. She halted in her stride. Embry nearly hit into her. _"What the..?" _Quil thought as he caught up to Leah and Embry. The could see them sniffing around. But the sent was gone. Like there had never been one. It took me a lot longer to reach the place were they where. When I finally reached them, they had searched halfway up the mountains.

"_Damn, that is weird"_ Embry though as he sniffed at a rock. Nothing. As I burst through the small gap in the trees, I lunged at Leah and bit into her hard. She let out a surprised and high pitched yelp. "Leah, you stupid, reckless idiot!" I snarled as I let her go. She squirmed away from me. "_Jake, man don't take it out on Leah, I mean what would any of us have done if we thought we had a chance to kill the leach who killed those girls?" _Embry said tentatively.

"Embry, shut the hell up! You know she was in the wrong and that's that. Don't defend what she did" I said angrily. Embry flinched as he felt my Alpha fury wash over him. Quil whined quietly. Leah was more subdued now as we searched for another good half-hour. But still, we came up with nothing. We heard loud paws thundering behind us.

We looked up to see Sam and his pack finally join us. "Took your time" I thought. Sam growled at me, "_I ran into Seth, he told me what happened, then I had to round everyone up. And Jared" _Sam snarled again, but this time it was directed at Jared, who whimpered slightly. _"Didn't even hear our howls. Then as it was obvious he wasn't comming, we had to run all over the damn place to find him! And where the hell where you?" _ - Jared whined again - "_Yeah, with damn Kim down by the docks!" _Sam was furious it was obvious.

I breafly explained what happened, I could feel Leah's embarrassment as Sam shot her a disapproving look. We gave the area one last good search. But still we found absolutely nothing. By the time we made it back to where the trail abruptly ended, none of us was in a particular good mood. We had just started to head back, when there was the sound of someone coming towards us fast. We all positioned ourselves in defencive positions. But a second later we relaxed as Carlisle came into view.

Carlisle was closely followed by his wife Esme, Emmett, the Blond Bitch. Edward and Bella. Then Jasper and Alice a short while later. The next person however who came into view made all the wolves flatten their ears to their sculls and a tremendous set of growls and snarls filled the air like thunder. Nahuel. carrying that filthy leach child. I wondered why on earth he carried the child? And why they even brought it with them?

I looked to Blondie, she didn't seem pleased about Nahuel having the kid. Took your precious time I thought bitterly. Edward frowned at me and said. "We have a lead on Zambul" All the wolves grumbled a little. Carlisle was the one to continue however, "yes, Nahuel here came to us just after you left Jacob. He has had contact with Zambul. He...Well it's not good news. Zambul isn't going to stop doing what he is doing."

All the wolves howled, growled and snarled. It took sometime for us to calm down for Carlisle to speak again. "Yes. I know. We have come to the conclusion that...We'll have to destroy him" Carlisle looked troubled at this. But the the wolves bristled. It's not like we where waiting on the Cullen's ok, to kill him or not. He was already dead.

Edward spoke again this time. "We originally were coming here to help you find him like you know. But Nahuel says there is a way to find him. Zambul is very confident and he likes to play games. That was why he lets you chase him. Nahuel believes that he will be more likely to let one of us close enough to speak to him then you wolves. So what we are saying is, it might be better for you guys to keep out of the way and let us try and catch him ourselves"

Edwards words were not appreciated by either pack. It was the loudest and longest time yet for us to calm down enough for Carlisle to speak. "I know this is difficult for you. But we think this might be the only way. Do you want him caught or not?" The wolves bristled. We aren't staying out of this. That Bloodsucking Leach is _ours!_ I thought furiously at Edward. My pack howled and growled in agreement.

Bella spoke up for the first time. "Listen, it's not like we take any pleasure in taking over your job" - Emmett snorted and flexed his muscles - "But we really do believe that we should at least give this a go. If it doesn't work then so be it. But I think we should at least _try_ letting us find him" she said. Most of the wolves still snarled. And then what? I thought. You find him and kill him? Or do you catch him and bring him to us to kill?

Edward snarled, "We will kill him if we have the chance" I growled. Listen, Edward. This isn't your fight. This is our fight. The Bloodsucker has killed, and killed again on out turf. Our people have died. So we aren't going to let you take him down without us. I thought. Edward spoke. "But you won't catch him! And he'll just kill again! Do you want that to happen? Do you want another girl to die because you don't want to stand aside? Do you want them to die just out of some stupid pride?" Edward said angrily.

Sam and Paul snarled loudest. He is _ours!_ I heard Sam's growl in my ear taking a step towards the Cullen's. Edward crouched down slightly. "We don't want a fight!" Carlisle protested standing in front of Edward putting his hands up in peace at Sam. My eyes flickered again to the vile creature in Nahuel's arms. As it suddenly wailed loudly. Rosalie was at Nahule's side in an instant pulling the child into her arms and rocking it.

Edward answered all of our confusion. "Nahuel believes that Zambul will be highly interested in the child. We have him as a sort of...Bait." Rosalie hissed at Edward. Edward turned towards her. "You know what I mean! Nahuel says Zambul will not hurt him" he said to Rosalie sharply. It was obvious that they'd already had this fight earlier.

There was a battle raging in my head. I didn't like it. I hated the thought of the Cullen's catching Zambul and killing him. It was what Sam said. He _was_ ours! But then on the other hand, we really didn't want anyone else dead. That was our job after all. As Protectors. Wouldn't it be the right course of action to let the Cullen's try and stop him if it was really so impossible for us to ever catch him? It seemed pretty impossible at this moment, what with his scent just vanishing again like that.

What Edward said, did we really want any more people dead out of pride? Just say we didn't let the Cullen's have their shot and we continued trying to catch him to no avail out of pride. And he killed again, and again. And it was somehow possible for the Cullen's to stop him. Wouldn't that make us almost as bad? Just to let the killings continue in some misguided attempt at catching him ourselves. But then I thought of my sister. Of the others young girls who that leach killed. And I saw red. How we would love to be the ones to catch him. Tear him from limb to limb.

But at what price? More girls dead? He had to be stopped and quickly as possible before anyone else got hurt. I let Sam hear what I was thinking. Both of our packs where thinking about. What was the right thing to do? Sam finally thought towards Edward. _Ok what if we agreed to let you have your chance at catching him. How would you feel if we stayed far back and out of sight and just waited to see if you could catch him before we acted?_

Edward thought it over for a second before shaking his head, "I don't think that'll work. I mean he'd be able to smell you and if your cover was blown! That would be it. He would never trust us again. I think the best course of action would be for you to go back to La Push and stay there and let us try and catch him, alone" Sam growled in frustration and anger.

It was a hard choice. A terrible choice. But reluctantly. Revoltingly. We agreed. All the way back to La Push the packs were snarling, growling. Howling. It was horrible. Nowhere in all our History was there ever such shame. Leah's voice was one of the loudest. She was disgusted and furious with Sam and I. So was Paul, Jared, Embry. But they didn't understand. They weren't Alpha's. They didn't have to think about what was best for everyone. It wasn't just our own personal choice. It was for everyone. We were the Leaders of the Protectors. And sometimes that meant you had to always make the right choice, no matter how much that choice seemed to be the worse choice imaginable.

Sam and I had to speak to the Elders so I told Quil to go back and tell Seth what was going on. I would loved to have been the one to have gone instead. As even as I thought about it, it set my teeth on edge. How could I ever have been so stupid to leave Seth alone with Nessie? But it was the only choice. Like I said before. Somtimes you had to make revolting choices for the greater good.

Sam and I phased back as we made it to my Dad's place. After we pulled on our shorts and cut-off jeans in my case. I banged my way through the door. My Dad was on the phone when we came in. Looking for information obviously. "Sam. Jake!" He said relieved until he saw the expressions on our faces. "What's happened?" he said then in his most grave voice.

I told him everything that happened as Sam told Sue Clearwater who Billy had been on the phone with when we came in, to gather up all the Elders and meet at the council building. Billy was just as averse to what we agreed to as any of us were. But reluctantly agreed that it would be the best possible choice if the Cullen's did manage to catch Zambul.

We where on our way to the council when Quil came pelting out of the trees, "Jake, Jake!" he yelled. It was obvious that something was wrong. "What, Quil? What's happened?" I said urgently. Quil gave me a devastated look. "_What?"_ I said, ice gripping around my heart. "It's Nessie" was all I heard. Quil was still talking, I could see his lips moving. But I couldn't hear him. All that was going through my head was. Nessie, Nessie, Nessie. _My Nessie._

"Jake! Jake are you listening!" Quil shook me. I blinked and came back. "What?" I said. Quil gave me an odd look like he thought I'd snapped. "Did you hear me? Nessie ran off when I was telling Seth about what happened. When we got back in the house she'd gone! We followed her scent. But then. Oh Jake! I am so, so sorry! Zambul! That fucking Leach! His scent was all over the spot were Nessie's ended! And Jake there was...There was some blood. Nessie's blood" Quil said in a shaky voice.

I was sinking. Cold so cold. "Nessie" I said in a dead voice. It sounded so far away. Muted. I felt as if I was under water. Under ice. I heard Quil's muted voice. But I couldn't make-out what he was saying. It felt like in those movies after someone had been near an explosion and afterwards they can't hear what anyone was saying to them.

Shell shocked. I barely even noticed it when Sam shook me. Quil trying to peer into my eyes. My Fathers deep gravely booming voice was like a car's engine far away in the distance. Then the next thing I saw was Quil's anxious face looking down at me. I heard Embry's voice. "Jake?" It sounded slightly louder than before. That was before I realised. Looking down at me? I was laying on my back. When had that happened? I saw Embry and Leah now looking down at me too, they looked worried. Where did they come from? I was thinking. My brain seemed to be working too slowly.

Sound was starting to return to me. I could hear their anxious voices more clearly. "Jake?" "Jacob?" "You ok man?"they were all saying at the same time. I felt queasy, I closed my eyes. But only after half a second did I feel someone slap my cheek. I opened my eyes again, "Jake, stay with us man!" Quil said worried. Sam was suddenly there. "Jacob? Can. You. Hear. Me?" he said every word slowly and distinctly.

I stared at Sam blankly for a prolonged second before I rolled over to stand up, but fell onto the floor. Hah, I hadn't realised that I was on the couch in my house. When did that happen? I could have sworn we'd left here? "What happened?" I asked pulling myself back onto the couch and sitting on the edge. Sam and Quil exchanged a loaded look before Quil said in a still worried voice, "Well you sorta... I don't know how to explain it? Jake, you kinda zoned right out. You didn't seem to see us. Then well, you sorta...Fainted" Quil said glancing at Sam again uncertainly.

I looked over at Embry and Leah who were looking anxious. My eyes scanned the rest of the room before saying, "where's my Dad and Rachel?" I said. Sam spoke in his calm, sure voice. "They wen't to fetch Sue." I started nodding then thought, "ah, why?" I asked. Quil answered, "well, Jake. As I said, you kinda _fainted,_ and your Dad thought you should have someone to check you out to see if you were ok" Quil's voice still sounded overly anxious.

I felt kinda shakey. I took a deep breath and tried to stop my hands from shaking. I _fainted. _Embarrassing. Why though...? Then everything came crashing back down. I remembered everything. Nessie, Nessie, _My beautiful, perfect Renesmee._ I jumped to my feet. Quil gasped. "Nessie. What happened to Nessie? Is she ok?" even as I said it, I could feel a iron cold fist close, crush my heart into pulp.

Quil and Sam exchanged another look. Leah's face took on an odd mask of fake concern. Embry looked troubled. Sam spoke, "Jacob" his voice was deep sure and comforting. But I didn't feel comforted in the slightest. "Renesmee has been taken by Zambul" I blanched and went to collapse back down onto the couch but missing and slipping down onto the floor instead.

Quil knelt down and put an uncertain hand on my forehead. "Jake, how do you feel?" his voice dripped with anxiety. How did I feel? How the hell did he think I felt? My core, my whole point of existence was in mortal danger and even possibly... No, I wouldn't think of that. Not if I didn't want to lay down and die. "What are we going to do?" I asked in a dead expressionless voice that didn't belong to me.

Sam spoke, "well...Jacob. There's isn't much more that we _can_ do. But the Cullen's. Their trying everything to get her back. They won't rest until she's safe again. Renesmee's going to be fine" Sam said trying to sound as sure and comforting as before, but his voice sounded slightly off. I pulled my knees up to my chest and put my face into them. I didn't cry. I couldn't. My emotions, my_ self_ seemed oddly absent.

Just then the front door was thrown open making me jump in-spite of myself. "Where is he?" came the strong voice of Sue Clearwater. "In here, he's awake" Sam said. Sue came bustling over to me and pushed Quil out of the way. Sue peered into my eyes, felt my forehead. "How do you feel?" she asked in a business like voice. I thought that over. How did I feel? HOW DID I FEEL! I screamed in my head at the absurd question.

Cold, dead. Un-emotional. Sinking. "ech" I was all I managed to make out. Sue looked into my eyes for another long moment before tutting loudly and standing up. She addressed my Dad and Sam. "There is nothing physically wrong with him. Just had a hard shock. But I don't like that blank look to his eyes. What happened?" Sue almost demanded.

Sam answered, "Renesmee has been snatched by Zambul" he said in a suppressed kinda voice. Sam words were like he'd thrust his fist into my chest and squeezed my heart so hard it burst. But it didn't kill me. Just left me to slowly bleed out in an incapable agony. "How long do you think it'll take for him to snap out of it?" Quil asked, looking into my eyes again.

Sue tutted again. "Renesmee. Hmm." she said. "Well, if he doesn't snap out of it soon, I think the only thing would be is to get her back" Sue said in an oddly sour voice. "What if we can't get her back? Or worse, just say that she's been kil..." - "Leah!"Sam warned her in a deep and dangerous voice. But I was beyond listening anymore. I could feel myself sinking again, their voices slowly fading away from me.

Sue's voice was loudest, "No Sam, I think that is a good question", Embry spoke then. "Well imprinting is all consuming. I mean, if Nessie is..." he implied darkly before continuing. "I don't think that Jake could deal with that. I mean, either he'll just try his best to kill himself. Or just have a total mental breakdown" Embry finished slowly. Leah spoke suddenly to Quil, "What would you do if Claire was to die?" she shot at him oddly harshly.

Quil grimaced back as if she'd just punched him. "I err..." Was all Quil could manage to say. I knew why he couldn't continue. Because there was no possible words that would describe the kind of world, heart, soul shattering atrocity it would be if the core of your existence was to not exist anymore. You would cease to exist also. Even if you still lived, you would be dead. How could you possibly go on without the whole meaning of your everything?

Sam was oddly quiet. Probably thinking what he would do if he lost Emily. Quil spoke to me again. I couldn't hear him anymore. A loud rushing in my ears was drowning everything out. I just watched his facial expressions change and his lips move as he spoke. After a while though Quil stopped talking and clicked his silent fingers in front of my face. waved his hand up and down. I didn't bother to follow it with my eyes.

Sue was infront of me again. She clicked her fingers and Quil and he quickly hurried off. In a few seconds though he was back handing Sue her bag. She rummaged in it for a few minutes before extracting a small glass file. She uncorked the bottle and wafted it under my nose. It was eye watering I pushed her away and doubled up coughing. After I finally recovered I glared at her, "What the hell was that!" I spluttered in a weak voice that still managed to sound dead.

Sue looked satisfied. "Smelling salts" she stated simply, putting the cork back on and flinging it back into her bag. Quil snatched it back out though, "hey can we keep this? I mean just in case" he said shooting me another worried look. Sue sighed, "I guess. but just one whiff will do. It's my own creation and I've put a little extra something in there to give it an extra kick" she said in a self-satisfied voice.

I glared at them. I heard the sound of gravel crunch under the wheels of my Dad's wheelchair. I heard my sisters voice mingled with my Dad's gravely voice. After a few more minutes my Dad entered the room being pushed my sister. "Well, is there anything wrong with him?" My Dad asked Sue. Sue straightened up and said in her sure strong voice, "No, well not _physically_. Just had a good hard shock. I don't think you should leave him alone, keep talking to him. Stimulation is what he needs" She said looking back down at me.

Rachel flung herself down onto the floor next me, she brushed her fingers down my cheek. I just stared. "Jake, how do you feel?" She asked in a gentle and soothing voice that reminded me irresistibly of my Mom. I just buried my face into my arms that were rested on my legs. She rubbed my shoulder in a comforting way and I heard her oddly almost muted voice ask Quil, "So, what? Renesmee just ran off, why?" she asked confused.

Her question seemed to reach me in my catatonic state. That was true. Why would Nessie just run away? "Seth" I suddenly spoke in a gruff voice cutting over whatever Quil was saying. There was this silence for a long moment before Quil said tentatively, "Seth said that she kept trying to escape. And well, when Seth and I phased she ran out the back door and escaped" he said.

I looked up from my arms. "But _why?_ Why was Nessie so keen of escaping? What did Seth do for her to feel the need to escape?" I said with more emotion than before. Quil answered immediately, clearly feeling more relieved that my voice sounded less dead. "Well she was worried about the Cullen's and she thought the note was kinda.. Un-informative. And she just really wanted to know what was going on" Quil said.

I thought that was reasonable enough. But still. "Where is Seth?" I asked, noticing the dead sound return to my voice. Sue spoke up, "now now, Jake. I'm sure this isn't Seth's fault" she said, but it was almost a warning. "Ok, but I just want know where he is? I want to speak to him" I said. Leah spoke, hesitantly. "I can call him, but that's only if you just want to _speak_ to him. Jake. Cuz if you just want him here to _hurt_ him" she said warningly too.

"I just want to speak to him" I replied automatically and un-emotionally. Leah eyes be suspiciously before coming to the conclusion that I was telling the truth. She stomped out of the room and I heard the back door back shut as she left to phase. I felt Rachel rubbing my arm. "Jake, I'm sure Nessie'll be fine. After all, why would this Zambul want to hurt her?" she said soothingly.

I chewed my tongue before saying, "I don't know? Why did he kidnap her?" I said slightly bitterly, but still sounding mostly dead. "Maybe he was just curious? After all isn't he this Nahuel's friend? And Nahuel must have told him that he was here to visit Nessie and he probably would have told him all about her. Maybe Zambul was just curious and wanted to meet Nessie" she said.

I wasn't comforted, all the thing's _Nahuel_ could have said about Nessie, _My_ Nessie. I knew full well that he _liked_ her. And Zambul was half-human half-vampire as well. Maybe he wanted to make Nessie his bride. Or maybe he felt that Nahuel's sick father had something. And wanted to see if he could breed with Nessie. See what kind of children they could spawn? I was thinking, feeling sicker and sicker with all the things that could be happening to her right now.

Leah came banging back into the room. "He's not coming, he said the Cullen's needed him for something" she said to me. I didn't do anything to show I heard her. After a second Leah just huffed and sat down on my Dad's chair. Embry came over and sat on the arm, he leaned down and whispering something in her ear. Leah tried not to smile and smacked Embry in the arm. Embry straightened up rubbing his arm and looking bemused.

Sam than said, "hey, Jake. I really have to go and sort something out. Will you be ok without me?" he asked. I felt a small lurch of some emotion trying to break free of it's chains. Annoyance? "I'll be fine, go" I said sounding more dead than ever. Quil jumped up too, "hey, Jake. I said I'd help Sam. You don't mind if I go too, do you? I mean if you wanted me to stay I will" he said anxiously. Which annoyed me even more than Sam.

"Go, I'm fine" I said, I could hear the annoyance seep into my voice. Sam clapped me on the shoulder and said, "Don't worry, we'll get Renesmee back" he said with such confidence and sureness in his voice that I half believed him. Quil touched my arm, "Yeah we will! I promise." Before he followed Sam out. Sue sighed and clasped her bag shut, "Well I have to go as well. Billy, remember don't leave Jacob alone. Keep him stimulated" she said before leaving after Sam and Quil.

Not long after this Rachel got up and said that she'd make me some food. Like I was remotely hungry or something. And buscled off to the kitchen. Billy grumbled something about not trusting Rachel's food and wheeled himself after her into the kitchen. I was left alone with Leah and Embry, who at this moment was trying to squeeze himself into the chair next to her as she punched him in the arm again.

"Stop hitting me!" Embry protested, but he sounded amused. "Your too fat, your not going to fit!" Leah protested back as Embry manged to half squeeze himself next to her. "Or maybe _your_ too fat, budge up and give me room" he laughed crushing against her. I frowned at them. Wow. They seemed to care so much about Nessie being killed, raped, forced to father children or god knows what to some evil, sick bloodsucker didn't they?

Leah was pushed off the chair onto the floor. She grumbled annoyed and amused. She punched Embry on his thigh. "Bastard! You are such a Gentlemen aren't you Embry? Kicking a girl out of her seat?" she said. Embry laughed and raised an eyebrow. "I thought you didn't believe in any of that stuff? I thought you believed that guy's and gal's had all the same roles. So really, maybe you should be giving me your seat, it's very modern of you" he said laughing as she punched him again.

Leah tried to push Embry out of the seat. Embry though suddenly grabbed her by the waist and pulled her down onto his lap, "How about this then? I don't mind if you sit on my lap Leah baby" he said smirking at using the word _baby_. Leah just punched him in the chest and pulled herself out of Embry's lap. Embry rubbed his chest, "You know, Leah. You punching me isn't really a turn on" he said grimacing comically.

Leah just punched him again, but then she shot me a quick glance. Before she seemed to obviously think I was in a catatonic state and couldn't see or hear them. She slid back onto Embry's lap, positioning her thighs on either side of him. Embry quickly gripped her waist again and pulled her closer into him. Leah punched him in the chest once again and when Embry gasped in pain she crushed her lips to his.

I really couldn't bare this right now. "Stop that! Your making me sick" I spat at them sitting up and managing to push myself back onto the couch. Leah jumped off Embry as fast as she could, stumbling in the process. Embry just laughed at Leah's reaction. Leah kicked Embry in the shin before looking at me, her cheeks burning slightly. "I thought you were 'spos to be catatonic?" she said embarrassed.

I shrugged. "So? How am I exspose to be _catatonic_ with you and Embry getting it on my my Fathers chair?" I said distastefully. Embry laughed. Leah threw herself onto the floor crossing her arms and legs. I heard someone banging on the front door. Leah jumped up, "I'll get it" she said and almost ran from the room. After a second I heard Paul's voice. I groaned.

Leah came back into the room followed by Paul. I glowered at him as best I could. I still remembered what Rachel had told me what he'd said about Nessie. "Paul" I said with as much contempt as I could muster. "Jake" Paul said stiffly, obviously knowing why I was displeased to see him. There was this awkward silence before Paul just nodded towards me and went into the kitchen.

Embry looked confused, "ah, what was that about?" he asked me indicating his head after Paul. I shrugged. I suddenly heard Rachel screech at Paul from the kitchen. After another moment they came back into the lounge-room. Rachel was yelling at Paul. Paul was trying apologise. "Paul, maybe get the idea that I _don't want you anymore!"_ Rachel spat at Paul from between her teeth.

Paul looked like someone had just shot him. "Rach, baby girl. Please! I'm _sorry_. What do I have to say? What do I have to do to make you forgive me? I'll do anything! And I mean _anything!_ I will...I will jump in front of a bus! I'll try and drown myself. What do you want me to do?" he begged. Rachel shook her head, "I don't want you to jump in front of a bus or _drown_ yourself! Paul I don't want you to kill yourself or anything. But you can't do anything to _make_ me forgive you. I'm sorry, but I'm not ready for that yet" she said.

Paul grabbed her left hand and kissed the gold band he's given her. "What about this? _Us?_ Are you going to go back on your word? Are you blowing off out engagement?" he said. Rachel pulled her hand free. "Paul, we've been _engaged_ for six years! When are we actually going to tie the not?" she said, tears filling her eyes. Paul looked like he'd been kicked in the gut. "Oh Rach. Today! Now! Whenever you want, just say the word and we'll get married just like that!" he said stroking his fingers down her cheek catching a loose tear.

I jumped up off the couch. Every eye went to me. "I'm going to the Cullen's place" I stated morosely. But before I even made it to the lounge-room door Embry grabbed me, "Jake, I think you should stay here" he said pulling me back towards the couch. I didn't put up much resistance. My Dad wheeled himself back into the room. "Embry's right Jake, the Cullen's will call if they have any news" he said.

Embry tried to push me back down on the couch, I protested feebly. "Can I go to my room?" I asked my Dad. He gave me a long searching look. "I think you should stay out here Jake. Sue doesn't think you should be left alone" he said seriously. I forced my face into a frown. "I'm fine" I said, but my voice sounded so dead it didn't fool anyone.

Rachel hurried out of the room. In a few minutes she was back with a doona and a pillow. She set the couch up into a bed. "There, Jake just try to get some sleep." She said almost reproving glancing at the clock. It was nearly 7am. Rachel pulled the doona over me. I closed my eyes but I didn't fall asleep. But I wasn't really conscious either. I just laid there in some kinda of stupor. I could hear them all talking around me. But I couldn't make out what they were saying.

I must have fallen into a dreamless sleep because I was startled into consciousness by a loud annoying laugh that grated on my nerves instantly. I opened a bleary eye to see that sunlight was streaming brightly thought the curtains. I sat up and held a hand to my head, I had a splitting head-ache. I squinted until my eyes could handle the light enough not to crack through my throbbing scull. The laughter sounded again from outside. I recognized it as Jared.

I flopped back down onto my back and watched the ceiling. Other voices were talking outside. They sounded pleased. Embry, Leah, Quil and Sam I recognised as the other voices talking and laughing out the front. I threw the doona off myself and pulled myself off the tiny couch. I stretched out my muscles, they protested painfully. My back ached dumbly. I hated sleeping on that damn too small loveseat couch.

I went to find the guys. It wasn't hard. They were all hanging out the front. When they saw me their grins faded slightly, "Hey Jake, how are you feeling?" Quil asked concerned. I shrugged. "Any news?" I asked in a hoarse croaky kinda voice. I coughed. Embry answered, his voice sounded satisfied. "Yes, actually" I was wide awake now. "Nessie? Did you get her back? Is she fine?" I asked feeling my heart thump unevenly in my dead chest.

Embry said, "well no" he sounded disappointed. I felt my heart sink. "Then what is the good news?" I asked, noticing the return of the dead voice. Sam spoke this time. "Well, Carlisle has managed to speak with Zambul" - "What! And he didn't kill him? Didn't get Nessie back or anything?" I asked incredulous. "Well, he did try and get Nessie back. Zambul called him on the phone" Sam said.

I let that sink in. "And?" I prompted. "Well, Zambul does indeed have Renesmee. He is..Jake now don't freak out or anything" Sam suddenly warned me. "What?" I said my heart beating uncomfortably again. "Zambul knows that were trying to kill him. And well...He's using her as a hostage" - "And _how_ is this good news?" I cut over him.

Embry spoke again, "Well Jake. He said that all we have to do is not kill him then he'll give Nessie back, he said he doesn't want to harm her or anything" Embry said almost smugly. I still couldn't see why they were all so happy. "Not kill him? So what? Were giving him a by? Letting him get away with it?" I asked. Sam looked displeased, "Of course not! All he said it for us Wolves not to kill him. He doesn't believe that the Cullen's want to hurt him. Once Zambul thinks it's obvious we've stopped hunting him he's going to hand Renesmee back to the Cullen's. But of course the Cullen's will kill him" he said distastefully. I knew he still didn't like the idea of letting the Cullen's take this leach bastard down after all he's done. Either did I, come to think of it.

There was something else that stuck out in my mind that was a bit odd. "Why did Zambul kidnap Nessie to stop _us_ from killing him? I mean why didn't he take Emily?" (Sam flinched) "Or Kim" (Jared looked suddenly sick) "Or someone like that. You know what I mean? How would Zambul even know about Nessie and me?" I said confused.

Quil spoke, "Well yeah, that's what we thought, why Nessie? But Nahuel said he'd told Zambul all about you and Nessie, like how you imprinted on her and all that" I felt a thrill of anger. How I hated _Nahuel_. "So all we have to do is lay low until Zambul thinks it's safe enough to hand Nessie back?" I said. Sam nodded. "Looks like it" he said in a bitter voice. I sat down on half a log and put my face in my hands.

"You don't think he's hurting her, do you?" I asked after a while looking up. The others stopped talking and looked at me. It was the first time I'd spoke for the last half hour. "I don't think so. I mean everyone loves Nessie once they meet her. Besides he's Nahuel's friend. He wouldn't want to offend him, because Zambul knows that Nahuel is fond of Nessie" Quil said. I gritted my teeth. "Still" I said some worry seeping into my deadened voice.

Embry clapped me on the back. "Don't worry Jake. I'm sure Nessie's fine" he said in a sure voice. We all looked as a car came towards us. It was a brown panel-van with fake wood panelling on the doors and side. Jared went bounding over to the car and opening the door the second the engine cut off. Jared pulled Kim out of the car and into a hug that spun her around. We all groaned. It was awful being around other imprinted people. Especially_ Jared_.

Jared was clinging onto Kim like his life depended on it. Kim blushed as he whispered something in her ear and she tried feebly to push him away. It was obvious that Jared always embarrassed her with his overly affectionate ways in front of people in public. She was a really shy girl. And Jared, well he was the _total_ opposite of shy. "Hey" she said in a small quiet voice when they reached us.

Kim was a pretty plain girl, wispy thin hair. her eyes were small and her face a bit too wide. But she had a killer lips. And a killer body. Not like I noticed any of this anymore. But you couldn't help but ignore Jared going on about her, not like he wasn't blind to all her imperfections. But Embry could see past her flaws as well. To the things only Embry could notice. Not like he would _ever_ have mentioned any of this in front of Jared.

Seriously, Embry pretty much could pick out something hot about any girl. He even had a _compliment_ or two about Emily. Now that was something he never wanted to let slip in front of Sam. Unless he wanted to be flayed to an inch of his life. Sam was very, _very_ touchy about Emily. Embry just couldn't help himself half the time. I couldn't see how Leah of all people could stand it. She knew Embry's thoughts as well as any of us did. And she knew full well what thoughts would be going through his mind every time a girl smiled at him, or even stood too close.

And sure enough I could see Leah's scowl as Embry smiled and said in his most winning deeper stupid voice he used when speaking to girls he wanted to impress. We also knew that he only used this voice with Kim because it made her blush and pissed Jared off. "Hey Kim. You look really nice today. What brings you here?" Embry said shooting her one of his stupid alluring smiles.

Kim sure enough went scarlet. Jared's face turned murderous. "Looking for Jared" Kim said in a even smaller barely audible voice looking down other than meeting Embry's eyes. Embry leaned down to meet her eyes. "Hello" he said and giving her his smile again. Kim burned a even darker shade of red. "You don't have to be so shy. I won't bite" Embry said in his stupid '_sexy'_ voice and raising an eyebrow almost suggestively. It was obvious to anyone but Embry that Kim was screaming in her head for him to leave her alone.

"Embry, leave the poor girl alone!" Sam barked at him. "What?" Embry said defencively. "I was just being being nice. Kim doesn't mind. _Do you?_" he asked his voice deepening on the last part and giving Kim his most suggestive smile. Kim muttered something incoherent and looked down at her feet blushing furiously. That's when Jared hit Embry's across the back of the head, "stop traumatizing my girlfriend, or I'll kick your head in!" he said trying sound joking for Kim's sake. But we could hear the real warning under the surface.

Embry put his hands up comically and backed away, "Ok, ok" he said giving in and shooting Kim a wink. We all groaned. Leah punched Embry hard in the ribs, he doubled up and tried to laugh it off. But we all knew how hard Leah hit. "Whenever Embry's annoying you, just say the word and I'll punch him for you" Leah said to Kim, giving Embry another hard jab in the kidneys. Kim looked very much like she would like to crawl into a hole an die right about now.

I sighed heavily. I hated just sitting here doing nothing. Zambul...Oh how I wanted to kill him myself. It was all far too personal now. He killed my sister, turned my... _Nephew._ I forced my mind around the word distastefully. Into a bloodsucker. And now he has taken Nessie, _My_ Nessie as a hostage! If he so much as touched one hair on her head. I'd kill him. I didn't know how to find him, to track him. But somehow, I would kill him..._Slowly_, really make him suffer.

I watched as Leah hit into Embry as he tried to hug her. Leah _hated_ hugs. And Jared whispering into Kim's ear as he traced his fingers down her arm. Kim was blushing even darker than ever and trying not too meet anyone's eyes. I couldn't understand how she could be so shy all the time. It's not like we were ever mean to her or anything. But just talking in front of us seemed to be the most horrible thing imaginable. But when we'd been in Sam's pack with Jared. We'd all seen how she wasn't this shy when she was alone with him. She was a _completely_ different girl when it was just Jared and her together, alone.

Oh well. I didn't really care. Who could work out the mystery of the girl's mind. And Embry, he knew what he was doing. I don't think though that Embry knew how much that Kim probably dreaded seeing him. Probably she's stay up tonight feeling humiliated about about what Embry did. He really shouldn't be so mean. I knew it wasn't coming from a bad place.

Embry _loved _all girl's. He was adored in making them feel the most special, beautiful girl in the world. But then he still went and broke their hearts. He didn't realise just how much damage he could conflict on a young naive girl. Because Embry was _charming. _Young and _older._ Stupid and _smart _girls ate right out of his hand. Believed all the nice things he said to them. Believed it when he said that _he never felt this way about any other girl before_. Let him into their bed's. And believe me, these weren't all easy girl's either. Embry could sweet talk _any_ kind of girl into sleeping with him.

Embry's Mom never believed any of the stuff she hears about Embry. Because how could it be true? Her shy, sweet Embry? Never! because Embry indeed would have died of nerves to even talk to a pretty girl before he became a Werewolf. That was more Quil's personality. But the wolf gene took all of Embry's shyness away. I could feel it too when I changed. The confidants. I remembered that stupid movie that Bella, me and Mike went to. How I felt so _confident _in telling Bella how I felt for her and all that. I would never, _ever,_ have had that kind of nerve before. That was the night I first phased. Found out what I really was.

It felt so very long ago. Like it wasn't really me, it never _really_ happened, did it? I couldn't even remember it through my eyes. When I looked back at those years, without Nessie. They felt like an old movie I hadn't seen since I was a kid. Like I was watching it happen from a distance. It wasn't really _me, _was it? It was weird. I didn't feel in the mood to try and make sense of it.

Rachel voice came from behind the screen-door. "Can someone open the door? I've got my hands full" Quil jumped up and opened the door for her. Rachel was holding a huge tray or sandwiches. "There's another tray in the Kitchen if you feel like running in and getting them for me, darl" she said placing the sandwiched on wrought-iron outdoor table. Quil was back in a half a heartbeat with the second tray.

Everyone gathered around the sandwiches and stuffed as many of them as they could into their mouths. Rachel went back inside to get us drinks. I didn't feel all that hungry but I dragged my way over anyway. More for something to do than anything, I took a ham and cheese sandwich. Kim just stood a little behind Jared awkwardly. Jared was stuffing his face and didn't notice Kim's hesitant until Embry past her a sandwich. "Kim, here." She took it blushing furiously at her own daring, and muttered a small "thanks".

"You can just take a sandwich, Kim. You don't have to wait for one of us to give permission" Embry said shooting her another on of his smiles. Leah punched him in the side. "What was that for? I wasn't doing anything!" he said rubbing his side with a pained look on his face. Jared turned to Kim, "Are you ok?" He asked her overy concerend. She nodded flushing and took a small, tiny bite out of one of the corners of her sandwich.

Rachel came back with two large boxes of 12 mixed flavoured soda's a piece. Rachel puffed as she dropped them on the table. "Thanks for the help" she said annoyed. "You seem to have managed well enough on your own" Quil said. Rachel shot him a dark look. Sam opened on of the boxes and asked, "Ok which flavours do you guy's want?" Embry grabbed the first raspberry he could see before anyone else could get it. Leah muttered something under her breath before saying, "The _lady,_ with have a lemonade" Embry rolled his eyes and snorted the word at the word _"lady."_ Leah hit the bottom of Embry's can as he took a sip and snorted half of it up his nose.

When Sam asked Kim what flavour she wanted, she turned beat read at being addressed by Sam personally and mumbled to her toes. No one could understand what she said, apart from Jared. or maybe he just knew what flavour she liked? "Orange?" He asked her, Kim nodded at her feet. Sam handed Kim's can to Jared instead, probably not to embarrass Kim anymore at having to take it herself. Strange girl.

I sipped my root beer. Not really tasting it. I felt my eyes prickle as I remembered how Nessie _hated_ the taste of root beer. I could almost hear her voice as she would say, _how can you drink that stuff?_ And I would say, _It's my favorite._ I put my can down. Root beer was too sad right now. Maybe I needed a new favorite. Like Schweppes brown creaming soda. I hated that brown stuff.

After a bit, I found myself whiping the sweat off my brow. Was it was un-seasenally warm lately or what? As I've said before, the cold I could handle. But the _heat._ Bleh. Leah seemed to be thinking along the same lines as me and complained loudly. "Is it like a thousand degrees or what?" she said, fanning her shirt out from her body. Embry couldn't help himself and said, "Why don't you take your shirt off then?" Which earned him a hard punch in the arm.

Quil shot me a tentative look before saying, "why don't we go down the beach or something? Unless you don't want to" he said directing the last question at me. I shook my head. Going to the beach seemed to be the last thing I felt like doing right now.

But fifteen minutes later though I was being pulled down to the beach by Embry and Jared saying things like. "_Maybe some fun will help get your mind off Nessie" _and "_Look, you don't even have to swim. You could just sit on the beach and sulk if that's what you want to do." _After they found a good enough spot, where Tourists didn't come they left me with Kim's and Leah's clothes (Kim already had a her bikini in her car, with a spare that she'd lent Leah) And the towels. Jared had insisted on getting Kim a towel and Leah said she wanted one too.

I laid on my back and watched as the fluffy white clouds scuttle across the unusually blue sky. I wondered what could be happened to Nessie right now. What kind of things she could be being subjected to as I laid here on the beach, pretty much sun-baking. Would Nessie be waiting for me? Hoping that I'd be doing everything in my power to save her? What would she think if she could see me now? Would she feel betrayed? Hurt? Angry? Would she hate me?

After a while I sat up when the shapes in the clouds started to remind me of Nessie, and watched the others having fun in the waves. Embry was trying undo the back of Leah's bikini, to Leah's loud and furious complaints. I was surprised by Kim. For being a painfully shy girl, she felt no embarrassment in wearing the kind of bikini a swimsuit model would wear in one of those magazines. And surprisingly she could pull it off, she had all the right curves.

Leah's bikini top however seemed slightly too large. Leah didn't have the same kind of magnificent chest as Kim did. But Leah was far more attractive. Well, when she wasn't scowling or screwing her face up in anger which was doing now. Then I realised that it meant nothing, who cared? I didn't. Nessie was a billion times more attractive then both of them put together.

Sam said he'd meet us back here as he'd run home to fetch Emily. Not long after this, Sam came back down the beach with Emily. Who was wearing a pair of boardshorts and a long sleeved purple t-shirt. Sam _hated_ Emily showing off her body and her scars. It's not like any of us would have stared if Emily wore a normal swimsuit. Ok, well maybe Embry. But not because of her scars. But then again, I had a feeling Sam would have insisted to Emily to still cover up even if she wasn't scarred the way she was. Sam was pretty possessive.

When Sam got closer Embry managed to splash a large amount of water all over Sam. Even though Embry was a bit away from beach, he was still strong enough to get enough water to Sam to soak him through. Sam growled and ran after Embry and managing to catch him. He was drowning Embry under the water while Leah looked on with a mixture of amusement and concern on her face.

When Emily came and sat next to me. "I heard about Nessie. and I'm so, so _sorry_ Jake. Is there anything I can do?" she asked me concerned. I just shrugged and mumbled, "No, but thanks anyways Emily". She gave me a sad sort of lopsided smile. After a few minutes of silence I said, "aren't you swimming?" Emily laughed, "Yeah sure! I wouldn't dare! I'm proud of Kim, she's a brave girl" Emily said laughing again. I laughed mechanically. It hurt.

"You aren't really dressed for it anyways" I said regretting it the second I said it. Emily's smile wavered and said in a smaller voice, "well you know how Sam is" she said looking down. "Hey Emily I'm sorry! I wasn't thinking" I said, trying to put emotion into my dead voice. Emily smiled at me sadly and said, "it's ok Jacob. It's not you. Sam is just a little sensitive about people seeing my...well..._You know_" she said brushing her fingers over the still visible scars on the back of her left hand.

I tried to cheer her up, "I don't think that's it. I think Sam just doesn't want Embry checking you out" I said, forcing my dead voice to sound teasing. Emily laughed and hit me on the arm. "Yes, that must be it. Only Embry would check out any girl on two legs no matter what she looked like" she stopped sadly and we watched as Embry hid from Sam behind Leah. Emily smiled ruefully and said, "Or four legs" she said and laughed.

I sighed and answered the first thing she said, "I don't think that's true. Embry only checks out the hot girls. Like you and Leah" I said trying to sound and blase' as possible. Emily laughed and gave me an appreciative smile. Just then Embry came slopping over to us and hid behind Emily. "Emily, stop your husband from trying to drown me!" he begged her laughing.

Sam came stomping over to us, dripping water everywhere. Emily jumped to he feet and pushed Embry towards Sam. "Traitor!" Embry yelled at Emily as Sam got him in a head lock. Emily laughed and shrugged her shoulders, "I never said I was on your side." I, on the other hand grumbled and moved away from Sam and Embry who were dripping water all over me.

I should have noticed the sudden silence behind me meant danger. But I wasn't paying attention until Sam and Embry grabbed me under my arms and lifted me towards the water. "Let me go! I'm serious!" I protested trying to sound serious. But they just laughed and ignored me. I felt the cold water cover me completely and I was amerced under the cold, oddly peacefully world of being underwater.

But annoyingly I was pulled up and I broke the cerfaice of the water. "You know Jake. It's no fun if your going to drown yourself" Embry said exasperated as I coughed up some salty water. Jared then called over to us. "Hey guy's! Kim and I are going to go down to the peir." Embry yelled back loudly in my ear. "What? No way! You can make-out with Kim any time! Stay here with us!" Even from this distance you could still see Kim flush.

Jared laughed and yelled back, "If I gotta stay here, then I'm gunna make-out with Kim here" Then he swept Kim into his arms and kissed her enthusiastically. Embry grumbled. Just then Leah came up behind us and pulled Embry's shorts down just as Kim pulled away from Jared's kiss looking beyond embarrassed. And then she spotted Embry's nakedness and put her hands to her face turning her back to us.

Leah bust out laughing and pushed Embry over under the water as he tried to pull his shorts up. Embry managed to grab Leah around the waist as she tried to escape and pulled her under the water. When she emerged coughing up water. She screamed at Embry furiously as she realised he managed to finally get her bikini top off. Embry just ran away from her waving it in the air teasingly.

I slouched my way back to the shore. I really, _really_ wasn't in the mood for having fun. Not like a could have anyway. I was thinking about what Leah had said before when she'd said that Seth couldn't come because the Cullen's needed him. Needed him for what? If _Seth_ could help. The so could I! I was halfway down the beach when I heard them yelling my name from behind me.

I ignored them. But of course they couldn't just let me be! I heard running behind me. "Jake, were the hell are you going?" Quil said when he reached me. I shrugged. "To the Cullen's place. If Seth's there, then so should I" I said pulling away from him. Quil grabbed my arm, "Jake. Sue said you spos' to stay with us" he said anxiously.

I hit him off me. "Leave me alone Quil! I'm not going to collapse or have a mental breakdown from here to the Cullen's house. Ok?" I said sounding properly annoyed for the first time. "I don't know?" Quil said looking unconvinced. I growled under my breath. "Seriously Quil, what do you think the chance is that I'll decide to curl up on the side of the road and die before I get there?" I said. Quil shrugged and still looked worried.

I spluttered out some select swear words. Before punched Quil to the ground. Then I ran as fast as I could. I could heard not just Quil's yells behind me. I ignored them and pushed on faster. I stayed to the forest so people wouldn't see me. After all how many people could run this fast? No one. I didn't phase though. I knew that the others had probably phased by now. And I didn't want to hear them beg me to get back.

It took longer than it normally would have in my human form. But I didn't care. After almost an hour I finally reached the white house. I slowed down and just walked up the front lawn. Before I reached the house the door was thrown open and Bella came running down stairs and over to me. She threw her arms around me when she reached me. Knocking the breath out of me. It was like being punched in the chest my a large chunk of cement. I patted her back awkwardly trying not to be bothered by the burning in my nose.

Bella finally pulled away. Her face was that of pure misery. It didn't matter that she couldn't cry. This expression was far my devastating than tears could ever be. "Jake, she's gone. Nessie's gone!" her voice cracked. I felt like I was being hit with cement again. "I know. Bella, don't you think I don't know?" I said in a weak voice. Edward had followed Bella out and when he reached us, Bella threw her arms around his neck. Edward's jaw was set hard. But the look in his eyes were just as agonized as Bella's.

"I thought that you said you could catch Zambul without us?" I said almost bitterly. Edward growled under his breath. "He lied to Nahuel. Zambul has no desire what so ever to meet any of us. he's not taking any risks" Edward's voice was cold. There seemed to be something more. "They told me that Zambul would hand Nessie back when we stopped hunting him" I said. Edwards eyes looked more agonized than ever.

"What?" I said feeling far more scared than before. Bella answered, "he lied, Jake. Zambul lied! He only said that so he didn't have to worry about the wolves chasing him! He's had us all running around on a wild goose chase all day looking for him. But he was never going to meet us like he told Carlisle when he called! He was just distracting us enough so he could escape. He's gone Jake! Nessie's_ gone!"_ Bella let go of Edward and collapsed to the ground.

Edward pulled Bella off the ground and cradled her in his arms. "Gone?" I choked out. Then I felt a sudden heat pulse through my veins. "Well let's go? What are we waiting for? We've got to find him! Go after him!" I said, but as I spoke. The heat was fading as quickly as it came. Now it felt as if my blood had turned to anti-freeze. Edward growled, "How? Jacob, How? We can't track him! He leaves no trace behind him! And his ability doesn't just cover him. No, he can obscure anyone with him to make them un-trackable as he is. We can't track Zambul or Nessie. And we have know idea were the hell he's gone? What can we do?" Edward's voice was tortured.

"Seth?" I said, "he was helping you?" I said, my voice didn't sound agonized like theirs. Just dead. Deader than ever before. Edward shook his head, "No, he wasn't. Seth lied to Leah" Edwards voice said uncaring. Lied? How could Seth _lie_ to Leah when they were in their Wolf forms? "Seth rehearsed what he was going to say until he was sure that his real motives didn't slip into his thoughts" Edward answered my thoughts.

"What is Seth doing?" I asked him. Edward shrugged, "Nothing, he's just too scared of seeing you. He's gone into hiding" Edward replied automatically. There was no feeling in his answer. I tried to feel angry. But nothing. Seth, _Seth!_ It was all his fault! I told told him to watch Nessie. Defend her with his life if he had to! And what? And he just let her run off!! I felt anger bubbling back through my veins. My felt heat slash down my spine.

I swallowed hard and balled my hands into fists to stop them from trembling. I didn't care about were Seth could be hiding right now. Nessie was gone, taken by that bloodsucking leach! He was un-trackable. Impossible to find. "Nahuel?" I asked in a dead voice. "Nahuel has know idea were Zambul would go" Edward replied with anger in his voice. It seemed that Edward was just as angry with Nahuel as I was.

There had to be some way to find them. There had to be someway to get Nessie back. There just _had_ to be! I would do anything, try _anything_ to get Nessie back. Something that I was told ages ago came back into my mind. Edward growled, "No, it would be impossible!" Bella looked between Edward and I. "What? What would be impossible" she asked. Edward shook his head, "No, it's just a stupid thought that Jacob had" Edward said.

Bella looked to me, "What was is? What did you think?" Bella's asked, her eyes looked so tortured it was hard to look into them. I hesitated, "It was just an errant thought. I was just remembering all you told me about the Voltury" Bella looked surprised, "What? Get them to help is? Impossible" she said shaking her head. "I know that. It was just a thought. I was just remembering how you said that Demetri was the world's best tracker. Do you think he could find Nessie" I asked Edward grasping at straws.

Edward laughed bitterly. "Demetri is highly skilled, the best. But I doubt he could. He can't track Bella" Then Edward's expression changed, "What?" Bella and I said at the same time. Edward looked up at us, "Actually. Maybe he could. Demetri works from within the mind. He tracks the tenor, the taste? Of someones mind. Zambul technique in purely physical. Maybe...I never thought that..." There was a spark of hope, no maybe the hope to hope in Edwards eyes.

"Edward what is it? Were going to go and ask Demitri, us the Voltury to _help_ us?" Bella said incredulous. Edward shook his head, "No, no of course not. They would never help. Don't you see? Zambul's ability his purely physically. His mind is as vulnerable as anyone elses, well apart from yours" he said to Bella. - "I don't see what you mean" I said.

"What I mean is dog. It's not much. Pretty much nothing at all. But it's the only hope we have." Edward was saying. "Just spit it out!" I said. "His mind, That was why he wanted Carlisle to keep me away. Remember Bella? Zambul said he wanted to keep you and I away from him. Lied about saying that he didn't trust us, as Renesmee's parents, he thought that we would kill him the moment we saw him for taking her. But maybe, he knew all about us of course, from Nahuel. I can read his mind!" Edward sounded half hopeful.

"Yes, ok. You can read his mind, but we have know idea _were _he is" I said. Edward looked less hopeful, "Yes I know that. But it's the only thing we've got. If I can hear Zambul's mind, I'll be able to hear Renesmee's mind too. I may not be attuned to Zambul's. But I am very attuned to Nessie's mind. I could pick hers out of a crowd no matter how large." Bella spoke, sounding almost hopeful, "So are you saying Edward, that we can track him down using Nessie's thoughts?" Edward nodded. "I said it wasn't much. But it's the best we've got."

I thought this plan was pretty terrible. "Yeah, but Zambul could be _anywhere!"_ I reminded him. Edward looked troubled, "Well, I guess we could search the whole area, not like he wouldn't have got as far away from here as possible. But he might have been hindered slightly by Renesmee, she would put up a fight" Edward was saying. I agreed with that. Nessie wouldn't give up without a huge fight. She's try everything in her power to get free. But then again, Nessie wasn't much of a fighter.

Edward had said that he should go as quick as possible, not to give Zambul any more of a head start. Bella was going as well, she refused to be left behind. Edward didn't like the idea of me coming. But I refused point black to be left behind also. Emmett and Jasper wanted to come too, but Edward had told them he had to be concentrating as hard as he could. And didn't want anyone elses mind to try and block out.

So twenty minutes after deciding to go we had left. Edward wanted to search all around La Push and Makah rez, just incase he was hiding out somehwere around here still. I had told the others not to phase. As Edward didn't need to be distracted by hearing all of their thoughts through my mind. He said that mine was allready annoying enough.

So we searched. All the while I couldn't get my mind of Nessie. Oh Nessie what could be happening to you?

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**Well there it was. What did you all think? I'll up-load the chapter after this now too. I got the WORSE writers-block with the next chapter. So I cut it shorter than I would have liked. But I hope it's not oo bad lolz. **

**Anyways, a HUGE thank you to everyone who reads this, and bigger THANK YOU to those who comment!!! You are much kinder than I have any right to expect lolz Cheers all.  
**


	19. GET ME OUT OF HERE

**Wow, this chapter really is short. I had the worse writers-block, I just couldn't get it out. I'm not that happy with it either. But I guess it'll do. I'm writing the chapter after this and I still need inspiration. Comment and give me some ideas or something? I really will appreciate it lol **

**Well anyways, here it is....**

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**chp.19 'captured' (Nessie's pov)**

I felt a sharp pain throbbing on the back of my head. I kept my eyes tight shut. There was an annoying dripping sound coming from somewhere. Drip, drip, drip. It sounded magnified, echoing. Then the smell of the place made me open my yes. Cold damp. I was in some sort of cave. What the hell???

"Ah, Remesmey. Your awake" I heard a heavily accented disembodied voice speak from out of the gloom. "What? Who are you?" My voice echoed loudly off the cave's walls. A man took a step closer. He was tall and lean, his skin was a deep rich brown. His teeth gleamed brightly against his dark pallor. His hair was in tightly rolled short dreadlocks. He was wearing a leather vest that was open to a bare chest and he was wearing a pair of simple light coloured slacks, his feet were bare. I didn't recognize him at all, but I knew immediately who he was. "Zambul!" I gasped jumping to my feet and going into a defensive crouch.

Zambul took another step towards me, "you already know who I am, an introduction would be inappropriate I take it" he said. I didn't say anything. My mind was racing, shit shit shit shit shit shit. Zambul seemed to guess what I was thinking, "ah Remesmey, you don't have to be afraid child. I will not harm you" he said, giving me what he thought was a comforting smile.

I got my voice back, "what are you going to do with me?" I asked in a small voice. Zambul cocked his head to the side and seemed to be considering my question. When he spoke, he spoke each word slowly, "you are my escape plan" he said, rubbing a spot on his chin. I didn't have any idea what he meant by that. I took a small step further back from him. Zambul took two more steps closer.

I could feel my heart thrumming loudly in my chest. There seemed to be a strange ringing in my ears. I took another few steps back from him and felt the wall of the cave. My eyes darted to the left and right. It seemed to look the same. I couldn't even tell which would lead me to the entrance of this cave, or further in deeper. I sniffed the air. Trying to see if I could smell what direction the fresher air was coming from. Before realising that the air was stagnant. There was no breeze, nothing to guide me to freedom.

I really started panicking about now. "My family, they'll come for me" I said inching slowly to the right against the wall. Zambul smiled in a bemused way, "oh, I'm sure they will." He said with no sense of concern, only slight amusement. "They'll.... They'll kill you" I said trying to make it sound like a warning. Zambul just looked marely bemused. "I'm sure they will. If that could find me" he said and smiling wider.

I took another small step to the right. Zambul's bemused eyes never leaving my frightened ones. "They'll never stop looking for me. They'll hunt you forever. And Jacob, he's a Werewolf, he's got a whole pack behind him. They'll never stop looking for me either" I stuttered. Zambul smiled wider, "ah the wolves. What fun they are. Foolish creatures, do you really believe they could find me after all the times they have failed in the past?" He said taking another step closer to me.

My eyes darted around the cave looking for a way to escape. Then I said, "what did you mean by. I'm your _escape_ plan?" I asked. Zambul laughed lightly. He took another deliberate step towards me. "Well, I have fed your family some cock and bull story about not meaning any of it. That I was only afraid of your beloved Wolves, and when they stop hunting me I'll return you to them" he said smiling.

I didn't get this, "I still don't understand?" I said, sliding another foot to the right. Zambul laughed again, "Well, I have no intention on returning you to them. I fed them a false trail, and by the time they have figured that out, you and I will be long gone, to somewhere they will have no hope in ever finding us. I do believe you are aware of my.. Gift. Remesmey?" he said tapping a long finger to his temple.

I felt like I might be sick. "Your untrackable" I said morosely. Zambul smiled wider, "yes, very good" he said in a slightly patronizing voice. "But, why are you going to keep me? What do you want with me after you escape? Why couldn't you just let me go when your safe?" I said taking another step to the right, and dislodging a rock. It echoed loudly off the walls and I flinched.

Zambul smiled at me again, then said "Well Remesmey, your a very...Special girl, are you not?" he said approvingly. I didn't reply. Zambul continued. "Nahuel has told me much about you, and I am delighted to see for myself that he hasn't been boasting in the least, were you are concerned." His eyes appraised me almost indecentally. I looked down and noticed for the first time that I was dressed in clothes that weren't mine. I was wearing a pale blue skirt with a flower print blouse.

"What happened to my clothes?" I asked feeling violated and crossed my arms across my chest. Zambul laughed loudest yet. "All part of the plan. I used them as the grand finally of the false trail I set. Your family will be quite distraught when they find your clothes without you, won't they?" Zambul said, laughing again. Obviously finding my family's distress hilarious.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked in a smaller voice, with a begging edge to it. Zambul just shook his head looking amused. "Trust me, Remesmey, it's nothing particularly _personal._ I mean your are a very attractive girl" he said inclining his head as a compliment. "But, you aren't really my type." He said smiling again at something he was thinking, then said. "But oh well. I'll take what I can." I tried to laughed derisively, "Well I'm sorry than I'm too _pale_ for you!" I said angrily.

Zambul laughed loudly again, his voice echoing loudly off the wet walls all around us. "Ah, you have worked out already the kind of girls that take my fancy" he said chortling. "Let me go" I said. Zambul ignored me suddenly he was pushed right up against me. I could feel the wall of the cave digging into my back. Zambul traced once of his long fingers down my cheek. I slapped his hand away.

Zambul merely laughed. "Ah, Remesmey. You were wondering what I wanted with you after we left here, were you not?" His voice sounded amused. I just swallowed. "You see, dear child. I am very interested in the work that our Nahuel's father does. I have tried of course to imitate what he does with human women. But I have to admit, I do not have his kind of _control_. I simply cannot hold myself back when I am in those kinds of situations. I must say, that it is frustrating to say the least. But with _you, _my dear. I think I will be able to control myself better." Zambul traced his lips down my jaw-line. My skin crawled.

I pushed against his chest. "Please, don't! I thought, I thought you said you weren't going to hurt me?" I said in a higher pitched voice than my own. Zambul chuckled wetly against my throat. "Well, I wouldn't consider what I'm planning to do will cause you much harm. If I do, than I will apologise now in advance" his voice still sounded amused.

My heart was pounding in my ears. "I've got a boyfriend! I allready belong to someone else" I said in that same high voice. Zambul pulled his face back too look into my face, he raised his eyebrows. "The dog? Well, there isn't much he can do about it, is there? Besides my dear, you will no longer be able to see him. So should I be so bold as to say, that you now _belong_ to me?" Zambul chuckled again and crushed his lips to mine.

I protested, hitting and kicking him. Zambul just laughed into my mouth. Finally Zambul pulled away from me. "Be quiet now, I need to concentrate" he said putting a finger to my lips. He closed his eyes and his expression slowly changed from amused to serious. His brow furrowed in concentration. I took my chance and I kicked him in the shin and ran for it as fast as I could.

I didn't get far, Zambul grabbed me firmly around the waist from behind. I screamed at the top of my voice. Finally his voice didn't sound amused anymore, "Be quiet!" he snarled in my ear, lifting me clean off my feet. I struggled against him, but it was fruitless. I really needed to get stronger. Zambul carried me back to where we were before and threw me roughly onto the ground. The rock I hit into cracked in half.

Zambul snapped down at me, "Now, be a good girl and stay still" I just growled at him. Zambul closed his eyes again. But only after a second he opened them and pulled me up off the floor and flung me over his shoulder. "We have to go now, Remesmey" he said before breaking into a run. I could feel the stale air blow fast around us. In no time we had left the cave. I didn't recognize our surroundings. Or the smells. It wasn't anywere that I'd been before.

We were in some high mountains. Zambul managed to run down the mountain with ease. I tried to struggle free. And I screamed out and yelled. But nothing happened. Soon we were running on flatter ground, through high oaks and over small brooks and streams. I wasn't familiar with these woods. As we made it to a long winding road I had a sudden idea. I tore the promise band that Jacob had woven for me when I was a child off my wrist with my teeth and spat it out. I saw it fall onto the middle of the road as Zambul ran back into the cover of the trees. It was the best I could think of. I just hoped that Jacob would find it.

I lost track of how long we were running for. The sun had set long ago. Finally after what seemed hours, Zambul slowed down. I didn't understand why at first until I spotted a plain white ford parked strangely in the middle of the woods. Zambul pulled me off his shoulder and placed me on the ground and pulled open the passanger door were he pulled back the seat. There was any back door. Zambul pushed me into the backseat and pulled the passanger seat back up.

He walked around and jumped into the drivers side. He flipped down the vanity mirror where the keys were. The car rumbled to life, Zambul turned around in his seat and smiled at me. "How do you feel about going on a little holiday?" I just hissed at him from between my teeth. Zambul chucked and turned the car around. I was half surprised at how well he could maneuver the car through the trees. Soon Zambul pulled out onto a small road and drove west.

I was roughly shaken awake, I blinked a few times confused. The sun was just beginning to rise in a clear bright line on the horizon. I hadn't even remembered falling asleep. But I was only confused for half a second before everything came crashing back down on me in clear and perfect clarity. I looked up into the face of my capture. He gave me a patronizing smile before he yanked me none too gently from the car and flung me over his shoulder again.

My eyes raked our surroundings, It was more forest, but the trees weren't as dense here, and I could hear cars not too far off, the highway. I tried to struggle free again, but it was useless. Zambul was just impossibly much stronger than me. We reached a small house set in between the trees and shrubbery. Zambul pulled me off his shoulder once we were standing under the porch. His arm flew out of nowhere and grabbed me around the waist, holding be securely in place at his side.

Zambul opened the door and pushed me roughly through it. I landed hard on the carpeted floor and was on my feet in a defencive crouch in half a second. Zambul slammed the door loudly behind him making me flinch. Zambul laughed quietly under his breath before saying a softer voice, "Remesmey, there is no need to be so scared, I promised I wouldn't hurt you" and he gave me what he thought was a comforting smile.

I didn't relax my crouch, instead I just bared my teeth in response. Zambul sighed heavily, "Remesmey dear, there really isn't any need for all this. I think you should just exept the fact that you belong to me now. I promise I will treat you well. I will not make you go without luxuries or suffer in any way" he said in an almost solemn sounding voice. I just let a low growl escape through my already bared teeth.

Zambul dithered on the spot before deciding to ignore my aggressive position. He walked slowly around me and headed into a room to the left. He was back though before I had a chance to escape. He was holding a pile of clothes in his hands which he placed on a chair near me, "Here are some clean clothes, I'm sure you would like to shower and change after our journey" he said in a clipped tone now.

I straightened up slightly and glared at him with unmasked hatred. "I'm fine" I said from between my teeth. Zambul opened his mouth to say something else, but shut his mouth almost instantly. I knew why at once, I heard it too. The sound of a car was crunching across the gravel outside. I felt my heart beat hyper-actively. I opened my mouth, air in my lungs to scream for help. He Zambul was suddenly holding me from behind, with his hand clamped over my mouth.

We listened to the sound of the engine cut off, and then the sound of a car door opening and closing. I felt my heart beating loudly in my ears. I could barely make out the footsteps coming towards the house. I realised that only an immortal could be that quiet. I felt Zambul's body relax against my back and he moved his hand from my mouth. There was a small knock on the door and Zambul was suddenly at the door opening it.

I felt my heart leap when I saw that it was Nahuel, I'd never been so happy to see him in my life. But my heart dropped to somewhere near my navel when Nahuel embraced Zambul like a brother. "Nahuel! Zambul, he kidnapped me!" I managed to choke out. Nahuel let go of Zambul and shot me a guilty sort of grin. "Ah yes, Renesmee. I am sorry about how all this must have frightened you. But now we can finally be together" He asked holding his arms out as if he thought I was going to throw myself in his arms or something crazy like that.

I let out a real guttural snarl and bared my teeth wanting nothing more than to rip both their throats out, Dawn of the Dead style. Zambul clapped Nahuel on the shoulder and laughed lightly, "Ah Nahuel, brother. She is quite the stubborn girl, I think it's going to take some time before she warms up to you" Zambul said in an almost joking voice.

I couldn't believe, or understand what was going on. "What is going on?" I began when Nahuel shrugged away from Zambul and started pacing the room slowly, after a moment he stopped and looked at me, the guilty grin was back on his face. "You see Renesmee, You know how I feel about you of course?" he said inclining his head towards me, I showed no sign of answering and Nahuel went on. "Well Zambul here had the idea, you see Zambul is very interested in my Fathers work of breeding with Human women. I don't quite agree with him, like you know" slight bitterness reached his voice now.

When he spoke next, the light and guilty sound was back in his voice, "as I was saying, Zambul was intrigued by you, he had heard me speak of you many times before. And he came to the conclusion that he'd like to try with an half-immortal like ourselves. I wouldn't agree with him trying with one of my sisters. So we decided on you. Zambul can try to have children with you, and on the other hand. We can finally be together, away from the infernal dog that is so attached to you" he said smirking at some secret joke.

I still didn't think it added up. "So what? You kidnapped me to become a breeding machine for Zambul and become you lover or something?" I said outraged and disgusted. "You thought I'd just let you pass me around like some sick game of pass the parcel? You think I wouldn't _mind?" _My voice had become a high screech as what they were proposing sank in.

Zambul and Nahuel exchanged a loaded look. Nahuel slowly looked back to me and he tried to sooth me now, if that was possible. "Nessie" he began, I bared my teeth at the use of my pet name. "I know this is difficult for you, but in the end it is better for all of us. Imagine the possibility's we can create together. Can you imagine what any children of ours will become? No immortal women and can conceive, but you can. Can't you see where were coming from? Our children will be groundbreaking, the perfect species!" his voice became passionate.

I took a step away from them as Nahuel and Zambul exchanged another loaded and now fevered look. "You have got to be _joking me!"_ I spluttered taking another step back. "I'll never agree to this! There is nothing either of you can ever do that will make me want to sleep with either of you!" I said revolted taking yet another step away from them.

Nahuel face broke into a grin, that made me feel suddenly dirty. "Oh, Renesmee, I don't know about that. I did, in the the beginning, think that this might be more difficult. But not anymore, not after hearing about the marvelous predicament that has happened." I didn't know what he was talking about? "What Predicament?" I said confused. Zambul laughed lightly, Nahuel smiled even more widely. "Well, Nessie. I say that you'll be plenty willing the next time you go into _heat"_ he said smugly.

I blanched. I felt sick. "No, Never! I'll _never!"_ I managed chocked out. I felt dizzy. Nahuel just smiled confidently. "Jacob!" I chocked out with more conviction, "He'll kill you! He'll find you and he'll _kill you!"_ I said pointing my finger at them in accusation. Zambul laughed loudly. Nahuel's smile wavered, "The dog. Yes.. Really Renesmee, what were you thinking being with a filthy, uncivilized mongrel like that Jacob Black? I mean really, think about it child. What kind of children would you have spawned with such a beast?" Nahuel mouth twisted as if he's tasted something bitter.

I growled at them. "Any children I would have had with Jacob would be better than any evil, devil spawn of either of yours!" I spat. Zambul just laughed again. Nahuel frowned. I felt tears spring into my eyes. I couldn't believe what was happening, Jacob. _Anyone_ had to come and save me, they just _had _to. They _would_ come for me, I had to believe that if I didn't want to have a complete mental break-down.

Nahuel gave me a sympathetic smile, "Renesmee, don't cry. I promise we won't make this hard for you, I promise that we won't ever hurt you or anything" Nahuel said in a coaxing and comforting voice. I tried to blink my tears away, I didn't want to cry in font of them. I shot them a glare from between my tears that wouldn't stop. I turned my back on them and raked me eyes around the room.

I heard someone, Zambul I thought, sigh heavily before I heard their footsteps cross the room and then a door close. I felt a hand touch my lower back and I jumped away from them and hissed. Nahuel sighed and shook his head, "Renesmee, it really won't help you to hold onto all this anger, it will be so much better if you just let it go and accept it" Nahuel said.

I just narrowed my eyes and lowered into more of a crouch. Did he really, honestly _believe_ I would just accept _this! _It was mad, it was utterly ludicrous! Nahuel took a step closer to me and I let out a real guttural snarl escape through my bared teeth. Nahuel sighed and raked his eyes around the small front room, he turned his attention back to me and said in a clipped tone, "watch TV. Or listen to the stereo or something" he said gesturing to the TV and stereo.

I straightened up somewhat out of my crouch and swallowed down hard on the lump in my throat. Nahuel sat down on the small sofa in front of the TV and closed his eyes becoming completely motionless. But I knew if I tried anything he would grab me in less than a second. I went over and turned the stereo in-spite of my self and tuned the radio in to my favorite station before sitting in the corner and curling my arms around my legs and pushing my face into my knees to cry and screamed in my head. GET ME OUT OF HERE.

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**Well there you have it, sorry if it was shitty-bum. I'll try and make the next chapter better. Well cheers for reading, seriously people. It means alot to me!!  
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